~Because I love you, Stupid~ Otani's Story
Otani spends hours travelling by bullet train from his University every fortnight to see Koizumi. He is trying so hard to be a good boyfriend but he can't ignore a niggling sense of impending doom threatening their relationship. Can distance and time have the potential to change eveything for them?
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Chapter One: A Long Journey Home
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It is another Saturday morning and I'm making the fortnightly pilgrimage back to my hometown via a bullet train. The train ride is a real test of endurance but it's all worth it, I guess, just to see the smiling face of a certain someone. I don't like saying it aloud but I really crave the familiar surroundings and people that represent home to me. However, every time I return something always seems to change. Or maybe I am the one gradually changing as I start to get used to University life.
I feel a twinge of guilt but I push the feeling aside and I start thumbing hastily through the Umibouzu playlist on my Ipod. I stop on a brand new collaboration song between Umibouzu and EXILE and sink back into my seat. I'm really wiped out from working my part time job the previous night and I let out an impatient sigh as I gaze out the train window.
The shining outer city coastline is rushing past my sleepy eyes with high velocity. There are stretches of calm beaches and as the scenery passes by me a late-morning glow seems to dance on the water's surface like thousands of sparkly shards of glass.
From that window I get only short glimpses like still photos of people that I will never ever meet, laughing and enjoying themselves at the beach. There are little weatherboard shacks and beachfront delicatessens that are quickly filling with groups of teenagers in beach wear.
Seeing the beach again, I bow my head in shame because I'm reminded of that night on the 3rd of August almost one month ago. The last time I had gone to the beach it was my girlfriend, Koizumi's birthday but I had completely forgotten the important date.
Of course I didn't mean to forget! I had been working two part time jobs at the time and I was trying to cram in summer study sessions so everything was just occupying my mind at once. There is no real excuse, I know... My friends often tell me I can be quite dense.
She was really sad that night. It was all because of me. I didn't even realise I had neglected her in so many ways. Sometimes I feel at a loss because I'm beginning to feel like I am failing as a boyfriend but there is really nothing I can do about it at the moment and this creates a kind of heaviness in my chest.
"I don't have Otani enough. I want to see you more" she said attempting to hold back tears. I kept thinking, Wow, she loves me that much…She really needs me to be with her that much…and the heaviness in my chest tried to force its way up my throat a little. So I silently promised myself that I would never be the cause of Koizumi's pain again and I managed to discard my second part-time job so I can visit her every fortnight.
I don't often let Koizumi know about this side of me. You know what I mean… feelings and things like that because…well, it's too embarrassing! and I'm not really into that mushy crap…well…I never used to be. But actually ever since I've been with Koizumi I learn something new about how much I'm willing to express when it comes to feelings.
I'm feeling gloomy and my mood must translate clearly on my face. An old woman selling bento boxes walks past my seat but I am not particularly interested in eating yet so I wave her on. However the old lady stops in front of me and peers into my face through thick framed glasses. She gives me a gentle pat on the head. Heh? Obaasan! Why you...!
"Poor boy. Your parents make you ride the bullet train by yourself, ne?" She says softly.
Eh?! Wh-what the did she say?…but before I can even process the offensive comment she places a bento box in the palm of my hands with a generous smile. Woah! Is it my lucky day? I can smell stewed tsukune dumplings, umeboshi and other delicious aromas.
"Oh really? For me?! thank you…" I remark as I gratefully accept the bento.
"850 yen", she announces abruptly. She drops her friendly expression and she holds out her palm.
Er what just happened now. I was kind of under the impression she was going to give me the bento box for free out of sympathy or something. No way! Have I just been swindled by a crafty old lady? Maybe I AM as dumb as everyone says.
Feeling incredibly stupid and annoyed I begrudgingly hand over my cash and turn my attention to the window again. The scenery outside is beginning to change from beaches to industrial buildings and suburban housing and I realize that I'll be at the station in an hour or so. I rest my head against the glass pane and reflect on a troubling incident that occurred at my part-time job the night before.
