I don't own Syed, unfortunately... And I don't own Christian either. Sad, but true... They belong to the BBC and EE. But I love them anyway.

Here's a little something I made for my friends of WFCTGIO - to cheer them up in a week of Chryed angst.
With special thanks and a heartfelt tribute to all of you who review and comment and encourage me to keep writing, you know who you are... ;-)

Reviews are as always awaited with bated breath... and very much appreciated! Thanks!

A HOME IN YOUR ARMS

The first thing I feel when I slowly drift back into consciousness is his arms around me. Those strong but gentle arms that just by their touch and their warmth remind me where I am.
Home.
I keep my eyes closed, and my breathing even. I don't want to wake up just yet. I don't want to talk. I just want to feel.

He is awake. I know that, because I can feel his fingertips softly caressing my shoulders and my back. With slow, lazy, loving movements he is drawing circles on my naked skin. I can just about stop myself from purring like a kitten.
My head is resting on his chest, just above his heart. I let its steady, comforting beat reverberate through my body and my mind. I relish in the feeling of his soft chest hairs tickling my face, my chest, and my arms, making millions of nerve endings stand to attention. I breathe in his intoxicating, manly scent – that familiar combination of sandalwood and sweat and something else that I can only define as 'him'.
My arm is casually draped around his body, my hand resting on his strong but delicate collarbone. I fight back the urge to caress him there, in that soft spot where his shoulder meets his chest, and betray the fact that I'm awake. I just want this moment to last a little longer. I just want to lie here and revel in the familiar sensation of his body so close to mine. The warmth of his skin underneath my fingertips makes me tingle all over, makes my heart feel at home again.

It's the only place I want to be.
I want to stay here forever.

He leans in and lovingly kisses the top of my head. His gentle fingers slide upwards now, to the back of my neck and they twirl in my hair. He's careful, as always, his movements soft and gentle, as if he doesn't want to disturb my sleep, and I smile inwardly. He hasn't realized that I'm awake yet, and part of me wants to keep it like that for a while longer. I don't want to talk just yet, we talked for hours yesterday. We talked and we shouted and we cried... and in the end we just smiled and held each other. Everything was said that needed to be said at last, and it felt like a new beginning. It's part of the reason why I feel so blissful today.
All is well.

I can't stop a deep sigh of... what is it? Relief? Joy? Contentment? …. from escaping my lips, and with that I've given the game away.
"Sy?" he whispers, and with half-lidded eyes I lift my face to his and smile at him.
He leans back and gazes down at me, running his finger over my lips, and along the side of my face.
"Morning" he says quietly.
"Morning" I reply. I reach out, and pulling his face to mine, I kiss him softly.

At first he seems surprised at my bold move, as if he didn't expect it, but soon his lips respond to mine. When we pull back, there's a smile on his face, but there's something .. weary... in his eyes, and I feel a pang of worry grip my heart.
He looks at me all seriously and sighs.
"I'm so sorry, Sy..." he whispers "for all the stupid things I said. Things I didn't mean..."

I want to stop him, tell him that all is fine now, but he won't let me.
"I just need to say this, okay...? he insists, and grabs my fingers I reached out to cover his lips with. He squeezes them tightly.
"I've waited for you to wake up so that I can say it. Clearly and unambiguously, so that you will never, ever have to doubt it..."

He takes a deep breath, and his eyes seek mine.
"You do know that you're the most important thing in the world to me, don't you, Sy?" he deliberately echoes the words I once told him, and this gives me goosebumps. Christian has never been shy to share his feelings, and he's so much more eloquent than I am at saying what he thinks. But now... using my own words he somehow manages to add a depth of meaning, of sincerity, to his declaration that I didn't even consider possible.
"There's nothing..." he swallows hard "There's nothing, or no one that goes before or above you for me... Nothing..."
"I know..." I can barely say it, the sudden lump in my throat stops the words I want to add. I reach up and gently run my fingers over his face, trying to wipe the worried frown from his forehead. I feel the need to reassure him, to let him know I care for him just as deeply as he does for me.
"I love you." I whisper in a voice so emotional I barely recognize it as my own.
He leans his forehead against mine and breathes out deeply, his hot breath tickling my lips.
"And I love you. So very, very much"
"It's okay. We're good, Christian" I say, as I draw his face to mine and gently kiss his jaw.

