This was supposed to be for the marauder big bang on LJ, but alas, I could not accomplish that for various reasons. Sigh. But now it's here! Yay!
Here's to finishing a story for once. Let's hope I can do it.
The full title is below, but seeing as it is very long, feel free to call it what I have it labeled as in the title above. I probably will too, but the meaning isn't quite complete without the first part.
Jusqu'à ce qu'on prenne la lune avec les dents
Timeline: November 9, 1965
Place: Bristol
It was all his fault.
If Sirius or James were there, they would have smacked him for being so self-pitying and set him straight. It's not your fault, they would say, so don't even think it, you big pansy. But they would be wrong, because it was his fault, all of it; none of this would have happened if it weren't for him.
Would James, Sirius, and Peter have been so close it if it weren't for him? Would James have ever figured out how to woo Lily on his own? Would Peter have stuck around with the others for so long? Would they have joined the Order, risked their lives night after night and moon after moon, if they hadn't known so well the names and faces of those first hit? Would there ever have been a need for a Secret-Keeper?
It was undeniable. They wouldn't have been the Marauders without him, and that would have been the best for all of them - no illegal animagi, no brotherhood, no desperate need to stay loyal and true. Peter would have given up on being the group cheerleader; Lily wouldn't have fallen for James; Sirius wouldn't have had such a pull and reason to rebel against his family. They all would have lived different lives, true, but at least they would still be living them.
Remus dropped his face into his hands, thirty-six years feeling like too many for someone like him to still be around.
It was his fault they were dead, that James and Lily and Sirius had lost their lives too early and Peter lost his way. They had all come together with the foolish mission to aid a werewolf, and that mission had ultimately caused their demise.
If only he had come when he had been called.
"Puh!" the boy scoffed, wiping his forehead with his arm in what he thought was a heroic manner, brushing off invisible sweat and really only succeeding in streaking his face with dirt. "I'll show them." He let out the derisive laugh he imagined villains in stories used before attacking the dirt once more with his bright red plastic shovel. "China. China, China, Chinaaaaaa!"
Five year old Remus John Lupin laughed as he sang the word out, enjoying the way it rang out in the clear autumn night. He liked the first sound, "ch" – it was not only incredibly fun to say, it reminded him of what he had heard Chinese sounded like. Lots of those weird, airy sounds that sounded halfway between a toothy growl and high pitched singing. Not that he had ever heard it spoken; that's just what the kids at school said.
The hole he was digging wasn't very large – right now if he were to step in it it'd only go slightly past his ankles – but really, he had just started. It would get bigger; he'd just have to keep digging. Oh, and he'd keep digging all right – he had to prove those kids from the playground wrong.
"I won't make it to Chiiiiina," he emphasized, smacking the little pile of dug up dirt beside him with the flat part of the shovel. "Nope nope nope – not China. Do you know why?" The shovel danced around in the air before he gently hit the top of the pile again. "Because!" Plop. "Because I'm going to Ja-paaaaaan!" Plop.
Japan, he discovered, was just as fun to say as China, and Remus sang the country names to himself as he dug. "Chiiiina, Japaaaan! Not Chiiiina, but Japaaaan!
"I don't know why they think you'll get to China." Remus scowled just a tad before his brow smoothed out, biting his lip as he very carefully struck the edge of his shovel against the rock trapped in the dirt. "China's not below us, haven't they seen – oh, you rock." He smacked it once with the bottom of his shovel before scrapping its edge against the rock's sides with more force. "Get! Out! Get! Out! You're going to hit the heads of the Japan people when they get over here!"
"Remus!" He heard his mum call, and he looked up, his eyes going towards the direction of the light coming out from the back door. "Remy, come back inside!"
"No!" he cried vehemently. "I'm digging a hole to Japan. I can't stop now, I'm almost there!" Finally giving up on the rock and hoping the people from Japan wouldn't be too mad at him if they bumped their heads on it, he continued to dig around it, going faster now that his mum was probably going to want him to stop soon. He mustn't stop! He had to get to Japan and show everyone!
A cold breeze passed through the back garden, and Remus picked up the pace, his fingers cold but his hands determined. "Remy," he heard his mum say in her soft voice, "you're coat's not warm enough, and – Remus, where is your scarf?"
"I dunno," Remus replied offhandedly, not caring a whit and not remembering anyway. "I don'ts needs one."
"Remus, it's cold out here, and past dark," his mum said, her voice firm, and Remus bunched up his face in displeasure. She was going to try and get him inside! "Allons-y."
"Is getting warmer, Mum," Remus lied, still diligently digging away. Maybe the hole could reach his knees now! Scrambling up in excitement, he stepped inside and noted that it wasn't quite past the first quarter of his calves yet, but it was still deeper than before. Encouraged, he flopped down on the grass and kept working. "We're almost there, ain't us?" he said aloud to no one in particular, excited. "Almost, almost!"
