This is the promised one shot for my story 'Look after you'. It's a special thank you for all my readers that stayed with me; also during some tough times. I really appreicated your reviews and love for the story. This story meant so much to me.
I also want to wish you all a merry Christmas (if you are celebrating Christmas) and a happy new year. Take this as an early present. Sit back and relax before the few busy days with buying presents and cooking and celebrating begin.
One last thank you to my special friend Ann.
I hope you all enjoy this. I know some of you have your own versions of what the future hold for the characters.
It's a strange feeling knowing that I won't be sleeping in this bed, in this room that I claimed mine for 13 years tonight. I spent most of my life in this house that my father and grandfather, my uncle and even my father's uncles had to renovate from basement to roof. I had the most precious moments here, great birthdays, silent Christmas nights, and - not allowed but - amazing parties.
Tomorrow I'll be in another town far away from all the things I know and love. It's scary. I mean it's not like I couldn't just orb back and forth whenever I want to. I'm 18 years old and should be able to look after myself from now on. I'm the same age my dad had been when I was born and just now I understand that this is way too early to become a father. Seriously, I can't even imagine taking that kind of responsibility for someone else. I can't even take responsibility for myself. The only plant in my room died months ago because of a lack of water and it was a cactus. How do you keep a baby alive when you can't even keep a plant alive that usually exists in the desert?
Anyway, from now on it is my job to prove to myself and the rest of the world that I can deal with things on my own, that I am in fact grown up. Not just on paper.
It's such a strange feeling to start a new part of your life, it changes everything. I'm looking forward to go to college. I really am, but it was easier to look forward to it for the last months instead of actually going now. I'm one of the final people of my friends to leave, though. Most of them have already headed to their colleges a few weeks ago. I'm not sure why I waited so long. Well, okay the demons kept me busy and made me and Patty hurry to the past (in the too far away past). But at least everything turned out alright.
I look around the room once more before laying down on my bed staring at the ceiling. Tonight I'll be starring at another ceiling. At least, my mom promised to keep my room the way it is, so when I come back I'll still know where to sleep. Hopefully, she will stick to her promise. Dad complained for years that he doesn't have enough room in the house because our stuff was lying around everywhere. But I don't think that he is serious in turning my room into a gym. Although, you never know with my dad. But I just can't believe that he would ever change my room. Okay, he brought away my stuff when I was a kid but only when I was too tall or old for it. Most of the time.
It was bad enough for him to say goodbye to me. It always was like that. Even if I only went to the summer camp for a week. For the last week, the closer the day of my departure came, the more time my father would spend with everything and everyone else but helping with the preparations or doing something with me. That's alright with me, though. I got to know him well enough for the last 18 years to understand that he only acts like that because it is too painful for him to say goodbye. I don't even need my empathy to know that he'll miss me because I can't remember one day when we didn't see or at least talked to each other and it will be hard for him because I already told everyone that I don't want them to call me everyday. Only if there was an emergency. It's not a way to keep them away from me but an act of self protection. But that doesn't mean that I won't be able to always have some family around to help me or give me advice, no matter how busy they were. That's what our family is like.
Luckily, destiny was not too cruel to us anyway. The most hurtful thing that I can remember was the day my great grandfather died. He was old, okay, it was a matter of fact that he would have died eventually. I don't want to sound cruel but that was the way he would see it. It was a shock, though, as he was feeling pretty good. He just didn't wake up again one morning. For him it was good. He died peacefully and without any pain. My dad said that dying was never bad for the person who actually dies but for everyone else who they leave behind. I guess in this case, it was the truth. I never saw a group of people that devastated. Even Auntie Paige and her children who weren't even blood related to him were crushed.
From the day my great grandfather died most of the stories I was told before going to sleep were about him. One day, I even got a book with my favorite stories written in. On the cover, there was a little boy with a hurt knee and a tall grey haired man who put a plaster on it. I could read in that book all the time, therefore it was already packed with my other stuff. I decided for a lot of books to take with me. They were a huge part of my life here and if I ever feel lost where I'll land, I could read them. It was like taking a part of home with me.
