I do not own Glee or any of the songs mentioned.
McKinley Glee Club was in the middle of dance rehearsal. Not everyone in the group was pleased with Mr Shue's music choice this week as they shimmied along to "ABC" by the Jackson Five. It is true Mike had begged to do something by Michael Jackson but this certainly wasn't what he had in mind. Santana would have complained more if Brittany hadn't been so proud about memorising all the words after only the first day and, damn it, she looked so happy now bopping along. Puck however was not so reticent.
"This song sucks!"
"It really is lame." said Artie, and several other glee members nodded in agreement.
"You're not having any problem dancing along to it!" Mr Shue pointed out.
"Yeah but the lyrics suck – really truly suck." insisted Puck," ABC…123… I could write better lyrics!"
Santana suddenly notice a sudden gleam in Mr Shue's eyes. Oh no, Puck what have you done? Mr Shue was obviously planning a new assignment.
Next day the students of Glee took their seats on the choir stand as usual. Mr Shue was already sat at the piano.
"Now, Puck's comments yesterday got me thinking." He said, "You all seem to think writing songs is an easy task so I'm going to set you a new assignment. Take a popular song, any song, and using the tune, write your own lyrics. I think you'll be surprised just how difficult a task it is. Words are just as important as the tune."
Rachel and Kurt couldn't have looked happier if they tried. Santana turned to Brittany at her side, slightly concerned about how her friend would cope with this new assignment. She'd be the first to admit her best friend was definitely not the sharpest pencil in the tin but Brittany's eyes had an excited gleam.
"Do you want us to work on this after Cheerios' practice?" Santana whispered.
"No." Brittany whispered back." I know the song I want to do. I want this to be a surprise."
"Oh." was all Santana could manage. She suddenly wasn't sure if she should be worried or not.
Santana worked out her song at lunch the next day. She would do a song "Dance" to the tune of "Help" by The Beatles. She had already worked out the chorus,
"Dance, just move your body,
Dance, yeah everybody
Dance,
Get off your ass and dance."
But she was having trouble making the final adjustments to the verses. Brittany was working beside her, a crease of deep concentration on her forehead. Santana tried to peer over her shoulder to take a peek at her friends work but Brittany shielded it with her arm. The only words Santana could spot were "sexiest" and "cheerleaders" (both of which Brittany had spelt wrong).
"Do you want me to help with your spellings?" Santana asked.
"No it's okay; Kurt is going to read it before class."
"You're showing it to Kurt?"
"Yes. It's your surprise, not his!"
Now Santana was slightly more worried.
When Glee Club gathered at the end of the week everyone was clutching bundles of notes, and several students were still chewing the ends of pencils, tweaking their songs. Santana's finished song was a bit of a mess; while she was perfectly happy with the chorus the verses were proving frustratingly impossible to get right. She was also not happy about sitting alone on the back row two seats away from a slightly stressing Rachel (who was crossing whole sections out of her music notes). Brittney had entered with Kurt and sat beside him. Kurt had a massive grin on his face and kept looking at Santana. Santana was not amused. Mr Shue came in a few minutes later.
"So class how did you find the assignment?"
There was a chorus of noncommittal mumbles.
"Not as easy as it looks was it." he continued. "So who wants to go first?"
Brittany's hand shot up and she was bouncing in her chair in anticipation. Hers was the only hand. Mr Shue was surprised but stood back to let Brittany take centre stage.
"This is a song for my best friend."
Santana smiled, but it was a rigid grin, she was terrified of what Brittany was going to do next. Things got worse when Brittany began to sing.
Santana is Coming to Town
CHORUS
You'd better watch out, you'd better not sigh.
You'd better not pout, I'm telling you why,
Santana is coming to town.
She's head of the Cheerleaders
She leaps and kicks and twirls
She really is the sexiest
Of all McKinley girls.
CHORUS
She's hot and smart and popular;
And loyal to the end.
And oh how I adore her
My very best-est friend!
CHORUS
So…
When she had finished everyone clapped and everyone was grinning looking back at the Latino cheerleader. Santana, herself, felt close to tears. How could Brittany do this to her! In her head she could hear the whole school singing the song in the corridor, her life was well and truly over. She felt Brittany's eyes on her, so innocent and hopeful. Santana forced a smile,
"That was sweet, Brittany." Then she turned to the rest of the choir, "But if that song ever leaves this room you are all going to die!"