Chapter 1

(Katniss' POV)

The bag over my head is ripped off and I'm assaulted by the harsh light directed right at my face. I try to cover my eye, but my limbs are strapped to the metal chair I occupy in the middle of the room. I'm covered by a very thin hospital gown. Because of the lack of clothing, the chill of the room washes over my body leaving me to shiver uncontrollably against the icy metal chair. I ignore the sound of voices and the people on screen in front of me what do they matter? I know who none of them are, and my head hurts too much to try and focus in on them. I feel clammy hands wrap around my shoulders and can't help but wince. Why do my shoulders hurt? My eyes drift to my biceps and I can see dark bruises running their way up towards my solder and out of my field of vision. Snippets of memory come back to me. Being restrained by men on both sides as they electrocute me, being thrown around and beaten. I can barely stay awake for my torture sessions anymore I usually try and antagonize them enough to hit me hard enough to knock me out.

There is a flash of blue on the scream, and a scream that makes my body shudder. I attempt to focus in on the screen and see a man with blond hair, and blue eyes being dragged out of site he keeps repeating "Katniss Katniss!," then before he's out of the shot he screams "I'm going to kill you, Snow," I furrow my brow in concentration

"Who was that?" I say aloud and all the faces go grim on the screen. I feel ashamed of myself for not knowing the answer and bow my head and stare at the floor.

"Katniss?" I don't look up because I assume they are talking to someone else, but then he keeps saying it so I look up and around for the person he is trying to talk to. "I'm talking to you sweetheart," I look at the screen at the disheveled sickly green looking man. His dark hair falling in front of his dark great eyes. I notice his eyes look watery as he examines me through the screen between us. "do you know who I am?"I glance sideways at the guard standing a foot from me. If I speak he'll probably hit me. The person behind me must notice my hesitation and grips my shoulder again.

"Speak. you will not be punished if you answer correctly" 'Correctly?' I look at the man on the screen more closely, but even though he looks familiar I can't place him. He isn't anyone I've ever met. In the back of my mind, a memory does surface though. A flash of a younger version of this man on tv, and even though I have no relation to the man I know he's...

"Haymitch Abernathy?" then there is a yell of frustration, and a blinding force colliding with my head, then there is only blackness as I fade into a dream.

"Katniss?"

"I'm fine I just fell down the stairs," I sit on the last step of the landing and rub my back. Peeta walks in with a towel over his shoulder. He try's to mask his worried expression. He comes and sit next to me and begins to rub my lower back. I try to find the words to say, but they seem impossibly lost in my jumbled head of nerves.

"You are the most coordinated person I know...how did you fall down the stairs?" he moves in a little closer

I feel my face blushing, and push myself off the stairs and stand before him "You make me nervous" I say exasperatedly. Peeta rises and steps close to me wrapping his arms around my waist instinctively I feed my figures through his hair.

"Katniss everyone's nervous on their first date...just because we're doing everything backward doesn't make us the exception. Then he leans forward and pecks me on the lips.

I wake with my head pressed against the floor of a clean white cell. I touch my hands to my temple and tears come before I can stop them. My body quakes as the emotion spills out through my eyes. They're getting me to forget Peeta. I wrap my arms around my body and continue to sob until there is nothing left.

His face on the screen. All red and blotchy with anger and sadness keeps harassing me. Those blue eyes red with tears. This has to stop I can't keep hurting him. The longer I'm here the more pain he feels. I roll onto my back "President Snow?" I call out to the room around me "President Snow I'd like a word…please," he has to be listening. If he's not someone else is and they will fetch him.

"Well since you asked so nicely," his voice rings out around the cell a minute later. It drips with contempt. He must love watching the Mockingjay fall apart at his hand. It makes me want to gag.

"kill me,"

"Oh my dear, -"

"Please," I interrupt my voice cracking. I want to stay strong but I know begging is the only way that I will win him over "Please. I'm no good to the rebels or to you. Just finish it. Please" I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath.

"Ms. Everdeen" the sound of my maiden name sends anger coursing through me.

"Mallark," I interject spitting the words at him.

"What you are requesting would just be too easy" His voice is sing-song because I know he finds happiness in hearing me beg.
"You do not deserve the satisfaction and relief that death will bring you" He pauses and I can imagine his puffy mouth curving up into a smile. "And besides we have so much left to do together," My body involuntarily quakes. My bare arms and legs feel so vulnerable and exposed against the icy tile of my cell. I curl up trying to hide my vulnerability. Then the solution comes to me and my eyes spring open.