On my great grandfather's funeral, it was the first and only time I've ever seen my dad cry. I never saw him cry afterwards ever again. Not even when our baby died.
When my mom got pregnant the first time I was six and really busy with getting used to school. I don't think I paid a lot of attention to anything else and when I wondered why she was getting bigger than usual I was told that I'd become a big brother soon. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. My dad always told me that one day I'd have a baby brother therefore I wasn't surprised at all when the baby decided to not stay with us. We were waiting for a blonde haired baby boy not a dark haired baby girl. It was a hot summer day when she was born two months too early. No one could tell what was wrong with her exactly apart from the fact that she was really small and thin. She just fell asleep to never wake up again. Just like my great grandfather.
I don't know if I was sad or not when we didn't take the baby home. But I remember that my parents were really sad for a long time. My mom not even as much as my father. She had never seen the baby unlike my dad who had even held her in his arms.
I told him that this baby wasn't meant for us and that another parents would be really unhappy if we had kept her, and we would keep the little boy once he was here. But my dad only replied he had kept them both. I don't think they ever forgot about the little girl with the thick dark brown hair and eventually we saw her again.
My Uncle Wyatt hadn't much luck with his marriage. Well, no luck actually. He and Rachel got divorced when the twins got to school. The kids stayed with my uncle in their home across the street. He met Andrea 4 years later, the 4 wildest years of his life as he used to say. Andrea is the mother of Chrissy but she left my uncle as well because she couldn't deal with the magic. My dad would swore that Chrissy was the little girl that first arrived with us. He said that they just looked like one and no one dared to doubt him one second. From the time Andrea left Uncle Wyatt, he was a single parent with only occasional girlfriends. It sounds bad but for him it was the right thing. My uncle is happy. Not always, but he likes life as it is. My little cousins are a pain in the ass sometimes. I had to look after them more than once. As my dad was home most of the time whenever there was a problem the three of them would come to our house. They love their father a lot, which was not the point. They mainly came to us when they wanted some proper food or help with the homework. They may have a teacher for a father, but with his own kids he wasn't that great. He'd start to scream at them at some point every time.
The twins, Brianna and Cassie, luckily were nothing like their mother and made life easy for my uncle. They would do the housework, if my grandmother wasn't doing it, and even at 13 they were not such bitches like other girls I knew. In the end, they did great without their mom. Maybe better than if she was there fighting with Wyatt all the time. We all live kind of close together. My grandparents, my great aunts, my Uncle Wyatt and our house are in the same block. That was always practical for us kids. In terms of candy, TV and people to have time for us.
Chrissy was the cutest of the girls, though. She always looked so fragile and innocent but that was only on the outside. She hit me often enough for me to understand that she was in fact really strong. Especially strong minded. She wouldn't suffer from her disability. She was deaf but no one would dare to treat her any differently than the rest of the kids in the family. She was a telepath which made it possible for her to communicate with us but we all learned sign language as well. Chrissy was a lot like my dad anyway. She resembled him more on the outside and the inside than her own father. People would think that Chrissy and I were siblings, and the twins and Matt were siblings.
I look at the many pictures on my desk. I wanted to take them all with me but yesterday when my grandma had done the big farewell dinner for me, they gave me a pretty large photograph that showed all family members. Even the babies were held by their mothers Prue and Holly. It was a great present. I already orbed it to my room in the dorms so nothing would happen to it on the flight. I wanted to orb there anyway but everyone said it was getting suspicious when there were people from the other side of the country there again and again.