My part-time job is at the Hoshizora Eegakan (a cinema). It is close to my dorm house so it's convenient but it is also a very tiring job and I usually work until midnight. The Cinema has to compete with a huge commercial gaming arcade next door and so business is often slow.
Usually myself, my workmate Shiori-san and her annoying friend who isn't even employed with the cinema are the only ones left manning the candy bar. These two girls always manage to talk so loudly that many customers will often come out of the theatres to complain about the noise. Then Shiori-san and her friend will pick a fight with complaining customers every single time. It takes just the littlelest thing to set her off and Shiori-san will get furious. A few times I've witnessed her hurling buckets of popcorn ultimately assaulting customers with a barrage of salty white comets. The girl is really bad for business but her mother is dating the manager and so she gets away with murder.
Manager Hayashi makes me clean up her messes saying I'm the older one and therefore the more responsible one and I should prevent her from getting into such altercations with the customers. But how can I? She's not really the type of girl who'd listen to anybody and yet she still manages to piss people off.
"Otani-kuuuun don't you think that the western film stars make such weird laughing noises? I can hear them on screen from inside the theatre" cackled Shiori-san in her usual loud voice that kind of reminded me of Koizumi's voice. I smirked to myself thinking how she reminds me of Koizumi in some ways. But I gave her a stern look and hissed in a semi hushed voice,
"Shut up. How many times do you need to be told? People can hear you from inside the theatres."
"Eh? The cutie is kind of pissed off today isn't he? Are you having girl troubles cutie?" teased Shiori-san's friend
I fell silent and continued sorting the notes in the cash register. I wouldn't let Shiori-san's friend know it but she was sort of right. I was troubled but only because I was worried about how I could make the best of my free day with Koizumi.
"Or maybe its boy troubles, huh cutie!" said Shiori-san's friend interrupting my thoughts. She grinned at me evilly.
"Stop calling me cutie! You have some nerve calling me that!" I yelled back far too loudly.
Shiori-san's friend then leaned on the counter putting her hands on her hips and she beamed at me cheekily.
"Oh but then you don't deny that it is boy troubles? That makes sense, I guess. I don't really know what kind of girl would want to date you. You are so puny!" she said with a thoughtful expression as if she was just stating an obvious fact.
I grabbed the girl's shirt collar and pulled her down to my level, anger prickling the back of my neck. I put on my best Yakuza gangster impression.
"What did you say you little punk" I snarled at her radiating all the bad vibes I could muster while giving her ice cold daggers.
Shiori-san's friend looked down at me with wide eyes and blinked twice.
"Kyaah! You are so cute when you try to act tough! Like a homicidal kitty cat" she squealed with delight.
"Kitty cat?" I spat venomously.
The traumatising memories of being locked up and violated by that fool, Haruka's nine girlfriends came flooding back. They tied me up and dressed me like a cat. I couldn't suppress a shudder at the mere thought.
"How dare you!" I yelled loudly.
"Now who is the one yelling, Otani-kun?" chided Shiori-san.
Then Shiori-san and her friend disturbingly threw back their heads in synchronised booming laughter which left me feeling unsettled.
"Argh! Stop causing me trouble Shiori" I snapped and turned to her friend.
"and…erm…you too…I don't even know your name" I confessed bluntly.
She looked like she was going to choke and popcorn would start to spill out of her mouth like a popcorn maker.
"Eeeeh?!?!!! But I've known Otani-kun for about two months already!" Shiori-san's friend cried, clutching her head and cradling herself while muttering words I could not hear. What a weird girl.
"Ooootaaaaaniiii" hissed manager Hayashi malevolently. He had poked his head out from behind his office door which was near the front entrance of the cinema. His eyes were popping out in such a scary way that the three of us jumped back at the sight of him. Manager Hayashi's head always looks like as if someone is squeezing a half deflated balloon with a clown face on it. Pulsating and demented. It doesn't help that his waistcoat and pants are a few sizes too small so he always looks like he is about to spontaneously combust.
