Wounds

~A/N I really do hate James Potter so be warned there are a lot of hateful remarks about him in here.

~A/N This is my first fanfiction.

**************************** IMPORTANT PLEASE READ **********************

~THIS IS A REDO. I hopefully fixed the switching between 1st and 3rd person! However due to the nature of how I wrote the chapter it does switch between points of views a lot, SO SORRY! ORZ I just was trying to get it to match the rest of the way I wrote the story on chapter 4 through 19. Future chapters DO NOT have this much switching between POV's that stops after chapter 2.

Chapter 1: Forgiveness

SEV'S POV

I looked upon the black lake deep in thought. The forefront of my thoughts centering around my best friend Lily Evans, or in this case my former best friend. It had been 4 months since I had called Lily a Mudblood and the Death Eaters have made an even bigger attempt to recruit me since. Not to mention the Marauders were twice as horrible than usual. My heart clenched painfully in my chest when I thought back to that day; the worst day of my life and my biggest mistake.

*FLASHBACK*

James and the rest of the Marauders were bullying me as usual but this time using the spell I had invented 'Levicorpus' which had me hanging upside down. While Potter was taunting me he asked Lily to hogsmeade, which she promptly refused yelling at him to put me down. I however was angry and embarrassed, and lashed out at her, calling her a mudblood.

The hurt that came across her face instantly making me regret it. I opened my mouth to apologize only for Potter to raise me even further in the air threatening to take off my underwear. Lily promptly said,"Good-bye Snivellus" the name Potter and his drones had bestowed upon me my first year. I so badly tried to call out, but my breath was gone from Potter levitating me.

*End of Flashback *

The reminiscence of that memory made the tears swell up and I tried to hold it back, but was unable to. At that particular time I heard the mocking laughter of Potter and tried and failed to wipe the evidence of crying from my eyes.

"Hey Snivellus come to get your daily bath. Merlin knows you NEED it," he snickered. His cronies laughed with him.

I no longer cared if they insulted me I felt I deserved it, and just turned around giving them my back while looking out at the lake.

Potter evidently did not like that I was not giving him any reaction so he sent a stinging hex my way. It was instant my body completely heated up and my skin felt stretched and irritated. I jumped and ended up falling into the lake.

I sputtered and choked on the water in the lake when I finally was able to regain to the surface. I saw Potter and the rest of the Marauders leaving for the castle laughing.

Hearing Sirus Black (a fifth year Gryffindor) call back, "I hope you enjoyed your bath maybe the Slytherins will throw you out now since you smell better than the lot of 'em," The rest of the group chuckled.

I didn't want to go to the castle being all wet since I knew that the caretaker wouldn't like it if I trailed dirty water all over his newly cleaned floor. So I looked around making sure no one was around and began to strip my clothes off so I could dry them. I would do this in pieces of course so as not to be naked.

However, I didn't notice that a figure was just coming over the hill just as I got my shirt off. I heard a gasp; turning around quickly I almost landed in the lake again. There stood Lily Evans her beautiful red hair blowing in the wind. Her amazingly emerald eyes bored into mine. Shock emitting from her face.

LILY'S POV

I looked in horror and shock at the deep scars that ran across his bare back. I couldn't even see where they ended; gasping I tried to shake myself out of it I shouldn't feel sad about this not after what he called me: The pain of his words shooting through my heart once again "Mudblood". I was about to turn and leave when he swiftly turned around his eyes boring down into mine. The deep depression and sadness was etched across his normally guarded face. My heart ached unintentionally and I found myself asking.

"S..Sev…Severus", I whispered, walking closer to him unaware of what I was doing my emotions taking me over. " Where..how…what happened to you?" I asked.

SEV'S POV

I tried to speak I really did, but the words just wouldn't come out. I didn't want to lie to her not when I had already betrayed her once; gathering up my courage tears filling up in my eyes as Lily put her hand on my shoulder.

I looked up at her and said quietly "M..m…my fa..father b…beats…m..me when ever he feels the need to g..get out his anger" I stuttered.

