Our Penance Combined

by markelsparks

*AU with spoilers* Unable to will himself to destroy Zelos's Cruxis Crystal, Lloyd carries it with him as a memento, believing that he is keeping a small piece of Zelos alive. Little does he know, it contains more of his friend that he originally thinks, and equipping the crystal leaves both he and Zelos to deal with a much deeper problem as their consciousness begin to merge.

1. Chapter 1

"Well, Zelos, it's over, "Lloyd began with a sigh. He sat on the roof on the inn in the quiet of the night, torn between watching the stars above or Zelos' Cruxis Crystal held gently in his hands. The final battle with Mithos was over, the tree restored, the worlds united, and the party had gone to Luin for a long deserved rest. Lloyd however, found himself unable to sleep, needing to find closure with one of his fallen comrades.

"I don't even know if you can hear me, but I can't help but feel like part of you is still alive in your Crystal. I know you want me to destroy it, but you have to understand how hard it was to…" He let out a shaky breath, looking mournfully at the gem. "I haven't had a good night's sleep since I-since I killed you. I can't get the image out of my head. I know I've killed a lot of people; Desians, angles, anyone who tried to stop us, and it's hard enough for me to accept that I've taken so many lives. But at least I can try to justify it. No matter how hard I try to convince myself I had no choice, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for killing you. You weren't a bad person, Zelos, and I keep telling myself that maybe if I trusted you more you would have seen that for yourself.

"I know a lot of the time you were spying on us, but I still can't shake the feeling that part of you actually wanted to help us. I just wish that… If you wanted to die so badly, you didn't make me be the one to do it. Maybe…I didn't trust you as much as I could have. But you didn't make it easy for me, you know? You kept lying and hiding things from us, so what was I supposed to do? As much as I wanted to think you were on our side, I just couldn't justify taking that chance and causing more trouble for everyone, you know?

"I know it's unfair of me to do this to you, especially after you specifically asked me to…to destroy this, but I just… It was hard enough for me to fight you, so please don't make me kill this too. Just let me be a little selfish for once. I really thought you'd be fighting with us against Cruxis, and I think it's too soon for me to really come to terms with what happened, so just let me keep this with me a little bit longer."