Just Have Me
VOCALOID – 02
By: Chi~
Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid. Just a huge fan of the twins :x//3:
A/N: Read a few stories for this pairing (some were incest :grumbles: was too bored to care at the time) and I absolutely fell in love with it. They look the same, and it's just weird, but they're not related so :shrugs: I'm so writing about them.
This one shall start off my Vocaloid fanfic career. Wish me luck, yeah? Hope I get popular…
On with my material, yeah? That way, you can review and tell me how I am.
Read in ½ for awesomeness.
Just Have Me
With the loud 'bang' of the door ringing in her ears, she couldn't stop herself from letting out a broken sigh.
He was leaving again. Off to "hang out" with her best friend – and rival! – Miku.
Oh, she knew that he wasn't just "hanging out" with her best friend. She knew they were doing other things like a couple would do. A lot of things that a couple would do. It didn't matter if he denied it and said whatever he wanted to try and make her see there was nothing between them – she knew. Down in her heart, somewhere, she knew.
She'd be lying if she said it didn't bother her.
It bothered her. A lot.
So much, that if she were to actually open up a little about her pain, she would confess that there were no words to describe her agony. It was that painful. She didn't know if it was just her usual over-exaggerative-self, but she just knew that it tore her to shreds every time she'd so much as breathe.
As pathetic as it sounded, her love was destroying her and it was winning. It ruined her to her core. There were even times, during class, she would have to rush out the room to get to a secluded area just to break down and cry.
She'd never been so overwhelmed in her life. Especially about some guy she lived with…grew up with…best friends with…
Someone might as well shoot her and put her out of her misery. Really.
She was too young for such drama like this. It was bad for her health and she was definitely sure she had premature gray-hairs by now. She really disliked how pathetic she was acting and wished that she could stop her incessant brooding…but no matter what, she knew that would never be.
She loved him. With all her heart. There was no mistaking it. After all, she was hurting so much, she almost believed her actual heart was breaking; splitting in two.
It hurt so much that she sometimes hated him and herself for falling hopelessly in love with him. But she would almost immediately regret it because he'd send her one of his heart-warming smiles and make her heart race with thousands of emotions and warmth.
She was hopeless, miserable, and broken. But she was happy she loved someone as great and just perfect as him.
It really sucked that it was a one-sided love situation. God knew she despised animes and manga like these.
Oh, the hypocrisy of the world…
God was definitely punishing her for His own amusement.
Letting out another sigh, more hollow than the last, she sat back in her chair and looked darkly up at the ceiling.
Hopefully he won't return with that nasty blush and lip-stick smeared mouth like he had before. After seeing that and making a perverted (yet honest) assumption, she couldn't sleep; she had been so low and green with jealousy. She seriously couldn't determine what she would do if that happened again. God forbid he came back even worse!
She knew how affectionate Miku could be. That only made things worse. Her eyes burned just from thinking about it.
Yet another sigh left her mouth. But his name joined with it.
Perhaps, if she were taller...? She was the smallest of her graduated class, having not grown since she was only sixteen and was frozen at a height of five feet and two inches. Miku was at least five foot six.
Oh, and perhaps if she had a better chest…? With her body as it was, she was small in every way. The only thing she was proud of was the fact that her breasts at least reached up to the Bs.
Unfortunately, Miku had C-cups.
"Haven't I shown you enough love since I was fourteen? Huh?" She poked at her breasts, watched them for a moment, then grumbled. "You two can't even perch on an arm like songbirds."
Damn you, Miku.
She sat back more, bowing her head and hugging her chest. She would never amount up to Miku. She didn't have a chance.
…She would never have a chance.
Ah…
At least she was alone in her tears. He didn't have to see her pain. That would be embarrassing. And at least she was alone with her paper, pens, and pencils. They were the only things keeping her sane. That, and her good friend Chi, who knew everything about her situation and helped – somehow – tremendously.
So, as she cried, she grabbed a crisp sheet of paper, a brand new pen, and a box of tissues. Then, she began to write. Like she always did when she wanted to vent and nobody was around.
But this time, she was going to beg in her writing. She was going to spill her desperation, throw in her frustration, and cry out her love. And when she was done, she was going to get a dozen oranges, find Chi, and cry even more while eating them.
