...I'll explain.

Maddie and Susie, two of my friends, and I were sitting in the school library with nothing to read. So we each grabbed a Rainbow Magic book.

They each take five minutes to read and double that time to stop laughing about.

Basically, the entire series are about the best friends Rachel Walker and Kirsty Tate. They have to help King Oberon and Queen Titania help find whatever magical item the fairies have had stolen from them by Jack Frost and his goblins.

I know it's a children's book, so I have no reason to be making fun of it like this, but...I can't help myself.

You might think this is crack, but if you read the books, you'll see that this is exactly the way they're written...Minus Ed's potty mouth.

Meet Edward the Fullmetal Fairy, Roy the Flame fairy, Alphonse the Armored fairy, Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy, Kimblee the Creeper Fairy, Hohenheim the Bastard Fairy and Scar the S.C.A.R fairy.

...

Is this legal?

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist- let the tears fall. I also don't own Rainbow Magic- thank you for the small blessings.

Chapter One

Edward the Fullmetal Fairy!

"Wow!" said Kirsty Tate to her best friend Rachel Walker. "That fairy's really short!"

"I'M NOT SHORT DAMMIT!" the fairy yelled, his face going red. "GO ROT IN HELL, YOU STUPID-"

Rachel squished him slightly under one finger, much to his annoyance. "That's not a very nice thing to say!"

"Rachel, look!" Kirsty said suddenly. "Something's sparkling! I think it's FAIRY MAGIC!"

"Wow, you're right!" Rachel exclaimed. "Hooray! Another magical adventure!"

They ran over to the sparkly patch of grass, with Edward flying along behind them. (He honestly had nothing better to do.)

In the grass they saw a tiny silver pocket watch.

"Hey!" Ed shouted. "That's mine! Hooray, I found it!"

"Not so fast!" a mean voice cackled. "That pocket watch is ours! Jack Frost wants it so that he can have the magical angry powers inside!"

Gluttony and Envy jumped out from behind a bush. Envy was wearing a miniskirt that was slightly longer than the one he usually wore, much to Roy Mustang's dismay (he liked miniskirts on women, but he liked them even more on men!).

Envy grabbed the pocket watch from Ed's miniature hands and ran away, cackling.

"OH NO!" said Kirsty in an overly-epic voice. "WE HAVE TO SAVE THE POCKET WATCH!"

"Wait. I'm supposed to take you to Fairyland. Turn into beautifully magical pink fairies like me. But my wings are prettier. Always remember that. They SPARKLE, for god's sake!"

Kirsty and Rachel didn't listen. They thought their wings were prettier, but they didn't say so, because this is a book series meant to teach small children that manners are good and that it's okay to send the losers home to cry in their pillows each night.

They flew to fairy land where King Oberon (The Fuhrer) and Queen Titania (his wife) were slacking off and playing ping pong.

"Oh. Hey," said King Oberon. "Uh...Oh yeah! We were supposed to explain what you have to look for this times, slaves- I mean, Kirsty and Rachel!"

Kirsty and Rachel didn't notice his mess up because Kirsty and Rachel are idiots.

"Meet Edward the Fullmetal Fairy, Roy the Flame fairy, Alphonse the Armored fairy, Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy, Kimblee the Creeper Fairy, Hohenheim the Bastard Fairy and Scar the S.C.A.R fairy."

"What does S.C.A.R. stand for?" Rachel asked politely.

"Super Crazy Alchemist Rapist," Scar the S.C.A.R. fairy replied.

"Oh," said Rachel.

"What's a rapist?" Kirsty whispered. Rachel shrugged.

"Anyways," continued King Oberon, aka the Fuhrer. "You need to find the prized possession of each of the fairies. Ed's pocket watch, Roy's gloves, Al's kitty, Armstrong's sparkles, Kimblee's apocalypse-creating time bomb-" At this, Kimblee laughed evilly. "-Hohenheim's beard, and Scar's...Uh...Scar."

"OKAY!" Rachel and Kirsty said. "LET'S START NOW!"

Back on Earth...

"OH NO!" shouted Rachel over-epically, as per usual. "I SEE GOBLINS!"

"Do they have my watch?" Ed asked eagerly. They did. How convenient. "Okay; I'll go beat the shit out of them and steal my watch back, then-"

"No!" said Kirsty. "We have to get your watch back with logical whatsits!" Rachel and Kirsty started whispering while Ed watched, wondering why the hell Mird was making him do this.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Rachel. The two girls giggled and stretched a rope between two trees. The goblins (Envy and Gluttony) tripped over it.

"OH HELL NO!" Envy whined. "I broke my nose! Owwie! I- Okay, who the hell is writing this shit?!" He transformed back into his normal, palm tree-ish self.

"Me!" said a squealy, annoying voice. "I'm Daisy Meadows, and that's totally NOT a pseudonym! I write the Rainbow Magic series because I think rainbows and sparkles and fairies are-"

Riza shot her.

Ed took back his pocket watch, then turned to the readers. "Mird promised that she won't embarrass us TOO much in the next chapter...So this might still be worth reading, hmm? And, if you don't review, Scar the S.C.A.R. fairy will rape you, whether you're an alchemist or not."

-End Chapter One-