A/N- Okay so this is my first fanfic, and Sam might be a wee little bit OOC. But a person with an eating disorder gets super emotional so she has to be. Also, do not think I am calling Jennette McCurdy fat at all! She is beautiful inside and out and very skinny, that's why this is called a FanFic. Sam is very thin but people with eating disorders, all they see is fat even if there 70 pounds. They can never be satisfied. Anyways I hope you like it.

Also sorry is the plot is 'over used' or something, I just really wanted to write my own.

Disclaimer- I do not own iCarly.

You look at them as if their normal, good teen girls. Carly Shay and Sam Puckett.

But sometimes, even the people you see on the outside look like they have it all together could be falling apart on the inside. Everyone girl in the world has insincerities. Even the iCarly girls. Here is their story, them both suffering with the deadly Mia and Ana. Starting with our strong funny never let people bring her down, Sam Pucket.

*Sam Puckett's*

mirror, mirror on the wall
ruthless to your victim
suiting you becomes my love
tied to my reflection

The song was on repeat. I can never stop listening to it. Okay before you ask anything, I have a problem with food. Some may say an "eating disorder" What? Sam Puckett? The person who eats 24/7? The person who you always see eating? The person who has a microwave in her locker? Ya, whatever. People may say I have "bulimia" you know when you eat think puke it out, but I don't have any problem. I'm just trying to get healthier looking. I also won't get a problem because once I reach perfection, I will stop.

So you're wondering when this all happened? Well, I remember it like it was a few minutes ago-

"Oh my sweet juicy ham! This is sooo good." I devour a big ham. We're at school, and it's lunch- my favorite class of the day.

"Sam, maybe you should try a nice salad?" Carly smiles nicely at me. She's been picking at her salad. I never really seen her take bites but every time I look down at her bowl gets emptier.

"Ya right Carls, I don't eat like a rabbit." I smirk. Fredward rolls his eyes and goes back to eating his pizza. Suddenly, Jonah my ex, comes to our table and stops.

"Hey Carly, you don't need to be eating a salad!" He gawks at Miss Carly. I roll my eyes and keep eating my ham. Freddie gets up from annoyance at goes dumps his tray. Jonah looks over at me and fakes puking.

"Sammy, Sam, Sam, maybe Carly should teach you a lesson? Geeze, don't you get why I went for Carly? She knows how to watch her weight. Your just gonna become more fat and nobody will ever want you. Your such a pig." He smirks. My mouth drops and Carly's eyes get wide like a deer getting trap in the headlights of a car.

"You did not just say that to her!" Carly screeches attracting people around us. She slaps him in the face and turns away from him making sure he didn't see that, that hurt her hand. She kinda gets dizzy looking but then snaps out of it. Jonah laughs a little rubbing the spot where Carly slapped him.

"Carly don't stand up to a cow!" Everyone gasps in shock and I get up go over to him and punch him in the eye and walk away. A tear slowly makes down my cheek, and I wipe it away. No one will make Sam Puckett cry. Not even a jerk like him.

I race home and head in the bathroom. I close and lock the door and stare at myself in the mirror. I take my shirt and jeans off and stare at the train wreck sight in the reflection.

"He's right, I am a cow." I mutter to myself. I slam my hand on the mirror, make only a slight crack. I pinch the fat on my thighs, stomach, my cheeks, my now formed double chin. (A/N Once again, I am NOT calling Jennette fat! People with eating disorder see fat when it's not there, their mind fools them.)

"Nobody will ever want you." His words echo in my head over and over. Another salty liquid comes down my cheek. I wipe it away angry. I think for a moment. My eyes gaze off to the toilet rate next to me.

"No. I won't let him get to me." I tap my finger fast on the edge of the counter. Maybe I could loose a few pounds… and he isn't the only guy that said I was fat… I guess if I do it only a few times and loose some weight I'll stop, but I can't let him get to me.

"Nobody will ever want you." Ugh!

"I'll show you, Jonah and all those other people." I spit out threw my teeth. I bend down over the toilet and stick two fingers down my throat and I gag at first, but then try again. Everything I had at lunch comes up. I do it a few more times. My stomach feels empty and relief flows through out my body. "I'll show you all." I whisper. I get up and stare at the mirror again. My eyes are watery and tears are rolling down my face. I guess that happens when I force puke. I wipe everything away and lean on the bathroom counter top, staring at my body. Fat. Fat, is all I see. I cruse under my breath. Get ready for the new skinny Sam.

There you have it. Now you know. Also before you say "Oh my gosh Sam. Really? It was one guy. And he was a jerk, why take it so seriously? I thought you were strong." Well, one, guess what people! I'm human too. I can feel pain and two, he wasn't the only guy. My mom dated this one guy a couple of years ago. I remember his exacts words-

"Pam, your daughter is so over weight. Look how much she eats! Do you know she will never find a good guy?"