This time, she would let it all out on paper. No more just keeping a little bit in and adding until she blew up again. She was exhausted – mentally and physically – and she couldn't take much more.
She was never one to give up on someone. She would always declare, "I'll shine!" But she'd been at a stand-still for years and well…she had to take care of herself first. If she couldn't have him…
She had to move on somehow…
On paper, she said goodbye. She wished him a good life. She wished him eternal love between him and Miku and that he would be happy forever.
He deserves it, after all.
And then she was done. Her paper was full with a few droplet of tears and smudges as the finishing touch.
She turned away from it, grabbed her bag and coat after she blew her nose and was out the door within five seconds, cellular in hand. She figured she'd better call Chi before she came over with a dozen oranges in her possession. The redhead didn't really like to be walked in on.
She dialed her friend's number with swollen, red eyes as she walked out of her apartment building and started down the street toward the grocer. She was so numb and a little light-headed due to the recent venting she did in her writing...
But that was her way of moving on. She would never have him and even though her life almost didn't seem like it was any worth, she still knew she had to live on. That's what he would want.
She would probably have to move out though. She didn't know if she could handle living with him anymore. If she wanted to move on, then she had to physically detach herself from him, which meant less time to see him. She could do that.
Somehow…
Len never understood why he was so nice. He wondered if it was because his mother taught him how to be a gentleman and to be polite. That was probably it, he supposed. But still, he knew he had his own mind and knew that he could only take so much. Yet, it kept going and going and he just couldn't bring himself to say anything until he finally had to put his foot down.
How he'd done it was something that would be counted as rude. He was sorry he had done it that way, but now it didn't matter. He was already almost to his apartment.
He finally told her. He finally told Miku he didn't love her. He finally told her that he would never love her more than just a very good friend. Yes, she was beautiful, fun, talented, and adorable…but there was someone else on his mind.
He lived with her, actually, and they were the best of friends. Closer than most best friends would ever be. It was a bond that made his heart race with happiness and made him feel warm no matter what temperature.
Slightly smiling to himself, he inserted his key and entered the apartment, calling out her name as he closed the door. He received no answer.
Strange, he had only been out for at least an hour. What could she have wandered off to do?
Perhaps she was taking a nap and hadn't heard him. That's happened before, he thought to himself brightly. He was in a good mood. In such a good mood, he wanted to surprise her with his feelings. He didn't know how she would react or if she would even return his feelings. He had a feeling she thought of them as close 'siblings' than anything more, considering they looked very much alike.
Unfortunately, for once, he didn't care.
Miku would be okay and they would continue to be friends. He knew her enough to know she hadn't loved him enough to ruin her, so she would move on quickly. She had the beauty for it and he already knew his good friend Mikuo would make a move very soon. He hoped the best for her.
Now, it was his turn.
After taking off his shoes, hanging up his coat, and dropping his bag as silently as he could, he tiptoed to his best friend's room with a wicked grin. Oh, this would be great! He could jump on her bed and scare the crap out of her. It would be just like old times!
He stepped in, looked around long enough for his grin to fall and he realized she wasn't in her room. Hmm, perhaps she was in his room again, playing on his computer. That'd happened before, too.
He slowly made his way to his room right next to hers, peeked in even though he didn't hear any fingers tapping on the keyboard or any source of light from his monitor. She wasn't in there either.
She was actually gone.
His chest fell. Now he wouldn't have the courage to tell her! By the time she got back, his confidence would've already evaporated and he would just be a sitting duck. Oh, how cruel the world could be.
He grumbled and decided to go into her room again, just to lie on her bed – since she had an awesome mattress. She didn't care anyway, he'd done it plenty of times. In fact, she would even join him while he slept and he would wake up to her cute face, snoring loudly in his ears.
Awesome, he thought happily as he lied down, turned on his side, and scooted a little – just in case if she really did return while he was sleeping and would join him. He laid his head on her pillow, breathed in her citrusy scent and smiled with content. God, he loved how she smelled. Much better than the fresh vegetable scent he smelt from Miku (don't get him wrong, he has nothing against vegetables).
