Disclaimer: I own nothing, absolutely nothing! Thanks to Mystery1205 for beta-ing!
Also, this will be a series-ish so if you have anyone you want to see, just tell me in a review and I'll dedicate the chapter to you!
EDIT: Thanks to paprika90 for reminding me about the list rule so I could change stuff before my ass got frozen by the FF people.
Robin sat down. He had gotten a marvelous idea. The members of his team had gotten slightly lax about rules lately and the government was complaining. So he had declared a project. Each member had to write down 100 and 1 things they weren't allowed to do, a mix of ideas they were planning and things they had already done, with negative results.
101 Things Robin Is Not Allowed To Do:
1. I am not allowed to put on my Slade suit and scare the shit out of my team members
2. I am not allowed to ask Cyborg to show me where his off-switch is and then press it.
3. I am not allowed to put cameras in Starfire's panty drawer and claim paranoia as my excuse.
4. Ditto for the bathrooms and Raven's panty drawer
5. I am not allowed to tell Raven the number of a good physiatrist
6. I can't ask fangirls if they want to get laid by a superhero and then give them Wildebeest.
7. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that it is an earth custom to take of all your clothes and perform a dance involving a pole on Tuesdays. (Or any other day, for that matter)
8. I shouldn't ask Red X in the middle of a fight how he deals with the wedgie problem I had with that suit.
9. I can't jump Starfire on her way to the shower and tell her I was trying to ambush an assassin.
10. I can't ask Beast Boy whether it's Green being Easy as the last time I did this, Raven slapped me. Hmm…
11. I am not allowed to tip over Terra's statue simply because my ADD sometimes takes over.
12. I am not allowed to tell BB that he is a Beast, as it offends him.
13. I'm not allowed to tell Raven that because of the whole Trigon ordeal I must examine her and then "examine" her in a violating way.
14. I am not allowed to ask Starfire if she can hook me up with her sister as it saddens her immensly.
15. I mustn't laugh when Slade tells me that his lair is filled with gears and nuts as he doesn't mean it that way.
16. I shouldn't sell the villains as ice sculptures, no matter how much profit it makes.
17. I can't tell Starfire that she looks like an overgrown powerpuff girl as it makes her cry.
18. I can't put Cyborg on mute, no matter how entertaining it is to watch him try to get people's attention.
19. I'm not allowed to laugh whenever Slade tries to reveal his master plan.
20. I must not scream "PEDOPHILE!" every time I see Brother Blood
21. I'm not allowed to tell Beast Boy that he needs tighter spandex, no matter how much I want to.
22. I can't tell Cyborg that I need his memory drive to look up porn. Especially in Raven's hearing.
23. I am not allowed to ask Beast Boy if he tastes like chicken.
24. I can't ask teen boys for a joint as I'm supposed to be setting a good example for potheads like them.
25. I can't tell everyone that they to save themselves form the newest super villain they must dedicate a shrine to me and give me lots of virgin offerings.
25. I may not prove to people that I really am a MAN Wonder now (especially in public places)
26. I am not allowed to wire Cyborg to play classical music all the time because it puts him in a bad temper
27. I can't use Beast Boy's tuborkle for anything other than its intended use, no matter how hot and bothered I am.
28. I'm not allowed to pull out pictures of Starfire from when she grew horns and ask her if she's still horny.
29. I can't put Cardiac in the middle of an elementary school just because he said it was his birthday
30. I can't tell Kid Wykked that he is a total Batman wannabe, even if it's true.
31. I can't yell "The British are coming! The British are coming!" whenever I see Argent, as she is neither British nor coming.
32. I mustn't tell Starfire that another meaning of the word Robin is Sexy and ask her to call me by it.
33. I shouldn't put on red contacts and then take off my mask to the world because it scares them senseless.
34. I can't tell Slade that our obsessions with each other could lead to a much better pastime then fighting...in the hearing of my friends.
35. I can't dye Raven's cloaks grey and then scream "Dementor!" every time she comes nearby.
36. And if for some reason I have done that, I cannot follow it up by saying that I've been sentenced to the Kiss.
37. I shouldn't tell Bumble Bee that her buns are cute except when I mean the ones on her head.
38. I can't tell Beast Boy that turning into a dragon named Malchior will get Raven into bed with him as it cuases chaos in the Tower.
39. Publishing the sordid details of Raven and Terra's love affair is not a good way to make friends(or keep them)
40. I am not allowed to stalk Slade as he can press charges if I violate the restraining order
41. I can't pretend that I don't understand people's calls for help simply because they refuse to give me blow jobs. It unethical.
42. I'm no longer allowed to reprogram Cyborg to speak in Swedish, no matter how hilarious it is to listen to him yodel.
43. I cannot tell Starfire to TROQatize me, Captain, as (a) its offensive and (b) she doesn't get it anyway.
44. I'm not allowed to off the True Master and claim the title for myself
45. I can't use Control Freak's remote to switch myself into Star's body so that I can fondle myself.
46. I'm not allowed to scream like a girl whenever Raven has a bad hair day as she might just make it so my voice never comes back down. Ack.
