AN: This is a real bit of nonsense that I couldn't resist writing after Kurt and Rachel sang their duet in the finale. Kurt visits the Berry household to rehearse For Good. Pre-Nationals. Hummelberry friendship with Faberry undertones (and bonus Gelphie, for the Wicked fans!).

"You know it's a love song, right?"

Rachel looked up from the sheet music she was pouring over, her eyebrows drawn together in confusion. "What, For Good? No, it's not."

Kurt sighed and crossed his arms. "Rachel, you have seen Wicked, haven't you?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course I've seen it. I saw it with the original cast, actually."

Kurt sat up straight, sheet music abandoned on the velveteen couch. "Okay, how have we not discussed this? You saw Wicked at the Gershwin theater, with Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel and you never thought to mention it?"

Kurt's eyes grew huge and he leaned forward towards the brunette. Rachel shuffled uncomfortably.

"Well, not exactly at the theater…" she said, pushing her bangs behind her ears. "But I did watch it on youtube! They have the whole show up there!"

Kurt sank back into the couch. "Oh. For a moment there I almost found you interesting." He smiled at her to signify that it was a joke, a dimple appearing in his cheeks. Rachel smiled shyly back, still unused to this seemingly most natural of friendships.

"So what were you saying, about it being a love song?"

"Well, if you'd watched the musical carefully enough, it's obvious that Elphaba and Glinda are in love. It's clear as daylight."

Rachel laughed. "Kurt, I think you've been spending too much time with those Dalton boys. You think everyone is gay.

Kurt pushed her lightly on the arm. "Thank you very much, Berry, but I think I'm still in full control of all my senses- including my impeccable gaydar. And let me tell you, Elphaba and Glinda totally wanted to be together." He stared off into the distance.

Rachel folded her arms "And what about Fiyero? You know, the main love interest?"

Kurt waved his hands as if swatting a particularly bothersome fly. "Oh please, that excuse for a leading man? I've seen more chemistry between characters on an episode of The Care Bears. Fiyero is simply an excuse the executives of the musical shoved in so that the audience wouldn't be alienated by what is clearly a deeply touching musical about the tentative love between two witches."

Kurt smiled at Rachel's bemused expression. "You know," he said suggestively, bumping Rachel's shoulder with his own padded one, "the story actually reminds me quite a bit of two people I know."

"You've lost me."

"Well, there's Galinda, the popular, beautiful but rather mean girl who decides to take it upon herself to humiliate the less-popular, different girl- Elphaba. But everyone knows that Galinda's loathing is really just a premature form of love. And then, of course, there's the fact that Elphie and Glinda hide their feelings for each other by fighting over the handsome but useless Fiyero- who clearly has nothing to give either of the girls. Do you catch my drift, Berry?"

Rachel bit her lip, clearly thinking hard. "Um, Brittany and Santana?" she hazarded.

Kurt clasped his hands together gleefully. "You really are clueless, aren't you? No, not Britt and Lady Macbeth- though those two are so gay they constitute as a pride parade every time they walk down the halls together."

Rachel crossed her arms, a sour look on her face. "Kurt, just spit it out. You know I don't like being made fun of."

"But that's exactly it, Rachel! You don't like being made fun of. It's your one weakness. You pretend like it doesn't bother you, but you're an actress. As easy as it is for you to pretend you're happy to go it alone, what people think of you matters. You want people to admire you and recognise how great you are."

Rachel unfolded her arms slowly. It astounded her how perceptive Kurt could be about all the wrong things. "W-well, that's not entirely-" She stuttered, shifting her weight uncomfortably.

"Now Galinda, on the other hand," Kurt continued, ignoring Rachel's interruption, "has always had everything she's ever wanted. Life appears to have been easy for her. But when she meets Elphaba, she torments her endlessly purely for being different. But it's more than that. Maybe Elphaba expects to be made fun of. Maybe Galinda's ridiculing of her is just the way the hierarchy of popularity works. But the intensity of Galinda's hatred gives the game away. She hates her too much, and pays too much attention to her. It's a façade. It's a way to hide her true feelings for the girl- the ones she can't bear to admit to anyone else, or herself, for that matter."

"So," Kurt continued smugly, "You're Elphaba. Now think hard, Berry… Who's your Galinda?"

Rachel's eyes widened fully as the answer dawned on her. "Kurt HUMMEL!" she shouted, a blush high in her cheekbones. "You can't possibly be suggesting that… Quinn is… And Finn…"

"…is Fiyero." Kurt finished, leaning forward with a smile on his face. "I've thought about this quite a lot, you know. I just can't wait until you both realise it, too. I mean, those pictures she drew of you in the bathroom? Those heart doodles and portraits? The way she seems to find any opportunity to stare at you and then blames it all on jealousy? Really, Rachel. Even Andrew Lloyd Webber could figure out what that sort of unadulterated loathing means."

Rachel was almost seething with rage. "Kurt, you're completely ridiculous. Can we just get on with practising the song, please? I thought that's what you came over for, not making up preposterous theories about my love life."

Kurt raised his hands in surrender, a small smile curled in his lip. "Alright, Berry, no need to turn all LuPone on me. I was simply observing."

They sang together, their voices meeting in perfect harmony and then contrast, the words falling out of both of their mouths as easily as the alphabet. It was a near-perfect performance, but Rachel couldn't help listening more carefully to the lyrics that she'd sung along to hundreds of times. She felt curiously as though she'd been hit in the stomach, breathless and confused.

Kurt stood up from Rachel's couch and hugged the brunette. "Well, I'm off to meet Blaine. He's trying to drag me to that awful Thor movie- honestly, the things I do for that boy."

Rachel managed a small smile and hugged him back. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kurt. We're going to blow everyone away with this." She tried to sound confidant, but somehow her voice- just like her feet- felt like it had no grounding.

"Of course we will," Kurt said airily, flipping his perfectly coifed fringe out of his eyes. "Although I can think of a more appropriate couple for this performance." He smiled brightly and ducked out of Rachel's room before she could retort.

"I'm not Elphaba, Kurt!" she shouted after him. "And even if I were, this is not a love song!"

Rachel sat down, defeated, on her bright bedspread, looking directly into the face of her Wicked poster, the smirks of the two witches seemingly mocking her from across the room.

"Oh, shut up," she sighed vaguely, wondering which was more insane- the suggestion that Quinn Fabray was in love with her, or that she'd suddenly taken to conversing with musical posters. Inexplicably, the first suddenly didn't seem too ridiculous.