A very silly story written after multiple days farming the Battle Buffet for money with both my endgame team and my competition team. Lord, but that had been extreme overkill. Enjoy!

EDIT: Added some lines the site somehow ate and fixed the grammar somewhat.

Alola's Battle Buffet was a wonderful place, both for locals and tourists alike. Fun battles, delicious food, it represented some of the best of life had to offer, in many of its patrons' opinions. And yet, now, it seemed no one present there was relaxed. Because it was about to happen, it always happened around this time. If she had not come at all earlier that day, she would come soon, at 1:30 PM, sharp.

More than one looks nervously to the clock on the wall as it ticked closer and closer. 1:28.

At 1:29, even those in the midst of battle are beginning to whisper, even as they try to finish their fights. She was coming. She was going to be here. Soon.

Now.

1:30.

The light sound of vacation sandals smudging the floor seemed to echo throughout the suddenly dead silent room.

She's here.

The girl who entered seemed a girl like any other, small but fit, with tawny skin, dark eyes, and a smile that was more than a little endearing. Save the jaw-dropping number of Z-crystals on her person, one might never even suspect the little eleven-year-old to be the famed Celina, the first Champion of Alola, undefeated on the battlefield.

And here, the God-Queen of the Battle Buffet.

More than one trainer shies away at the sight of her but she doesn't seem to notice. Her gaze is already on the food, even as she is dutifully doling out the exact amount for the receptionist. She surveys the dishes laid out before them with a queenly eye before descending, floral skirt flaring out behind her with every step she took. Hoenn ramen, it seemed, would be her first dish of the day. Her lips quirk up into a familiar, terrifying smile as another places her hand on the platter at the same time she does hers, bringing out a poke ball the moment her claim is challenged. The unwitting challenger turns to face her, expression turning into one of horror the moment the unsuspecting breeder realized just who she was up against.

The breeder knew her, of course. She was a regular of the Battle Buffet. More than once has she seen the carnage that occurred on the Champion's plate each and every time she came here.

("She's such a small girl," she has said, more than once, occasionally with a downcast look at her own waistline. "How can she even finish all of that!?")

It was a well-known fact that the Alolan Champion never had any leftovers. No matter how much she loads her plate, she always returns it sparkling after.

(In some cases, literally.)

It was one of the new great mysteries of Melemele. The mystery of the Alola Champion's appetite.

(Legend had it that her voracious appetite was born on the celebration dinner for Hapu's officially becoming Kahuna of Poni, when the newly-minted Kahuna looked at her plate and said "Do not tell me that you do not mean to finish? What a waste!")

The first battle ends seconds after it begins, her Decidueye sniping down a Raichu moments after it's left her ball. The Raichu's trainer doesn't even look disappointed, only resigned; this song and dance has become all but routine to any real regular of the Battle Buffet. The Champion (Buffet God-Queen) loads four bowls onto her plate then moves on, her Decidueye returning to his ball in a move as automatic as breathing.

"No Z-move that time," one onlooker whispers, a relative newbie. "You're not pulling my leg, are you?"

"That's because it's that Decidueye of hers," another answers, this one more of a veteran. "He's her starter. She trusts him more than any other. Trust me. You'll see."

More than one breathes a sigh of relief as she moves onto her next plate. Only one does not, a tourist whose tongs had been mere micrometers away from the tray of sushi. If the Champion had been just a hair of a second later, she might have gotten her serving.

Alas.

Still, she brings up her Poke Ball, calls out for her Dugtrio to defend her honor (and her sushi). Her knees are knocking together but she's on her feet. If the slight upward gradiation to the curve of her smile was anything to go by, the Champion Celina respected that.

(It wasn't a legend how one trainer actually fainted after realizing that she was to be his opponent for the Chansey omelets)

With that altered smile bright and terrifying on her face, golden energy burst from her Z-ring as she set it ablaze. Her Pokemon stood ready as she began to move, her stance sure and her posture, confident. Grass-type, this one.

The battle wasn't even over and yet the tourist was already nursing a revive in hand.

Outside the restaurant, one passing observer flinched watching the Bloom Doom obliterated the tourist's Dugtrio, raining flowers over the heads of all the buffet's contenders. The Champion (God-Queen) only smiled as she loaded her plate with sushi. About five plates' worth. Whenever she could, she always, always took five plates worth of food. She snuck her Kadabra a piece before moving on, head held high. Flower petals fluttered around the two like so much debris before the Kadabra was finally recalled into his ball.

"She's a monster," the observer whispers to his wife as they walked past the restaurant and the ongoing spectacle within. "An absolute monster."

They hear shouting from inside. Chills raced down his spine as he saw her begin the motions for another Z-move, Z-ring blazing gold.

For most, even doing just one Z-move was near unthinkably exhausting and yet here she was, doing them battle after battle as if it were a piece of cake. All for a piece of actual cake. Or parfait, as it were.

(Legend had it that she used two Z-moves in one battle during her inauguration as the Champion of Alola against her rival, Trainer Hau, in a fight that the esteemed Pokemon Professor Kukui himself had described as absolutely amazing.)

It was Subzero Slammer this time. The child's Ledian didn't stand a chance. There were frustrated tears in his eyes as he rushed forward, max revive in hand but the Champion only smiled as she continued loading her plate, whispering an encouragement as she passed him by. Five plates of parfaits, this time. The Glaceon by her side nuzzled affectionately at her ankles before returning to her ball.

"She is, she really is," she whispers back, clutching their baby to her chest. Her eyes were sparkling. "I hope our daughter grows up to be just like her!"

