Disclaimer: I own nothing
This is a sequal to Unaired Episodes: Star Trek P.O.D.
"Captain's log 2214500047 we are traveling at warp 8 through space on a pleasure cruise, everyone being jolly and merry to be rid of pesky Wesley…..with the exception of his mother but no one cares that much." Captain Picard sat in his ready room sipping his tea earl gray, (or a slight variation, gray earl tea) counting the happy moments since his pesky acting ensign's departure. The door made the annoying beep noise.
"Come in," said Picard.
A young Ensign walked in, one hand holding a writing pad, the other grasping an empty coca cola can.
"What do you want," growled Picard.
"I have our first sweep of the Neutral Zone," replied the ensign dropping the notepad on the Captain's desk..
"Fascinating," remarked Picard who didn't sound very fascinated at all. "126 metric tons of space dust, a class L planet, and the drifting remains of Charlie Brown and his kite. This is certainly worthy of our attention," finished Picard.
"Sir," spoke the ensign, "there's talk about the crew that your being overly egotistical these days."
"and what if I am," snapped Picard.
"I'm saying you're not the only person who's been through danger, take me for example. I've served on the Pegasus for a bit. I may be young but I've had my own set of adventures-,"
"Did you die?" questioned Picard.
"No sir,"
"I'm going to win then,"
Picard was so angry his ego was being questioned by the crew that he threw the notepad across the room at the nearest window, it bounced off leaving a large crack in the glass.
"Uh O!" whispered a horrified Picard.
"You arrogant ass, you killed us," shouted the Ensign.
SMASH!!!! The glass exploded and everything was being sucked into outer space.
"Intruder Alert!" said the computer.
"Shut up!" yelled Picard throwing himself at his favorite desk and hanging on for dear life. The ensign grabbed the end of the table.
"Wah! My Coca Cola got sucked into the black and…sniff….I hadn't even finished it yet-." A large useless prop being sucked suddenly hit the poor ensign in the head and he flew out through the window and into the black.
Two seconds later a force field erected itself around the hole where the window had been.
"Thank…..Thank something for that," said Picard. Suddenly the door to his office opened and Worf, Riker and a security detail burst through.
"What now!" shouted Picard. Worf lowered his weapon.
"Apologies Captain, we were under the impression there was an intruder." Riker nodded in agreement.
"Nothing's entered this ship Mr. Worf," said Picard, "If anything, a bunch of stuff has left…..my earl gray tea for instance," he contemplated sadly.
" Where's Ensign Brast?" asked commander Riker.
"Oh him…he's somewhere out there," muttered Picard pointing vaguely at the window.
"Well," said Riker, "tough luck."
"He died in the line of duty," added Worf sympathetically.
"Yes, Yes," said Picard impatiently, "let's save the pleasantries for the memorial service," Then reading Worf's and Riker's disgusted looks he added, "He was a brave man Mr. Blast or something like that, now I think we have work to do."
Worf, Riker and the security team left the room. Picard sighed, he was looking forward to a boring day. While he generally liked excitement, the last piece of it had been quite trying, especially for a man of his age. He sat back in his chair, which was still thankfully there and dozed.
Rock and heavy metal play with the theme song of Enterprise in he background.
We 've come a squat way ………….getting from there to…………..here.
We've come a squat way, but my time is running out
And I will see the earth is hollow and I will touch the sky
And you're no gonna hold me back no more or I might just change my mind
Cause I lost faith to believe…… daddy's gonna make me eat my peas
I can't reach any star…..not even the red carpet Har! Har!
Episode: # Unknown, Return of Sisko
Never aired
"Sir I'm picking up an unidentified object bearing 147 mark 447," the helmsman said to Riker.
"Be specific you little idiot," ordered Riker.
"Obviously a vessel of some kind….well actually maybe it's not a vessel but it's definitely unidentified……"
Riker bolted up from his chair. "Get the captain on the bridge, He'll deal with this crap,"
The ensign spoke up.
"I'm not sure the object identifies as cra-,"
"I wasn't referring to that object ensign Crap," cut in Riker, "you have the bridge Data.
Just then Captain Picard entered the bridge.
"Report,"
"we have an unidentified piece of crap bearing 147 mark 447," answered Data
"Oh," said Picard chuckling nervously, "that was mine, I was really hoping you wouldn't notice but…"
everyone on the bridge was silent.
"Sir," said Data, " according to sensors the object in question is 132 kilometers in diameter,"
"Oh not that big Mr. Data," said Picard somewhat embarrassed. "well let's not keep it waiting, Mr. Worf hail them on all known frequencies."
"that will not be necessary captain," said Worf, "its hailing us."
"on screen."
The screen flicked on revealing a dark skinned man dressed in dark pajamas with a purple shoulder top. It might have been a Starfleet uniform.
"good 1400 hours, I'm Benjamin Sisko previous owner of a Cardasian mining station, hero of the Dominion war, now semi demigod and delivery boy for wormhole aliens.
" greetings," answered Picard, " I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S.
Enterprise pride of the United Federation of Peons, exemplar captain of the lost ship Stargate, most especially important diplomatic confident for Starfleet command, most exalted fan of Captain James Tiberius Kirk, runner of the Little League 2436 championship win an earth-that-was bubblegum wrapper blah, blah, blah blah…….."