We lie back and just hold each other. There's no need for more words. I close my eyes, feeling his tender fingers flutter over my bare skin again, and I listen to his strong heart beat. I don't know how long we lie there.
I finally pull myself up, and lean on my elbow to look at him, for no other reason than the urge I feel to do just that. I love looking at him – I always have. Even on that first day I saw him. I was so overwhelmed by his presence from that first instant, and his magnetism on me has never wavered since… It's not just that he is incredibly hot, he's plain beautiful. Sometimes I wake up at night, or early in the morning, and in the dusk I just look at him while he sleeps. Sometimes, in his sleep, he edges closer to me, and holds me tightly, almost as if he has to know, reassure himself, that I'm there. In those moments I caress his face and his hair, and lightly kiss his forehead. And when I do that, he smiles in his sleep and snuggles closer to me.

He's not asleep now, but he rubs his face as if he's struggling to keep sleep at bay. It suddenly occurs to me how tired he looks.

"Man, I am tired" he sighs, as if I've said the words. It makes me giggle. He always knows what I am thinking, even if my mind is blank.
"Two sleepless night..." he adds.
"Two...?" I frown.
He sniggers. "Yes," he says. "Last night I didn't sleep because you weren't here" He tries to hide the catch in his voice by clearing his throat... "And this night..." he shakes his head in mild disbelief "this night, I couldn't sleep because you were... I just wanted to keep checking that I wasn't dreaming... that you were still here..."

I feel a mixture of guilt and joy wash over me when he says that. Guilt that I did this to him. Joy at hearing yet again just how much he wants me here.
"There's nowhere I'd rather be..." I confess, as I reach for his face again. "And I'm not going anywhere."
It's my turn to apologize. "I'm sorry, Christian, for running off like that. It was never my intention not to come home but... well... I was so angry... and... I … I just let it run away with me... " I shake my head, I still feel bad about it.
"I know" he says and strokes my cheek "it's okay, Sy"
I don't have to explain it further, we talked all this through and resolved it yesterday.
Still, I shudder at the memory of waking up on my mum's sofa, and the bleak realization of where I was hitting me. How cold and almost scared I felt, waking up without Christian's arms around me for the first time in such a long time... for the first time since...

I feel a smile creeping onto my face as something suddenly dawns on me. Christian, who always senses my mood, sees the change in me.
"What..?" he looks at me suspiciously.
I playfully flick his nose. "Do you know what day it is today, Christian?" I ask him with a grin.
He frowns. "It's... Saturday..." he replies, he's not sure where I'm heading with this.
"No... not the day" I chuckle..." I mean the date!"
He's still in the dark and shakes his head.
"It's the fif... no, it's the sixteenth of Ju.."
And when realization strikes, it's like in those comic books, as if a light bulb goes on over his head. A beaming smile lights up his face.
"July... " he breathes, and his eyes are glowing.

"It's the 16th of July ..."

I can only nod, feeling too emotional to speak suddenly.
"A year..." he mumbles "Has it been it a year already, Sy...?"

"It has..." I finally find my voice. "It's been a year since you brought me home"
I feel a tear of emotion slipping down my cheek, and when I reach up to wipe it away, Christian's already beaten me to it. His thumb tenderly caresses my jaw.

"A year since you chose to be with me" he croaks. I can literally see him swallow away the lump in his throat
"Since you chose to be free..."

A multitude of memories come flooding back, threatening to overcome us, and we just lie there, gazing at each other.

"I should have remembered" Christian finally breaks the silence, shaking his head in disappointment.
"I wanted to do something special on our anniversary, celebrate...! I can't believe I forgot..."

