So, I sat down with my laptop to write a chapter for one of my ongoing fics.
But damn this Gail-Holly thing has been distracting.
And I thought maybe it's time to put this distraction to use.
I have only just dipped my toe in Gail-Holly Fandom with this.
Depends on the result whether I decide to dunk myself in it.
So, please review or PM to tell me what you think.
Or should I continue this or let it be?
All up to the readers.
Mistakes are all mine, no beta.
Oh, and yeah, the cursory bullshit...I don't own anything except for the story.
Hope you all enjoy.
Staggering Along The Way
Chapter 1 – The Very First Stumble
Dr. Stewart was tired. Not bone tired; but exhausted enough to have her basic brain functions delayed by few long, longer seconds. A three days rushed trip, not a wink of sleep in the last 30 plus hours, jetlag induced lethargy, and heavily preoccupied mind - all combined together, she deduced, was not a great motivator for her. Right that minute, though, with her eyes boring into the eyepiece of a microscope only one inane thought looped through her conscious. The extremely intelligent, knowledgeable, beautiful, stolid, albeit fictional Dr. Maura Isles was correct, as always. "Not every reddish-brown stain is blood." The sample sitting on the stage of her microscope was definitely reddish-brown and not blood.
Her nostrils flared and eyes clenched as she tried to yawn without tearing open her mouth ridiculously wide. Her left hand clutched the corner of the cool granite counter tightly as she hunched over the microscope to rest her forehead on the eyepiece. Her right hand went back to finger the base of her neck. She desperately needed her knots kneaded...a massage seemed like a salivating dessert at the moment. She pressed her fingers into her neck and groaned deep in her throat. She should have gone home. She shouldn't have come to work directly from airport. It seemed like a perfect time to concede and accept that she was getting too old to function without some rest.
"Never thought I would catch you sleeping on the job," the voice, intimately familiar, pierced through her thoughts, making Holly react physically. She jerked and lost the grip on the counter which resulted in banging her forehead on the eyepiece of the microscope with sufficient amount of force. "Oowww," she moaned and straightened herself. Her right hand that was previously kneading her neck came in front to prod at her forehead. Her face was scrunched up in confusion and her brain was yet to process the previous comment. She snatched off her specs and threw them on the counter without care. With her left hand thumb and forefinger she pinched the bridge of her nose painfully. "Damn it," she cursed under her breath. She scrubbed at her face with both her hands to rid away some of the drowsiness.
At last she gazed at the person standing at the doorway of her lab. She was immediately tempted to make a remark about Gail possessing the stealth of a feline, but thought better of it. It had been more than two weeks since she had heard that soft timbre of Gail's voice accompanied with just the right amount of snarky lilt. How pathetic would it be if she confessed to missing the special 'Peck Package Of Snark', she mused. "Gail," Holly whispered. She frowned when it sounded helplessly intimate. She cleared her throat and responded solidly. "Officer Peck."
Gail stood by the door and watched Holly. The older woman looked disoriented and tired. Her eyes searched the lab - curtsy ingrained habit - and landed on the luggage sitting by the right corner of the room. She knew she wasn't there in a professional capacity but she couldn't stop herself from commenting. She hadn't seen or talked to Holly for more than two weeks now. But everyday Holly would at least call her once and leave a text. It didn't matter that she didn't answer her calls. Or that the texts were nothing but a scientific fact that had absolutely no use in daily life for Gail. She didn't reply but Holly would leave something, anything, in her inbox daily, for the last two weeks; since that stupid night at the bar. God, did she hate that night! But those calls and texts had ceased for three days in a row now. And her being perfectly Gail, her curiosity got the better of her. She couldn't not come to the lab when she got the chance.
Holly waited for Gail to return the greeting or explain the purpose of the visit. She saw those ever-observant eyes take in everything in the surrounding. "What can I do for you?" A direct approach seemed like a wise decision.