He sighed, looked around the room as he started to doze, until his eyes set on his best friend's desk.
All of a sudden, he shot up, worry etched all over his handsome face. There was tissues all over her desk, crumbled into little balls. Either she was sick, which he doubted because he wouldn't noticed before he'd even left earlier, or she was upset.
He knew it was the latter.
Getting up, he stepped over to her desk and began to gather the tissue-balls with concern. He hoped she was alright. Perhaps he should call her…
"Huh?" He didn't mean to say it out loud, but he noticed a smeared and tear-stained paper in the midst of the tissues. He noticed his name on it. He felt his heart flip. Had she left a note for him? Had she told him where she went? Then why were there tissues everywhere and tears on the paper?
He dropped the tissue-balls into the trashcan right next to him lifelessly, not even caring if one of them happened to miss the trash and fall to the ground. He reached out steadily, picked up the paper carefully, and began to read.
The paper was dedicated to him in the first place.
'Len…
I know, I know
I always say nothing bothers me
I know I always don't show how I truly feel sometimes
I know I hold things back until I can't take them anymore
But I can't help it…
There are things that I just can't say
Especially considering the circumstances
But, at least…on paper, I can say anything and nobody would know
Not even you
I've wanted you to know
But I can't say it
Not to your face, never in person
That's my most vulnerable secret and I would surely lose all reason if that happened
You see…I love you…
I don't know how long; probably from the very moment we met
Either way, I love you
All my heart…
I want to hug you and kiss you and do all that stupid embarrassing stuff
Things I would never be able to do without a blush or stupid face
But either way
If it's with you, then I can do it
…I'll shine…
But I've told myself this for years
Ever since I realized I did love you
And look at me now…
You've moved on
I'm still holding on to you, even if you don't notice
I'd like to tell you
I'd like to yell it out to you
I'd like to show you how much I love you
How much I look up to you and what I want to share with you
I want to love you, take care of you, and be with you until I can't live anymore
And everything in between
Everything
I'll shine…
I keep saying
I'll shine…
But not anymore
I want you to have me
I want to be your "everything"
Because you are my "everything"
I'll let you do anything you want
I can't hold it back
You can throw me around,
Rip me up,
Look inside me,
And paste me back together
You can love me to pieces
And hate me to death,
But…just have me, and only me
Is that too much to ask?
But…it is…
I know that, of course
I'm not as stupid as I seem sometimes
I've noticed you leaving more than usual
I've noticed the smiles Miku sends to you during classes
I've noticed how you guys hold hands sometimes
So…
I'll shine…not anymore…
I love you, Len
With all my heart
To the deepest pit of my soul
I can't have you
I know that
So…I won't try anymore
I've cried so much
I can't stop
Even in my mind
I cry all the time
I can't have you…
So, I wish you the best
You're my best friend, of course I would
I want you to be so happy, you have a stupid grin on your face all the time…
I want you to love with all your heart
I want Miku to love you more than I ever could, if only…
And I'll try…
I try so hard that it hurts…
To not get selfish and do something stupid
I have to move…I have to go
You have your life
I need to build up mine
You're everything to me
As corny as it sounds, you're my world
But you belong to someone else
So…
Goodbye
And I'll be happy again
I mean it
I'll shine…
…I will… '
It stopped there, right where there was another tear-smudge. It hadn't come from her though…
He sat down heavily in her chair, dropped the letter on her desk and buried his face in his hands.
How could he have been so stupid? How could he have not noticed? Was he that blind?
She was in so much pain. She had told him everything. She had just stripped herself bare and threw every bit of herself at him through simple words that meant more...so much more…
How could he have led her to believe he had abandoned her. That he didn't love her with all his heart and to the deepest pit of his soul.
"Rin…" he choked out her name as he sobbed uncontrollably in his hands. He was so sorry. He got her message.
He felt her pain. He felt her despair. He felt everything.
She'd said goodbye…
The red head sighed softly. "Rin, you've already finished your oranges. Why are you eating my entire stock yogurt?"
With puffy azure eyes, Rin looked up at her friend and swallowed. "I can't stop eating."
"And this is moving on? Really? Get off your ass and go home. You need to start packing if you have to move out," the woman rolled her eyes.