He was a jerk. My mom kicked him out. Believe it or not, but my mom actually cares somewhat for me. I shrugged that off. Then there was this other incident. Carly and I were in gym, about a couple of months ago, and this guy named Rodger who I and Carls had an insanely crush on came up to us one day-

"Hi Carly… hey Sam." We both blushed and had a freak attack inside. He stared at Carly, and and his smile on that makes the girls go crazy,

"Carly you look so fine," Carly blushed insanely and got super nervous and made an excuse to leave,

"Oh ah, um I have to, go you know… pee! Yes, pee!" And she raced off leaving me and him alone. He looked at me up and down and laughed a little,

"Sam, maybe you should lay off the snacks a little," and playfully punched me in the arm. My stomach turned but I put on a smile,

"Oh, ha-ha, ya." And walked away. I took that one slightly more and lost a couple of pounds since then. But since Jonah said those words to me, I am now convinced. Like in baseball, strike three and I'm out.

It's been only a week from that incident with Jonah. Carly called me over twenty times, and Freddie texted me over forty times that day. When I got back to school everyone knew what happened that day at lunch.

I glare at them, even if they give me sympathetic looks. There staring at my fat. I know it. I feel it moving every step I take. Carly sees me and races over.

"Sam oh my God! You scared me when you didn't answer your phone! Freddie was freaking out too! After you punched Jonah in the eye and raced out Freddie came over and punched him in the jaw!" Whoa, Fredwad did that for me? That was… sweet of him. "Jonah got up and started to beat up Freddie… then Freddie had to go to the nurse and got seriously injured but anyways that's not the point! Are you okay? That was so wrong of that jerk-face to say that to you! You are so skinny and beautiful and-"

"Carls, chill. I'm fine. Like I would listen to that creep." I lied. Carly is so skinny she doesn't understand. She has never been called fat in her life. The only thing she has been called is a twig. Me? A cow, overweight, snack inhaler (which isn't that bad) and a pig. You do the math.

"Oh okay… just next time please answer your phone, kay?" Worry flows through her face. She really does care about me. But she deserves to have a friend that's not a cow. I have to do this. For her, for me, and even for Frednub.

I force a smile, "No prob," I then roll my eyes after she claps, and hugs me.

Later that day I saw the damage on Fredifer. He had a busted lip, black eye, and a broken nose. I felt so bad but when he saw me he gave me a smirk.

"Looks like I took a beating for you, Puckett. You owe me." I roll my eyes but smile lightly,

"I didn't ask you to hit him nub. I can handle myself, you know that but… thanks." He smiles and nods. His face then got all serious.

"Look Sam, what he said was horrible. Your no were near a cow," He goes off and off about how good I am. I felt flattered and surprised he said all of that, but really I didn't believe a word. They just want me to hear what I want to hear.

"Thanks nerd, but don't sweat on it. I have to go but… thanks again." I walk past him to the bathroom. I had bacon this morning and didn't have time to purge it up so I quickly raced to an open stall. Luckily no one was in there. I repeated what I did the first time. When I felt satisfied I flushed the toilet and cleared up my eyes that were watering.

"Curse teary eyes." I whisper to myself. After I looked like I didn't just throw up I went on with my day. Jonah was no were to be seen thank God. After lunch I did the same thing. Carly wanted to go with to do a gloss check but I convinced her she was good.

After my thing, the rest of the week went on like that. It has been like a schedule every day. My throat is starting to hurt but I ignored the feeling. Tomorrow I'm going to buy a scale, and begin the real deal.

Hiding in my baggy jeans
No one knows my secret
Hiding from the eyes that see
I have been defeated

Luckily, no one suspects a thing.

"No one knows my secret." I repeat the line from the song while smiling. Slowly another tear drops but I ignore it this time.

"No one will ever know my secret, to perfection."

A/N- There you go for chapter one. Sorry if it's kind of 'graphic' at the throwing up parts, but I needed to get the "message" out and what Sam is going through.

Once again, I am not calling ANYONE fat.

I never nor will ever call anyone fat. It could ruin someone's life and hold on to that statement forever.

Even if it was just ONE person calling them fat ONE time, it could lead to a dangerous road.

Also, sorry if it was 'rushed' or anything, but the problem will increase more and the story will flow more in the next chapters.

And sorry if you thought Sam 'over reacted' with Jonah, but some people take it to heart if someone calls them a cow or a pig. Even if it was a jerk.

I'm not the best writer, I'm just writing from my experiences with an iCarly mix.

Anyways, I don't care if you review, just as long if someone is thinking about throwing up or starving there selves and reads this and thinks twice about it, and maybe possibly chooses not to go through it, then I'm happy.

XOXO

~Kylie
P.S -

The next part is gonna be Carly's part. Then afterwards it'll be their story coming together.