Just a little short take off on the end of family therapized. I do not own any characters.
"Lux, you don't have to forgive me. I can't forgive myself. I'll never be able to forgive myself."
"Cate"
"No Lux. Listen. I'm so mixed up inside. When I gave you up, I pushed you away. I pushed everything away. All of my problems, and everyone I loved. I made myself believe that Baze was the problem. That giving you up would solve
it. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made."
Cate slowly sat down on the couch. Lux moved to sit by her, looking at her, trying to read her expressions. Sitting by her, but not ready to comfort her. She still couldn't understand a mother giving up her child, but she was trying. Closing her eyes, Cate continued.
"I am so messed up inside. My father rejected me when he left, and after Baze rejected me, I didn't know how to deal with having you, so I pushed you away. I pushed all of it away. All my life since giving you up has been a lie. All this time I've been wanting you, but I was too afraid to try and get you. Everything I've ever wanted, everyone, has rejected me. I didn't think I could deal with another rejection, so I rejected you before you could do so to me. "
"Cate I never would have rejected you," Lux cut in.
"I know that now, but then...I had no one. My mother was an alcoholic, my father left me when I was six, my sister was a kid, and the one responsible ignored me. I know I can't blame them. I've been blaming others my entire life. But I can't anymore. The blame is on me, I am guilty, and I accept that. I just want you to understand. You think that no one has ever wanted you, but Lux, you're wrong. I have always wanted you. My entire life. I never admitted it. You asked me if I had ever considered keeping you. The answer was true. I hadn't. I couldn't keep you. I wanted you and everything I've ever wanted has been messed up. So I lied to myself, and have been lying to everyone since. But I've decided to tell the truth now. And I'd be lying if I said that life without you has been good. Time stopped the day I gave you up. I was living in my own personal twilight zone, and everything I did was a lie. But you should know, I'm not lying anymore. Not to you, and not to myself."
Cate looked at Lux, tears flooding her eyes.
"Time started for me again that day I saw you in the parking lot. It was like waking up from a dream. No, it was like waking up from the nightmare that was my life without you. But I'm awake now, and I'm doing the best I can."
Lux moved in closer to Cate, her mother. "I know Cate. Thank you. I-I love you." She held her mother as sobs racked through the older woman's body. Through her sobs Cate held Lux tightly, and managed a watery smile. "I love you too Lux, I always have."