Disclaimer: I do NOT own CSI, but I wish I did.

Piccolina789 will, hopefully, appreciate this. She'll know why.

This popped into my head on Sunday night but I haven't had the time to write it out until now. In my head it was so good, but it hasn't turned out the way I hoped.

Enjoy!

Building A Family

I can't remember how I made it here but I now find myself wandering aimlessly around the mall, my head in the clouds and a dorky smile across my face. The last hour or so has been a bit of a blur to me.

Sara left for work early but arrived back home within an hour. I was sitting on the sofa with a mug of coffee in one hand and a crossword puzzle and pen in the other. I was stuck on one question, about some actor who played Captain Jack Sparrow, when the front door opened and Sara walked in. Straight away I knew something was wrong. One look at her told me that she was scared and shocked, but I could also see a spark of something else within her. I quickly set my coffee and crossword down on the table and made my way over to the front door where Sara was still standing and lead her over to where I had been sitting. She didn't speak at first, and I didn't want to push her.

Then, after a few minutes of painful silence, she blurted it out. She spoke quickly, almost incoherently, as if the faster she spoke the easier it would be.

She was wrong.

The next five words she spoke struck me with lightening force.

"Gil, I'm fourteen weeks pregnant."

I opened my mouth to speak but no sound would come out. Never in my life had I ever been stunned into complete silence. Never had words failed me so badly.

She could see me struggling to comprehend what she'd just told me so she carefully continued. "I've just been to the doctors. I haven't been feeling myself for a few weeks. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. He said that... that I'm pregnant."

For a long moment she just watched me, her eyes pleading with me to say something, anything. And I knew exactly what I wanted to say to her, but the words just wouldn't come out. I could feel my mouth moving but there was no sound to be heard.

I couldn't form the words which I desperately needed to speak.

I could see the hurt look spread across Sara's face, and if possible her face paled even more. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked down at the coffee table.

For a few minutes I watched her struggle with her emotions, feeling helpless as words still continued to fail me. I knew how scared she must've been; I could see it in her eyes. I knew that the thought of her being a mother terrified her right through to her core, but still I said nothing.

"For goodness sake, Gil." she shouted, standing up and startling me. "The only time I've ever needed you to speak, to comfort me, to say something; anything... " she shook her head and moved quickly over towards the door.

"Sara." I finally managed to choke out, my throat as dry as the Sahara Desert.

"Forget it." she cried. "By the way, the answer to your stupid crossword is Jonny Depp."

For a split second I was confused, then I blinked and she was gone. The slam of the door seemed to pull me back to life. I sprang to my feet and made it outside just in time to see Sara's car pull out of the drive way. I ran back into the house and grabbed my keys. With every intention of driving to the lab and apologising to her I pulled my car from the garage and drove off. But somehow I've ended up at the mall looking around toy shops and baby clothes.

I can't believe how I acted towards Sara. I mean she's left me speechless before, in many wonderful ways, but todays news was something I've wanted to hear her say for so long that I can't quite explain what happened. At one of the most crucial points in my life I froze like deer caught up in a cars headlights, making Sara feel like having a child with her is not what I want. But in all honesty, I want this child more than anything in the world.

"I'm going to be a father. We're finally going to be a proper family." I smile to myself.

The mall seems to be full of children this afternoon. There are prams and pushchairs being wheeled in all directions, toddlers running off ahead of their parents and the parents scurrying along with bags trying to catch them.

I find myself slowly walking around a shop dedicated to baby clothes. Romper suits in every colour ranging from pink for girls and blue for boys, tiny little booties made for newborns, purple dresses decorated with flowers, with matching tights, dark blue dungarees with dinosaurs on them, baby size baseball shirts, sparkling white Christening gowns, everything you would ever need to dress a baby in. I smile when I see a heavily expecting mother holding a pale yellow romper suit up against her bump whilst, I'm guessing, her husband looks on adoringly. And I can't help thinking that this will be me and Sara soon.

As I continue walking through the mall more and more shops seem dedicated to children, maybe it's my imagination, or maybe I've just never noticed before. I've never really had a reason to have a look in children's shops. Toy shops piled high with playmats, talking books, colouring books, dolls, action figures, tea sets; everything. There are even swing sets, ball pools, climbing frames and trampolines stocked in one of the shops I walked in.