47. No matter how many times they call me bird boy, I must resist the urge to tweet and remember that I cannot fly so I mustn't jump of buildings.
48. I am not allowed to use my birdarangs to cut through girls bra straps
49. I must never say "Fuck you" to Slade as sometimes he takes it literally and that's supposed to be a secret.
50. I'm not allowed to ask Cyborg how he managed to get a 'high score' with Beast Boy while the game station is at the repair shop as it cuases him to turn red and stammer.
51. I can't tell the townspeople that I won't protect them anymore unless they rename the town Robin Town
52. I must not give in when Starfire does the puppy pout, because through all that I know that those weird Tameranian mating rituals hurt!
53. I cannot give Beast Boy a snail and say that I thought he wanted a gastropod, not a moped.
54. I'm not allowed to scream "LIES!" whenever Raven opens her mouth to speak.
55. I may not murder someone and say that the voices in my head said it was for the common good. Furthermore, I may not claim that these voices sound Suspiciously like Raven and Kid Wykked.
56. Patting Raven on the head and call her a cute wittle bunny wabbit is not appreciated by her, so I must stop. Also unappreciated are any Playboy Bunny references.
57. I must only look at Starfire's eyes when she is talking. No where else.
58. I may only think with the head on my neck, not the one in my pants.
59. I may not make a necklace out of used condoms and give it to Starfire as a gift of my undying love.
60. I must refrain from giggling whenever Cyborg says he has tooil his 'wing-nuts"
62. Beast Boy and Cyborg are not together, so they do not appreciate the puppet movies I make of them and post online.
63. Raven does notsee the humor in myyelling "It's the plague!" when ever I see her,soI must stop.
64. I have been required by law to stop telling people to elect me president, as it frightens politicians.
65. I may not go up to random people and ask if they want to see how good I am with my staff.
66. I am not allowed to ask Raven if she is grey everywhere.
67. People do not need to strip in order to be rescued, so I must stop making them do so.
68. I cannot ask Doctor Light if he will give me a 'check-up' because that is sick and wrong.
69. Same goes for Professor Chang and oral exams.
70. I must refrain from singing "Oh, if I was a baby Bumble Bee" when ever Bumble Bee enters room.
71. I must refrain from singing "I'm in love with a stripper" whenever anyone walks into a room, no matter how great my libido.
72. I may not ask Cyborg exactly what parts of him are robotic.
73. I may not slap Cyborg on the butt and proclaim "Buns of steel!" as it is sexual harassment.
74. I may not ask Raven if she is wearing anything under her leotard.
75. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that she is peanut butter and looks good spread over a cracker as this greatly confuses her.
76. I am not allowed to use a tit-twister as one of my preferred attacks.
77. I may not ask Madame Rogue if she can become a giant penis.
78. For that matter, I cannot tell the Brian that he looks like a giant penis.
79. I also must not ask General Immortus if his balls are immortal as well.
80. I can't tell Jinx that she should sleep with me instead because I go slower than Kid Flash, aswhen I do this she hexes me.
81. Clothing is not optional when fighting crime, even though it invigorating and an effective way to confuse opponents.
82. I may not ask Kid Flash to flash me, seeing as he is just a kid.
83. I may not ask Starfire if she stuffs her braas it greatly offends her.
84. I may not answer "Bite me" whenever a villain challenges me.
85. I cannot reply "God is watching" to everything people say.
86. I should not tell Speedy and Kid Flash that they should have a race as they are not amused by the play on their names.
87. I may not ask Mas y Menos if their names are talking about particular parts of their anatomy that are more and less.
88. I can't ask people to call me Dick, even if it is my name.
89. Slade isn't amused when I call him Cy for Cyclops because then he thinks I am cheating on him, so I must stop.
90. I may not tell my friends that I am going to the true master again and then hide in my closest so that when they try to steal my clothes they wet themselves.
91. I cannot go around telling people that my hair isn't the only thing I have that can be gelled as it puts them off their food.
92. I am not allowed to tell Starfire that the way to un-hypnotize Beast boy is to have sex with me, as even she knows that can't be right.
93. I may not tell Mad Mod that he is very Mod because it makes him Mad.
94. I cannot set up a booty call between Soto and Cinderblock as it causes earthquakes.
95. When I see a super hero looking upset it is not tactful to walk up and tell them to suck it up, we all angst way too much.
96. It is extremely rude to put Silkie in Ravens bed as they do not like each other in that way, contrary to popular belief.
97. I may not exploit my Larry's powers by having him ake me king of the world with everyone else as my sex slaves.
98. Even though Raven does have four eyes when she is angry, it is impolite to ask the hypothetic question of if she had glasses, would they double too?
99. Inserting camera's inside Starfire's shirts is a violation of her privacy. According to her agreement, I may only to that to her skirts.
100. I am not allowed to try to impose the "personal bubble" philosophy at the tower as it makes everyone else smite me down.
101. Even though I am the only member of the team without super powers, that does not give me the right to claim that in all fairness they should be my bitches.
Robin set down his pencil and looked over his list. Maybe he had gotten a little carried away…