"You think I can't, don't you?" Rin stuffed another spoonful of strawberry yogurt in her mouth like a hog.
Chi reached out and grabbed her yogurt out of Rin's hands, looking almost hostile. She loved her yogurt, damn it. "Yes, I think you can't do it because you can't just give up on him so suddenly. You've loved him for years, goodness' sake."
"But he loves someone else!"
"You don't know because he hasn't even told you about it. If he's your best friend, he would want you to be the first person to know that he was in love, don't you agree?"
"That doesn't matter! I already know!"
"Oh my gosh – please, get your head out of your ass and listen to me!"
"Hey!" Yet another redhead, who looked partially-identical to Chi, stuck his head into the kitchen with a glare in his dark green eyes. "Mind keeping it down?"
"Mind getting the hell out of my face," Chi growled, throwing her yogurt at the redheaded male. "I'm dealing with stuff right now, Enshou!"
He caught the little container of strawberry yogurt with ease and shrugged. "Okay, babe. I'll lock myself in our room then and blast my music."
"You better."
"You're so rude to him," Rin sniffed, resting her head on the table next to orange-shavings. She'd done what she'd planned. She ate all dozen of them. And then she couldn't stop eating.
"He likes it when I'm rough," Chi muttered before she stepped over and rested a hand on Rin's back.
"Rin, please, just go home and get some sleep. You need rest."
Rin sighed, sniffed again, and shook her head. "I can't go back there. He's probably home by now…"
"All the more reason. Maybe you guys could…talk…?"
Rin groaned. "I can't just spring my feelings onto him, Chi-chan! That'll burden him!"
Chi growled. "You know what, just go home. Act like nothing's wrong. He won't notice a thing. And then, you can start packing if you want to leave him so much. He'll be so confused when you leave."
Rin sat up and looked up at her friend, eyes shining with new tears. "…I…I don't want to leave him…" Her lip quivered as she looked down at the table again. "I would never want to leave him…"
"Get some rest. Please…we'll find something else out later, okay?" Chi leaned down and hugged Rin warmly, showing her sincere support. "All right?"
Rin choked on a sob and wiped her new tears with her wrists. She needed to sleep. She needed to calm down. This was no way to "move on".
She nodded to her friend and when Chi let go of her, she got up and gave her friend a proper hug. "Thank you."
Chi smiled softly, squeezed Rin's shoulder and nodded. "It'll work out. It always does."
Rin stared at her friend, searched in Chi's bright, deep eyes before she slowly nodded and lightly smiled back. There was no use in putting faith in it, but maybe…just maybe…
She let out a shaky breath and proceeded to leave. A string of hope was pulling her, trying to make her believe in what her friend had said.
She wished she could.
Closing the door softly, she looked down and immediately noticed Len's shoes, coat, and bag all at the front door and neatly placed and hung. So, he was home - perfect. She took off her shoes as well, started toward her room as she slowly began to replay the last moments she'd had in her room before she left to her friend's arms and her food.
Then, she stopped in her tracks when she looked into her room and noticed that her poem was still on her desk. It was at a different angle then when she left it and not only that…but her snot-rags were in the trash can, which she knew weren't supposed to be there.
All of a sudden, her world began both shatter and brighten at the same time. She was relieved yet embarrassed and scared. She knew what had happened while she was gone.
Len had come home, probably thought she was still home so he snuck into her room, probably to surprise her (she just knew him too well), and then he didn't notice her there. So, he probably noticed her tissue-balls and proceeded to clean it up and then he noticed her poem and –
…read it without even thinking twice.
She sucked in a breath, feeling like she had been kicked in the gut.
She was doomed.
Well, it doesn't matter anymore. I just don't care, she thought, turning to his door and stepping toward it. Might as well just ask him if he wants me to leave or not, since he basically knows everything.
It was true, she just didn't care anymore. She was tired and she just wanted to move on and be happy again. He was her best friend, but for his happiness, she would gladly leave him if he decided it. She would do anything for him. No matter what.
Kindly knocking and letting him know that she was entering; she opened the door and stepped inside, and closed the door as softly as she could. It was dark, but there was light shining from the lamp on his nightstand and showed his quiet, resting form on his bed.