Eventually, after walking around for another half an hour, I decide that enough is enough. I need to see Sara, to apologise to her, so I head back towards the car park. I'm just walking past a coffee stand when I hear a scream. Looking around my eyes land on a man about my age with a little girl in his arms. He's holding a cuddly toy up to her, making her squeal with delight. Then he puts the toy down and picks up another, making her squeal and giggle again. Barely conscious of what I'm doing, I walk into the brightly decorated shop. I allow my eyes to travel around, it's full of shelves, boxes and barrels full of cuddly toys, and clothes to dress them up in. I can't believe my eyes, I've never knew a shop like this existed. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of deflated animals in all colours imaginable. Against the wall at the back of the shop is a machine filled with, what looks like, fluff.

Ahh...I get it. You pick the toy you want and make it as soft or as firm as you'd like.

I look over at the emblem on wall behind the counter; Build-A-Bear Workshop, Where Best Friends Are Made.

I can't help smiling as I wander over to a barrel filled with cuddly brown, long eared rabbits and pick one out. Moving down a few paces I pick out a golden brown bear with white ears and white velvety pads on its paws.

"Excuse me, Sir, can I help you?" asks a smiling you woman, pulling me from my daze.

I drop the bear back into the barrel and turn around, startled. "Oh, I... I'm just looking around."

"Okay," she smiles. "If you need anything let me know."

"Actually," I stop her. "I would like this bear, what do I do now?" I ask, picking up the golden brown, unstuffed bear again. I feel my face flush beetroot red. "I've never been in here before. I never even knew it existed."

I see her smile again.

"If you'd like to follow me I'll walk you through it."

I nod my head and follow her past stand after stand of furry animals, to the huge machine which is full of stuffing.

"How would you like the bear filled?" asks the young woman, whose name tag reads Jo.

"I'm sorry?" I ask.

"Would you like the bear hard and firm or soft and cuddly, or somewhere in between?"

"Ahh right, urm... soft please."

"Soft it is." says Jo as she takes a seat by the machine.

"Would you like the bear to have a voice? Or you can make your own..." she points towards the stand next to her where small voice boxes, with various sounds and phrases, are packed in small drawers. I reach out and press a demo button. "I love you." comes an annoying sound.

Although I am tempted to add the 'I love you' voice, I shake my head.

"Okay. Now, if you pick a heart out of the basket." she gestures towards a basket full of small red satin hearts which is tied to the rail along the front of the machine.

I pick out a heart and hand it to her.

"No," she smiles. "Now you make a wish, kiss the heart and you need to place it inside the bear."

"Do I have to?" I mutter, wishing that the ground would swallow me up. I can't even begin to imagine what I must look like. A grown man, alone in a kids shop, kissing a heart and shoving it inside a teddy bear.

"No, I suppose not. I just nice for the kids to do. They get to make a wish for anything they want." she says, her vice soft, and somehow encouraging.

I open my mouth to reply but instead I find myself lifting the small heart to my lips. I close my eyes and make a heartfelt wish.

I wish that my child will be born healthy and will live a long, healthy and happy life.

I open my eyes to find Jo holding open the back of the bear. I pop in the heart, then Jo places the bear over a tube and presses down on the foot pedal by her right foot. After a short moment she removes the bear and holds it out to me.

"Is this okay or would you like some more stuffing in?"

I take hold of the bear, whilst Jo keeps hold of the back so that the fluff doesn't spill out. Prodding and poking the bear I decide that it's perfect. I can vaguely remember owning a bear similar to this this when I was very young. I used to love that bear, until one day, I was at the zoo with my mom and I lost it. I think I cried for days. My mom offered to buy me a new bear but I didn't want a new one, I wanted the one I'd had since I was a baby. I don't think I ever had a cuddly toy since that day.

"It's perfect." I tell her.

"Great. Now, I'll stitch it up."

She takes the bear from me and starts to stitch up the hole in the back, humming along with a song which is playing through the speakers above her.

Eventually she hands the bear back to me and stands up.

"Would you like an outfit for it?"

I shake my head as we walk past a rack of clothes. I'm just about to reply 'No thanks' when a small white t-shirt catches my eye. It's covered in tiny, glow in the dark, butterflies, spiders and beetles, in all colours. Quickly I reach out for it and hand it to Jo, looking sheepish.