I'm not sure what my mom had threatened Matt with but he made no funny face on the picture this time. He always tended to fool around when we took family portraits. My brother Matt was born two years after the first baby died. I had been surrounded by girls, especially my cousins most of my life, so I was looking forward to finally have a little brother. I think I had a lot of luck to be the oldest child. I had everyone for myself for 5 years. I was the baby, everyone always looked after me. I was really protected and then suddenly this little, screaming, ugly thing came and took my dad and my mom away from me. The only thing I was thankful for was that I was allowed to call Amy mom from the time he was born. I didn't want to be the only one in the family who had no one to call mom.
I really hated Matt at the beginning. I was sitting in the hospital waiting area with my grandfather and grandmother when my dad came out with a little bundle in a blue blanket. Finally my dad was allowed to stay when his baby was born. I was really jealous when he came out looking so happy. He never looked so happy with me. Well, that was what I told myself. He kneeled down in front of me so I could see the little person. He was kind of red and wizened. Really not cute although everyone was saying it. I poked his cheek and he started to whimper and dad got mad at me. That was my first experience with Matt. It was not really good.
He was screaming all the time and Amy and dad were only paying attention to him. My dad even forgot to read me a story. When I started to yell like Matt did so everyone would run to him, I was scolded. I hated him. And I didn't like my family anymore. First it was Uncle Wyatt's children taking away my grandparents and now it was Matt taking my grandparents and my parents from me and Uncle Wyatt didn't have enough time for me with two little girls. It sucked.
Flashback:
One afternoon Amy and dad were running in circles because another of Matt's bottles was gone. For the last days his stuff had disappeared. Clothes, toys, bottles, baby shampoo and all the other baby stuff. Amy got another bottle from the cupboard and Matt stopped crying eventually sucking his milk.
"We could go to the zoo later," my father suggested. I was foolish enough to think that he wanted to go with me alone but it came out that we all should go.
"I'm not going to the zoo with Matt," I said and orbed into my tree house. Matt was not allowed to enter my tree house, ever. My dad had done it for me and no one I didn't want was allowed to come here.
"Hey, why don't you want to go to the zoo with Amy, the baby and me?" I sat down in the corner next to the hole that was the door to my house where my dad was now poking his head in.
"We don't talk about the baby in here," I said and rested my forehead against my knees.
"But I want to talk to you about the baby. So come down please."
I shook my head but made some room for him to enter the wooden tree house. Luckily, the house was large enough for him to fit in. "I see you found your brother's stuff," he said pointing to the box where I put the baby stuff.
"It's my stuff. Everything had been mine before Matt came and ruined everything." I kicked a small yellow ball out of the door. "Daddy, can't we give Matt to someone else? I asked in my school but no one wants a little brother."
"I'm afraid we can't give him away. Amy would be really sad."
"And when he is here, I am sad. Do you like Matt more than me?"
"Of course not. I like Matt different from you. Because you and me, we had a lot to go through together, right? We are the only ones who remember living with your mom. That's something I will never have with your brother."
"But everyone is only talking about the baby. No one pays attention to me anymore."
"Daddy pays attention to you."
"You forgot to read me a story. And more than once."
"Did I? I'm really, really sorry for that. It won't happen again, okay, I promise."
"So, we will keep Matt?"
"We will keep Matt but we need to find a way so no one is sad anymore."
"Amy is not sad when Matt stays and so are you, right?"
"Right. And when will you not be sad?"
"When he is gone." My dad gave me a scolding look. "Or if not everyone is missing out on me."
"I think that is something we can arrange. I promise you that you can spend time with me or Amy or the both of us when Matt is not with us as well. How does that sound?"
"We can try. But when I'm still sad, we need to think about something else."
"Do you know why everyone needs to look so much after Matt? He can't walk, or speak, or dress himself or even eat on his own and you can do all that and more. You can read by yourself and you get your own drinks and food. You are a big boy now and we all know that you don't need anymore help with those things. But if you ever need us for anything else you only need to tell us. Because I will always have time for you."
"You didn't have time yesterday when I wanted to go to the playground."
