COME TO NEW YORK
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.
"When you came to new York you were the only person in new York"
I don't think she could ever see how much I loved her. Even though I tried to tell her every day she just wouldn't see it. But then, I was unable to get the words out. I'd try to tell her but then I'd start to stutter, and fail, and change the subject quickly to something inconsequential, something that didn't matter. Anything to distract from the truth, that I was madly crazily in love with Permanent Rose Casson, that I had been since she was eight and I was twelve. That there had never been anyone else for me.
But of course, how could I tell her that. How could I really admit what was going on in my head, when I was afraid to admit it. When I was based in America and saw her rarely if ever. It wouldn't have been fair on either of us if I had told her my true feelings. It would have just been like asking her to promise something, something which I could never ask from her, and which I had no idea if she would want to do anyway. I had no idea of her feelings, so how could I assume that she didn't detest me. Well, I guess thinking back, detest was one thing I knew she never felt for me. After all, we e-mailed every week and she always sent me birthday and valentines cards. But I was never sure of her feelings.
So instead of telling her, like I knew I should have done all along, I just sat at home, on my roof, and wrote her songs. It seemed every time I picked up my guitar another song for her came out. And I wrote them all down, but told myself she would never see them, because how could she, when they were so personal, and she would never feel the way I did. How could I give my heart like that, when every time I had dared to love anyone they had thrown it back in my face. How could I risk that again, especially with her, when ever since that first moment my life had evolved around her, around her happiness.
They say love takes time, that it creeps up on you and then suddenly you know you've found it. But not for me, for me it was completely different. I knew instantly, at the first hello, that she was the one for me, the love of my life. And I was only twelve at the time. I guess, I might be exaggerating a bit on that point. Because how could I have known at twelve years old? But I knew, at least partially, that she was it. I wanted to be with her. I wanted her happy, and that was all that mattered to me. And I guess in a way that's a lot for a twelve year old boy to be feeling, but then I think I was always sort of aware of those types of things. Because I'd never felt anything for my family, and then I met the Cassons, and I had a family. And a Rose. And from that moment on Rose was my world.
And that day, when she showed up in New York to see me, at that moment in my life I knew things were perfect. She was 9, I was thirteen, and I loved her again the second I set my eyes on her. I had never stopped, but it made me see how special she was, when she came all that way to see me.
And that, my feelings for Rose Casson, is why I wrote my song, and why I sung those lyrics to her when I returned for Christmas.
"When you came to New York, you were the only person in New York".
There we go, little drivle about Toms feelings for Rose and how he doesn't think she feels the same. That line just always got to me.
Sam out until the next time