Title: She was the Prisoner of Azkaba
Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Harry Potter
Series: Hairy Dog Mother
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Movie/Book, Alternate Universe
Warning: Female Sirius, angst, hurt/comfort, getting back together, /Ootp AU
Summary: Harry was ready to kill this woman that betrayed his parents, but by the end of the night he was ready to run away with her instead.
A/N: A mix of the events in the book and the movie together.
Harry had never felt so much hate. Not even for Voldemort did he feel this red tinged rage burning in his chest.
She was their friend. They trusted her and she betrayed them. She's the reason Harry grew up without a family. She may not have cast the spell that killed them, but in that moment, staring at her in the creaking, groaning gloom of the Shrieking Shack, he held her to blame more than Voldemort himself.
Sirius Black stood before him; skeletal, waxy, matted black hair down past her waist, and dirty tattered prison robes struggling to keep her wasted chest covered. She looked more like a corpse than a woman, and Harry wanted nothing more than to see her dead.
"There will only be one murder here tonight," she rasped, a demented grin tugging at her cracking lips.
Harry forgot magic, didn't feel a twinge of chivalric guilt, and attacked her with fists of rage knocking the two of them to floor. She tried to grab his wrists, to hold him off of her, avoid his flailing hits. Her jagged nails scraped at his skin unintentionally as they fought and struggled and Harry thought they would puncture through his throat when she grabbed it. Then Hermione kicked Black hard and Harry got the upper hand again.
He scrambled and grabbed his wand and then he was standing over the woman responsible for his parents' death his wand pointed directly at her heart.
Black lay crumpled up on the floor, her mouth bleeding, her matted hair spread out around her head, robes torn further exposing her tattooed skin pulled tight over her bones. She looked up at him a manic smile on her lips and tears making tracks through the dirt on her face.
"Are you going to kill me, Harry?" Black croaked, breath rattling in her chest as she panted each word.
"You betrayed my parents! You're the reason they're dead!" His wand hand was shaking, the tip jittering back and forth, but never leaving her chest.
"I won't lie." She looked up at him unafraid and still frantic. "But wait. Just a bit. You have to know why. You'll regret it if you don't."
Harry was trembling all over. He could finally kill his parents' betrayer, but Black was looking up at him with a desperate gleam in her fevered grey eyes. She didn't even seem to notice she was crying, she just stared at him.
He wanted desperately to shout a spell –any spell- and kill her, but something was stopping him. He didn't get a chance to find out what it was because Professor Lupin had appeared and everything seemed to take a turn for the worse.
"Expelliarmus!"
Lupin was suddenly holding Harry, Ron, and Hermione's wands looking at the scene before him an odd almost frightened look on his scarred face.
"Step away, Harry," he commanded.
Retreating to his friends, Harry watched confused and filled with dread as Lupin walked into the room until his shoes almost brushed Black's fraying slippers never taking his eyes off of her bleeding, crumpled form on the floor.
"Where is he, Sirius?" he asked in a murmur. Black just stared up at him, still sprawled on the floor and shakily pointed one of her skeletal, dirty fingers straight at Ron.
Lupin barely flicked a glance at Ron, before his gaze snapped back to Black. "But then-… Why was he hiding?" he asked confused, but calculating. "Why hasn't he shown himself? Why-" He stopped, his eyes widening, a curiously blank expression on his face. "You switched and didn't tell me."
Black just nodded, her eyes never leaving Lupin's, an oddly hopeful look on her face.
Harry watched in betrayed disbelief as Lupin's whole body gave a shiver of abject relief and he gasped out her name.
"Sirius," his breath hitched and he swooped down grasping her upper arms tightly and pulling her up to wrap his arms around her desperately.
Black wrapped her arms around his neck just as desperately as he straightened lifting her almost off her toes.
"I'm sorry, Remus," she rasped just loud enough for Harry to hear over the roaring in his ears. "I'm so sorry. I-"
"Hush, love. You're here now. It's alright." Lupin's face was buried in her grungy shoulder, but Harry could still hear him. He could still see his professor, a man he trusted, embracing the woman who betrayed his parents like a lover.
