Author: Meredith (roswelldreamer@aol.com)
Category: M/L
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Max, or Liz, or Roswell. Boo for me.
Summary: Liz tells her story of the post-destiny summer. Pure Dreamgirl fluff.
Author's Note: Liz POV. Let's just pretend the premiere episode ends with the
M/L memory scene in front of the Crashdown.
Dedication: to my new friends in the VGs, y'all rock. And of course, To Teri
Leigh, Stacy, and Steph who read my fic even if it's crap.
Inspiration: Jason and Shiri and their general delightfulness. And also "Brave
New World" by Richard Ashcroft (the song played in the scene).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Into the brave new world
I hope I see you on the other side of this changing world
Baby, when my ship pulls in
I try to believe in anyone
Look at the state I'm in
But for now I'm just sitting at the table
Singing songs, wishing I was able, stable."
* * *
Every morning in Florida began exactly the same.
My Aunt Leigh would wake me up at dawn to go running with her, and I
would happily oblige. I'd do anything to save me from the nightmares I would
have about everything going on at home. One particularly disturbing one
involved Max being killed by a creature with three eyes and six long tentacles.
After the run, I would come back and shower then sit out by the pool in
her backyard and write in my journal. Most of the entries started out like this:
"It's such-and-such-day, I'm Liz Parker… and I've gone 'x' minutes without thinking about calling Max."
I thought that everyday would be the day I'd finally call Max, and we'd
talk and everything would be okay. He'd tell me that the whole destiny thing
was fake… that Tess made it all up just to get him to be with her… that none of
it was true, that there were no evil aliens after them and for me to come home so
we could be together again.
That phone call never happened, except maybe every once in a while in my
dreams.
Mostly I just wondered exactly what moment my life turned into a science
fiction movie. I guess it was the moment Max connected with me to save me, and
our souls were melded forever.
My heart will always ache for Max. My brain tells me otherwise. This
entire summer was a civil war in my body between my heart and my brain.
And my aunt wondered why I was always so sick. My heart was trying to
rebel against the rest of my body. It was practically screaming at me to call Max,
to apologize and to ask for his forgiveness.
I don't know why I never tried to contact him. My head was telling me it
was for the best- telling me that Max was going to be with Tess now, and that's
the way it was supposed to happen. But my heart told me that Max would never
give up on me, on us.
I admired his strength. I still do.
Seeing him for the first time in months was… painful to say the least. I
admit that I was cold: it's a defense mechanism I developed in our time apart. I
shut myself down, kind of like Michael. Maria would tell me how he used to call
himself "a stonewall." He couldn't let anyone in.
Well I couldn't let Max in. I couldn't be hurt again. I knew it wasn't his
fault, it wasn't anyone's fault, but I was looking to blame someone. So I cut
myself off from everyone, even Maria and Alex. I'm surprised they're still
talking to me. Thank God for small miracles.
He couldn't let me go. He couldn't give up on us as easily as I did.
Strength. One of the million things I love about him. I could get a journal with
five hundred pages and I still wouldn't have enough room to write down
everything I love about Max Evans.
And you wonder why we still weren't together…
A few days after I came home, Max and the others had their first big
crisis: Michael was arrested for murdering Pierce and they had to break into Las
Cruces University to retrieve his bones.
I know, I won't go into it. Too technical.
The night Michael was freed was the night things changed for us. Max
cornered me as I was trying to go home. He touched my arm and I got a rush of
images from the night we almost made love. I hadn't thought about that night
all summer, and now I could feel the desire coursing through my veins.
For the first time in four months, I felt alive.
He felt it too.
Then he kissed me. The heat started in my lips and crushed through the
stone surrounding my heart.
I tried to fight it, really I did.
But before I knew it, I was in his arms again, my body melting into his.
He had to hold me to keep me from falling over.
How could I have ever let him go?
My pulse quickened as he broke free of my lips and moved down to my
neck, brushing his soft lips past my ear and whispering the three words I had
tried to forget the whole summer:
"I love you."