"It doesn't matter, Christian" I shrug. "I nearly forgot it too... And you had other things on your mind..."
The casual remark escapes me before I realize how he could interpret it, and I see his face cloud over ever so slightly
"We both had" I quickly add, and smile reassuringly.
"Besides..."

"Besides what...?."
"There are ways to celebrate that don't need a lot of preparation..." I say with a wink.
"You think so...?" Of course, Christian, who is always quick on the uptake, sees where I'm going with this, and I have a sneaky feeling he likes my way of thinking.
"I know so..." I grin. "Perhaps you remember how we celebrated my homecoming last year...?"
"Errrrr... let's see..." he teases, making a show of rolling his eyes and frowning his brow as if he's racking his brain to remember.

"Why don't you let me refresh your memory?" I say huskily, leaning in to kiss him.
My lips meet his, those beautiful luscious lips I long to kiss each and every day. That I have kissed each and every day of the past year, I realize with exhilaration. I slip my tongue between his lips and he meets me with the tip of his. At first, our tongues are merely flirting, but soon passion takes over. We kiss deeply, tenderly, passionately, and when my mouth moves down his face, he tilts his head to give me better access to his throat. I feel his pulse underneath his skin, and never breaking that connection, I let my fingertips caress his cheeks, hover down his neck, trace his shoulders, move down his chest, and back to his face again. I caress his face over and over. He moans and shudders slightly as my lips touch that tender spot just beneath his earlobe, and when my mouth finally moves back to his, our kiss lingers and we savour each other's taste.

A feeling of complete contentment creeps up on me, and draws a joyous sigh from my lips as I finally pull back to catch a breath.

The second our mouths separate, he makes his move and before I know it, Christian has rolled us over and has me pinned underneath him. His hands find their way to my hair and thread themselves in it, drawing my face even closer to his than it already is.

His eyes lock with mine. I'm breathing faster and shiver with anticipation as I feel his hot skin pressed close to mine. As always when he's this close to me, my body responds quickly, automatically, feverishly... My heart rate speeds up, my arousal is instantly heightened. My mouth reaches up to meet his once again, but he pulls back. His eyes don't leave my face. I try again, and again he retreats

"Christian... " I sigh breathlessly "don't tease..."
I reach out to pull him closer "Please..." I murmur.
But Christian is having none of it, and I don't understand why – why, when I feel him so hot and hard against me?
"Christian..." I try again.

He just gazes down at me, and brushes aside a strand of hair from my face.
"Do you remember?" he asks suddenly – his voice is husky and raw "Do you remember what I said to you that day, Sy... that day, a year ago...?"

His eyes are brimming with emotion, he can't hide his feelings, and he's not apologetic about it. He never is.
I'm breathless, and it's not the sexual tension between us this time. It's the love I see in those eyes, and the memory of the promise he made me that day.

"Of course I do..." I finally manage.
He looks at me, a question in his eyes.

"You promised me..." I start, but a flood of memories suddenly overcomes me, and all I can do is gaze at him, at the beautiful face of this man I love so much.
"You sai..." I blink and feel tears slip down my cheeks. I give in to them. I can't hold them back, and I don't care. But I don't waver from his stare. My eyes stay locked with his.

"You said..." I start again. I'm having trouble getting the words out, and I swallow desperately around the lump in my throat
"You said..." I'm finally there "that being with you, I would never... ever... have to hide anymore. I would never .. ever have to pretend to be someone I'm not. With you.. with you, Christian... I could be me..." I let out a quivering sigh, and briefly close my eyes.

He reaches up a hand and brushes back my hair, his fingers then trailing down my face to gently catch the tears that fall. But now that I have found the words, I can't stop them anymore. I am reliving that moment. In my head, in my mind's eye, I can hear him say it, I'm there, right there in that moment. I've not forgotten a word of what he said to me that day. Not a word, not a breath, not an inclination in his voice,... and certainly not the love in his eyes as he spoke them to me...

