A.N The result of me and my friend seeing an after easter sale and deciding it was obviously Remus Lupin's favourite time of year.
Oh yes and I know i should be updating my other fic but my beloved laptop is being held captive by P..
It happens every year. Exactly three days after Easter Sunday and Sirius is faced with the A.E.S.C.
He likes to think he understands, in fact he even insists to James that he is on top of everything. But truthfully… he has less of a chance of controlling the A.E.S.C than Snivellus does of getting laid. Each year he tries some new way to combat it, brainstorming for hours over the Easter holidays but it seems there is no way of fighting its immense strength.
First year had been the worst. He hadn't been ready back then. Sirius had sauntered with the arrogance of his eleven-year-old self into the dorm innocently one cold April day. Broom slung over one shoulder, cursing out 'the man' for not letting him try out for Quidditch, he walked right into the war zone.
"SIRIUS! SIRIUS! SIRIUS!"
"What?" he had asked horrified at the image of Remus flung across the bed, exhausted, before him.
"Look at all the pretty wrappers!"
Second year had been bad. Really bad. Sirius had mostly been curious to see if Remus would do it again; it had been an awkward subject neither boy had brought up. So with trepidation he had peeked into the dormitory, his mouth falling open at what he saw. 'Is he… naked?'
Third year Sirius was prepared. He burst into the dorm armed with a beater's bat and a shield charm up. But the red room was empty. Confused, Sirius sat down heavily on Remus' bed and looked around the room. Now where was he then?
Suddenly a hand shot out from under the bed and grabbed his ankle. Sirius screamed as he was thrown forward, his head coming close to being slammed into the wooden frame of the next one along – his own, the traitor. Landing heavily on the floor Sirius tried to tug his foot away, reaching for the beater's bat still lying on the blankets above him, panicking. A little tousled head of brown hair suddenly appeared from under the bed's skirt. Remus raised one finger to his chocolate covered lips.
"Shh."
It wasn't until fourth year that James found out.
"OH MY GOD! Padfoot you do not want to go in there." Sirius cocked one eyebrow at the brown handprints on the front of James' robes. He himself was wearing a suit of armor from the third floor, liberated from its alcove and finally about to be put to use.
"It's okay James. I know what I'm doing." James sprinted forward across the landing and shook Sirius by the shoulders.
"No. I'm not letting you go in there… the things I've seen…" Sirius raised his arms slowly, the metal constricting his movement, and pulled James off of him.
"No. Someone has to calm him down."
"…Good luck."
Last year Sirius had come up with a brilliant new plan. The plan to end all plans. Some may call it cruel, but it was a measure he was willing to take to end the madness.
"Why did you do it?" Stone cold sober and ready to kill, Remus stood to face Sirius.
"I thought it would be for the best."
"But all of it?" Remus' eyes began to mist up and Sirius felt a trickle of shame begin to trickle down his spine. "You had to buy all of it?"
The guilt had eaten him up inside when Remus refused to talk to him for weeks. Only upon the gift of a giant Honeyduke's chocolate bar would Remus even look at him.
So this year Sirius was torn. His plan had been perfect last Easter but… could he really do that to Mooney again. Only once Remus started to get twitchy in anticipation he decided he had to, for the good of the dorm and Remus' sanity.
But on the morning of the third day after Easter Sirius got a disturbing letter.
Dear Mr Black,
We are sorry to inform you that your order is impossible to fulfill because…
Sirius' scream of horror echoed in the Great Hall. James looked over his shoulder and gasped when he caught sight of the shop's refusal to sell their entire stock to Sirius again. Said boy jumped from his seat and ran out of the hall as fast as he could.
Breathing uneven, hair a mess and clutching the mace from old faithful down on the third floor Sirius burst into the dorm.
"SIRIUS!" Bouncing around the room was his dignified and stoic best friend Remus. Sirius looked in horror at the dorm – every surface was coated in Easter eggs. Big, little, brightly wrapped or melting were hundreds of eggs and a sizeable pile of wrappers already littered the floor.
"Oh Remus…" The 16-year-old grinned up at him, his smile smeared with chocolate, his hands sticky and… how did he get it in his hair? His Gryffindor robes crumbled and stained with drying brown splotches. The boy even had a five o'clock shadow for pete's sake.
"SIRIUS!! OMG I LOVE CHOCOLATE!"
"Yes Remus I know, love. Now why don't you just sit…?" Remus burst in to spontaneous giggles and ran away from Sirius, running in dizzying circles around the heater at the centre of the dorm.
"No Padfoot! Then I couldn't eat all my wonderful chocolate." The bouncing started again. Sirius sat down wearily on the red quilts of his bed. His head fell in to his hands and he ran him fingers through his hair.
"This has gone too far! Did you buy the entire stock?" Remus' smile grew as he chewed a bite of chocolate and snapped off another piece from the large egg in his hands.
"Well of course!" Remus snorted with hyper derision, his left eye twitching slightly, "After you did it last year I realized it was the only way to protect all my chocolate." His speech had gotten so fast Sirius had to strain his ears to hear him.
"But I… I tried to book it days ago." Sirius said weakly. Remus laughed again and began to spin rapidly in circles.
"HAHA I booked it four days after last Easter." Sirius groaned listening to the tempo of Remus' voice getting faster and faster. "And don't think about buying them all next year because I already have!"
"Maybe you could ration…" as Remus' began to laugh hysterically at such a stupid idea Sirius flopped back onto his bed. He reached out and grabbed his pillow, laying it over his face to block all sound out. Now it was just a matter of waiting for the huge sugar crash coming, and picking up the pieces.
God he really hated this time of year. Every time, four days after Easter Sunday the A.E.S.C rolled around. Sirius scooted back on his bed and breathed slowly against the white pillow.
The A.E.S.C was the secret coded term for the After Easter Sale Conundrum that he faced every Easter. Remus' voice had quickly become a high pitched whistler filtering through the pillow.
God, what was he going to do next year?