Part 1
Lilly Satou could handle almost anything.
She's dealt with blindness, her parents leaving, living with alone with her big sister, then just completely alone, class representative duties, her best friend's social anxiety, her old high school sweetheart's several near-death experiences due to his arrhythmia, learning English, learning how to teach English, living alone again, and finding a job. Meeting a guy, losing that guy (though it was more like her running from a train-wreck), meeting a new guy, moving in with new guy, then things falling to pieces with the new guy. Back on her own, but far from being totally alone. She had several interested parties, but she was taking a break for a while, looking to unwind and get to know herself a bit better. Other people were simply just complicating her life a bit too much, at least for now. She had taken to staying in and reading, with the slightly more than occasional chat and meeting with Hanako, and with the actually occasional chatting with other old friends, and new ones as well.
It was all well and good, until she realized that she was up to a pack a day.
She remembered rattling the pack, the one solitary smoke bouncing around. It was such a cruel noise. Her addiction had manifested itself in the real world, and with each rebound off the side of carton, Lilly couldn't help but think of a mocking cackle. She hadn't even noticed that she had been rattling it for several minutes. Just before, she had been sitting at her small kitchen table in her apartment, sipping at some freshly brewed tea and reading, when she had reached over, cracked the window (which let in a spattering of rain and the bite of a cold breeze), and then picked up the pack. It wasn't until her hand was on the door knob that she realized what was happening: she had heard the near-empty rattle, and automatically closed up her book and window, put on a heavy coat and her purse, and was ready to charge head-first into a killer storm. Actually, when she thought about it, there was more than just a bit of rain and breeze when she opened up the window before. She felt that the floor was quite wet by that window, and water was splashed all over the sill. She had just ignored it.
She took her hand off the door knob and bit her lip. Had she even thought to take an umbrella? No she was just going to run out real quick, she'd be fine. Well, maybe not. Maybe she would have been totally soaked.
Plus, her cigarette would get wet.
...
"Okay. I really just thought that."
*Rattle rattle*
No, that was pretty rational, if she thought about it. Screw the cold, her cigarette, her last one, took top priority. If that was ruined, then she would have to walk all the way to the corner store, that one block, with nothing.
One block.
Just one.
Like, the longest block ever.
Maybe not.
"Argh!"
She put her coat back on the rack and marched herself back over to the kitchen table. When did this happen? She used to think smoking was absolutely disgusting. She could smell it off a person no matter how far away they were, and even if they were not currently lit up. She thought it was sad that smokers never realized that they always smelled like that. Even Hanako had agreed with her. It made her first job a nightmare for the longest time. To make ends meet while she was still going to school (well, going more than she was currently), she had worked at a library. Almost everyone on staff smoked. It wasn't like every librarian in Japan or even anywhere else was a smoker, it just happened that a large number had converged on that library for no real particular reason. Maybe it was something in the water. She had taken her breaks outside in a park not too far from the library, and so did many of the other staff. She got along quite well with her co-workers, and she cherished the time she spent with them. Many were still good friends with her.
But they were all smoking. All the time.
At first, it had really put her off, but she bore with it. The company and conversation overcame her being uncomfortable. She was actually really proud of herself when she realized that it didn't bother her that much anymore. Sure, smoking was bad, but smokers weren't bad. It might be unhealthy, but it didn't make them evil. She started to really enjoy her breaks then. Hell, she started to crave them, in a way. She would always rush out to see if anyone was there, and would be very saddened if there wasn't. Kind of irritated, even. So irritated, that one day, she had gotten a bit "snippy" with a rude man. He had been incredibly disrespectful to her, and she had snapped back, albeit in a very passive aggressive way. Her boss had given her the rest of the day off, and told her to relax and collect herself. Her boss wasn't that mad with her, he just said that he hated seeing her so tense. Lilly was usually such a sweet-heart, so good with children, sometimes even reading to them. Despite the fact that her boss didn't really scream at her, Lilly was still pretty mad. So mad, that when she passed a corner store that she frequented, she stomped right in and picked up her first pack. Why not? They were supposed to help you calm down. It was way too early in the day for a glass of wine, anyway. Convenience. That's what it was. Just simple convenience.
