Disclaimer: Really can't say that I own it...even if moon and sun were to crash right now.
This is a one-shot that I've been working on for the past couple of days, it's for a contest. Not sure if it really has that Spring theme to it, but whatever. Still working on Captive Orchid, but gotta really straighten out my ideas and thinking about deleting it and starting again. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
+--Boundless Desire--+
Remember me, when my soul has been etched into your skin.
The large space between the two was gigantic, large like the vast sky above, a space far too large to try to cross in order to hold hands tightly, to grasp the line between night and day. That of course was breaking the laws of nature, much like what they were doing. Love had no boundaries, it knew not enemies or followers, and it was a spontaneous emotion that cradles itself inside the hearts of everyone; though only few managed to unlock it properly.
Love was cultivated by various emotions and intentions, it bloomed in an unexpected way that neither managed to analyze properly. The self-hatred and self-loathing seemed insufficient now, the long arguments meant nothing after so many years, life and death paraded across the universe—that's how it worked.
The vast sky looked like ink spilled in white paper, the large moon decorating it neatly like a light bulb while the stars hung there beautifully. There stood a room, barely silent as the breathing of two people threatened to overthrow it, the moon castes shadows upon the unanimated objects around the room. The wind was soft, strutting through the small opening of the window as the lace curtains swayed with it in rhythm.
"Are you alright?" A thick masculine voice asked a hand reached for the other through the darkness.
"I am, no need to worry," a feminine voice answered, sighing contently as she buried deep in the warm embrace.
That distance had long ago disappeared, been thrown out of the window for the sake of keeping something dearly close, and held back by chains or some unfathomable universal force. Promises, duties, honour—none of it existed at the moment as the two lay in bed wrapped around each other. There was no difference between human and soul, right and wrong—it was only the bond between a man and a woman on a spring night. The boundaries between the living and dead had not existed for once, he was sure that tomorrow there would be gossip and people coming to tear them apart.
Kurosaki Karin turned, wrapping her arms around the strong torso of the captain of the tenth division, Hitsugaya Toushiro held her close to him. Silence fell in the room again, she stared out the window, staring past the lace curtains and into the dark abyss above the city, wanting to tattoo this moment inside her mind, filling herself with each single touch, each kiss, those looks of adoration knowing that the moment would not last forever.
Spring had come so soon, Toushiro thought about leaving long ago, trying to resolve him into hating her for being so selfish, for asking for the impossible and making him promise something that both knew could never happen. All those beautiful memories of the past few months had been entirely engraved inside his mind, those lips that spoke luring words kept him stationed there. Winter had ended too soon, the white sheets of snow had vanished, and replaced by the blooming flowers— he let out a sigh.
"Do you hate me now?" Karin leaned forward, leaning her chin against his chest and staring at his turquoise eyes that seemed far away.
Toushiro sat up, pulling her with him and holding her still, staring deep into those hypnotizing dark eyes that long ago had captured him. She was no longer that mere ten year old child, Karin had matured into a fine young woman with power and a backbone, she could easily fend for herself against the world and she could easily win a fight with anyone. His soul had been tattooed into hers; his flesh had been burned into hers as they had been one, his lips searched for hers in the moonlight.
She could feel the sudden emptiness swelling inside, the kiss wasn't passionate like any others, it was already telling her good bye and she didn't want to forget this. As they broke apart, Toushiro stared at her again, those eyes holding the past already there and already working on trying to forget it as quick as possible, knowing that his resolve would diminish.
"I don't, I don't hate you," his voice was flat, it wasn't the tone she hoped to hear, but it reassured what she wanted to know.
They sat there, holding each other still, minutes or perhaps hours flew away, rain began to fall suddenly, softly it hit the windows and the street below. She let him go, getting off the bed and pulling her t-shirt, sitting at the edge waiting for the night to be over. Tomorrow, or rather, today would be a long day and perhaps the most torturous one of her life. Karin turned her head back a little, glancing at his frame in the moonlight and sighed deeply.
She hugged her self, rubbing her arms while trying to erase his touch from her skin; she felt like a fool for doing something like that. Why did it have to be hard to love someone so much? Their arguments and fleeting glances seemed years ago, childish even as they hadn't mature much, but now that was thrown out of the window. What would her older brother think? No, he didn't deserve to know about this shameful event, but weren't they in the same boat?
"What are you thinking?" Toushiro appeared in front of her, dressed in jeans and staring at her eyes. "You scowl so much while you think."
Karin felt the blood rushing to her cheeks; she turned only to have her face held back, instead her eyes dropped.
"Mind your own business," she stated firmly, glaring at him. He smirked at her, seemingly playful like always. That was something he would clearly miss, being himself in front of her was easier, he didn't fall in facades while being with her—it was easier being like this instead of wearing that farce in front of the entire Soul Society.