He had ear buds in his ears and his face was etched with distress. Not only that, but she noticed that he was…
He was crying…
Why would he be crying?
Stepping over to his quietly sobbing form, she got on her knees and got eye-level with him. Reaching out her hand, she softly brushed his bangs out of his face and got his attention.
His dark-blue eyes snapped open within a second and he shot them over to her, swollen and puffy.
"Rin!" He took her by surprise by pulling his ear-buds out of his ears and suddenly pulling her into a firm, warming hug. "Rin…"
"Len," she drawled out slowly, so surprised that she thought she was somehow dreaming. But when she felt something wet on her neck, she knew she wasn't. "Why are you…?"
"Rin," he began, voice shaky. He leaned back, looked into her eyes and she had to hold back a gasp.
"Len," his eyes were filled with so much anguish and guilt, it made her heart wrench in pain. "What's wrong! Did somebody…did Miku do something to you?"
She didn't care if he didn't love her and preferred Miku, she would never let anybody hurt Len. Nobody. He was always the more genial and polite compared to her whenever it came to girls and she would have no mercy if some slut hurt his feelings in any way. All thoughts of the poem to him and him actually reading it left her mind that moment and she was close to rage.
"I swear if she did something, I'll raise hell right this minute-!" She stopped when his hands rested on her shoulders in a firm grip.
"Rin," he gave her a small smile, light amusement showing his eyes. His eyes filled with something else, something she thought she would never see upon her from him.
Caring, warm…almost loving. She knew that look, because she gave it to his back for years.
Why…
What…?
"L-Len," she stammered out, lip quivering. She was vulnerable and this confusion was tearing her more than she could handle at the moment. "You…"
"Rin," he leaned forward, rested his forehead against hers. "You…don't…," he had to pause, gather up his composure to say what he had to say next. He just felt terrible and so guilty…
"Don't say 'goodbye'," he bit out, controlling the lump in his throat. "Please, you…you're all I have and…" His hands squeezed her shoulders as he bit his lip for just a moment.
She squeezed her eyes shut and kept them that way. A string of hope, tugging at her heart right then was pulling so hard, she thought her heart would tear…
"…you're all that I want…" He murmured before more tears ran down his face and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, burying her face in his neck.
"L-L-Len…" She couldn't believe it. Just couldn't believe it. Had he just confessed to her? Was she really not dreaming?
If the Lord were so cruel, she would wake up that very moment…
…And she didn't.
The string of hope tore open her heart and suddenly she found herself in his bed, clutching onto him like he were her lifeline. And it almost surprised her when he did the same…
And then he was holding her tearful face, kissing her forehead, eyes, cheeks, tears, nose – all over her face and she loved it so much. Finally…
"I'm so sorry," he sniffed, resting his forehead against hers again as he enveloped her in his gentle warmth. "I didn't know – I had no clue – please, forgive me - !"
She shut him up by ramming her lips against his, breaking off his suddenly hysterical apologies. She didn't need to know. If he was actually crying this much over it – and Len hardly ever cried much – then she knew he was so sorry it ripped him in more pieces than she was already torn in.
She would make sure they pasted each other back together. With each other.
She moved back, kissed his lips again and one more time before raising above him on her elbows. He laid down under her, her legs either side of him, and his hair – messy and distraught – cascaded all over his pillow, making him look so breathtaking she almost wanted to do as many perverted and selfish things as she had wanted over the many years…
His hands rested gently on either side of her neck, tracing her small jaw-line with his slightly calloused thumbs. She shivered and let out a small breath before she got a small smile on her face.
A true smile full of all her love for him. And he sent his right back.
"I love you," she said softly, shakily but strong.
"I love you, too," he flushed, falling in love with how beautiful she looked above him with that sweet smile he'd fallen in love with years ago. "…You're shining."
She let out a small laugh, shaking her head and leaned down again, pressed her lip against his. He moved his hands to the back of her head, buried his hands in her hair and held her against him, savoring and deepening the kiss. She angled herself to the side, licked his bottom lip.
Finally, she wanted to taste him.
