Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, nor does… you know, DanWarp shouldn't own it either. O.o
Cat's POV:
I wondered around in darkness. I could see nothing but black and I was becoming terrified. I looked around for some kind of light. Anything. But I saw nothing.
"Tori!" I screamed out. It echoed, as if I was in a large room. "Jade!" I screamed out again, and it echoed. I wondered around, looking for a wall to the large room I was in. I found nothing.
"Anybody!" I cried out. It echoed and no answer came back. I sat down and cried. All of a sudden I saw a white light from far away. I looked up and wiped my face. I stood and started walking towards it. It didn't look like it was getting any closer so I ran after it. It stayed far away. I tried to run faster but no matter what, I didn't get any closer.
"Tori! Jade!" I screamed at the light. Nothing happened. No sound came back except for my breathing. Suddenly, the white light turned blood red. I stopped running and backed away slowly. That's when I felt my liquid on my knees. I looked down and saw blood rising up past my knees. I tried to run away from it but every time I moved, it rose even higher.
I was up to my chest in blood. I started to panic. No! This is how it always ends! I thought. I screamed to the top of my lungs.
I sat straight up in my bed, my scream echoing my room. I sat panting for a moment when I heard running outside my room and my brother came in with a baseball bat looking wildly.
"What's going on? Did someone break in? Are you okay?" he asked panting and looking around, swinging the bat slightly. I finally caught my breath before answering.
"Everything's fine, Frankie. Just a dream. You can go back to bed." I whispered to him. He put the bat at his side and looked at me sympathetically at me.
"The same one?" He asked, his voice cracking at the end. He coughed and looked back up at me. I just nodded and looked down. He set his bat next to my dresser and walked over to sit on my bed. He gave me a gently hug and cocked his head just slightly. His brown eyes glinted in the dull light. I looked at the time over his shoulder. 4:14am. I sighed and rubbed my brother's back when he pulled away.
"Thanks, Frankie. You can go back to bed though. I'll be fine." I smiled at him and moved hair behind my ear. He smiled his cute boy smile and nodded. He walked back to his bat and swung it over his shoulder. He looked back at me.
"You sure you can fall back to sleep?" He asked quietly, with one hand on the door handle. I nodded. But I knew I wouldn't be able to. I haven't been able to get a good night sleep in over a week. Every other week, that dream decides to haunt me. Frankie just nodded and left the room. He kept the door slightly opened. I smiled and laid back down. I looked up at my ceiling, the small spiral patterns making different shapes. I sighed and closed my eyes. But I immediately opened them, because I saw the blood red light. I groaned and sat up.
It's been two months since the accident. Two months since my stupid mistake. Two months since me, Tori, and Jade have been together. I still didn't understand why we were together. I didn't deserve anyone after what I did. I laid my hand over my stomach subconsciously, I do that a lot whenever I have these dreams. Tori and Jade notice too because one time Tori asked me.
"Why do you lay your hand... well there, all the time?" I looked down at my hand and shrugged. I knew that it's because I remember all to well the feeling of the cool steel inside me and the thick blood pouring out. I don't think I could ever tell them that, it would hurt them and I've done enough already. I looked over at my clock, 4:30am. I sighed and decided to take a shower, showers are the greatest thing ever. I get to be alone to think about everything I need to, and I get clean. I opened the door quietly walking down the hall and peeking in at Frankie, he lay motionless on his bed. I watched his chest rise and fall for a minute, a small smile tugging on the corners of my lips. I closed the door quietly before sneaking to the other side the hallway and into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stripped quickly, I looked at myself in the mirror. My velvet colored hair cascading over my shoulders and clashing with my pale skin, my eyes traveled over my body appraising it until they fell upon the jagged scar across my stomach. I ran a tentative finger over it, the memory flashing across my eyes. The pain, the blood, the tears, the mistake. I reached a hand up to brush some hair out of my eye and felt a strange wetness on my cheek, I stared up at my reflection to see tears effortlessly flowing down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered to no one in particular. I climbed in the shower not even caring that the water was still scalding hot and that my body was screaming in pain. I couldn't really feel it. I let the tears come out now, let soft sobs escape me as I leaned against the cold shower wall for support. I looked up and sighed.
"I'm so stupid..." I remembered how I hurt Jade, how I hurt Tori, and I felt a new wave of tears trying to push their way out. Then I thought of how we are all together now. I don't really understand what to feel about this. I mean its amazing that I have both of them, because I care about them both so much, but it hurts me every time I think of what brought us all together. I started washing myself as these thoughts crashed through my mind like a multi-car accident, just one after the other hitting and making everything worse. I climbed out and went back to the mirror meeting my own brown eyes briefly before staring at my scar's reflection. I ran my hand over it lightly before laying it there. I could almost feel Tori and Jade's hands over mine, that's what they did for the first couple weeks whenever my hand would rest there. I sighed and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself, before walking back to my room. I tossed the towel on my dresser and flopped on my bed staring at the swirling patterns again and sighing.
"Why did you do it?" I asked myself. I ask myself this a lot but I can never answer myself, It seemed just at the time but now it just seems like the biggest mistake of my life. I laid my arm over my eyes and let out a long breath.
