Story: Painless
Fandom: Glee
Author: ibshafer
Rating: PG-13
Character: Kurt, Karofsky
Disclaimer: I don't own these people, they own themselves and are just nice enough to let me spin them around the page now and then.
Summary: Y'hear me, Ryan Murphy? This one is for you… DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!
A/N: The author does not in any way condone bullying or any form of aggression towards homosexuals, or anyone else, for that matter.
A/N2: Hi, folks – sorry for laying this on you when I know you're waiting on smut from me, but this came to me and it was something that I thought had to be said. So I'm saying it. And I really, really want someone to send this to Ryan Murphy. Because even though I don't condone bullying, no one deserves to this.
Painless
~ibshafer
He'd left a note.
They always leave a note.
Like it's in the suicide rulebook or something.
Like he wanted everyone to know what had really gone down.
The things he'd been too screwed up to talk about before; before he'd decided that he couldn't handle what was happening to him, what he was feeling, how it screwed with who he'd thought he was, and how all of that had made him do some things to some people, to one person, that were the exact opposite of what he'd wanted to do, with all his heart, with all his stupid soul.
Because he'd been too screwed up to say it then.
And now, well, now he could say whatever he wanted because, well, shit, no one could say anything back now, could they?
He could, for instance, say that he loved Kurt Hummel and it didn't really matter who knew it.
Screw them and whatever they were thinking.
Shit, he was dead – he could say whatever he wanted now.
(SECTION BREAK)
When he saw Finn waiting for him outside of the Academy, on a day when he'd driven himself, he knew something had happened. His first thought was for Burt, but when he saw his father and Carole coming around the other side of the car, he got a cold feeling in the pit of his belly and a tiny voice started to natter something in his ear, a name; a name he refused to listen to.
And when they told him, and he knew then that the voice had been right, he forgot to breathe for a little while. And then he sat down in the middle of the parking lot. And Carole started to cry. And Finn hauled him to his feet.
But they didn't know why he forgot to breath or why he'd sat down on the asphalt.
They didn't know why he was screaming inside his head right then.
They didn't know that he'd known the truth all along, the truth that dumb jock had been too afraid to tell anyone else, and that he'd kept it secret because it hadn't been his secret to tell and because, frankly, he didn't owe that dumb jock anything.
Except now he did. He owed him an apology.
He owed him an apology for not understanding what "all of that" had meant.
That when the idiot had kissed him, he'd meant it, meant it in a way he himself had been too inexperienced to see just then.
And he'd hated him for it.
And he'd run away.
And now it was too late.
Knowing might not have changed anything, but then…
Knowing might have kept him alive.
And that made not understanding and not telling anyone else, like the dumb jock's parents, or the Principal, or his friends, wrong, wrong, wrong.
Of all the people in this stupid, backward, 4-H town, HE should have understood that.
But he didn't.
Or rather he didn't then, but he did now.
Now that it was too late.
Now that it was his turn to be sorry.
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