Hair

"Reid, man, it'll be alright." He clasped his hand on my shoulder. An innocent gesture, yes, but it sets my mind on fire.

I've always been afraid of my mind, and now my fear has taken root and spread. Cancer.

Large classes of brain tumor have very low survival rates, so this doesn't look good for me, but if I stay positive, as it is proven, there is a higher survival rate.

But just think, being a genius and loosing your memory, turns out to be brain cancer. Not very happy.

I have to tell him sooner than later, most likely sooner.

When did this happen? When did he become to mean more than a friend to me? Not only a friend, but someone I could lean on, count on to be there for me. My feelings have morphed, now he is my world, and I should tell him, but I don't know how. He's been pulling me through this. I will beat this.

"Hey pretty boy, you ready for this?" His voice shakes; he's supposed to be the rock of the team, invulnerable. But then I guess he's only human.

"Are you sure you want to do this Reid?" He asks again; hands trembling.

"If you won't do it, I will." I grab at the clippers in his hands.

"Morgan." I try being firm; it's kind of cute when he's afraid.

"Alright, I'll do it." He flicks the switch and the clippers vibrate. Morgan breathes out, hands tense up. I reach back to touch his hip. He half smiles, touching the back of my head before he starts. Front to back, the clippers vibrate, skimming across my scalp. Bubbles of laugher escape my lips. It tickles.

Then silence.

Morgan reaches over to the table to grab a mirror. I look…to see someone that's not me.

My hair. "It's just hair." He whispers.

I rub my hand against my scalp; it feels like soft dog's fur.

"I guess I'm not 'pretty boy' anymore." I crane my neck to look up at Morgan.

He frowns, tears welling up. He places the mirror down, coming in front of me, holding my hands. He squeezes them tight.

"You're going to get through this. You're stronger than you look. You're a fighter. No matter how many times you almost… you always surprise us kid, you pull on through." Tears fall on our clasped hands.

My heart aches. I want to pull his face to mine and kiss him senseless. I want to just touch his cheek to…reassure him, but then again I am afraid. This fear is irrational.

He straightens up, wiping the tears from his face. He turns his back on me. God, he's so beautiful.

"Derek." I stand up, touching his shoulder.

There's the idea of males being physically attracted to females, and vise versa, and that being natural, normal. But then again…I am not normal by any sense of the term. I'm attracted to people, and Derek Morgan is the most beautiful person I know.

"Yeah kid?" He sniffs; turning around to look at me.

"Derek I-" I need to get closer, I…I don't want my memories to fade, loose my facilities; I don't want to die alone.

I place my hand on his heart; it speeds up under my touch.

I try tucking my hair behind my hair behind my ear out of habit, not possible. Damn.

"Yeah Reid?" He shifts, concern flits across his face.

I clear my throat. How to…I press my chest against his, wrapping my arms around his waste.

His eyes grow wide as I reach up to kiss him, softly and hesitantly as possible. He's so breakable.

Morgan tenses up before he relaxes, giving in he kisses back.

I never knew how much I wanted this.

I don't know how long we're like this, but I know Morgan groans as I pull away for air.

"Derek, I'm sorry…Uh, it's probably my fear of uh…"I can't get my thoughts straight.

"No it's not, stop lying. I see how you watch me at work, on cases. This is…" Morgan half smiles at me, his teeth flashing. It's contagious, I smile back.

"I'm here for you no matter what Spencer. No matter what." Morgan rubs his hand along my spine, leaving me to shiver.

"But you don't have to, I'm not asking for pity. I-" He won't let me finish.

"This is my choice. I choose you. Work doesn't matter, people don't matter. I don't care. You're going to pull through, and I'm gonna be there. I love you. Even when this is all over, I'll still love you. I will spend all the time I have with you, Spencer Reid. Leave no doubt about it kid." He stares at me hard, reaching to entwine his fingers with mine.

My heart will burst through my rib cage, theoretically. He's mine.

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