He complied, gladly taking her in and let her explore him as long as she wanted until he was dizzy and dazed.
Then, she bit him.
"H-Hey! What was that for?" Tears gather at the side of his ears as licked at his poor, surprisingly bleeding lip. She had bit him that hard?
She hovered over him, dangerously close with a small twinge of anger in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
"Well, what kept you from saying something, huh? You're usually the one who just lets their mouth run before they even stop to think twice!"
She gasped. "Well, it's you! I'm different around you! I guess it was lack of courage, yeah?"
"Well, me too! So, why're you throwing a fit now, when things were getting awesome?"
"Do you blame me?" She huffed and rolled off of him, lied next to him against the wall. He looked over to her, both of their face tear-streaked and bodies exhausted as well as their minds. More hers than his, on some standards, but either way – they went through the same thing.
They stared at each other more, blank.
And then he rolled onto her.
"L-Len!!!" She gasped for breath almost immediately. She knew how hot he looked under his clothes – he was all lean and muscle. He was heavy. "I can't breathe!"
"Rin-channnn," he bellowed all of a sudden and nuzzled his nose in her hair. "Baby, please don't dwell on the past! Look at us now!"
"Yeah, and then moments from now my ribs will collapse and I will die because of you!" She thought for a second as she fought for breath. "…Wait, nothing's really changed!"
"Too bad, I'm quite comfortable."
"How dare you," she managed to wiggle hand arms out from under him and she began to push with all her might. "I love you damn it, but I'm not afraid to hurt you!"
"What are you going to do," he whispered huskily in her ear with a questioning tone.
"Deprive us both from having kids together. I mean, it doesn't really matter to me much, I don't fancy babies…but I know you do," she chuckled lowly. "If I just happen to say, ram my knee in your balls so hard you conk out immediately from the pain, then I guess I won't be able to give you the children you want since you can't provide them for me."
"Alright, alright," he grumbled. "It should be scary because I know you're not kidding…but now I just want to ravish you…since you mentioned kids."
When he propped himself up on his arms and knees, housing her and caging her in on his bed like she had moments before, he gave her a dark smirk that made her almost have a nosebleed.
"R-really," she asked, softly with a blush.
He smiled widely, leaned down and nuzzled his nose against hers with affection.
She took that as a "yes".
"You'll…you're okay with having me…?" She looked like a little kid compared to his mature physic. Hell, he was way taller than her. He at least deserved a woman near his height and who had enough boobage to satisfy him. Was he absolutely sure…?
"You're insecurity is dimming your light, Rin," he softly smiled, and purposely traveled his eyes all the way down her body, showing her that he really did like what he saw. "You're beautiful to me in every way."
She reached out her thin arms, wrapped them around his neck and brought him closer. "You'll throw me around," she asked.
He brushed his lips against hers and traced up her cheek. He grunted affirmative.
"Rip me to pieces."
He smirked against her skin.
She shivered. "Look inside me."
"Yes," he whispered breathlessly and his hand trailed down the side of her body, making her arch against him with a rich blush on her cheeks.
"Put me back together…?" She bit back a moan. Where had he learned such methods with his hands…?
He kissed her cheek and nodded.
"Love me to pieces and hate me to death?"
He stopped all that he was doing and looked down at her. Despite her blush, she was as serious as he could ever be. And so he answered.
He captured her lips and enveloped her in the only warmth she'd wanted for so many years.
His own.
"You're mine."
This was my first attempt at these two…did I do a good job? Tell me in your review (if you do) yeah? I'm surprised I actually finished this in such a short time, so much is going on right now (FML) and I thought I would be so down to where I couldn't even write.
Apparently not, XD.
It would really brighten my dark days if you guys reviewed and told me want you thought of it. Do you want more of my material, because if you look at my profile, you'll notice I have a lot more in store. All I need to know is if I'm good enough for you guys!
Hope you loved it! It's nice to meet you, I'm new to Vocaloid stuff, heh. Until next time...(maybe)?
P.S. Zomg, I was editing this, and I noticed that I had used some Putin-P stuff, haha XDDD Those songs are so ADDICTING! They're all on meh mp3 player and they play in my slightly disturbed mind every single day, hehe.