A/N: my friends refused to read this because 'they don't read angst'. Therefore, this is unread by anyone except me. I have another lily/severus fic in the making and I will post it soon.
I hope you enjoy it and can help me come up with a good title.
Currently Untitled Lily/Severus Angst
I had never mourned for someone, or something, for that matter, as I mourned for her. Although my life had not been the happiest, or the most successful in the world, I had never mourned for anything lost before her. Except, of course, for Scrappy.
When my dog, Scrappy died, it was three days before my sixth birthday. I felt as if all the light had gone out of my life. I cried for a long time. Then, my father came home. As per usual, he was drunk. Seeing the tearstains on my cheeks, he flew into a rage. I still remember the sound of his leather belt slipping through his belt loops; god knows I heard the sound enough times during my childhood. The welts I received on my back, however, have faded into unimportance. I vowed that I would never become attached; I would never mourn again. It was a waste of time and it only brought pain.
Yet, here I was again, sitting in the last row of seats, the sun beating down on my disillusioned body. And I was mourning.
I watched her, the vision in white, her hair flaming in the sun, walk down the aisle that had been created between the two halves of the block of chairs. She was, and will always be, my only love.
It was bright outside, and balmy. If one wished to do so, it would be easy to forget all the evil things that exist in the world. Easy to forget that an evil being as growing in strength, that it wished to capsize everything that these people had built their livelihoods on.
It was her wedding, their wedding, but for us, it was a funeral. Today was the culmination of their love and the burial of ours. I am not willing to be noble. I will never be the dark knight on the white steed. So no, I am not happy as long as she is. I am very unhappy. But, I have come to terms with that.
As she stood there, at the altar, it all became too much. The look in her eyes as she gazed at him, it was the look that I had always wanted to see in her eyes. I did not want it to be directed at him, however. I wanted to see it directed at me.
I stood up and wandered off towards the lake. Stupid Gryffindors, they would have their wedding on the Hogwarts grounds. I sat on a large boulder that marred the sandy shore
There I stayed, tossing pebbles, until I heard clapping and cheering from up the hill. From my spot on the hill, it was impossible to see anything, but I assumed that Lily Evans, my Lily Evans, was no longer. She was lily potter, Mrs. James potter and she was his.
We were over. Now, it was them. Was there ever a "we"? She was the innocent who had saved me. Or tried to, any way. A bitter sneer twisted my mouth as I disapparated. I vowed that my mourning was over. Lily Evans was no longer. I promised myself that I would forget. Forget about the redhead that stole my heart, and the man who had stolen hers.
It was no easy task to forget, but I tried. And, needless to say, it got a lot harder twelve years later when I spied a little mop of black hair standing before the teacher's table. Even harder when little Harry potter was sorted into Gryffindor.