Gail blinked. All the details of the lab perfectly stored at the back of her mind she remembered why she was there in the first place. Holly was looking at her expectantly. She may be expended but damn if she didn't look impressive enough to take over the world in her dark black perfect slacks and a lavender shirt. The top three buttons of the shirt so teasingly undone, allowing the tank top to peek out just the right amount. She wasn't wearing any jacket though. And the sleeves were rolled up just below her elbows. If only she could rein her body's reaction to this beautiful creature...but did she really want to? This was so not the right time for this question. She drew her eyebrows in, assumed the stiff stance, and the accusing look before replying. "You didn't grovel."
Holly blinked rapidly. The confusion must have been plainly obvious on her face because before she could say anything Gail added.
"You didn't grovel," Gail repeated and took two steps inside the lab. "You didn't apologize, Holly. You didn't come after me. You didn't seek me out. You didn't do anything." She didn't want to sound like a whining five-year-old obnoxious kid but she wanted to know why Holly had not come to her, confronted her. "And you haven't called or texted in last three days, Holly."
"I am sorry. I have been busy." Holly automatically answered. "I had to go to the states for some conference at the last minute." She chortled. "Apparently I am the go-to person when the department needs some P.R." She belatedly registered what Gail had said. "I didn't grovel?" Her mouth opened a few times but words just didn't seem to agree with her. She exhaled noisily and pulled at the band that kept her hair in a ponytail just for the sake of it. She tilted her head upward and moved her neck side to side in hopes of getting some of kinks sorted. When she straightened her neck Gail was staring at her. She couldn't decipher the look and frankly she was a little too peeved to indulge in what she thought was one of her favourite things to do. She bit her bottom lip in between her teeth and asked. "Is that what you want?" She couldn't keep the disbelief away from her tone. "You want me to ask...no, sorry, beg for forgiveness? You want me to grovel at your feet? For what, Gail?" She inhaled and calmed herself down. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"You have gotta be fucking kidding me," Gail mockingly laughed. "You didn't do anything wrong? Holly...tell me, were you strolling across some alternate universe when you practically deemed me unworthy? Of being just a blue collar? Way below standards for you, right?" Her contempt kept increasing with every word as she remembered that bitch Lisa's description of her.
"I didn't say any of that, Gail," Holly's shoulder slumped. "Lisa made those comments and later you repeated all of that." She picked up her glasses and fiddled with it. "I would never demean you like that, Gail. I know you know that for a fact but I don't know why you refuse to acknowledge it. I am not that shallow, at least I don't think I am." She matched Gail's accusing stare head on. "You didn't give me a chance to talk. To explain, you just did what you do and ran."
Gail didn't know what made her shut up. But suddenly her visit to the lab to purposely hurt Holly seemed vain; too vain and unimportant. She was being unreasonable and so freaking unfair. Sometime in the week after the incident at The Penny she had realized that she should have given Holly a chance to talk her side, to explain. Clear the air as they say but no...her damned psyche wasn't built like a normal person now, was it? Was it ego? Was it pride? What was it that made her so abrasive and deploring of others? Her fear of heartache had made her a coward, seemingly. She had this incessant need to hurt the other person and walk away before they could hurt her. She had done just that with Holly. Holly...who had been nothing but amazingly supportive of her, who had sat by her when she had only needed a silent companion, who had listened to her rant about unfairness of life, who had cared enough to stand by her even when she didn't have to. Why, oh why was she like that? Even now she couldn't bring herself to simply back down.
Holly rested both her hands on the cool surface of the hard counter. Her head dipped, her hair forming a curtain around her which she was thankful for. She felt so weak and pathetic. Her body further slumped and she felt like crying; giving in, with no fight left in her. But no, she wouldn't let Gail make her feel bad about herself when she had done nothing wrong. She deserved better. She wasn't what she was today because of feeling week. She was resilient, strong, and an independent successful individual. She would never give anyone the right, the power over her to make her feel so small. A dry chuckle tumbled out of her and it threatened to turn into a soft sob. She lifted her head. She knew her eyes were filmed with moisture. "I respect your job as much as I fear it. The unpredictability of your situation sometimes just guts me to my core, Gail. I can't think like that now, can I? I don't have any right to think like that, right?" She attempted to portray her usual casualness and nonchalance with her signature lopsided smile but she knew it turned into a grimace. "Not to gloat, but I didn't leave when I could." Holly didn't want to go into details of all the things she had done for Gail. She knew she had stayed due to her own selfishness, not because she was some very noble soul. Her mind replayed the moments with Gail in her washroom a few weeks prior. Those moments were both beautiful and painful. Suddenly a surge of anger overtook her nerves. "Second round with Nicholas," she growled under her breath with as much disdain as possible. She didn't care how unreasonable or stupid her dislike of this Nicholas guy seemed to Gail. "The one time...Gail," she mustered up all her courage not to breakdown. Her voice, though, cracked and her throat was too tight. "The one time I stumble, you don't even offer your hand?"