Every day started to become convenient. Every day was just a bit easier. Sure, maybe she was wearing a lot more perfume than usual, but come on, this was just a phase. She would and definitely could stop whenever she felt like it. Just not right now. And stop asking, it was starting to get annoying. Very inconvenient, but no matter, she had a solution for that tucked away in her purse.
Cigarette and tea, ah, what bliss. Who knew it could get any more relaxing? It was only bad when Akira would make quips about caffeine and nicotine being bedfellows. Bitch.
"Oh, oh no. I just thought that, too."
She stuck her fingers under her hair, massaging her scalp. Akira said that anytime she needed help, as if wanted to quit and just couldn't (like that was going to happen), to give her a call. "It's a beast," she had said to Lilly, "Like a goddamn monkey crawlin' onto your back and constantly pulling and tugging at your hair. But it's doable. I just wouldn't go it alone. If you can't quit with anyone you know, just gimme a call. I know what it's like."
Yep, whatever.
*Click!*
*Inhale*
The last one.
"The last one."
She sighed, and a torrent of smoke blew through her nose. Well, this had been relaxing, until the sudden realization, and the thought of this being the last. She cocked her head a bit. No, this couldn't really be the last one, could it? The last one should be a special occasion. Like... like... she didn't know. Maybe when she finished this book? She would just lean back, give a little happy sigh, and light up, with a glass of wine at her side. Maybe she could do it in front of Hanako. Yeah!
"And then what, sing 'Auld Lang Sine?'"
Did Hanako even know the lyrics to that one?
That thought got her to snuff the cig and start frantically dialing Akira.
A few rings, the sound of the phone being dropped a few times, then Akira's voice attempting to trudge through what was left of her sleep, "Ugh, good morning, Akira Satou speaking."
"Akira? It's your sister."
"Oh, heeeeey, what's up?" There was the sound of some rustling. "You know it's eight in the morning, right?"
"Yes. That's why I'm awake."
"Oi, it's Saturday. Things are slow at the office for now, so I think I've earned the right to sleep in. It's also a little too early in the morning to deal with passive aggressiveness, don't ya think?"
Saturday in Japan. Akira was starting up on her own, now. She'd put in her time with her father for several years, got quite a reputation, as well as his blessing, and set up shop back in her home country. She'd said she was tired of people having issues with her accent, especially when it took her a few minutes to understand what they had just said about it through theirs.
Lilly chuckled, "Ever the morning person. Your wit still stings, even when the rest of you is a mess."
"Don't get all Shakespearean on me, please."
"Well, maybe not. It's kind of petty to make fun of the way I talk."
"Quite the catty one this mornin', aren't ya?"
"Just been practicing. I have to meet her soon."
Akira's turn to chuckle. "Well, keep it up, and and ol' hornrims will have to be the one who needs serious practice."
"Sadly, I think our dearest cousin is actually practicing."
"Good, ya got her scared."
And now a shared chuckle. Akira then shot first, "So, yeah, what's up?"
Lilly nervously cleared her throat. "Well, I've been thinking a lot about what you said."
...
There were more rustling sounds from the phone.
...
Lilly nervously drummed her fingers on the table.
...
Akira coughed.
...
Akira spoke, "About, uh, what?"
"You know..."
"Nope."
Lilly heaved an exasperated sigh, "About... ugh, about quitting."
"You're quitting your job?! What the hell?! How much school, I mean, damn, you're still going to..."
"No, no, no! Quitting smoking!"
"Oh."
...
Another awkward silence.
...
Then, somewhat happily, "Wait, what?! You're really quitting?! Awesome!"
Lilly scratched the back of her head, "Yeah, awesome..."