Black suddenly gave full body shudder and jerked out of Lupin's hold dropping back on her heels. Her boney hands clutched at his shoulders painfully.
"It's him! I found him!" she panted in Lupin's face, wide grey eyes glinting and feverish. "He's here! Let's kill him!" she growled baring her teeth much like the massive black dog she could turn into.
Harry watched the scene before him completely numb, a gaping hole in his stomach and a painful ache in his heart.
"I don't believe it!" Hermione shouted shocking Black and Lupin apart and jarring Harry back to himself.
"You and her are-!" Hermione didn't seem able to finish her sentence and Harry thought he would actually be sick if she had. "I didn't tell anyone! I covered for you! And all this time you've been helping her! He wants to kill you too, Harry!" she yelled, glaring at Lupin like her gaze alone could kill him. "He's a werewolf!"
What came next could possibly be the most confusing, overwhelming half hour of Harry's life. He learned more about his father in that time, from his betrayer and her accomplice, than he had from anyone else in his entire life.
His father had been a great wizard and a loyal friend. He'd risked death and years in Azkaban just to help a feared dark creature that he called a friend. His father was a rule breaker as well; reckless and irresponsible, but Harry couldn't care about that. All he cared about was the fact that he was finally learning about him, learning about the kind of person James Potter was.
Even though Harry listened enraptured by the story Lupin told, he couldn't fail to notice the unwavering hungry stare Sirius Black held on Scabbers. Like the rat could feel the malicious intent in her gaze, it was shivering and squeaking pitifully in Ron's hands.
Then Snape appeared and the situation seemed to get a whole lot more dangerous.
Lupin put himself partially in front of Black while Black had a grip on Lupin's arm trying to pull him back behind her. Snape sneered and jeered triumphantly as he held his wand on Lupin, seeming victorious.
"Two more for Azkaban tonight." Snape looked smugly satisfied at the prospect of sending Lupin and Black to the dementors not even sparing a thought to the possibility that Sirius Black might actually be innocent.
"You fool!" Lupin spat in anger, glare pinned on Snape. Harry had never thought his seemingly mild mannered Professor could look so furious. "Is a schoolyard grudge worth sending an innocent woman back to Azkaban?"
Then Snape proved just what a bastard he was as he spelled cords around Lupin's wrists and ankles, gagging him with one in his mouth.
Lupin toppled to the floor and Black gave a shriek of rage and made to lunge at Snape. She jerked to a stop when Snape's wand was pointed directly between her eyes, barely an inch from her skin.
"Give me a reason, I beg you," he was grinning and Black stayed still, glaring at him murderously. "All I have to do is call the dementors. I hear they're anxious to see you. To give you a little kiss."
Harry was breathing rapidly watching the standoff wide eyed. Snape was actually going to get Black Kissed without even listening to her. He was so beyond reason that he wouldn't even hesitate. Black might or not be innocent, but if the dementors gave her the Kiss, Harry would never know the truth, if his father's best friend had really betrayed him.
What little rage induced color had risen to her cheeks was gone as Black went completely white. Now her body wasn't shaking with anger, it was shaking with fear.
He didn't think. Like always Harry went with his gut.
"Expelliarmus!" he shouted and Snape went flying into the wall hitting it with a jarring bang then falling to the floor unconscious.
"Harry." His attention snapped back to Black who was looking him with confusion and something akin to pride. "You shouldn't have done that. You should have left him to me."
Black bent down and untied Lupin pulling him up by the hands, not letting go of one even when he was standing. Harry swallowed nervously, feeling a little welling of panic rising up at having attacked a teacher. Hermione was certainly voicing her worry wringing her hands whimpering, "We're going to be in so much trouble."
Shoving his panic and worry down, Harry demanded, "Tell me about Peter Petegrew."
