Rewrite of Helen/Nikki Scenes: Season 1 Episode 9
After the events of the past week Helen had taken to the bottle that little bit more. She had not had a sober night since before Spencer's funeral. Her relationship with Sean was growing more and more strained. She couldn't think about the wedding, she didn't want to think about the wedding because deep down she didn't want the wedding. Helen wanted what she couldn't have but now more than ever she was willing to break the rules and do what she wanted.
As for Nikki she had barely seen Helen. She knew that with everything with Monica and the Scot's impending marriage that she wasn't the focus of Helen's attentions, at least, that's what she thought. Nikki had resigned herself to the fact that Helen was no more than just a friend and that any romantic feelings, no matter how badly she wanted, were not reciprocated.
(Scene 1)
Helen had heard through the grapevine that Monica was considering giving up her appeal to waste away in prison and Helen couldn't allow that to happen. She had searched all the places she thought the older woman would be but there was no sign of her. The library was the last place to look and was not surprised to see Nikki there. However, right now, Nikki was the last person Helen wanted to see
"Hi" Helen says quietly hoping to god Nikki didn't hear her. No luck
"You look a bit pasty Helen" Helen glances at Nikki and gives her 'the don't start' look "Heavy night?"
"I'm looking for Monica"
"I've not seen her all day" Nikki could tell Helen was uncomfortable but why? She hadn't tried anything and she was just making casual conversation. Maybe it was the hangover she knew the Wing Governor was suffering from. Nikki could see the Scot was hiding something, something that was upsetting her "What's wrong?" There was a shake of the head from Helen, which meant there was something seriously wrong or Nikki had done something wrong "Is it cause I called you Helen" Helen looks at the prisoner like she'd grown two heads. She wanted to tell the brunette what was wrong but she couldn't. Not in the library. "I thought you didn't want us to be formal" God it sounded like they were part of a tense and fragile working environment.
"No I don't"
"So what's the problem? You want to be informal but you don't want to be called Helen" Helen was trying to figure out how she could talk with Nikki but when the prisoner was like this it would be like trying to bend steel with your bare hands. Impossible.
"No"
"You can't have it both ways" Nikki was tired of being messed about. It was like a game of tug rope. She was being tugged from side to side by an indecisive and confused Helen and she was starting to get tired. It was then Helen decided to drop herself in it
"This is difficult for me as I think you know" Nikki comes over and leans in that little bit too close
"So what do you want?" That was a question Helen knew the answer to but just wasn't willing to share it yet. Helen backs away a little feeling the urge to take the brunette prisoner into her arms becoming that little too powerful to ignore "Sorry. Am I making you feel uncomfortable?" Helen knew her game was up. Nikki knew what Helen was feeling and she wasn't going to lay down and let Helen close herself away in that heterosexual shell she was using as a lame excuse.
"Look if you see Monica tell her that I'm looking for her" Helen needed to get out of there before she couldn't suppress the want she had pent up inside so she bolts leaving a tired and frustrated Nikki behind.
(Scene 2)
The rumors that Monica was dropping her appeal were true much to Helen's disbelief. She had asked the woman herself and Helen was devastated. She needed Nikki's help more than ever. She needed one thing to go right. Helen knew Nikki would be in the gardens so she heads out to try and get the inmate on side.
"Nikki. Can I have a word?" Helen knew that Nikki had sensed her presence before she had even said anything by the way the brunette reacted when she spoke. The prisoner stands and the pair walk together
"You again?"
"Look I need to ask a favour" Not another favour. This was getting old, far too old for Nikki. All Helen ever wanted when she came to see Nikki was a favour "It's about Monica. I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I've run out of ideas" Oh even better Nikki thought. She was the last resort. "She's refusing to go through with her appeal" Nikki's shock and anger were advertised in one word
"What?"
"She said she didn't care anymore now that Spencer's dead" Nikki knew that this would happen. She had suspected it and now it's come true. Every woman on that wing needed Monica to go through with that appeal. It was the only way that they were given any hope that they might one day get out of Larkhall.
"Have you talked to her?"
"Me, the solicitor, a couple of officers. She just doesn't want to know" Nikki knew deep down Helen was asking as a friend rather than her wing governor. She knew Helen needed Monica to go through with her appeal and win it. Helen needed it to keep herself afloat in amongst the shit of Larkhall's G Wing.
"And now you want me to have a go?"
"Could you? I know that she respects you" Just as Helen did. Helen did respect Nikki because she was the side of women's prisons that was rarely seen. The side that could end up making something of their lives when they got out of prison.
"I'll try"
"Thanks and I haven't said anything okay?" That was the first time Helen had touched her of her own free will. The hand on Nikki's arm set the skin a flame and Nikki's mind into a tornado of thoughts.
"Sure Helen." To reassure the governor Nikki nods her head and smiles "That's okay" She wasn't going to let Helen down. Not this time.
The pressures of the wedding were making Helen resent Sean and his plans. She had fallen out of love with him but just couldn't find a way to break it off. She didn't want this wedding and sooner or later she was going to have to put an end to it and to her relationship with Sean.
(Scene 3)
After two failed attempts of trying to talk to Helen Nikki was wondering if she would ever be able to give the governor the good news about Monica and her ability to get the older woman to reconsider about abandoning the appeal. It was late when Helen found Nikki on the stairs between G2 and G3
"Nikki" Helen's voice was hopeful. Nikki knew she needed the good news
"Is it okay to talk now?"