"I had time but Amy needed me. Because she was really tired because Matt is screaming at night."
"I know. I hear him. Are you mad at him when he screams?"
"Sometimes. But you screamed as well when you were a baby and I am not mad at you anymore. That's what babies do. They don't have any other way to say that they are hungry or thirsty."
"And when he stinks? Are you mad at him then?"
"Yes, pretty much."
I grinned widely. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. I couldn't believe that my dad was only mad at me.
"And the baby stuff? Can I give it back to Matt?" he asked.
I shrugged. I didn't need any of it. The toys were boring. But I wouldn't just give it to the crying, stinky baby.
"Hey, but you are a big boy now, you don't need those things anymore. You are a big brother now and that is a really important job. A big brother always needs to look after his little brother. You will be pretty busy but I can promise you that Matt will always be your greatest fan, he will always be grateful and he also will be jealous on you because you can do all those things he can't. Being a big brother is a really great thing."
"You never were a big brother, daddy. And you always say that Uncle Wyatt got on your nerves."
"Of course he did. That is one of your tasks as a big brother. You can drive the baby brother crazy and he will still look up to you."
"Do you look up to Uncle Wyatt?"
"Kind of. I can be really grateful to your uncle and I am. He is a really good big brother and you will be a really good big brother as well. I know that because you are a really good son as well. I promise you will like that role and I will be really happy because you can help us so much already."
I nodded not too enthusiastically. "Okay, Daddy. I won't steal Matt's stuff anymore. But you need to stick to your promise as well."
End Flashback
He really never broke his promise. I got my daddy time everyday and my time with Amy whenever I wanted for my whole childhood until my teenage years.
When Matt was interrupting us then he got in trouble because he had his own time with our parents when I wasn't allowed to interrupt them.
Matt and I became really good friends eventually. I admit, I wasn't always nice to him. Most of the bruises and scratches he had in his life were results of me pushing him or hitting him or playing ball with him or when he tried to imitate me by doing something he was too little for.
He would miss me too, I know it. He was a little trouble maker and even though my parents were really patient, Matt managed to get Mom yelling at him and she never yells. I made up tons of excuses for him. I picked him up from everywhere as soon as I got my driver's license. I was always on his side when he had trouble. We were a real team. He already wants to have my car when I'm away. The only problem is, he is only 10 and my dad and grandfather pimped the car themselves plus, my mom, dad and grandpa love cars. I'm sure Matt will have his own as soon as he is old enough. So, I was allowed to take my car with me. It had been a long drive but it was fun. Me and Dad drove one way to and then orbed back home. I really hope nothing happened to my car. But New Hampshire is a really nice place. People are nice, kind of English, really polite and a bit arrogant. I decided to do something with kids. Just like my grandfather and uncle as teachers, Junior like his dad as a parole officer, Penny as a social worker and Haley as a nurse. And even like my dad. He doesn't work with kids directly but his books all were for kids and they loved them. When he went to a hospital or a kindergarten and other schools to read to them, they were all ecstatic. But it always feels like my stories. My dad had made them up for me. It made me feel really proud that he dedicated each and single book to me…well, and some to Matt.
"Do you have everything?" Amy asks standing in the door. "If not you come back. Pretty easy."
"I think I have everything. But I will still come back really often."
"Yes, at the beginning but as soon as you find friends and build up a life there as well, then you won't come back so often. But that is okay. We will just miss you."
"I'll miss you too." I gave her a hug and something tells me not to leave.
"Come on, sweetie. You can say goodbye to everyone." I take my rucksack that lies on the bed and follow her downstairs. My grandparents are there, my Uncle Wyatt and Aunt Phoebe with Uncle Coop. The rest of the family already said their goodbyes yesterday at the dinner.
"Where is dad? We need to go," I say trying to sound as if it doesn't hurt that I won't be here tomorrow anymore.
"Why are you in such a hurry? Can't wait to get a life without the folks," Uncle Wyatt says. "I get him."
