The darkness has always been there, surrounding them on all sides. She's taught the most important lesson from the cradle: Do not go into your dark, safety exist in the light.
But the light in people is dying, and the dark is coming to them all.
The first time they all learn what "taking care of the discipline" means for the Carrows they are at Dark Arts and Seamus Finnigan- who has lost every trace of self-preservation sense since his bes friend Dean had to hide for being muggleborn and has being messing with the Carrows alongside Neville and Ginny Weasley- raises his hand in the middle of an explanation of how to do the cruciatus curse and asks why purebloods are afraid of muggleborns and need to reduce them if they are really superior.
Amycus Carrow's face twist with fury. He points at Crabbe- sitting on the other side of the room around a group of smiling Slytherins- without a word, but the dense goon seems to surprisly understand him, becuse he raises calmy, a sadistic smirk on his lips.
He points with his wand at Seamus.
Hannah feels like screaming.
"CRUCIO"
Seamus body rises lifeless in the air for an horrible second, then, he screams. It's loud and shirll and the agony cuts the air and it stabs Hannah every time and all she can think about is her mum, murdered after passing through the same Seamus is because she soiled Abbott's blood. She barely registers her best friend Susan is shaking at her side, some girl on the back is sobbing. It goes on and on, even after his voice brokes and he can barely make any loud screams anymore. And Carroe is laughing. And the pain slips into Hannah as it was her own, making its way up her veins, setting in her chest.
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.
But nobody does and she can't look anymore, covering her ears in a vane attemp of stop the sound.
She's being tortured too.
Then Seamus' lifeless body falls suddenly on the floor with a flick of Carrows' hand. And Hannah knows the sound has ended, but she can still hear every sream on her head. Seamus' and her mum's and her own.
And then Crabbe laughs.
And Hanna has barely time to lean over her desk before vomit violently.
Everyhing is dark, and quite after the first few cruciatus. Hannah feels like she's being hunted every second, they are waiting out there, waiting for her to take a false step and punish her. They seem to have an special pleasure for talking about the nastiness of half-bloods in classes, waiting for them to react. Hannah never does.
She enters the Grat Hall one day- head down, shoulders slumped- to find the celing showing the real day outside, sunny and cloudless, intead of the stormy weather Carrow's make it show every day. And the sun shines right over the painting on the wall,making everybdy look even when it's not big.
We keep resisting against Dark.
The Carrows don't look happy. Luna Lovegood walks throug the door and they grab her, and haul her to the front of the room. Hanna knows Ginny Weasley is still in the Hospital Wing and Seamus and Neville spent the last nigh doing some sort of punishement for the deatheaters, so that leaves Luna, no other student has been resisting.
And it's like that how Hannah realizes they are not winnig, Hogwarts it's letting them win without a fight. There's no resistance if just for people are brave enough to stand.
"You have no proof against her" Neville protest steping out of the crowd.
"It's ok Neville" Luna says, calm and controled, like she's completly unaware of what's going to happen. Maybe she is, Hannah thinks.
"I'll take that as a conffession" Amycus answers "If nobody else knows what happened"
Everybody stays silent and Alecto raises right in front of Luna ans raises her wand. The girl screams in fear, but she doesn't look like she being curse, at least, not with cruciatus. Hanna has never heard Luna Lovegood raise her voice. It makes her feel sick again.
And suddenly, she can feel her mum voice in her head Hannah Morgan Abbott, I did not raised you to be a coward, girl.
Hannah's heart sinks.
"It was not her" she says making his way to the center aisle "It was me"
It takes almos a whole minute to the Hall to realize what she's just said and start staring at her. Alecto's Carrow wand leaves Luna alone in shonk and her brother's mouth falls open for a second.
"Abbott" he sneers "You little filthy half-blood. I knew you would turn out just like your mudblood mother"
"It wasn't her!" a voice rings out from the crowd, high and shrill in fear, and Hanna know who's voice is before her best friend appears by her side. "I know it because it was me"
Hannah pales a bit, she should have known Susan would be loyal enough to do this. Before she can open her mouth to protest, though somebody else is speaking.