"They're going to try and come for me," I whisper, but I know he can hear me very clearly "You're a clever, man who doesn't have time to keep fighting off rebels trying to save a worthless mess like me... So fake it….Fake my death they're all fighting harder to save me, but if there is nothing to save there is little to fight for. Take me out of their equation," there is silence. Though I wish for death he will not give me the satisfaction, so maybe this will be the next best thing knowing nobody is wasting their time or their lives coming after me.

"They will make you a martyr" but before he can finish his statement I counter

"They already have. My death will be mourned but you and I both know that they'd morn...Peeta with more energy than me now. He has become the symbol they intended for me to be. I'm no longer their...Mockingjay" I feel the prickle of tears behind my eye. I do not feel sorrow for losing the title I never accepted. The surge of sadness comes from the fact that I am allowing them to give up and let me go.

"My my, my dear you never ceases to surprise me… We have a deal" then there is a click and he is gone and I am left to convulse on my cell floor. Knowing that I have just signed away any chance of me being reunited with My family, Gale, or Peeta. I know I will be driven to madness and will most definitely never see the light of day again. I will wither away in here and no one will know, but its better that way. My family will no longer suffer, and neither will Peeta. They will mourn me, but in the end, they will move on.

I begin to imagine their faces one by one smiling and happy. Memories of holidays spent with my family, hunting with Gale, and nights with Peeta surface. I let myself relax into them. I know they will win this war...Peeta will win this war and make sure that Prim and my mother remain safe and live long happy lives. That is what this sacrifice means. They will all be safe in the end and that's all that matters to me.

(Peetas POV)

We sit around the tables in the dining hall in district Thirteen, The Everdeen's, Fin, Annie, Joe, and Gale. The conversations surrounding our table are only a buzz that barely penetrates our silence. I twist and turn my fork in the mush that was my peaches I keep seeing her stare at me blankly unknowing, and unresponsive. Its been a month since the Quarter Quell rescue mission. It's been a month since Twelve was destroyed and I still feel the agony of losing Katniss, my family, and my district. We have been to countless districts filming propos and trying to increase morale. I continue to demand for Katniss to be rescued but everyone keeps telling me we can risk sending any soldiers or weapons into the capital. "Thirteen is already has limited resources and we must save as much as we can and one girl isn't worth the risk. The first time Coin said this to me I almost leaped across the table and strangled her. Haymitch had to hold me back. After he dragged me out of command he told me "He can't Killer her Peeta. Shes too important. He's going to use Katniss against you." He wants you to make mistakes boy and you cant give him the satisfaction" He tried to put a consoling hand on me but I shifted my shoulder out of his reach "We're gonna get her back. I promise". His promise earned him a punch to the jaw. I never expressed my hatred towards Haymitch for leaving Katniss behind in the arena until that moment. After he went back on his promised to ensure Katniss' safety over mine he lost the right to promise me anything.

Through the month that has transpired, I have made amends with Haymitch but my mood has not improved especially after the negotiation call yesterday evening. Coin finally caved in contacting the Capital to negotiate a trade for Katniss but it was anything but a success. Now I am left with her vacant stare and her scream as she was rendered unconscious.

Prim tried to ask me about it but I have been avoiding her. Even now she eyes me from down the table and I pretend not to notice. I just want to finish eating go back to my quarters and be left alone. "Boy," I jump when Haymitch sits next to me. I look to him, but he's looking at the screen in the middle of the room. Projected on it is the Capital symbol it disappears to reveal the snake himself. Snow stand in a fresh black suit with a white rose in the pocket looking so happy that the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. This can't mean anything good.

"People of Panam. Good evening. Tonight is the night this madness brought to this country two years ago stops," the camera pulls away from him to bring the rest of the room into focus. "Today is the day…That your Mockingjay…Katniss Everdeen…Dies," the camera finally shows Katniss strapped to a metal chair. Bile rise to the back of my throat she is dressed in the blue dress she was reaped in two years ago and her hair is in the same intricate braIt's Its sick how younge and innocent she looks. Besides her outfit and being skinnier than normal she isn't the beaten and battered girl I saw yesterday.

"They gave her a body polish," Finnick says under his breath. Of course, Snow couldn't show how he's been treating her. Katniss stares into the Camera looking completely aware of what's happening. She doesn't have that vacant look. she knows whats where she is and knows whats coming. Even across the country and through the screen I can see her stormy grey eyes ignited in defiance.