In the midst of his fervour he boy heard a very audible sigh and then the light slap of a door closing; looking up, Remus saw with triumph that his mum had left, apparently now understanding the seriousness of his quest to Japan.
There was a brief silence in which all that could be heard was the sound of his shovel scooping up dirt and the occasional breeze brushing through the leaves in the garden. It had a calming effect on little Remus, and soon he faded away into his own little world.
"I wonder if they would bring presents," he wondered aloud as he dug. "Maybe I need some for them? I like presents." He hummed a little as he worked, falling into a steady rhythm. Push, lift, drop. Push, lift, drop. "Christmas is coming – the cold means presents!" He suddenly paused, struck by a grave thought. "Do they have Christmas in Japan?"
It was sobering indeed, imagining a winter without Christmas, and a shiver passed through Remus as another cold wind brushed by. It felt like the cold touch of a harsh snow without an inch of colourful wrapping, and suddenly Remus wasn't so sure if he wanted to go to a place where there wasn't a Christmas.
He hesitated a while longer, looking up at the sky as he thought. "Whoa," he breathed, noticing the full moon for the first time. It had been brighter than usual outside, but he hadn't really thought much of it until now.
The moon was large and round and a deep orange, making it look like someone had taken a crayon and coloured in the normally white and grey orb. It was so big Remus was sure he could pluck it out of the sky and peel it like the fruit, and suddenly he felt the urge to do so. Standing up and reaching, he swatted at it with his shovel a couple of times to knock it down before giving up, plopping himself back on the ground in irritation.
"I want orange," he muttered to himself, glancing back at his hole. "Do you have oranges where you are, Japan? Do they taste different?" There was another pause, before, "You know, if you don't have oranges, I can bring you some for Christmas. And if you don't have Christmas, I can bring you Christmas for Christmas." A broad grin crossed his face. Yes! That would be the best meeting gift ever! Japan would make him a national hero for bringing Christmas, he was sure of it, and he'd get all of the oranges England could ever want, because his mum told him the reason they didn't always have oranges was because they could get expensive. And if Japan didn't have oranges yet, well then he'd just give them some oranges and be a doubly national hero, and he'd probably get something even better. Like pandas, or a sword.
Suddenly invigorated by this image, Remus set back to work, digging with a renewed enthusiasm. He had to make it to Japan, he just had to! They needed Christmas! And oranges, too!
The pile beside him grew steadily taller, which encouraged him. He thought he heard his mum call him from the back door again, but he ignored it; he was getting closer, and Japan needed Christmas! It wouldn't be fair if they never got Christmas just because he got tired and stopped digging his hole - he had to keep going so that they wouldn't be denied it any longer. And it was getting cold, too, which meant he was running out of time; they had to get Christmas before the cold passed, otherwise it wouldn't be Christmas anymore.
When Remus started to have to lean over to each the bottom of the hole, he got excited and stood up, jumping into the hole to see how deep it was. It almost reached his knees! No, it was at his knees, maybe even a bit past them! Not much more, now!
Scrambling out, he had just seized the bright red shovel in his pudgy little hand when he heard a high pitched sound. Blinking in surprise, he looked around, wondering where it had come from. He had never heard a sound like that before. What was that?
Seconds of silence passed, and Remus lost interest, ready to go back to his hole and his quest for Japan. As soon as he had dumped himself down beside his hole again, however, he heard it again. This time it lasted much longer, and he realized that it sounded sad, maybe even hurt. He didn't know why he thought this, but something in him told him it was true; it just didn't sound like the sort of noise something happy would make.
The whine came again, and Remus looked around, curiosity seriously peaked now. His backyard was fenced, but they lived at the edge of the wilderness; he knew from walks with his mum that if he were to ever leave the backyard and keep walking straight, it wouldn't take long for him to start going up a hill and lose sight of the buildings below him. It wasn't exactly woody, but it was wild enough, and he had always hoped to run into something. Maybe an animal had snuck through the fence and was now somewhere in the backyard?
There was another whine, and this time Remus followed the sound, heading towards the cluster of bushes near a fence. Whatever it was, it definitely sounded miserable, and Remus wanted to help it.
Suddenly, it looked like someone had turned a light off; tilting his head back towards the sky, Remus watched as a cloud slid by the moon, darkening his surroundings. He found the phenomenon curious, but another keening whine called for his attention and he turned back, trying to spy what he was looking for in the bundles of leaves before him.
There was a rustle, and Remus's heart jumped as his footfalls stilled. What was that?
A paw came out first, followed by black nose and a long snout. Soon, he realized he was facing the largest dog he had ever seen in his life.
No, not a dog, he corrected himself instinctively. This was too big for a dog. This was something else.
A wolf?