"No!" Erni exclaims pushing both of them behind his back, trying to protect them with his body. "I did it"
It makes Hannah miss Justin, the way both Ernie and him would constatly take care of her like she was a little girl. It makes her miss him being here, were he would belong if the world hadn't cringed into the dark.
"They are lying. It was me" Lavender Brown's voice is shaking, but every word comes out clear as she joins Hannah and Susan, her curly hair glowing under the sun.
"No, It was me" Megan says.
"It was me" asserts Parvati Patil.
"I did it" claims Padma.
The Carrows pale a bit as the Great Hall fills with voices, Hanna think she's never seen the other teacher so proud. And Hanna reaizes then that the deatheaters fear them, maybe even You-know-Who himself, that's why they sent the Carrows to Hogwarts, because they fear what students united can do for the revolution.
Hannah's pushed to the front of the Hall in the end, because she talked forst and she's a half-blood. But she can her the roar of protests as Amycus points her with the wand, and everyone can hear the fear on his voice when he mumble "crucio".
Nobody steps out for her, she wasn't expecting it anyway, but as her body shakes uncontrollably in the air, pain overtaking every bone, Hannah can see that Lavender, Parvati and Seamus have to join forces to stop Neville from launch himself over the Carrows. He catches her eye as she is gasping for air and doesn't let go until the torture ends.
Hannah feels braver.
When she wakes up in the Hospital Wing, she can hear Ernie's, Megan's and Susan's voices close by, but Hannah's happy when she sees it's Neville the one sitting in the chair by her side.
He is asleep, and Hannah notices the dark circles under his eyes, how much thinner he is and the trace of beard on his strong jaw. Her fingers tickle at the though of touching his face, but he opens his eyes suddenly and her breath gets cought in her throat.
"Hey" he whispers softly, a haunted look in his eyes "How are you feeling?"
"Fine" Hanna breaths "A little bruised"
"I'm sorry" he says leanind to stroke her hair gently "I'm calling this stupid rebellion off"
Hannah panics.
"You can't do that!" she hisses.
"Sure I can. I started the DA again, I have put everyone in risk. It's my fault you had to run from the Carrows last night and ended up here"
"That's ridiculous, you are DA's leader, and you started it, but this rebellion has nothing to do with you. I'm fighting for me and I ended up here because I was clumsy enough to fall down the stairs while runnig from Alecto's curses."
Hannah can tell he doesn't agree, but before he can answer the curtain in front of Nevilles flies open and he moves his hand away abruptly.
"Hannah" Susan shouts throwing hersef to hug Hannah with tears in her big eyes "Oh, I was so worried. You're alive!"
"Let her breathe, Sue" Ernie says, his blonde head appearing in Hannah's visual field next to Megan's pretty face twisted with worry.
But Susan doesn't let go, and Hannah feels her own eyes fill with tears when her friend sobbers a bit, her long black braid shaking on her back.
To her surprise, when Susan calms down and stops hugging her, she can see Gnny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Lavender Brown are there too.
"What happened after I fell?"
"Susan and Megan carried you to the common room" Ernie explains "Lucky you were close. We couldn't take you to the Hospital Wing and we didn't ventured to wake you, just in case. Susan was sickly worried. We called Neville the next morning and he came before breakfast, had a bit of a panick attack, our fearless leader, rambling about ending the rebellion and some crap. Luna came with the solution and Lavendar here dressed up with Megan's uniform and lauched herself rom the stairs next to the Grat Hall. We had made sure the stairs were crowded with DA members and the only thing Slytherins or teacher could see was some blonde hair and yellow uniform. The we took you to the Hospital Wing and said you had just fell. Carrow's weren't convinced but then Daphne Greengrass assured she had pushed you, we think she just wanted the credit, because nobody saw her around. Anyway they belived her and have no idea of who left the messages on their door last night, but they were furious when they read them."