"You may say your goodbyes Mockingjay," The camera moves in on Katniss.

"I'm so sorry. I am sorry to all the districts, to the remaining residence of Twelve, to my family, and friends, and lastly to Peeta," I can see her fighting the tears that have caused her eyes to glass over. I stand and walk till I'm standing before the screen. She has no idea that I am right in front of her. She is all alone and has no one to comfort her. This can't be happening. "I love you so much. We've never been able to enjoy the little time we had together, and I wish I could apologize for loving you, and dragging you down with me, but I can't you've helped me to stay strong, and now I'm going to ask the same of you. Be strong, stay safe, and keep our family safe. I love-" she freezes her eyes widen and her mouth opens in a silent scream.

"They're electrocuting her," Prim screams behind me. The current washes over her body and I watch as her body convulses against the table sparks of electricity, are visibly shooting into her body. My legs give out from underneath me, as her eyes close, and her body releases all the remaining tension. The current slowly subsides and medics enter. She lays so still as they rush around her and after hooking up a monitor with a solid blue line running across it they pronounce her dead. Before the screen cuts to the capital seal you see the President smiling down at Katniss' lifeless body and the sound of a cannon goes off signifying a tribute has died.

"No," I am barely aware that I'm even talking "She can't be…no…no…Katniss," I hear sobbing behind me and I turn my head to see Mrs. Everdeen and Prim holding each other. Finnicks holding a tearful Annie, and Joanna's shaking Gale who's expression must mirror my disbelief, mixed with the undeniable feeling of emptiness. I scan the rest of the room everyone's staring at us as if we're supposed to tell them what to do next. How can I tell them what to do when I don't even know what to do with myself. "Haymitch?" I call to him my voice sounds a million miles away he's standing behind me. Slowly he walks forward till he's beside me "she's not..." I plead for an answer. Haymitch stares at the floor, and doesn't answer tears a clearly visible leaking from his eyes and sliding down his cheeks "She not dead," I scream at him. I feel my body shaking I reach out and grab his arm and shake it violently"Tell me," my voice cracks "Tell me she didn't just die," I yell begging him to answer me. He looks at me his eyes red.

"I can't," the emotion that washes over me can not only be described as sadness it is a mutant form of sadness mixed with rage, desperation, and some animalistic feeling that detaches a person from their own body. All I feel besides this is the shaking that will not stop assaulting my body. Nothing is left but the pain and the shaking until an unmistakable needle prick's my neck pushes me over into the deep, dark abyss of a nightmare that I will never wake up from.

Hours later I wake up feeling exhausted my body is covered in sweat, my throat burns, and my eyes sting. The stiff mattress and scratchy blanket are clear signs they brought me to the hospital. I open my eyes and see a very welcoming glass of water. I sit up and gulp the entire thing down, the burning in my throat has subsided slightly. I continue to rotate the glass in my hand taking in its sleek shape. When the curtain surrounding my bed is pulled back I don't need to look up to know its Haymitch. He sits beside me "Do you remember when she pushed me down after my interview for the first games, and I cut my hand open on that vase?"

"Yeah boy, I do. Thought she was going to beat the living shit outta you,"

"So did I," I set the glass down. At the moment I'd rather be getting the shit beat out of me it would be easier to handle. Everything feels unreal. My body and mind are numb. Why do I not feel the need to cry or yell? I just feel empty like all the emotion and feelings I once had have left me and now I am hollow. It feels like an hour passes before Haymitch speaks again

"You know you two are like family to me, and I haven't had a family in a long time. The Capital usually takes them away from you right after you win," I've never seen Haymitch like this he has never openly talked about his past or his emotions "I know it's all crap how this happened, but I guess I'm just…I wouldn't say happy, but glad we at least had the time together that we did, as shitty as that sounds" he puts his hand on my shoulder "Just remember all the time you had," I shrug off his hand and glare at him in disgust. "She isn't suffering anymore Peeta" white hot anger surges through me and before I know it my empty water glass is shattering against the wall. Haymitch just stares at me waiting for me to explode but begrudgingly I control my breathing.

"I think I'd like to get some rest," I spit at Haymitch, who makes to speak but I cut him off "Leave me alone Haymitch, and don't come back" I snarl. He only nods and, makes to leave.

"It's ok to grieve for the dead, but don't turn your back on the people who are still alive around you, take it from someone who did " I hear the door shut as I fall into my own self-pity. 'I didn't even get to say goodbye to her,' is all that runs through my head now.

I revised and added a bit more to this chapter. Hope you enjoy