"I...uh..," Gail clenched her jaw and pursed her lips. Holly was rightly accusing her without even trying to. She should have remained gone. She never should have come back. Damn the temptation...and all the mushy, weak feelings this woman brought out in her. What was she supposed to say? 'Hey, sorry I over-reacted. Friends?' Nope...not possible. She didn't know how to be Holly's friend anymore. Well, the only option was to sit down and talk it over, like adults. Hmmm...she could do that, couldn't she? She was willing to try. That look, the begging for understanding in Holly's chocolate orbs was too much. She had to thaw at some point.
"Tase myself in the eye," Holly murmured and chuckled, shaking her head. She abruptly brought her right hand out. "Did you bring your taser? I will be more than happy to do the deed." She stood there with challenging brow lifted up to her hairline.
Gail winced at that. She agreed that 'tasing herself in the eye' was a bit too much. She dropped her stupid cop-stance and sagged her shoulders. "Holly," she almost whined to not remind her. She fisted her fingers, released them, and repeated the act a few times and licked her dry lips. With a renewed resolve she took another two steps that landed her well into Holly's personal space. Her hands were itching desperately to reach out and touch the older woman but she knew she had to restrain herself. She didn't have that right...yet. "Can we talk sometime soon? I promise to leave my attitude and snark in my closet." She attempted half a smile. She bit into her lip when Holly only kept staring at her blankly.
Holly was relieved to say the least. If this was what her patience gifted her then she was thankful she had curbed all her desires to stalk and smother Gail every second of every day for the last two weeks till the police officer relented and gave her a chance. And wow, if that wasn't the hardest thing she had to do in life then she didn't know what was. All the negativity she had been gathering left her in a woosh within a second. She laughed softly at the joke Gail made. "You could never leave your snark in the closet," she saw Gail smile wide. "Too big to fit," she perfected that lopsided smile. She wasn't all that tired anymore.
Gail opened her mouth to say something but the radio on her left shoulder crackled. They both grimaced at the broken voices coming from the other end.
When Gail didn't move Holly asked. "I don't speak 'radio' but I think I heard something like 'all units'?"
"Yeah...all units," Gail distractedly replied. She perked up all of a sudden. "Oh, hey, maybe it's a mass grave. You might get called too."
Holly shook her head at the complete absurdity of Gail's perkiness. "No, actually. I am off the clock right now." She had come here to keep herself busy and reduce the time she spent alone in her apartment thinking and thinking ceaselessly. "Want to have dinner tonight, after you shift?" She proposed tentatively.
"Yeah, sure," Gail agreed without thinking. Her phone vibrated and she knew it was Chris messaging her to come out. "You look tired, nerd. Get some rest. I will come by about nine?"
"Okay," Holly checked her watch. It was only after one in the afternoon. She could get a few hours of sleep before dinner, hopefully without disrupting her regular sleeping schedule. Well, one thing she knew for sure. If this talk with Gail would go okay, then she would at last welcome a peaceful slumber after a long...long time. "See you tonight." She whispered. And this time she purposely made it sound intimate.
Gail smiled and kept her gaze for a few seconds. Finally she huffed when her phone vibrated for the third time. "See you tonight, nerd." She said and walked backwards out of the lab. Well, it didn't seem that hard. She really was a fool to take more than those extremely long and painfully lonely two-weeks to agree to talk.
Tonight, she would try her level best not to run.
Hopefully it was worth your time.
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Thank You.