The fights only get more one-sided from there. A little girl's Drifblim gets Spirit Shackled. Magnezone melts to Marowak's Inferno Overdrive. Liligant falls to another Subzero Slammer. Over and over, her Z-ring burns gold as she sets her Pokemon's auras ablaze, her ungodly amount of energy something that went beyond just the vitality of youth and went straight into the realm of absolute insanity. The few ace trainers present try to put up a fight, only to be crushed anew, like all the others before them. Her nerves were steel clad and she was absolutely unflinching, her plate ever-increasing, and her appetite, never-ceasing.

(It wasn't a legend how, when an angry Bewear crashed what should've been a simple costume showcase, her first instinct was not to run away screaming as most of the mall-goers had but to immediately and accurately throw a Quick Ball at it. It was on the news and everything)

((Apparently, she named it Beany. Because why not.))

One office worker, trying to get some measure of joy (and the choicest piece of Take Down steak) tries to go in with less resigned awe and more determined gumption up until her sturdy Gigalith fell to the Champion's Marowak's returning bone-merang and she was made to deal with the leftovers

(well, technically, the Champion did offer to exchange steaks after noticing her glumness but accepting pity from an eleven-year-old, Champion or not, was just undignified)

The chefs bringing out the food are sweating by the sixth battle, when her Kadabra's Shattered Psyche brings both Machamp and his trainer to their knees. This was the hardest part of the day for these well-trained gourmets. Keeping up a constant stream of food was a challenge on its own but during times when the Champion was in the building, it was an outright race against the timer. One chef nearly stumbles in his haste to fill up the empty spaces but his expression is determined. They would not let the Champion empty out the buffet, not today! Even if, technically speaking, what he just brought out was just the reheated remnants of leftover pizza cobbled together!

(Legend has it that she actually did once do just that during an eating contest with the former buffet queen herself. Together, the two of them had emptied the entirety of the Battle Buffet's pantries. Yet, the Champion was back the very next day, appetite the same as ever.)

This time, there's even more of a tension in the air as usual as the Champion catches sight of the newest dish to be brought out. Miltank cheese pizzas were known to be her favorite and given that there was only one on the platter, whoever wanted to challenge her was only resigning their Pokemon to a terrible faint.

Yet the rich looking fellow didn't seem to get that memo, sending in a Fearow with an obstinate expression and great determination. Fists clenched, hands clasped, he was the picture of conviction and he was not going to give up his right to a cheese pizza, no sirree. Her eyes sparkled at the challenge, a Dusk Ball held readied in her left hand.

"Go on, Kaimi!" she called out. "I know you can do it!"

With a burst of deep purple, a Pokemon in the colors of the setting sun burst out onto the battlefield, crowing triumphantly, its whole body crackling with electricity.

... and a hush fell over the Battle Buffet.

Tapu Koko.

Tapu motherfucking Koko.

The guardian deity of their island. One of the four revered land spirits. A motherfucking legendary Pokemon.

Here.

In the Battle Buffet.

Fighting for his trainer's right to get some motherfucking pizza.

The Tapu turned to his trainer. The Pokemon made a sound. Among the speechless crowd, the sound rang loud and clear.

"You can do this, Kaimi," said the smiling champion encouragingly, her voice absolutely audible in the deafening silence. "Tell you what: if you do this right, you're getting rainbow pokebeans with dinner."

Their island's guardian deity sprang upwards, crowing, then charged. There was an explosion of electricity, a cry of despair, and then, after a very satisfied-looking Tapu Koko stuck the landing, the bird-type fell, faint. The battle barely lasted a second.

... and all for the promise of rainbow pokebeans.

"Yeah, great job!" she cheered, her voice very loud in the stillness. "Perfect as always, Kaimi."

...strictly speaking, Tapu Koko wasn't the most humanoid of Pokemon but that, that looked exactly like a high five, what the Tapu did right there with his trainer.

"Holy shit," was the quiet, reverent outburst of a small child, momentarily distracted from his own battle. "That is awesome."

"Eh," was the response of the person battling him, a young, uninterested lass. "You should've seen the Arceus."

When her timer finally runs out, she's won so much she can't even carry all the plates by herself. Her Decidueye pops out of his ball to assist her, Tapu Koko following suit. Together, the three of them stagger over to her section of the Battle Buffet. On the way, Tapu Koko makes as if to nibble at a bit of eggant and is resoundingly told off by both trainer and starter. The sight of their island's millenia-old guardian deity being told off by an eleven-year old girl and a starter who, by the professor's own admission, had only been born a few months before coming into her possession was a sight that was both shocking to the extreme and oddly endearing.

Then she eats.

And it is a spectacle.

In between bites, she lets out her Pokemon one at a time to hand feed them pokebeans or even little portions from her own meals but those are absolutely the only distractions. She does not seem to have to stop to breathe. No, she is breathing in the food itself. It all disappears all too quickly.

Such is the force of nature that is the Champion of Alola.

When she exits the building, one last piece of pizza in tow and Max Revive in hand, it is to the collective sigh of relief from all the others in the Battle Buffet.

Meanwhile...

"Hey, Sagey," she says, after swallowing the last (delicious) mouthful of her Miltank cheese pizza. "Is it just me or were people watching us while we were inside?"

Her starter, the Decidueye Sagittarius, her companion since the very beginning, looks up from his pokebeans and shakes his head.

"Yeah, it's probably just my imagination."

end

Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are always appreciated. Have a nice day!