"We thought he was our friend," Black said, her eyes once again pinned on Scabbers. "We trusted him. I was too obvious as James and Lily's Secret-Keeper. Everyone knew we loved each other as brother and sister. I came up with a plan to make everyone think I was the Secret-Keeper to draw attention away from the real one. I never even suspected he would betray us until I found his hideout empty and then James and Lily dead."
Harry was reeling, not quite able to believe what he was hearing. "But he chased after you. You blew him up and all those muggles."
Black sneered, her lips curling up in a snarl. "When I caught up to him the dirty coward shouted to the whole street that I betrayed James and Lily then sliced off his own finger. He blasted up the street and disappeared into the sewers as the rat he is."
Scabbers was missing a toe, he'd lived almost a decade beyond what a normal rat should, he's looked sickly and had been trying to run away ever since news of Black's escape had come out. It all fit and it was unbelievable. Harry couldn't believe it until he was looking at a deflated, quivering, unkempt man kneeling before them on the grimy wooden floor.
Peter Petegrew was an even more pitiful man than he was a rat.
"Remus… Sirius… My old friends."
He tried to run, he tried to beg; he tried to lay the blame on Black even though his guilt was clear as day in front of them.
Petegrew tried to latch onto a horrified Harry, but in a flash, Black had shoved the man away from him with a surprising amount of force sending Petegrew sprawling back on the floor.
"How dare you!" she shouted, her voice growling as she stood, barely taller than Harry, in front of him protectively, blocking Petegrew's view and any move he might make toward Harry. "How dare you even mention James's name in front of him!"
Harry felt an odd swoop in his belly as he stared at the back of Black's dirty matted head. No one had ever stood in front of him before. No one had put themselves between him and danger like that before save Ron and Hermione. Harry had never had an adult protect him like this.
Black was demanding they kill the rat, Lupin was urging her to be patient, Petegrew was whimpering and whining on floor and begging Ron to save him because he was a loyal pet. It was confusing and loud until suddenly Black screamed in despair.
"I did my waiting!" She was shaking so hard Harry was sure he could almost hear her bones rattling. "Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!"
Her scream trailed off into stunned silence. Harry could just see the side of her face and it was streaked with tears again. Her waxy skin appearing pale under the dirt as it was washed away in thin wet trails. Harry looked at Lupin and felt another odd swoop. The man's expression was filled with such pain and sadness as he looked at Black.
"I know, Sirius. But wait just a few more minutes," he murmured, his voice calming, consoling her. "And then we can kill him."
Those unforgiving words set Petegrew on another wail for mercy. Then Harry watched Lupin and Black drag the truth out of the pathetic coward like drawing poison from a wound.
It hurt, Harry realized, to discover that the man everyone thought was the hero was actually the one that had caused it all. It hurt to realize that Black, his godmother, his father's sister in all but blood, had wasted away in prison for over a decade because of this pitiful vermin in front of him.
It hurt and Harry was so very angry, but there was one thing he knew for certain. He couldn't let his dad's best friends become murderers for this rat.
"Remus, wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?" Petegrew asked imploringly, trying one last time to manipulate his once friends into turning on each other.
"Not if she thought I was the spy," Lupin returned casually, looked at Black questioningly. "That's why you didn't tell me?"
Black held his gaze her expression sad, but hopeful. "Forgive me, darling?"
"Of course, love," he said easy as breathing, a small smile on his lips. "Will you forgive me for thinking the same?"
"Do you even have to ask?" A full grin stretched over Black's face before she turned back to Petegrew. Her happy expression turned malicious.
"Shall we kill him together?" she asked eagerly.
"Yes, I think so," Lupin replied grimly and they both lifted their wands pointing directly at the betrayer Peter Petegrew's heart.
"Wait!" Harry jumped forward from where he'd been standing stock still even after Black had moved from her protective position in front of him. "I don't think my dad would have wanted you to become killers."
Black sneered and Lupin frowned. "Harry, this vermin as good as killed your parents."
