Thank You For Phoning
By Laura Schiller
Based on: Doctor Who
Copyright: BBC
"Clara? It's the Doctor. I just … I just called to say … oh, hang it, Clara, even when you're no' there, you're still drivin' me bananas. I know ye want me to apologize, but I still don't see why I should. I'm not the one who threatened violence. Being short and female doesna give ye the right to slap people, y'know. What would yer students think?
"Och, I know. Avoiding the subject. It's a habit of mine, as ye may have noticed.
"Question: did you, or did you not, insist on an equal share of responsibility when we first met? Quite forcefully, I might add. Ye sent me off for coffee while you hacked the Great Intelligence. Ye jumped into my timestream against my express order. Not that I'm ungrateful of course … saved my lives and all … but that's beside the point. You're a control freak, Clara, face it. Takes one to know one. I was trying to respect that.
"Ah, well … maybe not. Maybe … truth is, I trust you. Entirely. Which is more than I sometimes trust myself.
"See, I had a similar choice to make once. An innocent life – a star whale – versus the future of humanity. I came this close to killing it. Finger on the button. I was just aboot ready to give up my name a second time, when Amelia stopped me. Yes, that Amelia. The one I mentioned when … Bow Tie's first face, y'know. She saved the whale, just as you and Courtney saved the moon chick. Without you ladies around, I'm dangerously liable to make the wrong decision.
"Like Gallifrey, I suppose. It took two younger selves - and the full impact of those disappointed brown eyes of yours – to change my mind then. You made the right decision on your own.
"On your own …
"Clara, I … listen, ye've got to understand! I swear by my fourteen lives I didn't know the hatching would be harmless. That's why I had to leave ye – to look ahead. If the creature had been dangerous, or the shell hit the earth, my Old Girl would've picked you three up, towed the moon away to a safe distance – that's nothing, we towed the Earth once – and made absolutely certain you were safe. And if ye call that patronizing, so be it. I don't care.
"I'm not askin' to come back, mind. I'm fine on my own, and so are you, no doubt. You've got your soldier – ahem, Mr. Daniel Pink now. Even when – if I did come back, ye'd only roll your eyes and whinge about me interruptin' yer precious plans. That's all ye seem to do lately, every time I show up. The universe is not a chore, Clara. And I'm not some senile old uncle ye volunteer to sit with at the hospital.
"I miss the days when the TARDIS doors opening made ye smile.
"So I've been thinking: remember how you've always wanted to take the Orient Express? How about one that travels in space? First-class, early twentieth-century comfort with the universe outside yer window! Next Wednesday, how about it? Just a suggestion. You're welcome to sulk for a little while longer if it makes ye feel better. Or ye can come and have an adventure. What's it to be?
"So. See you when I see you, Clara. And, er, in case I forgot …
"I'm sorry."