It takes a bit to Hannah's brain to analize all the information. "That was smart" she finally says, and then adds a thak you looking at Lavender, who just smiles brightly.
"I think we should add some physical training to the DA meetings" Ginny Weasley proposes winking at Hannah "If we are planning to battle, we have to be ready in every way"
"I agree" Hannah answers "Wouldn't want to trip while running in a real fight"
"If you say something about us not fighting" Ginny says looking threateningly at Neville, who sure enough looks ready to argue "I'll hex you"
He mumbles something incomprehensible, but doesn't take the chance.
DA reunions become taining sesions and Hannah is pleased to say the fifthy former members of it are giving the Carrows hell.
At least two of them end up injuried everyday, cruciated, beated or even whipped, but they take the punishements like soldiers and go back for more as soon as the wound closes. After a couple of times, they realize the Carrows can't kill them. Maybe because their pure blood is to valuable for death eater.
They learn more curses and spells from Neville and Ginny, work on useful potions with Gryffindor fifth year Romilda Vane and Terry Boot, Anthony Goldstein and Michael Corner are experts in finding weird spells from old books and Zacharias and Ernie lead the physical part alongside, unbelievably, the Patil twins and Lavender Brown. Hannah can almost touch their progress.
Her heart sinks a little everytime she realizes she thinks as a victory becoming a soldier.
Neville is still pale and thin, but she thinks it's more from all the exercice that from worry now and she can tell the dark circles under his eyes are not that noticeable anymore. It stabs her one day, how much he's changed. He's a man now, a leader, someone the kids look up to, someone brave. He's at least six feet tall and the last rests of baby fat are gone, his body is fit and strong, his dark grey eyes standing out in the usually bruised face. He catches Hannah staring and smiles at her. She's never been so red-faced in her live.
They are not properly fighting yet, of course. They have agree they will only act like an army when harry needs them. But they play their own little battles, and win.
Lisa Turpin asserts out loud that Snape is an assasine when he passes by. Susan heals a first year in front of Alecto when she curses him. Jimmy Peakes encloses Crabbe on a broom closest for three days. The Weasley twins find a way to send Ginny some stuff, like a red paint that appears only at certain times and changes into different sentences and Romilda Vane and Megan find a way to cover the wall in front of the Carrows office with DA consignes. Ernie slips some Mysterious Midnight Moon Madness on Slytherin food and the whole house goes crazy for a night. Lavender and Parvati manage to give Alecto some Blush Crush and she goes missing for two days alongside Filch. McGonagall makes the swamp the twins created once grow considerably and almost drawns Snape.
Hannah looses her breath everytime Neville stays against her back correcting some wand moves.
Luna doesn't come back after Chritsmas.
They know she's still alive, because the galeon glows with her name everyday. But they have lost her and kids start to grow really scary of the two siblings. Neville decides no one under fourh year will remain in the DA in order to protect the youngest. He can make third years Euan Abercrombie and Rose Zeller go anyway though, and to everyones surprise, more people from the superior yers join.
Hannah is paired up with Lavender Brown. The other witch talks so much it makes Hannah a little dizzy,but she kinda of likes it, she keeps her entertained during patrols and its really funny watching her explain the Twenty rules to not date a redhead based on her relationship with Ron Weasley. She's not half the superficial she gives the impresion to be.
"What are you afraid of?" she asks one day, while they are posting some papers where you can read Long Live Potter around the Grat Hall (they are suppossed to duplicate everytime someone tries to unstick them,courtesy of the Weasley twins ) "Not the Carrows, or being caught. A real fear."
"I don't know" Hannah answers bemused "What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of beig left behind. Of wake one day and ralize the people I love have moving on and I haven't got a place on their lifes anymore"
Hannah thinks about it.
"I'm afraid of loving someone who goes away...I'm afraid of missing someone the rest of my life"
She realizes it's not the best fear if you're facing a war.