30 minutes after Picard had begun his address half his bridge crew was asleep.
"-Explorer of the Year, Winner of the Alpha Centauri fish pet competition, blah, blah, blah,"
"-are you finished yet?" butt in Sisko.
"Why, are you bored?" asked Picard
"Bored? I'm about to slip into a fucking comma like the rest of your crew."
"My apologies," said Picard, "perhaps you would beam aboard and we can talk more about it."
"you mean I can talk more about it captain chatterbox" answered Sisko.
"transporter chief prepare to beam our guest aboard," ordered Picard.
A few minutes later Picard and the senior staff stood by the transporter awaiting their guest.
"ZZZZZZZZZAP!!!!"
Guest Sisko beamed onto the transporter.
"Greetings," said Picard, ", I'm Captain Jean-luc Picard of the U.S.S.
Enterprise pride of the United Federation of-,"
"yes, I think I've established myself with you notable exultancy captain don't know-when-to-shut-up" butt in Sisko.
"isn't he just marvy!" exclaimed Counselor Troy, "him have such a way with words!"
"I like his uniform," commented Worf, "it looks more…superior to our pajamas.
"He's really competent," yawned Commander Ricker, "did you see the way he told Picard to shut it."
"I will not stand for this mutinous talk!" shouted Picard, "it is treason, treason I say."
"paranoid as well as incompetent," muttered Sisko.
"Perhaps it would be advisable to move this discussion to the observation lounge" suggested Data.
"quite right Mr. Data" said Picard.
When everyone had settled luxuriously in the motel 6 standard accommodations, Sisko began his explanation.
"Now as you know I'm Benjamin Sisko previous owner of a Cardasian mining station, hero of the-,"
"Shut the frack up and fracking get to the point," demanded Picard.
"Now I traveled back from a more interesting point of time to the time of the now to warn you that a massive alien presence has caused an illogical anomaly that if left unhampered would end the miserable existence of this miserable race, and I believe that harnessing the power of the Enterprise with the right man at the captain's chair-" Picard violently jerked his head in Sisko's direction.-"We can eliminate the problem from the universe and be saviors of mankind like good little Starfleet officers."
"Wow that was a mouthful" said Riker. "tell me have you always talked like that or just since you became super, semi demigod?"
"but why here?" asked Troy, "why the enterprise D of all places and times?"
"since becoming demigod I still can't pick my vacation spots….sucks doesn't it" replied Sisko wryly.
"This is your vacation!" exclaimed Worf indignantly
"Absolutely" answered Sisko, "you should see what I do when I'm really working, besides vacation is relative, obviously I didn't choose this douche-bag for a holiday outing."
"Treason!" shouted Picard, "Treason I say, how dare you defile this most beautiful ship with your vile insults and……..stuff…..like that! For man's sake I even painted pretty pictures of Donald Duck and Mini Mouse in the Engine room!"
"but sir Mr. Sisko," said Geordie Laforge ignoring his wailing captain, "what makes you think this ship is prepared to face against the incalculable odds against humanity?"
"like your dear captain said," replied Sisko, "you're the best ship with the best crew that any mother's idiot who calls himself a captain of a ship of idiots aspires to command."
"that's another big mouthful," said Riker
"William Riker, I should have known" sighed Sisko, "tell me dear Will, what do you do on this ship besides womanize and blow on your stupid party tooter-,"
"With all due respect it's a trombone commander," replied Riker angrily.
"Whatever," said Sisko, "but back to the point we have to move quickly with all haste if we are to succeed in saving earth.
"But that's my point sir," said Worf, "why do we care about earth, we hardly ever go there anyway, usually we go to Risa-,"
"Yesss!" said Riker,
"-which totally sucks I'll admit," finished Worf.
"how can you not like Risa," said Ricker incredulously, "it's like Disney world for adults,"
"Because you always act like an asshole for weeks whenever you just beam off that rock." Replied Troy.
"Where getting off topic," said Picard, "and I'll admit I'm squeezing my heart out to figure why we should save earth. I'm not a people person, and my only family is going to get killed off in a few years anyway so…….."
"Why should I help save the earth?" jumped in Doctor Beverly Crusher, "they hated by son,"
"And I'm only half human," piped up Troy, "and people call me useless and stupid."
"Yeah," added Laforge, "and people don't even like us that much, they laugh at our dorky uniforms, and dorky hotel starship captained by a man who spends most of his time patting misbehaving aliens on the head instead of kicking some Rolmulan ass.
Sisko sighed.
"Your right," said Sisko after a while, "and Picard is wrong, you are not the greatest crew or ship. James T Kirk was the best captain and he captained the best crew of any starship that dared to carry the name enterprise.
"James T Kirk was a great man, but that was another life. He had in some ways a cruddier ship, and even cruddier music, but he stayed the course through low budget and whatever ills lay bare before him." Sisko got up from his seat and walked around the table examining the crew's faces.
"Gentlemen……..ladies………aliens,"
"if we don't stay the course we are dead!" he shouted, "We are all dead!"
To be continued-