Damn, she really needed a cigarette.
"When did you decide?!"
"Just a minute ago, actually."
"Ha! I bet you were thinking about going out in all that rain!"
"No! No, I just thought about what you said, what Hanako said, and I decided that of everyone I know, you two definitely have my best interest..."
A burst of laughter erupted from the phone and hit Lilly like a pie to the face. Years of practice had given Lilly the ability to channel her current look through a phone, and Akira shut up real quick, then, "Well, yeah, we care, and it's great to know that you, uh, value our opinions."
"Mmm-hmm."
Another awkward silence. If you put all these gaps together, you'd have enough room to drive a car through.
"So, how long has it been since your last?"
"Roughly five minutes."
And now a boat could fit.
"And you're already calling me?"
"Akira, I just put it out, and to be honest, I have no idea on what to do next. I'm just sitting here wondering if I really just quit or not. Saying it out loud feels like someone else is saying it."
"It's like there's another little voice in your head, isn't it."
Lilly sat straight up, "Yes!"
"And you can't tell if it's yours or not."
"Yes! Exactly!" Wow, calling Akira was a great idea! She suddenly felt a lot more confident. She wasn't really saying it! She was going to do it!
"Okay, don't get too excited and work yourself up. You have a big day ahead of you, it'll do ya no good to burn out early. Still, keep positive, kid."
"Okay." There was a clacking sound.
"Lilly? Are you... are you typing this up?"
"Yes."
Akira let go a lengthy sigh. "Make sure you leave that out."
"Very funny."
"How would you spell that anyway?"
"Akira..."
"Okay, okay. Let's see, what to say, what to say... oh! When you're having any doubts, like when that voice starts actin' up again, just remember this phone call."
"What?"
"Trust me. You called me because you wanted to quit. This phone call is proof that you, Lilly Satou, are honestly making efforts and taking steps to quitting. That little bastard in the back of your head is going to say all kinds of twisted things to ya, gonna try to confuse ya. But just remember this talk. Even if this is all we accomplish, remember that you are taking steps to stop."
Wow. That was pretty impressive. Lilly's fingers flew across the braille typewriter.
"Okay, what else..."
The talk went on for a half an hour. Akira briefed her on nicotine gum, patches, how to use them (and how damn expensive they are. You smoke, you pay with your life. You quit, you pay with your life's savings. Kinda makes you want to smoke), increased appetite, warned her about drinking too much caffeine (same with wine), about hanging out with smokers, and much more.
"Oh yea, and one more very, very important thing."
"What?"
"You know how when you get stressed when you start to crave?"
"Ugh, oh yes, all too well."
"Well, let's say you're stressed, but can't smoke for whatever reason. Like, I don't know... like in your classroom! Some snot nosed little creep is just pissin' you off, and you gotta take it, and he knows it, so he keeps needlin' and needlin' ya..."
"Akira. Focus please."
"Right. Well, smoking is what's stressing you out. Think about it. It would just be normal stress you could deal with, but the fact that you want to smoke makes it worse. So much worse. Smoking, and yes, smoking, is really the cause of a lot of your stress. Like when you are about to run into a rainstorm just to get a pack."
"Akira..."
"I'm serious! Think about it!"
She did. "That... that actually makes a lot of sense."
"See? What did I tell ya, give big sis a call, she'll help ya out!"
"Akira, thank you. Thank you so much."
"No problem, kid. And hey, anytime you need a lifeline, gimme a call. We'll get through this."
"I will. Good-bye."
"Ciao!"
Lilly pulled herself back from that conversation, turning her attention back to the rest of the hotel ballroom. Tonight was the big night. The ten year class re-union. Was she ready?
She thought back to when that conversation had occurred, and did some quick calculations.
She had been quit for...
...for...
*Drumroll*
...for a whole twelve hours.
*Crash!*
She was flopped on the tabletop. "I think I'm going to die..."