"That dress looks quite fetching on you", Lorne couldn't help but grin. Parrish glared at him, stronger than McKay had ever been.
"Shut up, Major." He growled, trying to pull the admittedly very short skirt down.
"If you don't want to advertise your arse to the whole world, you should stop doing that", Reed pointed out in a friendly tone. He was the only one who was completely unfazed by Parrish's new clothes.
Next to him, Cadman seemed to be unable to decide whether to stare at Parrish's legs or his mostly exposed chest although Lorne had seen her ogle Parrish's arms as well. He couldn't blame her.
"Maybe we could keep it as the new uniform for the scientists", Lorne couldn't help but say.
"Evan-"Parrish started, warningly narrowing his eyes. Reed on the hand looked suddenly intrigued. Lorne didn't doubt that he was picturing Dr. Kusanagi in Parrish's place right now. Cadman nearly purred at the thought or maybe at the way the dress rode up when Parrish moved. It was hard to tell as Lorne was distracted by the sight as well.
"Stop objectifying me!" Parrish yelled.
"I'm sorry, Davy, but I don't think I can", Cadman licked her lips. "It's coded into my female DNA." She laughed when Parrish glared at her as well before he turned back to Lorne.
"And what's your excuse, Major?"
"He finds you really hot?" Reed suggested. Lorne blushed, guilty as charged.
"Kinky", Cadman chirped, having taken a few steps aside to get a better look at Parrish's arse.
"I…a dress Evan? Really?" Parrish sounded exasperated. He hid his face in his palm. "Reed, give me your gun. I'm going to shoot them both."
"I'm feeling a conflict of interest here and would rather sit it out", Reed answered calmly.
"Traitor", Parrish muttered in his direction.
"I could arrest you for threatening", Lorne said if only to get back Parrish's attention. David would make him sleep on the couch anyway so he could at least enjoy it.
"Cross-dressing and handcuffs? I knew there was a reason you're my favourite CO", Cadman said appreciatively.
"If you're suggesting a threesome next, I will shoot you." Parrish threatened.
"And I will let him!" Reed called in from where he had retreated to the nearest tree. "I don't need that image in my head. It's bad enough as it is."
"Please", Cadman rolled her eyes, "I know neither of you is interested in me that way…but how about letting me watch?"
"No", both Parrish and Lorne answered categorically.
"You two are no fun"; Cadman complained.
Parrish, having taken his hands off his skirt yelped mortified when a sudden breeze lifted the hem of said dress.
There was a moment when everyone stared at him silently until Reed started to laugh, Cadman purred and Lorne had to look away for the sake of his professionalism.
Parrish leaned closer to him and whispered into his ear, "If you get this done and over with I'll keep the dress for tonight."
Reed had put his hand over Cadman's eyes while looking away himself.
"Are you trying to bribe me into cutting short a mission?" Lorne asked in the same low voice Parrish had used.
"Just an idea", Parrish winked at him.
Lorne had them home within the hour.