Title: Cold Sands

Rating: PG

Summary: Private Practice/ Greys Anatomy crossover: Addison receives bad news and turns to the men in her life for comfort. Character death.

Pairing: Addison/Derek, Addison/Sam

Disclaimer: Not mine, Shonda's.
Comments are love and much appreciated.

He doesn't die that day in Seattle like you thought he would. He dies at home in New York. Alone and without you. It's not the without you part that makes you angry though, it's the alone part. Archer always used to have so many people around him, you, friends, yours and his friends, girls he was seeing. Then the one time that he needed not to be alone he was.

You were at work when Bizzy called, and you ignored the phone, leaving it until later on that night to call her back. As soon as you hear her voice you hear the sadness in it. "It's Archer" she tells you, "He's gone"

Brain aneurysm they said. He would of gone peacefully she says to you, to try and make the effort of comfort. It doesn't work. You hang up the phone and dissolve into a pile on your kitchen floor. It doesn't sink in though, not even when you break the news to Naomi and Sam. It doesn't sink in until you're on the plane home, one minute you're staring out of the window, then the next it hits you like a smack in the face. Archer is gone. He's never coming back. He's never going to carry you home again. You sit there in your seat crying tears into your scotch because he's never coming back.

The funeral was awful and you have to smile to yourself because you know that Archer would of hated it. He would of complained about everything from the flowers to the fact that there weren't enough pretty girls there. When it's over Bizzy makes a bee line for you and you search desperately for someone else to talk to, but it's then that you realise that there is no one here that you know. You curse the fact that no one was able to come to the funeral with you, and even though they wanted to Naomi and Sam had Maya and you didn't feel comfortable bringing Derek even though he was Archer's brother in law for eleven years. Reluctantly you stay with your mother while she talks about how great Archer was at his work and in his personal life.

You wish Derek was here. Or Sam, or anyone who's real. Grabbing a glass of wine you leave your mother and find a space away from the fake flowers and the fake people. You hate it here, and you hate Archer for leaving you with these people. You stay in the closet with everyone's coats for half an hour crying quietly until you r mother finds you and demands that you get out there and show your face.

After the funeral you fly back home to discover Naomi and Sam waiting for you, faces full of emotion, sorrow and loss. You wonder why and then you remember all over again.

Archer.

Naomi hugs and then Sam and you nearly fall apart when you feel his arms around you. They walk you into your house and both say that you shouldn't be alone right now. You don't really feel like talking though so you use your flashing answer phone as an excuse for them to leave. Pressing play, messages from Pete, Violet, Cooper and even Sheldon fill the empty room but it's message five that really grabs your attention.

"Addie...shit" then a big sigh "shit, I'm so sorry"

Its Derek's voice that comes pouring through your phone and it nearly makes you drop the glass of wine you're holding. "Give me a call, I just need to know that you're okay" Out of everyone, Derek really understood the relationship that you had with Archer. Gulping down the wine you press stop during a message from Mark, fingers dancing over the keys, dialling the number that you can't seem to forget. "It's me" you say, as your way of greeting.

"Hey"

Just one word, but he says it so warmly that your hands start to shake. "How are you doing"

You tell him you're fine even though you know that he won't believe that you are and you tell him about the funeral.

"The flowers were lovely, and the ceremony..." you trail off allowing Derek to laugh slightly and say "Archer would of hated it" "Yes" you agree because you had that exact same thought yourself and you have to smile that you both think the same things. "He would of complained about everything" and you allow yourself a small laugh. You sober quickly though and your emotion gets the better of you as your voice cracks with the words that you haven't been brave enough to say yet.

"He shouldn't of died Derek"

The tears begin again then and all Derek can do is listen to you cry and feel hopeless that he can't be there to sooth you in person. He tells you that he will come and see you over the weekend, that you shouldn't be alone. You tell him that you have Sam, but that seeing him would be good and you accept his offer to visit.

When you hang up the phone you feel worse then ever because it makes you ache for Derek. You know he's happy now, with Meredith and even though one part of you is happy because he's happy the other part makes you feel physical pain because he's so happy and you're so miserable.

You unfortunately are not over Derek yet.

Not quite knowing what to do with yourself you take yourself down to the beach along with both the wine and the scotch. The scotch burns but you carry on drinking it because you think that eventually it will lessen the pain you're feeling from the loss of Archer. It does, but before you know it you've broken down right there in the cold sand. You scream and hot tears mingle with the cold sea water that laps slightly at your feet. Sam comes running up to you and you feel his strong arms wrap around you once again. "Addie, it's okay, its okay" he says repeatedly, moving your hair away from your face and rubbing your back.

"I'm so alone" you manage to choke out. And its then that you realise that that's been the emotion that you've been keeping to yourself since you heard the news.

No brother, no husband.

Sam holds you until the tears subside slightly and tells you that you're not alone, that you'll never be alone.

"I'll always be here" he tells you, and once the tears have stopped he scoops you into his arms and carries you back into the house. He takes the alcohol away from you and puts you to bed.

He carries you home. Just like Archer did that day, just like Derek did when you broke down after Richard made you think that you had killed that baby.

You're suddenly exhausted by all the emotion that you have out poured and you're aware of Sam moving beside you, pulling your tired body into his arms. He doesn't say anything, just holds you and he's not Archer, or Derek, but he carried you home just as they would of done.