A young Harry Potter & Ronald Weasley sat outside, reading their textbooks. Hermione Granger was apparently looking up Wicca on the internet. She looked up from her Compaq laptop, and looked at Harry, his face buried in his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook.
" Harry?"
"What is it now, Hermione?"
" These people think we are Wiccans."
"I thought Dumbledore cleared that up last week. Remember, he even got interviewed on Dr. Phil."
"Yeah, I know, it's on you tube, but these people are saying we are teaching little children witchcraft."
"Um, we are kind of Warlocks, and Witches. But, like I don't really even have a religion. Funny how that happened." said Ron, as he put his Divination text down.
"Let me see that, Hermione." Hermione handed Ron her laptop.
HARRY POTTER, THE CULT!
Apparently, on December 4th, when Albus Dumbledore was interviewed on the Dr. Phil show, it rose up quite a stir. Especially when the claimed 'professor' jumped up and shot silly string at Dr. Phil, screaming, "No one understands me, all those stupid people!" and then burst out in tears.
A Mr. Corincci-Flincci then got the idea that Hogwarts, the school which the famous Harry Potter attends, teaches those poor children to drink blood and offer it up to their Gods. Here is an interview with Mr. Guidry Corincci-Flincci.
Us: Hello, Mr. C
Mr. C: Hello, Weekly U.S. Magic!
Us: We, and I bet the rest of America are wondering why you think Harry Potter is leading a cult?
Mr. C: Well, I actually went to Hogwarts a few weeks ago to check it out. The carriages with the invisible horses didn't help their cause for being not guilty, I can assure you. As soon as I got up to the gait, I decided not to go into the rather large building, because I did not want a raid to go on. So I hired some students to place secret cameras in all the boys' bathrooms to see if Harry spills any secrets[giggles gayishly
Us: Well, um, Ok then. Thank you for your time, Mr. C.
Mr. C: Oh, call me, The Hero of the Bathroom[giggles again
Us: Right.. Alright then. Goodbye!
So there you have it, a very rare interview with The Hero of the Bathroom!
" Well that was gay. Harry, you better watch which toilet seat you sit on from now on."
" The nerve of him! Messing with our way of life! Oh, Harry!" Hermione said, as she started to cry.
" We could dress Moaning Myrtle up as me, and tell her to rip off all the cameras!" Harry said, clearly excited.
" What good will that do us? Let's use silly string! Or booger flavored beans!" Said Ron, also very excited.
"That's bogus! Just tell the Ministry of Magic." Hermione said.
So, the three went up to The Ministry of Magic.
⌠Hello, may I help you?■ asked the secretary.
⌠Um, yeah. Yeah, sure,■ Harry read her name tag, ⌠Ross. We would like to see the minister.■
⌠He is busy at the candy store. You know, Fudge, candy. How ironic.■ she said in a very dull voice, ⌠But I▓ll take a message, just like a did for all the other idiots who came in for complaints. You people don▓t appreciate me enough! Message, message, message. Phone, phone, phone. Lend money to the idiotic minister for candy! Does he ever bring me any candy? No! he never does.■
⌠I▓m sorry to hear that, but just tell him Harry Potter called in.■
⌠You walked in.■
⌠Whatever.■
Then they walked over to a bench, near the front of the building. As they sat down, Hermione asked Harry,
⌠Why don▓t we go see Fred and George? They could help us do something!■
⌠Yes, very clever Hermione.■ Ron rolled his eyes, ⌠And let them do some dangerous trick to blow up the bathroom? Me and Harry might have to go in the girl▓s room until they rebuild it!■
⌠Right. Well, then how about we go talk to Oprah? She will know what to do!■
Ron and Harry agreed. So they took off in Ron▓s dad▓s car, going to Hollywood.
When they arrived, they were in a rather large parking lot, in front of a huge building, with the words, Oprah▓s Studio painted on it. The building was a cheery yellow, with flaking white border. They jumped out of the old blue car, and pushed through the doors. Oprah, and a client were apparently already on air.
⌠ And when did you start to feel that way?■ Oprah asked her client.
⌠ Now! My daughter, Hannah, is such a big movie star, that people all over recognize her!■
Then Hannah Montana entered the stage.
⌠ Hey y▓all!■ she said, as she looked up into the crowd. Then she spotted Harry. ⌠ Oh MY GOD! OPRAH, YOU DIDN▓T TELL ME HARRY POTTER WAS HERE!■ she yelled as she jumped off stage, and ran up to Harry.
⌠ Oh, my God!■ she squealed, then kissed him.
⌠Um, thanks Hannah, but do you think Hermione, Ron and I could talk to Oprah real quick?■
⌠Anything for you Harry!■
She took his hand and led him up on stage. Everyone in the crowd began to clap.
⌠Oprah,■ Hannah smiled broadly, ⌠this is Harry Potter! He wants to talk to you!■
⌠Well, then! Sit down Harry! Ron, Hermione!■
⌠Thanks■ said Hermione.
⌠What▓s the problem?■ asked Oprah.
⌠People think we are starting a cult! The Hero of the Bathroom is even gonna put hidden cameras in our bathrooms!■ boasted Ron.
Oprah shifted her weight.
⌠Really, Ron?■
⌠Yup. We need your advice on this.■
Suddenly, Hannah squealed again, plopped her self on Ron▓s lap, and kissed him.
⌠Hannah, we all love you, but please, just go back stage!■ cried Oprah.
⌠No, no. It▓s ok. I like rock stars!■ replied Ron, as he looked into Hannah▓s eyes.
⌠Right. Well, this will be very valuable information, then. Meet me in my office after I finish this interview with Billie Rae.■
⌠Ok. Thanks,■ said Harry as the four trooped out, Hannah and Ron holding hands.