"You are all being too freaken loud. Do you want me to fire your asses?" he snapped and then he pointed to Shiori-san's friend and spat, "Ah~ you're like a rat infestation that just keeps coming back. How many times do I have to tell you? You don't even work here. Go home brat."
"Otani go to Cinema 6 immediately. Some kid just threw up in the aisle way and we can't leave it there the movie is just about to start. Then I want you to mop the restrooms. Somebody has been overflowing the men's bathrooms with water again." Manager Hayashi said with transparent malice. Then he slid back behind the door much like a snake retreating to its cave.
"Old man Hayashi really grinds my meat. He should be nicer to me since he's banging my Mother," growled Shiori-san angrily shovelling popcorn into cardboard buckets. Manager Hayashi is definitely not a pleasant person and he surely has it in for me.
Fighting back the urge to punch Manager Hayashi's bulgy face, I unwillingly drag myself away to get the mop and bucket out of the store room.
"Hey you! Excuse me?" snapped a disgruntled looking man addressing Shiori-san.
"What do you want", she answered rudely not even bothering to look up at him.
The man's eyes popped out slightly in shock,
"What a rude little…there is an Usagi hair clip in my popcorn!" yelled the man through gritted teeth.
"Yay! I found it!" Shiori-san exclaimed as she snatched the clip swiftly out of the man's grasp. The man uttered a swear word…he said something about insolence and he shuddered angrily. There was something unhinged about him but I had some vomit chunks to clean up so I left it to Shiori-san to deal with it.
In Cinema 6 it was quite obvious where the location of the vomit was because the people brave enough to stay in the theatre had moved to the further-est corners and they held their noses in disgust. A boy and his parents stood by the mess and the parents bowed deeply in apology. The boy looked up at his mother teary eyed.
"But Ma, I wanna stay and watch the movie" he sobbed.
"Enough already, Ta-chan" said the mother and the parents exchanged embarrassed looks. It was clear they planned to leave very quickly as soon as they were certain the mess had been cleaned up. I sighed and got to work.
"But Ma I wanna watch the basketball movie. I wanna play basketball like them one day. I wanna see it!" said the child who started to bawl in earnest.
His parents exchanged more awkward looks and this time the boy's father spoke.
"Er, basketball player? Ta-chan that's…you need to be very tall to be a basketball player and the genes in our family aren't really…" he trailed off. The kid looked distraught for a moment as if he just realised that his inevitable height would be a problem for him in life.
"It'll be ok kid. If you want to play then do it because you can do anything as long as you train really hard" I interrupted a little on the defence.
The boy seemed satisfied enough with what I said as I left the dark Cinema hurriedly.
As soon as I got out of the theatre Shiori-san's friend came running at me flailing her arms wildly.
"Otani! Otani a man just grabbed Shiori-chan and dragged her into the men's restroom!" she shrieked.
"He's crazy! I think he wants to hurt her" anguish fuelled tears started to run down her cheeks.
Before I could even think of what I was doing I was running towards the direction of the restroom. I opened the door with a loud bang and there was the man I'd seen earlier standing over a cowering Shiori-san who was curled up on the floor. Her uniform looked like it was half ripped and pulled off and she wore a vulnerable, pleading expression. That really got my blood boiling.
"Get away from her!" I hissed.
The man whipped his head around quickly and stared into my face. He then began to laugh maniacally.
"What are you going to do kid? Beat me with that mop?? This brat deserves what's coming to her, so get lost!" he said and then he smiled cruelly.
Kid? I narrowed my eyes and it wasn't until that point I realised I was still holding the vomit covered mop so without hesitation I hurled it at him. It hit him smack in the middle of his stupid smiling face. When he realised that there was an overpowering odour permeating from the mop's fabric tendrils he shrieked in disgusted surprise and fell back into one of the toilet stalls still with the mop attacking his face. And then FUOPSQUISH he humorously stumbled butt first into a porcelain toilet bowl.