Rain pivoted softly, it felt like a soft lullaby as they simply sat there in the empty room while immersing themselves into their own thoughts. He thought of a simple solution to this problem, perhaps giving up his captaincy just to be with her, with this, problems will surge that would try to tear them apart—he felt pain creep up inside of him, that fear of losing her was damnable. There had been many times in which he had to part from her, seeing her tears escape those enchanting eyes, seeing that hurt expression of longing—that was as much as he could handle.
How had he become to love her like that, so strongly and profound he found it impossible not to think about. Toushiro was sure that he would cross many gates to get her, to take her back to Soul Society so that they could be together. The only thing that he liked was that she would never cry much, she would never chase after him to put herself in danger, she tried to be so strong for him; that's why he loved her so much.
He stood up abruptly, pulling her up as she looked at him and tried to hold back onto that painful emotion of letting go.
"I love you; so much that it drives me crazy leaving you behind." A blush appeared on his face, his white hair was matted down and he looked quite childish.
"I know, don't worry about me," she smiled, bringing her hand to cup his face. He leaned into her soft touch. "I love you so much as well, for eternity and my next lifetime."
They usually did not exchange words like that, sappy lines were not for them, but somehow they would manage to do so every so often as they could. The walls that had built themselves would crumble, she kissed him fiercely without wanting to convey the feeling of good bye at all; she hoped that he would return back into her arms soon.
+---+
The eyes looked back to the past, a soul was tattooed deeply in skin, and the warm embraces would come and go as easily as mind travelled back and forth. Work kept all those things at bay, it acted like a mask that hid all the truth, it kept the others from asking anything, but that was painful to handle alone. Three years weren't enough to forget it, having the cold empty side of the bed recall upon those memories—it was difficult to comprehend it alone.
"Shiro-chan, what's wrong?" Hinamori Momo looked concerned, standing on her tiptoes to touch the tall man's forehead. "You don't look so well."
"Quit pestering about it," he scowled at her, walking away with the stack of papers in his arms.
How many more restless and dreamless nights would continue to forlorn him into a cycle of madness and anxiety?
You cannot forget me so easily like that, and you know it.
Toushiro could still hear those words screaming at him, much like that rainy day so long ago in which both confessed their foolish feelings, feelings that both had believed to be meaningless and better off forgotten.
I've spent many nights and days, wishing and hoping that I could easily forget you Karin! Many days!
"Let's take you to the fourth squad, please," Momo had caught up to him, grabbed his arm to stop him.
"I told you that it's nothing, worry about something else." The white haired captain glowered at her.
The woman dropped her arm, hung her head low and tried to make him forget already. He could never see her again, a human and a soul could never be together—laws of nature did not work that way. She could see the past in those eyes, which hid pain so well after so many years of practice, but she couldn't be blinded so easily like that.
"You don't belong with her, not when you are dead and she's still alive." Those words had been said many times before, but he didn't want to believe in them. Love could easily conquer many things; it could easily fight off the obstacles that tended to appear in front of it; even if he had to use his sword to cut them down.
"Don't pry into my private affairs," he muttered harshly at her, chewing at the side of his mouth. "Don't speak words as if you know everything, as if you feel what I feel."
The vulnerability made him feel naked; it was a side that no one would see at all much.
"It is my business to know, I am…" she blushed fiercely at the words that she did not speak.
"I have not agreed to it," he stomped away like a child, throwing tantrums felt silly, but he didn't care. Why did Soul Society care so much about his single life? People died every day, did they not? Many souls arrived daily inside the place, so why was it necessary for him to procreate?
So, does that mean that you love me so much that you can't stop thinking about me?
Toushiro breathed deeply, steadying his self control as he arrived inside his office and shut the door loudly so everyone could hear that they were not welcomed. Frustration gnawed at him, clawing at the deep scars of loathing that grew quickly with time. Many expected his marriage to the lieutenant of the fifth squad to be a comprehensible agreement, a bond that looked so innocent for everyone—that would be quite a cheerful occasion after the many losses that occurred during the war long ago.
The preference of stabbing the enemy many times might help forget, though not as easily as he hoped for because she was always present inside his mind. Her smile, her touch, her lips against his were the permanent scars from war—she was a threat for him, much like a war on its own.
The prejudice against her brother made him angrier, furious that he was able to come back and forth, his strength had gained him the hand of marriage of the Kuchiki girl; how come he wasn't allowed that? Kurosaki Karin was no different than a mere shinigami, surely she did not have a sword or could perform the demon magic at all, but she was stronger. There were only a few promises that could have been kept.
Are you willing to love me forever? Even if we cannot be in the same plane of existence, even if you are reborn and I die?
Love was mundane, selfish, a loathing emotion, an enemy for the heart. He understood now why he had to spit on that word alone, to make it feel like a sin because he was a bastard with no heart, with no feelings.
Even if I deny the truth, my heart and soul will search for you despite whatever fate awaits us along the way, but life and death means nothing at the very least.
Karin would never be part of his life, even as much as both had promised so many things before; fate just didn't work with them. Pulling them apart, making the distance that much longer, a difference of the living and the dead; it was something that neither could try to overcome. Engaging upon the most difficulty of times, fight the boundaries that kept them back—none of that would acquire results.