My first thought was that my ears were deceiving me. How could he still
possibly love me after everything we'd been through? His lips were back on mine,
his body pressed tightly against me, his hands in my hair, his eyelashes dancing
on my face, telling me without words that everything would be all right as long
as we were together.
How could I have forgotten?
His voice was husky, deeper than I remember… had he changed as much
as I had this summer?
"I need you." He whispered into my hair.
I'm floating. His hands are on my waist, guiding me into the Crashdown.
I tried to turn around, pleaded with him to stop, to leave, to go home. He
wouldn't. My heart screamed for him to stay as my head screamed for him to go.
Max always listened to my heart. Another one of the reasons I love him. He
knows my heart better than I do.
I try to stifle a squeal as we walk through the floor of the restaurant. I
didn't know that everyone was still there. My first thought was Maria. I could
feel her eyes burning holes in my head. I wanted to go over and hug her, tell her
to forget about Michael and all the pain he caused her, but how hypocritical
would that be?
I am not a hypocrite. As Max guided my body through the doors and up
the back stairs, the place was dead silent. I can still see Tess's mouth hanging
open like she was trying to catch flies.
I feel like such a hypocrite. I leave Max, then I'm gone all summer
without so much as a word to Maria or Alex, my two best friends in the world.
Then I'm not back 48 hours and Max and I are together again? I sound like such a
hypocrite.
But they will have to wait. Max has other plans, and he isn't taking a
raincheck.
"Max, we have to stop." The first thing I'd said to him that night. He sat
down on the couch as I stood in front of him, his gorgeous brown eyes looking
up at me with such longing that my knees began to shake. He put his hands on
either side of my hips and pulled me down into his lap. "Max…" I moaned his
name in warning. I knew it wasn't going to do any good. I knew what he was
going to say next. It's easy to know what the other half of your heart, soul, and
mind was thinking.
"Stop it, okay. Stop fighting this…stop fighting me. Tell me that you
don't love me anymore and I'll leave right now. We can go back to being just
friends, the way it used to be." Max said firmly, his voice heavy with emotion.
Of course I still love you, Max. It's so easy for me to feel, so hard for me
to say.
"I can't… I can't say it."
I felt warm fingers travel up my back and across my neck and down my
shoulders, followed by warm lips. His lips moved from my shoulders back up to
my throat and I searched blindly for his other hand, which was resting on my
knee. As I brought his other hand up to my face, I kissed his open palm and slid
out of his lap and back on my feet.
"Max." I said quietly, firmly.
"Liz. I'm not trying to pressure you." He said softly like a frightened
child.
I paused, choosing my next statement carefully. "Max, I just need time. I
need time to think." I held my breath, waiting for the tears to fall, knowing they
would come...
"I've thought of nothing but you this entire summer." He said, looking
down at his feet so I couldn't see that he was crying. I didn't realize he was until
I saw a fat, warm teardrop fall onto the top of his shoe and roll onto the floor.
I gasped, my eyes blazing. "See, Max, that's what I'm talking about! I
can't stand in the way of what you have to do…" I couldn't stand it anymore. He
couldn't say those things to me... he was making it so hard... so hard to walk
away from him.
"But it means nothing without you." He said strongly, voice unwavering.
My heart sunk to my stomach. My left hand went to my abdomen as I
crouched over in shock, longing, love, pain... it all was coming together for me.
Right at that very moment.
He looked at me, the tears shimmering in his eyes, his voice heavy with
emotion. He noticed that I was crying now too and he reached out and grabbed
my free hand, pressing it to his cheek.
"Liz, please don't cry..." He pleaded with me. "It doesn't have to be like
this. We can be happy again. We can be together, the way it's *supposed* to be."
He fell to his knees and buried his face in my stomach.
I sighed, the last pieces of the wall around my heart crumbling down
mercilessly. I kneeled down slowly as his face brushed up against my stomach,
my breasts, my neck, and finally my lips.
"I don't want to fight anymore..." I whispered into his mouth as his lips
brushed mine gently, gaining urgency with every breath. It was useless to deny
what was happening to me... to us. I could feel my soul warm up with every kiss.
This is where I belong. I know that now.
I am home. I will never leave again.
~End~