"I know." Harry took a shaky breath, his heart pounding, but still knowing this was the right thing to do. "But if he's dead, you can never be freed." For the first time that night he looked into Black's gleaming eyes with something other than hatred. "If you kill him the truth dies with him."
There in those steel grey eyes Harry saw bitter disappointment, but it was quickly swept away by pride and just a hint of exasperation.
"Alright, Harry," Lupin said for the both of them. "We'll take him to the castle then let the dementors deal with him."
The trip out of the Shack, through the tunnel, and up from beneath the Willow was slow going, but Harry didn't really mind. He couldn't take his eyes off Black as she trailed after them through the tunnel. She was floating an unconscious Snape behind her and accidentally on purpose slamming his head into every dip and craggy drop in the ceiling.
Now that the truth had cleared his mind, Harry studied the woman that had been his dad's best friend.
She still looked skeletal, bones protruding in sharp angles, skin stretched over them unnaturally taught. But now Harry was both a little embarrassed and a lot curious as he studied the black tattoos scrawling across her chest. They went from shoulder to shoulder and down her chest disappearing under her robes. Robes that just barely covered her breasts, almost nonexistent with emaciation though they were, he realized with a blush. The exposed skin wasn't her fault though, Harry thought. He imagined that it would be hard to cover up when your robes were little more than tattered rags.
Black's hair still looked like a knotted, tangled mat dragging down past her waist, but now Harry could see the barest hints of wave in the mess. He could see that under the mud and grime and other unmentionables her hair would be nearly as deep black as his. He imagined it would shine in the light when clean and brushed.
Her face looked like it had once been beautiful. Faire skin, high cheek bones and elegant brow, straight nose, small chin, and a shadow of a generous cupids bow mouth. Harry thought she would have been very beautiful, striking with silver grey eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness, much like her eyes as the big black dog.
Suddenly, Harry realized Black had caught him staring. Her amused expression turned into a mischievous grin and she winked at him.
Flushing hot, Harry snapped his head back around and hurried ahead to relieve Hermione of Ron dragging duty. He was embarrassed, afraid that she thought he was ogling her, but the sound of a rusty, barking laugh echoed toward him, and he relaxed. Black was just teasing him, he realized. It was playful, surprisingly. He couldn't help the grin he wore all the way through the rest of the tunnel.
Outside the tunnel their odd group moved out of whomping range of the Willow. Ron, cuffed to Petegrew who was cuffed to Lupin, was sitting on the ground propped up against another tree with Hermione hovering over him. Snape had been unceremoniously dropped to the dirt a few feet away.
When everyone was settled for a bit of a breather, Harry glanced up and saw that Black had wandered away. She was standing on a small rise staring at the castle, enchanted by its silhouette in the cloudy moonlit sky with its yellow lights glowing through its windows.
A second's hesitation then Harry hurried along after her coming to stand at her side.
Black's expression was one of pained awe; she wasn't crying, but her eyes looked damp. Harry, though, was caught by the small smile on her lips. It was a little bit lovely.
She blinked away from the castle and turned her shining eyes on him. "You know, Harry, since I'm going to be freed, I thought maybe you'd want to come live with me."
"What?" Harry's heart sped up and he had trouble reigning in his hope.
"Yes," Black's gaze skittered away, unsure, nervous. "James made me your godmother, you know, and I was supposed to take care of you. I thought, perhaps, you might-"
"Yes!" Harry burst out, unable to hold it in. "Of course! When can I come? Do you have a house? I won't ever have to go back to the Dursleys?"
Sirius's face lit up with a true smile. Her eyes bright, ghosts of dimples in her cheeks, and her lips curved with forgotten elegance. "As soon as possible!" she answered. "Not yet, but I'll get one," she assured. "And good lord, no! I always thought Petunia was a bitch anyway." Her smile had turned into a mischievous grin and her bark like laughter echoed in the night. Harry couldn't stop grinning either.
