When I walk out of my dream, all my life will be described by two word: peace and lonely.
When he opened my eyes in the morning, he will see the empty room, the atmosphere quiet and solitude will embrace him, and he can be heard echoed gently by himself created. Like the whole world has only one alone, one life, one soul, and the world around him, a world of his own, where his life has been place, be warned, written up as a story already outlined in the soul: peace, and lonely, and lonely, and always, always lonely.
Can't hear, can't see, can't say, can't think, can't understand.
When he came to school in the morning, he will see the bustling world around him, even this peaceful in Namimori remote place. And he will see thousands of small world revolves around each individual between the massive sea of people, the small world as his world, the world in which humans can't hear, can't speak, can't think, can't understand, as the fetus is surrounded by the protective layer is so solid, do not open up to anyone, but wanted people to open up to them, not to go, but have always wanted to get back. They are selfish, stingy, miserly and despicable, like him, like everyone else.
Hurt.
When he is being bullied, beaten, tormented, it hurts.
When he be chided, was despised, it hurts.
When people laugh on the pain of he, it hurts.
But few people know, when he hurtest, is when he sits quietly in the empty room, with he's solitary life, and realize that no one will understand him, no one will listen to him, and no one will be interested to find an entrance where his closed world.
Need.
A long time after his pain is replaced by the other pains. A long time later when Reborn and everyone came into his life, in one way he's totally unexpected, he recognizes that his life is no longer peace, no longer silent. Every morning, he no longer can hear the echo of himself again, no longer have the time to sit quietly in an empty room of his own.
That looks good for some person, and maybe it looks good with it, maybe everyone have lit him one ray of hope. But he is realized, he still needs one person, who truly understand him Sure, Reborn understand him, understand the way he think, but he is understood, Reborn is not the people he needs. Sure, Reborn is not that person.
...
Exist or not.
He has existed for a long, long time ago. Starting from the first time he opened his eyes, he was there, was always there for him. He saw each passing moment in the life of him, see through every thought, all his emotion, witness every minute when he broke down, when he is happy and when he is sad, feel small changes day by day in his life. He is a testament to the existence of him.
He has not existed for a long, long time ago. Starting from when the first pain delicate touches his soul, since his first silent tears fell down in the night, he was there, but not for him.
He witnessed all! (But always powerless)
He has always been there! - (But never can touch him)
He is understood that pain! - (But never be able to share with him)
... He also demonstrates, for the non-existence of him.
Love and hate.
He never really sure anything in his life, except for one. He loved him!
He loved him dearly, love every breath, with every emotion, love by all whole life, and he is considered as the most obvious evidence for the existence of him.
He is love to exist as one part of him, to exist as one of the other side of him, and protect what's important to him.
He loves to understand each person's feelings, love to see him smile, love to see him happy.
He loves to contribute to bringing hope for him, be with him to share the burden on him.
He hates to exist as one part of him, must exist as a different side of him, and never can tell him how he important to him.
He hate to see him suffering that can not embrace him.
He hated to see his or her tears fell but can not wipe away.
And he is fear, fear that this love will never ever can't touch him.
…
Found.
…27…
When Gianini came and told him to try one kind of machine he had invented and incidents, super intuition told him that:
He found him.
When he saw his characteristic brown hair and orange eyes with Dying Will proposals fire, he knew that:
He also found him.
The one he need, the one he searched, the one he always hope and expectation.
... He is ... himself.
…72…
When he opened his eyes, he realized that he no longer is one of his face.
When he saw him, he knew that:
He has found a way out of seemingly hopeless love of ourselves.
When he touched him he is knew:
He was found where he really exists.
Where he is, where his can touch him.
Who he loved, who he understood, who will always understand him, and who he never can leave.
... He is ... himself.