A/N: This little thing was written for Ventisquear's "unsexy" challenge over at Cheeky Monkeys. It's something cute, I hope. Enjoy!

LCailan

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~Baby Wants Cheese~

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Even the King of Ferelden couldn't win them all, he supposed.

He had won the battle against the darkspawn.

He had even won the battle against the Blight.

He realized that the biggest challenge still lay before him, as his very pregnant wife glared up at him in contempt. Never had he seen such a look - not even when he had battled it out with the broodmother.

Alistair stood in the royal gardens under a broiling July sky gazing down at his wife with a mixture of affection and caution. He held a tray with a silver flagon of icy water and a two glasses. It was hot. Not just hot but...sweltering. The kind of hot that made you want to strip off your smallclothes and run around naked because you were sweating in places you didn't know you could sweat.

His wife was sitting on a bench. Well, maybe not sitting- more like...perching he decided.

She was trying to carefully balance herself and her swollen belly on the tiny seat and from the miserable expression on her sweaty face he deduced she was having a hard time getting comfortable. The young king had a realization that it would be difficult to get comfortable if you were carrying a permanent addition as big as a watermelon around.

From Elissa's now positively livid expression he was certain she would agree, though he could not think of one reason to share this with her. Invoking her wrath wasn't something he enjoyed.

"Darling?" he wheedled, still watching her with uncertainty wondering if even in her state she had the dexterity to attack him - for she certainly looked like she wanted to. "I brought you some water."

Elissa, hot flushed and swollen glared at the flagon with hatred.

"I don't want water," was her sullen reply. "What I want is to get your baby out of here."

With a glare that clearly indicated that Elissa blamed Alistair for the entirety of her pregnancy she pointed at her offending belly.

"If I could do that, my love, I would!" exclaimed the eager to please monarch.

"Well you can't! So sod off!"

Grumpily, Elissa turned around, one of her hands wrapped lovingly around the distended belly as the sweat rolled down her forehead causing her to reach up and swipe at her face with irritation. The young queen had a sudden image of herself and about how awful she must look. Certainly many people talked of women great with child having a glow about them. Her mother had even said that a woman was never more beautiful than when she was carrying life within her.

Mother had no clue what she was talking about.

Turning around her mouth opened with vehemence.

"I'm fat!" she wailed. "I'm fat, and hot, and sticky and stinky and disgusting! I'm one week overdue and if I move the wrong way I'm going to split open like some ripe peach!"

She took a menacing step towards her husband.

"My ankles are swollen and I can't see my toes! I can't walk, I can't sit, I can't sleep and I can't breathe!"

Alistair's eyes widened as she took another determined step towards him, her face a mask of frustration.

"And Baby is sitting on my bladder so heavily that I pee more often than a dwarf on a three day ale binge!" she raged.

She now stood in front of him glaring up into his bewlidered, sweaty face.

"So no, I don't want your water, and I don't want your sympathy and I don't want anymore mid day cheese trays! You're not the one who has to carry something the size of a summer melon around in your belly and then squeeze it out of a hole the size of a marble. And until you do I suggest you leave me alone."

She emphasized the last three words with three hard pokes to his broad chest, her blue eyes snapping at him. Alistair was staring into a red face and blue eyes sparkling with tears of frustration and rage. He was helplessly rooted to the spot and couldn't move even if he had wanted to- which he didn't. They had gone through too much together for him to give up on her now, especially since she was pregnant, not facing the arch demon.

"Elissa," he began in a gentle tone, setting aside the tray so he could reach for her.

She moved away from him, sinking ungracefully back down on the bench a frown of misery on her overheated face.

"And I'm ugly!" she muttered with a pout. "Look at me!"

Alistair did.

But what he saw was vastly different than what she had described. He saw his wife, the first and only love of his life sitting on a bench in the middle of a sweltering day looking more beautiful than he could ever remember her being. Her eyes although filled with tears sparkled with vitality. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat and her anger and her pout was so alluring Alistair wanted to kiss it away. She was his life, she was his heart, and she carried his life within her - a baby boy or girl who would be small parts of each of them and would carry on their name, bring hope and joy into their lives.

She couldn't have been more beautiful and he had never imagined love as strong as he was feeling in that moment.

"I'm looking," he said huskily his eyes aglow with his love.

"Yeah, and I'm like a whale," muttered the grumpy queen.

"I love whales," said the enamored king, moving to sit with her on the bench, to pull her into his arms no matter the heat and stickiness in the air.

With tenderness, Alistair pulled back her long brown hair brushing his fingers along her flushed cheeks.

"Oh yeah? Do you love swollen ankles too?" she quipped though he could almost see a smirk on that full mouth.

"I find them very sexy," he replied with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Elissa's pout had faded and she looked at him curiously.

"Don't forget, I stink."

He leaned in against her dewy neck.

"You smell amazing," he whispered against her ear. "Like the rosewater you used in your morning bath."

Elissa sighed audibly and then leaned into his body always amazed at how right this felt between them.

"What about this?" she challenged with a grumpy look pointing once more to the protruding belly between them. "Huge, isn't it?"

A smile touched the monarch's lips as his wife grimaced.

"Elissa, this," he said putting his hand over the hand that had fluttered over her belly protectively, "This is perfect. It's perfect and amazing and takes my breath away," he uttered with all sincerity. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would be in this place when I first met you."

Elissa gazed at him from under shameless lashes, feeling silly at her earlier outburst.

"You have made me the man I am, the husband I became, and now...you will make me a father. I can never thank you enough. Never tell you enough how proud I am that you carried this baby so long and in this insane heat. And you will never understand how beautiful you are to me, no matter what."

Tears of joy filled Elissa's eyes as she reached up to press her heated lips to his for a moment, and then gazed into his eyes with a happy sigh. In their reflection she saw a woman beautiful and adored, a woman cherished and lavished with blessings.

"I love you, my beautiful Elissa."

"I love you, Alistair."

He helped her to her feet once more and then leaned to pick up the flagon and her glass.

"Water?" he offered with a happy smile. He had won this round - though he wondered how many more he'd have to go through before they would welcome their baby into the world. But so long as she looked at him the way she was then, it wouldn't matter how many more rounds. He'd be happy to do it for all eternity.

Groaning, Elissa leaned back to stretch for a moment. Then she gave him an impish smile that sent her eyes sparkling. Rubbing her belly she looked down at her baby thoughtfully and then giggled.

"It's definitely your baby," she said, turning her face up to give him a brilliant smile.

"Oh?" replied Alistair. "And you know this how?"

This time she laughed. To Alistair, the sound was everything beautiful in the world. She slipped her hand into his.

"Baby wants cheese," she replied. The she groaned.

"Ugh. But first, I have to pee."

~Fin~