"Cool! Can we-"
Whatever question Harry was about to ask was cut off by a roar and a scream. Whirling around Harry and Sirius watched in horror as Lupin started stretching and contorting and ripping through his clothes as he began breaking bones and tearing flesh.
Sirius took off like a shot heading straight toward Lupin shouting, "Run! Harry, run!"
Harry turned the wrong way and ran right after her. "Sirius!" He watched her skid to a stop in front of a still transforming Lupin blocking him from Ron and Hermione.
"Remus!" She had her arms spread wide covering as much space between the children and the werewolf as she could. "Remus, fight it!" The werewolf that was Lupin, agonized mid transformation, took a step toward them and Sirius lunged forward, hitting him full on in the chest.
Harry slid the last few steps to his friends clutching at a wide-eyed, terrified Ron and Hermione, his attention never leaving his godmother and Lupin struggling in front of them. At first he thought she was trying to shove him away, but then, to his mounting fear, he realized that her arms were locked around Lupin struggling to pin his arms to his side. He was still roaring and transforming against her.
"Remember the man you truly are!" Sirius shouted, digging her feet in the grass for leverage. "This heart, Remus!" She unwrapped one arm from around him to pound her hand hard against his chest over where his heart beat fast and uneven. "This heart is where you truly live! This heart! Right here! Flesh is only flesh! Remus! Remus, please! Remember-"
With a great roar, Lupin smacked Sirius away from him, sending her flying like she was nothing more than a pebble.
Harry didn't get a chance to be worried for her, because Petegrew had taken the opportunity to snatch up Lupin's wand. A bang and the magical cuffs were gone. Another bang and Ron was sprawled on the ground unmoving after he'd tried to grab onto Petegrew to keep him from escaping.
Harry tried to stop him. He tried, but even disarmed Petegrew just became a rat like he did before and disappeared into the forest.
He would have chased after him. Harry would have hunted him through the forest, mortal peril in its shadows or not, to capture him again so that Sirius might be freed. But suddenly his way was blocked by a massive, lean, furry werewolf standing on two legs raising one of its arms high to slash at Harry in hungry rage.
Ferocious barking and a streak of midnight black lunged through the air. Then Sirius had Lupin's throat in her jaws using momentum and her not inconsiderable canine weight to drag him back from Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
The fight was brutal and bloody. Harry was torn between watching fearing for Sirius and checking on Ron still splayed unconscious on the grass. He couldn't help Sirius then, but he thought he might help Ron.
"What did he do to him?" Harry demanded, looking at his unnaturally friend.
"I don't know!" Hermione shouted over the sounds of the fight happening too close to them. "I don't know what to do!"
There was a pained yelp and a dull thud that sent a spike of panic through Harry. He looked back to the fight to see Lupin disappearing into the forest and Sirius, bloody with three long gashes down her side, struggling to stand then following after him.
"Go to the castle and get a teacher!" Harry ordered already moving to follow them into the forest. "Get Ron to the infirmary."
"Harry! Wait, Harry!"
He didn't. He just disappeared in the trees and followed the sounds of two massive predators fighting each other. With every step, every jump over tree roots, every shove through the undergrowth Harry could feel cold fear creeping into this chest. Still he pushed on, following the trail of broken branches and clawed tree trunks, pushing down his despair as the possibility of finally having a family was slipping through his fingers. He pushed down the fear he had for Sirius, for himself, for Ron and Hermione. He could hear screaming. Terrified screaming. Why was he-
How stupid! He cursed himself even as he followed Sirius's lean furry form slipping down a slope, Lupin running off deeper into the forest. He should have realized, he thought despairing, his breath ghosting out of him in a cloud. Sliding down the slope he saw Sirius, human and bleeding, collapsed at the shore of a small lake. He should have noticed the signs of dementors.
Falling to his knees, Harry drew his wand at the same time he clutched at Sirius's still form laid out on the gravel. She was mumbling under her breath, a trickle of blood dripping from gash at her hair line. She was sobbing and pleading half conscious.