A frustrated sigh escaped him, closing his eyes he tried to erase her entirely, trying to forget her because they could never belong together at all. She was still living, she could lead a normal life, grow old like any normal human being; after all he was much older. Though, each time Toushiro would find himself closing his eyes images of the past would come, that bright smile, those dark eyes—all of Karin engulfed him entirely like a black hole.
Rain began to fall again, the orange mellowing sky had disappeared replaced by the dark abyss filled with clouds; time truly flew away quickly. The mingled thoughts replayed themselves over and over, dragging his mind farther and farther away from reality. It had been on a fine spring day, rainy as well, thunder roaring on the horizon as the gagging storm brewed quietly before arriving close to them. Her words were almost silent, her red lips moved as the words 'I love you' were said; well it was a little forced out, but it made him feel important.
Reality was truly heartbreaking, the warm hand that touched him and a soft voice that whispered to him and lips that touched against his cheek. It didn't matter if he was far away in some dream like state, only that his heart yearned to feel that warm touch again.
He chuckled at his own self. "I've finally been driven into insanity."
"Who said this was fantasy?" He turned, coming face to face with the woman that could not be erased from his mind.
Karin smiled at him, running her thin large fingers across his face, touching his eyelids, his lips, the creases of his frown, his nose—it was still the same face. Toushiro opened his eyes properly, those bright turquoise eyes glowed with the light from the candles; he guessed that she had brought them here.
"This doesn't feel the same as my fantasies or even my dreams," he leaned forward, catching her lips with a swift kiss.
A soft chuckled escaped her. "No, I think reality is better at this very moment. You're pretty much awake actually, can't even tell a hint of tiredness in your face."
"It's a hard farce to fall into, in truth, I'm exceptionally tired."
"Mm, well, then I should've let you believe I was part of your wild imagination." He pressed her closer to him, smelling her hair and her neck; the same iris perfume lingered in her skin.
You'll remember me during those restless nights; after all, my soul has been tattooed into your skin along with my scent.
"Why are you here?" His question didn't take her by surprise.
Karin needed to know the truth, needed to confirm for her that he wasn't getting married just to erase her away because she was a pitiful human being still—at least in a matter of speaking. She knew that his heart couldn't possibly erase her entirely, his memory could never fade away their moments together because she knew that their love was stronger due to how many times they had to part from each other.
"Do you really love her that much, enough that you leave me behind for three years?" The resilient woman would never let it be, she would cut the moon and sun in half if she had to in order to know the truth; even if he were to reject her.
Toushiro smiled, kissing her again because it was the only thing that could make him think on a proper answer. Momo knew the truth; she knew that he couldn't love her like she wanted him, perhaps one day when his heart no longer yearned for another woman—impossible of course. Even in the darkest shadows, in the most blinding white winter day, even in life and death he could never forget her at all. As she had once said,
Even if I leave you behind, leave that empty cold space besides you; let it be known that my soul resides close to you. Even if the time comes where you no longer see me, your heart no longer flutters at my touch—I'll always be there buried deep in your heart.
That was about right, he was tied in her life just as she was tied to his, the permanent bond stronger than a diamond, stronger than words could describe. Spring no longer felt lonesome, the storm outside was nothing, no natural force could easily peel away that bond—they would never allow it. Each touch felt new, each kiss felt more heated, more passionate along with the soft whispers in the night.
Those turquoise eyes burned a hole, his lips sealed any doubt or fear that would consume her suddenly—this was the place to feel safe at. There were no duties, no honour, no difference of the living and the dead; there was absolutely nothing that made any difference because they were beings that held feelings inside their hearts. Any worries felt thousands of years away from the present, even if this wasn't allowed, they could make it work easily because Karin wasn't willing to give up because of her huge pride.
The rain stopped, silence consumed the darkness in the large office as bodies grew warmer, heated in the moment of passion as intimate bonds scattered like droplets. They wanted to believe that nothing would happen, that this would be accepted once the sun would rise, that all those false assumptions of a marriage that could not take place would be washed away, buried deep somewhere in the ground despite a heart that would shatter entirely. That matter was of low interest, crossing a vast ocean, an infinite sky—they were willing to make it work—people were allowed happiness, were they not?
If you leave, you'll see me in the eyes of the past, always recalling my body next to you in that empty bed, because I can easily guess what you dream about at night.
"You'll never forget me." The sincerity in those words made them feel so real, like a veil covering the naked skin, like being tied down.
"Each and every single day, I'll try to forget." The smile was reassuring, stating the certainty of a long lifetime that was going to take place.
No matter the many years or centuries that had passed, the security of his words still held their meaning because she wasn't afraid of being left behind again. No matter how many springs or rainy seasons would come, both stayed beneath the same gazing sky, each being able to see the same starry sky despite the many troublesome situations that they had faced, but even so, they could never part again.