They train painfuly hard. They are faster now, more powrful, more sneaky. Blaise Zabini's wand shakes uncontrollably everytime he's asked to curse someone, Daphne Greengrass cries with her victim and even Pansy Parkison stops the spell before Carrows tell her to do so.
Fear of what happened to Luna becomes determination.
The deatheaters go harder on them. They make older students hex the yougest and they lock up children unfed for days. Whips on the back become a regular.
Susan finds out she really skilled with healing spells, what in a way is not surprising at all.
Megan tells Hannah about meeting Cormac McLaggen back in Chritsmas.
Ernie becomes a "Head" alongside Ginny, Seamus, Padma Patil, Michael Corner,Megan, Leanne and Terry Boot. Susan confesses she's in love with him and Ernie says he loves her back.
Lavender becomes really good at sneaking first and second years out of the dungeons when they serve detention chained to the wall for a whole night. She is not really good with kids, but they start to follow her almost as much as they follow Neville and she starts to like them back.
Hannah is cruciated when she cast a protection spell between Amycus and a first year that results in Amycs flying backwards abruptly and ending up next to Proffessot Sprout, who steps on his hand.
When she wakes on the Hospital Wing, Neville is sleeping by her once more.
Ginny Weasley doesn't come back after Easter, her family is afraid they would take her away like thay did to Luna, after all, all the Weasley family belongs to The Order. So Ginny is sent away with the twins and sometimes they can hear her talking in potterwatch. They can know now what is really happening out there, who is being murdered and haunted, what are the deatheaters doing, what memebers of The Order are still fighting, what are some muggleborns on the run doing.
She knows Seamus is waiting to hear from Dean, just like she and Ernie listen for Justin's name and Jimmy Peakes and Ritchie Coote for Demelza Robins'. They all have lost someone.
And it's horrible, in a way, but she feels herself gathering around the radio with the DA.
And then, one day, Fred says that Harry, Ron and Hermione had been seen in Malfoy Manor and some witness comfirm that they make it out alive.
Hannah catches Neville's eye and she thinks they might both explode from joy.
For some reason -Ernie sustains it's because they are nerds- Lisa Turpin, Terry Boot and Anthony Goldstein know Occlumency and they offer to teach it to the rest of the DA.
Neville thinks it could be useful somehow and they start to take lessons of half an hour in three different groups right after Chritsmas, but it's not until they come back from Easter when Anthony (the teacher of Hannah's section) decides they are prepared enough to try to enter in a partner's mind instead of just learning how to block their minds.
Nobody is surprised when Susan and Ernie get it perfectly at the first sesion. Followed by Oliver Rivers and Sophie Roper, who had been dating since the last summer and two sixth years named Berry Applelbee and Joe Peakes.
Learning to control it takes Hannah a week and she's paired up with Neville when it happens.
Suddenly, she feels everything he's feeling. His courage and his fear and his hate and his worry. For the first time, she sees absolutly every part of Neville, and she sees herself as he sees her, and the amazing thing is that , in his eyes, she's beautiful.
Neville gets a terrible scar on his face when she asks Alecto how much muggle blood do her and her brother have.
Later that day, McGonagall calls him to her office and he calls a meeting afterwards.
They have gone for his grandma, the filthy rats. Even when he assures everyone that she is perfectly fine, Hannah feels like killing someone. Anyway, the thing is that Neville thinks it's time to hide, the DA agrees.
"You should stay in the Room of Requirement" Hannah proposses, because she is afraid he's gonna leave and disappear forever.
"That's right" Seamus aproves "We still need you to lead us"
"I don't know, it may become a trouble for the meetings if I'm living here" Neville doubts.
"I don't see how" Parvati says.
"You can go out for a second when we need the room to transform itself in something else" Padma agrees.
"I guess"
"I think we should try that" Seamus insists "Right?"
"Please" Hannah whispers when everyone else starts to shout at once, trying to answer "Don't let me in the darkness"
Neville looks at her surprised, but he must be able to read the plead on her face because he search for her hand and squeezes it gently.