"We are going to miss you. Do your best in college." My grandma gives me a large box with what I guessed where cookies.
"And if you need us you call or orb by whatever," my grandfather tells me. Since he was retired, he finally has time and helps at the hospital Haley works in while my grandmother still spends a lot of time in the restaurant. Patty is going to become the chef soon.
"Have fun. You'll do good. I know it."
They each take me in a hug and my little brother even shed a tear. "Who is going to cover for me when you are gone?"
"You just need to stop doing such foolish stuff," I tell him. "You can always call me, okay?" He nods but his face shows how sad he is. I can't believe that I wanted to get rid of him when he was a baby. Life had been pretty boring without him.
"Do you need any more money?" Amy asks placing her arms on my brother's shoulder. I see my dad enter the room and shake my head.
"No, I have everything. I'll try to find a job anyway."
"Don't be ridiculous. You study and work afterwards. Not two things at one time or nothing will go smoothly," my uncle says.
"Right. Take some money. Chris, give him some money," Mom tells him.
Dad puts his hand in the pocket of his jeans and turned the inside out. "I don't have anything. Give him money yourself, Amy."
She pats my shoulder. "I have him send you a check," she whispers. "Okay, time to go. You'll be late to the airport."
"You see, no one wants you here anymore," Dad says. He already has his keys in his hand and now takes my bag. I have to go. In the door I turn around once more. They all have a smile on their lips although I feel that they are sad and only reluctantly let me go but I smile back anyway.
"Are you sure you have everything?" The drive to the airport is made in silence apart from this question my dad asks me again every now and then.
"I'm sure. You asked me at least a hundred times since we left the house. I have everything. I'm ready to go."
"Are you?"
"Yes. Well, I'm a bit nervous, that's all."
"Maybe you should stay."
I know it's not what he wants me to do. "I think I rather try it out at least."
"Sure. That's how you always were. You try everything out. I always admired that from you. And that you are so easy around other people. You have that from your mom. From Kat, I mean. She would always greet people with this amazing smile. You know, some people would smile at you but they don't mean it. She would smile and you knew it was genuine. It was all over her face, in her eyes. When she smiled you could be sure it was what she wanted to do and not just what she felt like she had to do to seem polite."
"I know. You told me before." I look out of the window. I have never lived anywhere else but in San Francisco. Me and Matt had stayed with Amy's mom sometimes during the holidays, but that was like family. "Do you think we still have time to stop at the cemetery?"
"Sure, the plane leaves at six."
I frown at him. "What? I though you said it leaves at 4, that is only 40 more minutes."
"I know what I said, Josh. I lied."
I don't need any further explanation. It leaves us some extra time alone. Just the two of us. Like it started.
I can't remember when it got a routine that we would go to the cemetery to visit my real mother's grave every Thursday. Later we also went to see my great grandfather's. I think it was when dad came back from rehab. We would bring her favorite flowers, sunflowers.
"We don't have any flowers," I say when we park in front of the cemetery.
"Trunk."
I can't help but smile at my father. It was crazy how he could read me. Or was it all planned and he influenced me? I couldn't tell.
We walk through the short cut grass towards the grave near a large tree. I place down the flowers.
I don't remember a lot about my mother. But dad had told me so many stories and showed me the DVDs of her shows that it seemed like I know her, though.
"She is really proud of you," Dad says. "You see, Kat, freshman. We all go to college eventually."
My dad visited courses as well in college to improve his writing. Something really different from becoming a doctor. "Thanks for paying for that, by the way."
"Dad." I shove him.
"What? She's okay with that. That's what she wanted. He did great, Kat, didn't he? And now that he is out of my reach, you have to look over him. If you aren't busy with anything else."
We stare at the grave a while. "I'm sorry," he says.
"What for?" I wonder.
"That you can't remember her. That you had no chance to meet her again. That she can't see you like this. Grown up."