Its head was bowed; its ears lay flat on the back of his head. His tail was tucked up between his legs – Remus could see the tuft against the side of the creature's stomach – and one of its forearms was bent and held close to its torso. His paw must be hurt somehow, the boy assumed; why else would he avoid using it? What really caught Remus's attention, though, was the wolf's eyes. Large and bright beneath the moon, they stared at him through the darkness, the brilliant yellow orbs emitting a light that left him transfixed.
"I ain't never seen anything like you 'round here. Are you hurt?" Remus finally managed to say, stepping forward. The wolf moved back, its expression cautious, and Remus immediately felt bad for scaring it. "No, it's okay," the little boy reassured the animal, dropping his shovel and bringing up both his hands to show they were empty. "I'm not going to hurt you. I was just digging to Japan – hey, do you want to come with me?" He smiled reassuringly. "They're going to give me oranges. I think you'd like oranges; they're sweet, but not."
He reached forward with his hand so that the wolf could smell his hand and trust him; he had be told to do this when he met other's people's dogs, and so figured it could be applied to wolves as well. They were just big dogs after all, right?
"C'mon," he encouraged, trying to wave the wolf forward. "It's all right. I'm sure they'll like you in Japan." He noticed their surroundings grow brighter then, and he looked up just in time to see the last of the cloud pass by the bright orange moon. "See?" he beamed. "Even the moon wants you to come out and play."
The wolf paused, giving him a curious look, before it stepped forward. Remus straightened up in eager excitement. Maybe he had a special connection with dogs! Maybe they naturally liked him. Then he could have a lot of dogs, and they'd go around together like a pack and –
And then he heard a growl, a deep rumble that ripped through the calm night air and filled his chest, and Remus drew his hand back, eyes wide. The wolf looked angry now, its lips drawn back to reveal a mouth full of teeth that appeared to Remus to look like rows of knives; it snapped it's jaws, and a sharp choking sound came out of the wolf so suddenly Remus jumped. Those glowing eyes didn't look so neat anymore.
"M-mum!" Remus cried, all thoughts of a friendly pack forgotten. His heart thumping so hard he was sure it was going to burst right out of his chest, Remus whimpered as he backed away, nearly falling over the shovel he had left forgotten on the ground. The wolf, however, was not about to let him just leave; it charged at the boy, lunging at him with a terrifying speed and a tear of a bark that nearly made Remus wet himself. Turning and nearly tripping over his own feet, he began to run as fast as he could, his legs pumping as he tried to get back to the house, his petrified mind imagining the sight of those sharp teeth cutting into him and never, ever wanting to feel it.
"MUM!" Remus shrieked, his terror cutting through the sharp burn of the cold air in his lungs; moments later, he felt the wolf's paw catch on the hood of his coat, and he hit the ground hard, sharp twigs stabbing his hands and legs and he tried to scramble away from the creature looming above him, the warm saliva dripping onto his face. Oh no ohno it had him, it had him, it was going to eat him –
"Remus!" he heard as he struggled to get out of his coat, twisting his body so that his face wasn't so close to its jaws. He heard its irritated snarl and saw its mouth open – so many teeth so many teeth oh please don't let it eat me –but as he saw it nearing his leghekicked the wolf once in the eyes, successfully preventing it from mauling his limbs for the time being. "Remus, what – Oh Merlin, JOHN!"
Why are there so many buttons? Remus thought frantically as his small fingers fumbled with them; he had always been terrible with buttons, and now he was paying the price for never wanting to practice. The boy kept kicking at the wolf's face as he tried to break free, but he wasn't going fast enough; his hands were shaking too much, the world spinning as he desperately tried to remember how to breathe. Every time he inhaled air in it was only to let it out in another petrified cry, and the tears streaming down his cheeks were making it hard to see, scaring him even more. The kicks weren't really deterring the wolf anymore, either; now it was just trying to catch Remus's legs in its teeth as the boy tried to defend himself. Remus was convinced that he was going to lose at least one body part tonight.
"MUM!"
"JOHN!"
"REMUS!"
And then suddenly, Remus felt something warm and wet and jagged pierce his left calf and he screamed.
It hurt more than anything he had ever experienced before; there was stinging pressure in his leg and his body began to spasm as the sharp, white shots of pain and burning fire filled every inch of him. He screamed until his throat was raw, unable to do anything else; he couldn't even see – the world was blurry and dark all around him. Everything hurt – his arms, his legs, his throat and his chest and even his insides – and he could feel the wolf's enormous paws on him, digging into him as it tried its best to keep him still. It even smelled like something strange, like wet, angry, hungry dog and something metallic –
He vaguely heard a shout and some screams, but he didn't know where they were coming from; the only sounds he could really hear were coming from the wolf, a squishy, gnawing snarl that scraped against muscle and nerve and bone and left him staring up through the wolf's fur at the full moon in the night sky with wide, empty eyes and an expression frozen in horror.
And then there was a yell, a flash of light, a howl, a scream, and then the world went black.