"Please… No, no, no… Stop, please…I'm sorry… please…"
A mass of floating demonic black cloaked forms were circling around them, hungry and eager. Harry could hear his mother's voice a before whisper but growing louder in the back of mind.
He thought as hard as he could. Sirius, his godmother, wants him. He's going to live with her. He's finally going to have a family. She actually wants him.
"Expecto Patronum!" he yelled over and over again aiming at the dementors, but only silver mist shot impotently from his wand. His mother was screaming so loud now. He felt himself falling forward collapsing against Sirius's chest, feeling her breath and soul getting sucked out of her.
But suddenly just before Harry's mind shut down and his eyes closed, he saw his dad across the lake looking on at his son and his sister. Then a blinding bright stag was bulldozing through the dementors with a wave of heat and light.
Under his ear, Sirius took a deep gasping breath, and Harry let himself feel hope as his vision went dark.
Through the time travel and the bloody noninterference and conjuring the guardian spirit of his father, Harry couldn't stop thinking about Sirius. How she was going to keep him. Take him away from the Dursleys. Wanted him even though no one else did.
How he was finally going to have a family again.
How he wasn't getting that family anytime soon.
"You beautiful boy!" Sirius laughed in a bark as she slipped through the window and jumped onto Buckbeak's back. "You bloody brilliant boy!"
Sirius's gleeful whoops and thrilled shouts as they flew around to the tower put a grin on Harry's face so wide his cheeks ached.
They landed smoothly on the stone courtyard of the tower and all three of them dismounted for a breather and a goodbye.
Sirius pulled Harry off to the side, her hands, now clean along with her face –Madame Pomfrey must have gotten to her-, and grasped his shoulders tightly. Her hold comforting, grounding as Harry thought he might float away with bittersweet happiness.
"You, Harry, are magnificent and I cannot think of how to thank you for this." Her silver grey eyes alight with relief and gratitude gazed into his.
He didn't need thanks. He needed his family. "Take me with you," Harry said, reflexively reaching up to grab onto her dirty tattered robes.
"Would that I could, love," she replied regretfully. "But the life of an escaped criminal is dangerous and unpredictable."
Harry looked away, biting his lip, trying not to let his disappointment show too much.
"Harry," Sirius cradled his face in her hands and pulled his gaze back to her, "even though we may not be able to be together, that doesn't mean we're alone." She smiled at him, soft and tender. Harry's throat felt tight and the back of his eyes started to sting.
"Remember, sweet boy, the ones that love us never really leave us." Harry blinked and felt the gentle sweep of her thumb along his cheek wiping away a tear. "You can always find them right here." She pressed a hand firmly against his chest, right over his heart, "Remember that while we're apart."
Harry gave a jerky nod. She pulled him against her hard and wrapped her arms around him. He squeezed her back, painfully tight, melting into the embrace. He could feel her bones, sharp and pronounced, smell the grim and sweat on her, but he didn't care. His godmother was pressing him against her steady and fierce, holding on as desperately as he was. Harry was going to live in this moment for as long as he could.
Finally, Sirius pulled back, reluctant and shaky. She cradled his face in her palms once more holding him and he felt her chapped, thinned lips press a kiss to his forehead. It was the first gesture of maternal affection he could ever remember having. Harry's eyes had fluttered close at the first whisper of touch, but they opened reluctantly when the contact was too quickly gone.
Sirius mounted Buckbeak like she'd been riding hippogriffs her entire life. Natural and graceful, and Harry felt a little pride at that.
Grabbing the reigns and steadying the beast, Sirius looked back at Harry, eyes shining and smile true. "I'll write you, Harry. You better write me back!"
"I will!" Harry grinned.
"Goodbye, love. We'll see each other soon." Sirius promised then spurred Buckbeak into a gallop. There was a great gust of wind when the hippogriff's wings beat and lifted them into the air.
Harry watched his godmother, now the closest thing he had to a parent, disappear into the night sky. He doesn't think he's ever felt happier.
End.