I open my eyes, and peer into his, those striking green eyes that can see right through me. That touch me, that know me, that give me comfort and security whenever I need it.
"And you said... you said, Christian... that if I ever got scared, or angry... or worried...or just... upset...I could always tell you. I could tell you and you'd be there. You'd listen to me, and hold me... and you..."

I swallow again "And you'd make it better..."

Silence falls, and I watch him. He looks down at me so seriously. He seems worried almost, so beautifully worried. I feel that I can't look away.
"Thank you so much for doing that for me, Christian" I whisper "for being here..."

He finally speaks.
"I want to renew that promise to you, Sy. I need to ... because... well, ..." He shakes his head in regret.
"I've not been very good at keeping that promise lately, have I...? I haven't listened... "

I've never seen him like this. He looks crestfallen. So worried, scared almost. I reach up my hands to his face like he's touching mine, and brush away that fear, showing him that I love him so much, that all is well.
And then I remember.
I remember how I felt yesterday morning waking up without him. The thought of it constricts my throat once more and I feel myself hugging him more tightly. For a moment, for a moment so short but so unimaginably long, I thought I had lost him forever. I didn't think I'd ever... kiss him again, hold him again... feel his arms around me...
And it terrified me.

So I understand his fear.
I understand it, because I've felt it too.

But I'm here now. He's here. With me. I'm holding him again. And he still loves me. He's still my home.
Nothing can come between us, I know that for a fact.

I smile at him, suddenly unafraid.
"We're a right pair, aren't we?"
He looks at me with a frown, confused by my light tone after all that emotion, all that seriousness. But I'm determined to make him smile again.

"You didn't listen, Christian... and I didn't talk..." I roll my eyes.

He looks at me and hears what I'm saying. No one can read me like he does, and right now he can read the meaning behind my light-hearted remark. He hears the intentional self-rebuke in it, and he understands.
A slow smile spreads across his face, and it finally reaches his eyes; they start to sparkle again, and my heart skips a beat at that.

"Hmmm.. you're not wrong there..." he admits with a smirk.
"So we're agreed then?" I say "I will talk more, and you will listen more..."
"It's a deal..." he says – he's all serious again.
But his eyes are glowing, and I know that he's okay. That we're okay...

"So..." I wriggle underneath him "after all that..."
"What?" he smiles, but his question is irrelevant, and we both know it. He knows me too well.

"What about … that celebration you promised me?" I answer him anyway.

He chuckles, and without further ado, he leans in to kiss me, and I helplessly close my eyes.
"Look at me, Sy" he whispers, and without hesitation I open my eyes, and he kisses me again.
I gently run my fingers all over his soft skin and lovingly caress his back. My hands then slide down and I let them rest at the small of his back. We hold each other tightly, and as our tongues explore each other hungrily, I feel that so familiar tingly sensation up my spine... and in my heart.

I'm home.

0+0+0+0

When I slowly drift back into consciousness, the first thing I feel is his arms around me. With gentle movements he is drawing circles on my naked skin, and I am purring like a kitten. I rest my head on his chest, just above his heart, and let its steady beat reverberate through my body. His chest hairs tickle my face, and I inhale his musky scent. I just want to lie here and revel in that wonderful sensation of Christian's body so close to mine. The softness of his skin underneath my fingertips makes makes my heart feel at home again.

I lift my head to look at him.
"Christian...?"
"Hmmm...?" he says lazily, not yet willing to let reality enter his consciousness.
"I miss our flat..."
His eyes fly open and he's suddenly worried again
"Sy..."
"No... no.. Christian, it's all right,..." I reassure him.
"What I mean is... I do miss our flat... , because I've spent the happiest times of my life there... But..."
I smile at him, and brush away his worried frown.

"It's all right, Christian, because... because you promised me something else that day..." I remind him.
"Did I?"
"Yes you did..."
He looks at me expectantly.
"You promised me I'd always have a home..."

I can hear his breath catch.
"And I do... It's right here... in your arms..."

This time it's me who brushes the tears away from the face of the man I love.
"Don't cry babe..." I comfort him.
He smiles a little through his tears
"Will you make it better, Sy?"
"Always"

It's a promise.