"No worse than any other time" That was a sign that the day had not gone Helen's way. Nikki knew then how badly Helen needed the good news. The letter that Crystal wrote had caused a dark cloud to hang above Helen's head and Nikki knew that Helen was no longer safe in her job. Crystal had seen to that.
"I'm sorry about the letter"
"Doing the rounds is it?" Helen hated when she was undermined by her staff but detested being undermined by the prisoners in her charge which is why she came down so heavily on Nikki the first time they met on that fateful morning so many months ago. "Well it's only to be expected"
Nikki looks around before speaking quietly "I phoned you last night" Helen says nothing for a moment before replying. She knew it was Nikki but didn't want to say anything to Sean.
"Thought it might be you. How did you get my number?"
"Directory enquires. Out of order I know. I'm sorry" Helen didn't mind that Nikki had gotten her number. She was more annoyed at the fact that the prisoner hung up without saying anything "I just wanted to tell you the good news" The way Helen turned around with hope shining from her eyes made Nikki want to hug the Scot.
"What good news?"
"I think I've got Monica to reconsider" The way Helen's face lit up made Nikki very happy. She had made the person she cared for and loved happy. That was all she wanted.
"Thank god something's gone right today. Well done"
"I thought it'd cheer you up" That was what Helen wanted from Nikki. That person to pull her up when she was down, to help her when she was struggling and now she had gotten just that.
"Don't worry about the letter" The two women peer over the railings to the lower levels
"No?"
"You've got lots of other things to look forward to" Helen looks at Nikki "Like a wedding to plan" There was that hollow look at the mention of the wedding. Even in Larkhall she couldn't escape the wedding she knew would never happened
"That's right" Helen changed the uncomfortable subject of the wedding quickly "Anyway well done about Monica" There was a sudden tension between the women so Helen quickly decides to make a run for it "I'll see you Nikki" The walk away from the prisoner was hesitant and slow
"See you Helen" It was a good thing Helen didn't look back. Nikki's face was a picture of pain, sorrow and longing
Helen's anguish over her job, her failing relationship, Lorna Rose's stupidity and the hits she was taking from all sides had driven her to tears. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't put up with any of the shit Larkhall had to throw at her. She knew who she had to see and went she did. Nikki was the only person now who could give her the support, comfort and confidence she needed to get through this.
(Scene 4)
Nikki was more than surprised when the sound of her door being unlocked fills her ears. Probably Fenner come to wind her up but to her amazement and joy it was Helen. She knew that Helen had had a worse than shit day and by how lost the young scot looked she needed to be the supportive friend.
"Don't let the buggers get you down" Nikki sits up and waits for Helen. The governor put the door on its latch and comes to sit beside Nikki
"What you reading?" Helen's passion for books matched her own and it was always a good place to start a conversation
"Little Dorrit. It's a story about a terrible prison"
"Thank goodness we got rid of all of those" Nikki hated to see Helen beat herself up over something that wasn't her fault. Everything in Larkhall had spiralled out of control and Helen was caught in the middle of it. Nikki puts her book down and looks at the broken woman sitting by her
"You're doing your bit Helen. Most of the girls in here know that deep down"
"Yeah but for how much longer?" Nikki could see the walls Helen had put up come crashing down and that steely gaze and mask fall from her face
"Hey come here" Nikki puts an arm around the scot as the dam breaks in front of her eyes
"I'm just getting it from all sides Nikki. You know?" This was the first time Nikki had ever seen Helen so upset and broken and she didn't like it "From above and below." Nikki wanted to take the governor in her arms and hold her tight telling her that it was going to be okay, that she could get through this "It would be so much easier just to give in" This wasn't the Helen Nikki had grown to love. This was a Helen that was a stranger to her, a stranger she never wanted to meet again. To Nikki Helen was this strong, stubborn, unshakable force that never admitted defeat and to see her broken nearly beyond repair broke Nikki's heart.
"Hey you mustn't think like that" Nikki cups Helen's chin between her forefinger and thumb and tries to keep herself restrained but that restraint falls away
"No" That was it. Nikki did the stupid thing, the thing she really shouldn't have done. She kissed Helen again and this time Helen didn't pull away. The elicit moan from the Scot spurred Nikki on as she wrapped both arms around the young governor. The couple continue their battle for domination as Helen pushes Nikki back against the sheets. Nikki could feel the governor's hands explore her clothed body and she knew she had to stop this before it went too far
"Helen... Helen stop" The young scot breaks the kiss and ceases her exploration of Nikki's body "Not like this." It was incredible that Nikki was being the words of reason but she couldn't let it go too far especially when she knew Helen was still engaged to Sean.
"Hold me?" The small plea from Helen broke Nikki's restraint and she pulls Helen up with her as she lays her head down on her pillow. She looks down at the crying woman who was laying on her chest and does as she asks. Nikki holds the woman she loves for the first time and it felt amazing
"You're stronger than this Helen and I know you can win this fight just please don't give in" Helen looks up at Nikki and nods her head before curling into the brunette prisoner. This was where she needed to be and wanted to be. Nikki was what she wanted and now she had it there was no way in hell she was going to let go.