I closed my eyes not wanting to see the disgust on her face, waiting for her to go back to avoiding me. For her to say it served me right. But when none of that came I dared to look up at her when she squeezed my shoulder comfortingly and said in a broken whisper "I'm so..so sorry Sev", my eyes widened at hearing my old nickname she had given me. She continued -ignoring my shocked features, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I found myself opening up to her fully not caring about my pride any longer. Not caring if my father found out that I had told someone. Not caring that it would probably mean my death. I couldn't betray Lily not again, not when I realized I loved her. I couldn't and wouldn't let the Death eaters recruit me. Lily was too important to lose again.

"Because my father threatened to kill me, and because I was…scared," I whispered.

LILY'S POV

I thought about that and nodded understanding and then something dawned. How could I not have seen that? Normal children couldn't wait to go home on the holidays, but Sev always seemed to not want to. Even relieved first year when he found out he could stay at Hogwarts. And then something else disturbing came to me "Sev why…why have you been going home all of sudden on holidays…you never have before I know now it was because of your…your father, but why now?"

SEV'S POV

Here came the hard part. I took a deep breath and looked away from the enchanting green eyes that were all Lily, "I felt I deserved it-"

"SEVERUS TOBIAS SNAPE, why would you say something like that!" Lily yelled. Looking to my surprise positively outraged.

"I felt it was my punishment for what I did. For what I said," I whispered not looking at her.

LILY'S POV

My eyes widened, "Surely not because of me!" Even though I should feel nothing and think that he deserved it. I was quickly coming to realize that that was very wrong of me. No one deserves that not even after saying something so cruel.

SEV'S POV

My eyes looked down to the floor. This was my time to describe to her the absolute pain of the loss of her from my life. The way I felt after I had said it. To finally apologize to her the way I had wanted to without her shutting me out.

"I…I felt completely broken when I saw your eyes after me calling you that…that HORRIBLE name," I was crying and heaving out words now not being able to hold back the tears like last time I had tried to apologize to her. "I DESERVED to be punished. I needed to be punished. So I went home because I wanted to die. I honestly just couldn't live with myself anymore. My father didn't beat me enough to kill me no matter how much I taunted him. So I came back to Hogwarts and hoped that Potter would kill me with one of his pranks. All the beatings and bullying in the world didn't compare to the absolute pain caused by your hurt expression. I DIDN'T MEAN to call you that I was just embarrassed and angry and scared and I lashed out. I didn't even think about it. My mother she always...she always drilled into my head about her disdain for muggleborns and that I should never ever let them help me because they were mudbloods. It was drilled into my head since I was little. I know that's still no excuse, but I just wanted to explain why I said it. I regretted it as soon as it left my lips Lily, I swear. I know you will forever hate me. I deserve it! It will always be the biggest mistake in my life, because I lost you. I'm SO sorry…so so sorry," I was on my knees now not able to stand under my grief. Crying heavily and not caring who saw.

LILY'S POV

I thought about what he was saying. True it was wrong for him to call me a mudblood, however, if I had a mother who constantly drilled things like that into me head and a father that beat me to death would I have reacted the same way? Especially while also getting bullied heavily at school. I realized no I wouldn't have reacted any differently. People are brought up different sometimes that leads to them repeating what has been said to them their whole life, without even realizing the consequences of their words. I looked down at his shaking form and my hearts bitterness and sadness towards that day and him melted as I sat down beside him.

SEV'S POV

I felt arms wrapping around my waist and was positively shell shocked. For Lily Evans the girl that I now knew without a doubt was the only person I would ever love was holding me, and rubbing my back in soothing circles. "Sev," she whispered. "I forgive you." I looked up into her face. If I thought I was shocked before this topped it.

Before I could say anything she pushed on," It is true what you said was wrong and cruel; however, if I had to live like you do and was brought up that way I may have made the same mistake you did unintentionally, Sev I'm so sorry for everything. I wish you would have told me before, but I understand why you did not. Maybe if you had told me I could have looked passed you calling me m-word a lot faster." She whispered the last part.

~A/N : Thank you for your time. Reviews are much appreciated!