I sigh. I start to hate it when people call me that. "I still need you, though."
"Of course you do. You are not that grown up that you don't need anyone. No one is that."
We stay a while longer at the cemetery walking to my great grandfather's grave behind the large tree and then back to the car. At the airport, we get a hot dog while we are waiting for the check in. Hot dogs are still my favorite food. Just like giraffes are still my favorite animals.
As if he had read my mind, dad says. "I checked the internet for a journey to Africa. We don't need to travel to where snow lays on Christmas this year as where you are snow will fall in November. So, I thought I could book us something for that time. Christmas in Africa."
"Cool."
"If you want to. Who knows what you will do in Hampshire. Especially who you will meet. What do we do when you decide not to come home over Christmas?"
"I will." There is no doubt in my voice. "I don't want to go," I suddenly blurt out. I don't even know where it came from, now that we sit at the airport. It's a bit late now. It took us weeks to organize everything. I really couldn't turn back even if I really wanted to – what I'm not even sure of. But I have never been away from home that long and not as far away. It isn't usual in our family to move far away from one another. The most distance had been Hong Kong for my Aunt Phoebe and she didn't stay there long. Apart form Prue and me no one had left for college. Everyone said it was because of the demons but I don't think that's the real reason. We just love each other too much.
"Of course you do. It's an adventure," Dad said.
"I guess so. But everything changes so quickly. There won't even be anymore stories of J.C. Wells. It's over. Everything ends."
"Things have to end so new ones can begin. You grew up and now you go on. It is how it is and you need to make the best out of it."
"But what if college is too difficult? What if no one likes me? What if I have trouble with the professors? What if I don't like the town? What if the dorms are no good for me?"
"Josh, then you come home. Who says you can't come back? We always find a place for you to stay in. If anything of what you mentioned or something else should happen, then you call and come home. Or don't call and just come home. But don't miss this chance because you are scared. You'll give it a chance. That's all I want and no one will be mad or disappointed if you don't make it. It's fine. We have much worse losers in this family. You do your best, be the person you are and everything will be fine. Of course, it'll be hard at the beginning to get used to everything, find friends and so on but I know you'll manage it just fine and you will have fun and success. That's it."
I know that I can always come home. For the last weeks I was told so by everyone. I take a deep breath. Of course I won't back out now. After all the things I pushed my family through, especially my father, I owe them. And maybe I will even have fun. Although, I don't believe it right now.
"I know leaving for college had always been my dream and I'm not sure if it ever had been yours but how can you know yourself if you haven't tried?"
That was exactly my fear.
"And if you find out it isn't, who cares? There are so many possibilities out there for you."
The voice out of the speaker tells us that I could check in now. I throw my paper napkin away.
"Time to go."
"I know. I can't believe you are going to college already."
"Already. It took me 18 years."
"What are 18 years?" he gives me a hug. "Be good, Josh."
I roll my eyes. That's what he always tells me. "I will. I'll see you soon, dad. And thanks."
"What for?"
"For being my dad. For, you know, changing my diapers and putting up with my stuff when I was 13. Just everything."
"Oh, you mean for sacrificing my life to watch you grow up," he says smirking.
"Something like that."
"That's fine. Was my pleasure. And now, go. Hurry. Don't turn back."
I take a deep breath and put the rucksack over my shoulder. I walk towards the check in point. I turn around once more but I can't see my dad anymore.
I'm alone. For the first time in my life I'm all alone to start something new. But I guess everyone trusts that they gave me enough that I can stand by myself. And it is true. I was so lucky to be born when I was and where I was. It wasn't easy, mainly for the rest of the family, but I was a happy child and a happy teenager and I am still happy although I am really sad and nervous at the moment.
I find my seat and take off my jacket. I feel something hard and flat in my pocket. I take it out and it is a credit card. I know I will be looked after all my life.
Please leave me a little review this time as well. Thanks again for everything.