"I wish I could take it all back... I wish I could go back and stop myself from doing it..." My thoughts began to race again but I stopped it on one this time, one I haven't thought of yet. If I could go back and stop myself who would I choose, Jade or Tori? I know I don't have to now, but... Is it even right for me to think like this? I mean I love them both, a lot, but what if? Jade tells me not to think of what if's because I start regretting things, but I already regret what I did does that mean I can think of what if's? I started getting dressed while this thought sat in my mind, no other thoughts crashing against it or pushing it away. It just sat their growing, festering, and brewing into a dark cloud hanging onto my every move and dragging me down. I looked over at the clock after I finished pulling on my shoes, 6:48am. Early enough to go to school, it gets me out of here. I grabbed my bag and found Frankie sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
"Frankie, will you give me a ride to school?" I asked sweetly, the best smile I could muster spread across my lips. He looked up at me and smiled softly, I knew he saw threw my smile but knew that he wouldn't ask because I went to all the trouble.
"Of course I will." He said standing and walking to the door. He grabbed his keys and lead me out to his car, a black convertible camaro. I liked Frankie's car, it looks so fast. I climbed in the passenger seat and bit my lip lightly looking at him. He smiled over at me and cocked an eyebrow.
"What's up?" He asked knowing I had a question to ask.
"Can we put the top down?" I asked innocently. He laughed lightly before pushing the button and the top retracting over the backseat into the back of the car. I smiled happily and put my seat belt on quickly ready to feel the wind in my hair. I bounced with anticipation as he backed out of our driveway. He turned to start driving and he turned to smirk at me.
"Ready?" He asked smugly. I bounced a little more and nodded. He pressed down on the gas pedal and I went into a fit of giggles as the wind whipped my hair around. I love the rush of the wind around me, the feeling of the speeding breeze caressing my cheeks. I just can't get enough of it, that's why I love it when Frankie gives me a ride to school. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back letting the wind take away all my thoughts and just have a moment of calm. A moment away from all my worries, a moment away from my scar, a moment away from the terrible memory, a moment away from Tori and Jade. I sighed as I felt the car pull into the parking lot and slow down. I saw Jade's car here and didn't know what to feel, part of me was excited to see her but the other part still had that thought. I thanked Frankie and gave him a kiss on the cheek before climbing out and walking inside. I walked to my locker, not quiet ready to face Jade yet. I heard the stomping of her boots before I heard her.
"Hey Kitty Cat." She said smoothly. She's always so smooth, like she could say anything to me and it would sound wonderful. I turned and smiled at her pulling her into a tight hug.
"Jadey." I said in my usual high pitched voice. I pulled away and pecked her lips softly. I knew if I didn't Jade would realize something's up. I turned quickly back to my locker and started moving my books around aimlessly. I heard Jade thump her body against the lockers next to mine and when I closed my locker her green eyes pierced into mine.
"What are you thinking about Cat?" She asked. I turned away facing the almost empty hallway.
"Nothing." I said simply. I felt her cold fingers close around my wrist as I tried to walk away.
"Now that is the worst lie you have ever told, you could have said puppies made of cotton candy and I would have believed you, but Nothing? You never think of nothing Cat." I sighed, she's right. And I can't shake that thought, that thought from this morning just won't go away. I turned to face Jade and took in a deep breath before meeting her eyes.
"Jade, if you absolutely had to choose between Tori and I who would you choose?" I saw Jade open her mouth to answer and I shook my head.
"But don't say me just because I'm in front of you." I said quickly. She shook her head and then looked at the ground.
"I couldn't Cat, I never could." She looked up at me and I saw the turmoil in her eyes, the silent battle that my question was causing her. I bit my lip and nodded not wanting to cause anymore war within the poor raven haired girl. I kissed her softly and smiled.
"I still love you Jadey." She smiled softly at me.
"I love you to Cat, but hey I have to go help with stage props so I'll see you in class." She said before kissing my forehead and walking away. I watched her leave and sighed slightly before I felt arms encircling my waist. I felt Tori's chin rest on my shoulder and I instinctively reached my hand up to tangle it in her hair. She kissed my neck softly.
"Morning Cat." She whispered against my neck. I giggled a little before turning in her arms and pecking her lips.
"Morning Tor." She smiled at me like normal and I took in a breath, if I asked one I might as well ask the other.
"Hey Tori," I asked taking a step out of her arms. She looked at me worriedly for a moment before answering.
"Yes?" Her voice was full of worry and fear. I bit my lip lightly.
"If you had to choose between me and Jade, who would you pick? And don't say me just cause I'm here." I said firmly. She let out a breath and stepped towards me, brushing a velvet lock of hair behind my ear.
"You Cat, and no not just because your here." I bit my lip and kissed Tori quickly before walking away.
"See you later Tor." I threw over my shoulder at the bewildered Tori that I just left standing there. Did she just say that for me? Or did she mean it? What if she just didn't want to tell me she likes Jade more? Why did I have to ask? I walked into the girls bathroom and sank against the same wall I did that night. I ran my hand over the wall and ground around me before letting the tears take me. The sobs wracked my body and made it hard to breath as I re-lived that moment again. The cold metal stabbing me, the pain I felt as I cried out, the blood gushing from me with no end, the sweet bliss I felt when I fell unconscious and didn't have to feel anything. Dating Jade and Tori is suppose to be like that, like the sweet bliss of feeling nothing but love, but I just don't get why we are all together. Tori and Jade hate each other, right? What happened? Oh yeah, I played them both then tried to kill myself and they somehow fell for each other by being there for each other. I just don't get it. I slumped against the wall exhausted from all the crying already today. I laid on my side as I felt sleep overtaking me.
I wonder around the darkness...
A/N: So, this is the sequel. :D I want to thank ChaseLehrman. She has been a big help. And she wrote quite a bit of this. We are doing this together. :D Happiness. I love her. She is such a great writer. Check out her stories if you haven't. And review, both mine and her's stories! And story, here. Mhm. Press the button. I dare you.
I bet you won't...
You're too chicken...