"Now we need to name the bear and create a birth certificate."

I roll my eyes but smile, and I'm surprised that I'm actually enjoying the experience of building a teddy bear.

"What would you like to call it?" asks Jo, as she takes a seat at a computer and busies herself dressing the bear in the t-shirt I handed her.

"Urm... I have no idea." I admit.

"Okay..." says Jo, slowly. "Is it a girl or a boy?"

"I...I don't know." I look down at the floor, humiliated again. "I'm sorry, I'm no good with this kind of thing." I mumble.

"No worries. How about something simple like Fluffy or Scruffy or Sammy?"

Scruffy. I like Scruffy. I'm sure that's what my bear was called.

"Scruffy." I say, quickly. "He sort of looks like a Scruffy."

"Scruffy it is." says Jo, and she begins typing away.

"Okay, last question." says Jo, her eyes smiling curiously. "Who will the bear belong to?"

Unable to hide my smile, my heart swells as I reply, "Baby Grissom."

Eventually, I'm pulling down my street and surprised to see Sara's car in the driveway. I decided against stopping by the lab, I thought I'd surprise her with breakfast in the morning and apologise properly.

Pulling to a stop in front of Sara's car, I pick up the blue and white box, which looks remarkable like an animal carrier, and step from my car and head up the drive way. Inside, the house looks like it did when I left it, apart from Sara's shoes and bag are on the floor by the coffee table in the living room.

I find Sara in the bedroom, asleep. I walk round to her side of the bed and my heart breaks a little. Her eyes are red and puffed up and there's a wet patch under her cheek; she must've cried herself to sleep, thanks to my earlier behaviour. I kneel down beside her and brush a loose strand of hair from her face.

"Honey," I whisper. "I am so sorry."

I lightly kiss her head, stand up and move back around to my side of bed. Kicking off my shoes I lay down and manoeuvre Sara backwards into my arms. Gently I place my left arm over her hip and rest my hand over her stomach so that when she wakes up she'll know I'm there, she'll know I'm sorry, and she'll know that I want this baby.

I lay awake and think about what's happened within the last few hours. Just as I'm reliving my humiliation in Build-A-Bear I feel Sara stir. She turns her head a little, slips her fingers through mine and hold on tightly.

"I was so scared to tell you. And then when you didn't say anything... I thought you didn't want this baby. I thought I'd have to..."

"Sshh..." I soothe. "Sara, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I tried to speak; to tell you how thrilled I was, but I was speechless. I'm thrilled that you're pregnant. We're going to be a family. I want this baby, Sara, more than anything in the world." I tell her.

"Really?" she asks, a hint of surprise in her voice. "Gil, if you're unsure tell me, we can talk about it. I'm really scared about this. I can't have you freaking out on me."

"I promise, Sara."

She rolls over to face me, an although her eyes are puffy they're sparkling.

"I love you." I whisper. "And our baby."

"I love you, too."

We fall into a comfortable silence as we watch eachother, searching for doubt in eachothers eyes.

"Why are you home?" I ask, realizing that she should be at work right now.

She shrugs her shoulders and shuffles a little closer to me.

"Catherine took one look at me and sent me home. I didn't argue..."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, the doctor told me to keep off coffee and drink plenty of water. I have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow, can you come?"

"I'll be there." I assure her. "I have a present for you, sort of." I say, and reach over the side of the bed and pick up the box with the bear in.

Sara sits up and I hand her the box. Opening it, she gasps and then giggles softly.

"I can't believe you actually went into Build-A-Bear. I wish I'd seen that."

"Sara, it was awful. I was so embarrassed." I say, and she laughs harder. "It's not funny. I must've looked like a right fool in that shop. I had no idea what I was doing."

"You were building our family." she says softly. "Now there's four us, and in a few months there will be five."

"Five?" I choke out.

She giggles again as she reads the birth certificate.

"You, Me, Hank, Scruffy... and Baby Grissom."

We fall into eachothers gaze. For minutes we just stare into eachothers eyes. Then, finally, our lips meet in a soft but passionate kiss. I can feel her fingers playing lightly over my bearded cheeks, her body pressing achingly against mine.

Then the night is lost...

The end