To: Lt. Col. Samantha Carter, Maj. Louis Ferretti, Col. Albert Reynolds, Maj. Kent Howe, Maj. Seth Altman, Col. Joseph Barnes, Maj. Otis Long, Maj. Fred Strong, Maj. Terrence Benton, Maj. Henry Boyd, Maj. Martin Edwards, Cap. David Dixon
From: Brig. Gen. Jonathan J. O'Neill
Subject: Paperwork
Attention all SG team leaders: As of this date, you all have an excuse for not doing your paperwork. A valid excuse, for once.
It seems that SG-7 brought back some kind of alien swarm that likes to nest in pulped wood. Also known as your mission reports and your requisition forms. Long lost two fingers before we could tear it off him. To prevent the spread of the swarm, the mountain has been quarantined until further notice.
Carter has a team working on a way to neutralize this threat as quickly as possible. Until they come up with something, avoid paper at all costs. This should not be a great hardship to any of you, as few of you ever turn in the paperwork anyway.
Brigadier General Jonathan J. O'Neill
Addendum: This goes for books as well. The medics are having to reattach Daniel's thumbnail as we speak.