"Gahhhh! Gross! My ass is all wet!" he screamed and made a dash for the exit door but he only got a few steps and then SWOOSH! he slipped over the wet floor that I hadn't gotten around to mop yet. He ascended into the air in slow motion like an ungraceful ballerina and then CRACK the man hit the back of his head on the tile floor. He lay there quite still, knocked out of course, but not dead.
Shiori-san started to shake and sob loudly on the floor.
"Shiori-san…" I said crouching down by her side.
"…Are you ok? Let's get you out of here." I grabbed her by the wrists and she looked up at me with doey, tear rimmed eyes that instantly reminded me of Koizumi's eyes whenever Koizumi got overly emotional.
"Otani-kun…is my…saviour" she said in between sobs.
Heheheh Saviour. A Cheshire cat-like grin spreads across my face. But truthfully...
"Huh, I didn't really do anything at all. This guy is probably a klutz and he fell over all by himself." I gestured to the unconscious man who now looked quite pathetic rather than scary lying with his arms spread out like the next messiah and a vomit covered mop still attached to his face like an angry octopus.
Then suddenly Shiori-san's teary eyes were only centimetres away from my own. Her lips touched to mine and her cold fingers were on either sides of my face. She kissed me.
"…thank you". She whispered in a soft voice that I didn't think was supposed belong to someone like Shiori-san.
The bullet train is heading to the inner city now and sophisticated buildings and billboards are becoming more prevalent and condensed. I let out another sigh. Of course I told Shiori-san that I have a girlfriend and she looked embarrassed after hearing that but now the real problem is how to tell Koizumi about it all.
A cold wave of dread suddenly washes over me as I picture her chilling doom filled expression and I feel such an earnest stab of guilt hit my stomach I instinctively wrap hands around my torso. For everyday we spend apart more and more of my memories are made that don't include Koizumi.
I can't help but reflect on my new relationships with people like Shiori-san or my University friends with a new found sense of shame. For three years in High school I had seen Koizumi almost everyday and even when I didn't she'd always be there in the same town and the same school. I didn't even appreciate our close proximity at the time but now I secretly yearn for it. Our lives moved like two streams flowing in the same direction but the space in between our streams continues to expand until perhaps one day our streams might flow in completely opposite directions. What if by the time I'm done with University we become different people? What can I do? There is nothing I can even think of preventing something like that. Of course, I can never tell her I feel this way. She is so stressed with studies she doesn't need my added pressure. Tsk, my own thoughts are more bothersome than anything else.
An announcement comes over the loud speaker that the train is about to board the station.
There is a flurry of activity at the station and crowds of people meeting up with sorely missed friends and relatives. People are walking together. Grandchildren hold hands with their grandparents, friends are jesting with each other in large groups and boyfriends grasp tightly the waists of their girlfriends.
I feel a twinge of jealousy as I glance over at one particular couple. The man is tall enough so that he rests his chin on his girlfriend's head when they hug. My cheeks flush with embarrassment. How funny would it look if I were to hug Koizumi in public? She would be the one resting her chin on my head.
Speak of the devil. Amidst the crowd of moving bodies I spot a tall and slender girl with her deep caramel coloured hair pinned in a glossy side bun. I wade my way through the crowd to get to her. She is sitting on a bench slouching over in an unladylike kind of way with her back facing me. Every so I often see her lift her fingers to her head and mutter something as if she is counting aloud. I can't see her face but can tell she is concentrating hard on something. Tell me again why am I dating such a weirdo?
I break out in a big grin. I think Koizumi might have magical powers because regardless of whatever problems I have, as soon as I'm close to her my worries instantly evaporate and everything feels right again...
AN: Comments are gratefully accepted as this is my FIRST EVER fanfiction story and actually the first story I've written in over two years. I'm not that confident a writer anymore and so any constructive criticism or comments will be great! :)
Next chapter: A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream (not AS smutty as it sounds) but I still may need to change the rating after the next one.