He agrees to stay.
She can't curse. Not only for the Carrows, she just can't do it. Not since her mother was murderer with one.
Neville is kind, and patient, and he tries and tries to make her get ther right wrist move, or the right pronunciation, insisting she would need to hex if they find themself in a real battle. Hannah knows that he's right. She can't take deatheaters doen with simple jinxes. But everytime she tries to do it she fails.
"I can't do it" she tells him one day after a particulary hard meeting for her "I can't do those hexes"
"Yes you can" Nevilel says with a tired voice. "If you practice a bit you'll get them"
"I won't do it" she corrects herself.
He looks a bit taken aback, but Hanah doesn't back off.
"I won't use curses or hexes. I won't do the same thing that killed my mother, and you can't fobide me to fight, because I can do some good enough spells and I have the strogest Shield Charm in this army. I'm going to join the fight when the time comes and I don't care what you have to say about my lack of spells."
He kisses her.
There and then and straight in the mouth. It's deep, and hungry, and there's something about the kiss that tells her he's wanted to do this for the longest time. she whishes he had. So she kisses him back, fiercely and hungrily trying to press their bodies closer, and closer is not enough.
Every part of her burns with the need to touch him, and it amazes her she doesn't want to stop him when his hands start to undo the bottoms of her shirt, and that he doesn't complain when she breaks the kiss for a secons to pull his t-shit over his head.
And when their mouths join again there is something in the kiss that goes under her lips and her skin, making its way to her chest and setting itself there.
Hannah imagines it is light.
The war comes at the beggining of May, and Hannah won't talk much about it afterwards, but to say it was horrible. She fights alongside the DA and she sees a lot of friends die. She does not use one curse, but Susan is able to take down two deatheaters while she's covering her back with the Shield Charm.
A part of her dies that day.
Then ther is a ceasefire and Harry dies. Harry dies and they lost the war. Ginny's screams, filled with sorrow, ring over the silent of the night and Hannah knows, right there, that she would die before joining Voldemort.
Neville seems to think the same, because she steps out of the crowd and faces their enemies. Hannah feels Ernie's strong grip on her shoulder, making her stay right were she is. She hides her face on his chest, and doesn't look up again until Ernie swears out loud.
Voldemort snake is dead.
Everything is a chaos, Susan yells they have to go back to the castle and fight, Hannah doesn't understand anything until she tells her they have to fins Neville inside because he killed the snake. Hannah's feet run by their own orders torwards the castle.
At the end, is Harry who kills Voldemort after everyone thought he had been killed by him before. Which is kinda of a long story.
Wounded people are being taking care of and survivors gather together around cups of hot chocolat. The war is over and they have won. It's gonna be alright.
But when the battle is far behind and everyone starts to seearch for a place to sleep, Hannah stays behind.
Susan, Ernie, Megan and Neville are alive, and so are Harry, Ron Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Dean, Luna and little Rose Zeller. And thousen of others.
But Zacharias Smith's and Terry Boot's bodies lie lifeless on the floor, next to Parvati's and Colin Creevey's. She looks at them, one by one, and it surprises her how much love she feels for every single one of them, even now that they are gone.
That's the paradox of grief, she realizes, how something it's not here anymore can be so heavy.
If you asked her years later, Hannah would tell you she was lucky during the war. She wold still be able to remember where Proffesor Lupin and his wife layed on the floor of the Great Hall that day, or Fred Weasley (still smiling forever) or Alicia Spinnet. Or how many scars Lavender's pretty face had when she passed away two days after the Battle in the Hospital Wing. Or how Euan Abercrombie lost his left leg from his knee. Or how she never heard from Justin again.
But she would also remember how tigh Susan had hugged her when it all was over, and seeing Ernie spinning her in the air while she laughed. How good Neville's lips felt, bruised and swollen, against hers. How her father choosed to die bravely before joinig the deatheaters.
And she would tell you why she called her only child Lavender, becase she didn't want to leave her behind.