Disclaimers:  Yu Yu Hakusho was created and owned by Yoshihiro Togashi.  This fanfic is for non-commercial purposes only.  The song Outside is performed by Staind.

A/N:  Prologue… this is quite angsty.

Dedicated to my beta-reader, Raven.

EN ROUTE TO PANDEMONIUM

The Way to Hell

Author: Red Rascal All the times that I've cried - all this wasting - it's all inside

And I feel all this pain - stuffed it down - it's back again

And I lie here in bed all alone- I can't mend And I fear tomorrow will be okay

--Outside, Staind--

Empty soul.

Worthless life. 

Eternal damnation.

Endless nightmare.

I just don't know anymore. 

I want to end this charade.  I want to tear this freaking cheery mask off, arson it and bury its black ashes to hell. 

I'm tired of everything.  I'm sick of playing.

Damn.

Who am I kidding anyway?  I know it's not me. 

Those fools.  Only those who believe and still believe that I'm someone I'm not. 

I smirked, remembering the way they always look at me like I'm some ditz who doesn't know what I'm talking about, like I'm some loser freaking out at the slightest feel of pain, like I'm some fool who always take and see things on the bright side. 

Yeah, right. 

They don't know everything—no, anything— about me because to them, I'm nobody. 

But maybe I am. 

I don't know. 

But what I know is that I'm different. 

I'm different because they don't see what I see, they don't think like the way I think, they don't hear what I hear.

I buried my face in my hands.  I don't like to be seen anymore.  I don't like to live anymore.  I just want to die. 

Die in the cold loving arms of the divine intervention, embrace me and never let go of me. 

But wait, I am Death.

I pulled the blankets tightly to my body bringing it up to my chin and scooted to the darkest side of my room, of my comforting bed. 

There is nothing for me here and out there.  There is no one for me.

I wish they were here.  My true best friends.  The only family I've ever known.

But they're not here with me.  Too bad.  I need them badly.

I just searched for the freezing call of the wall behind my back and welcomed it with deep appreciation.  At least here, in my dark dead room, I find the peace I need, the silence I want.

I finally slept under the supervision of the beautiful stars with my thoughts no different again from any other musings that I had before. 

Hating the next day.

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