Chapter 1

Looking over at the perfect little human lying next me I can't help but smile to myself. He has my eyes, my laugh and my sense of adventure. I adore these moments when it is just the two of us and everything is peaceful and calm. He is starting to stir a little bit later than normal but it's summer break so he has been staying up a little bit later. Once those little eyes open I smile so widely and he matches me.

"Momma what you looking at?" A gruff little voice asks me as he stretches.

"The most handsome boy in Santa Cruz" I reply pulling him into hug, he lets me kiss him on the head and then he is sat up right as if he suddenly remembered what day it was.

"Momma when does it start?" My little twin asks bouncing on the bed with messy brown curls.

"Not yet buddy. How about we have some breakfast first?" I suggest checking the clock which confirms that is only 6am.

"Where's Daddy?" He asks which brings my little dream come crashing down. I like to imagine it's just the two of us sometimes, just me and my shadow.

"Daddy gets back in later and is going to meet us here before we go to the beach" I tell him making him smile even bigger before he runs out of my bedroom.

"Brush your teeth first Holden" I request as he disappears down the hall way.

I push myself out of bed, opening the curtains revealing the most beautiful view. My bedroom over looked the beach which provided me with some comfort and relaxation. Although to be honest it's not like a lived a wild life that required me to relax at any point. In fact my life was quiet and sometimes mundane, I wouldn't change a thing as long as I have Holden. Yes I didn't expect to be a housewife at 27, I thought I'd still be travelling the world causing chaos but those days are long gone.

I brush my long, dark brown hair in the mirror and consider getting some highlights added but that thought is pushed aside once I realise I don't really care about impressing anybody any more. Holden doesn't care what colour my hair is or whether I'm wearing a new perfume, he's a 5 year old boy after all.

My eyes catch the only photograph from my wedding day that is displayed on my dressing table. I smile to myself as I know at that moment Holden was growing inside me and it wasn't long until I got to meet him. I also can't help but let out a sigh thinking about how this was nowhere near the happiest day of my life which everybody insisted on telling me it would be including my sister who was the only family member to attend. That photograph represents the end of my old life and it makes me sad sometimes but then I think about my little boy and I remember that it was worth giving up everything for him.

Down the stairs Holden is already sat in front of the television with the weather on, watching intently. At 5 years old you would't expect him to understand about tides, swells and knots but he does. That boy loves the surf more than anything and would choose a board over any toy or computer game. I suppose it's my influence but he takes it to a whole new level and fuck is he good already. His Father, my husband doesn't really have much interest in surfing or the beach in all honesty but he would do anything for Holden and I which is why we live on the beach in a surf town rather than a big city which is hid preference.

I turn off the television and move my son to the kitchen table which is situated in front of a ceiling to floor length window that perfectly shows off the views of Santa Cruz. Holden attempts to moan but I give him the look and settles to his chair while I fix breakfast.

"Momma can we surf before the competition" Holden asks as I hand him some freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Sorry little dude we can't the beach is closed off for the competition but I promise we can go tomorrow morning" I start chopping fruit up for breakfast while I watch my so draw another picture of us surfing.

"Momma how come Daddy is away so much? Dylan's daddy takes him to school every day and so does his Momma"My heartbreaks a little for my son, yes we were a 'family' but not in the traditional sense. I married Holden's father Jack 5 years and 6 months ago, basically when I found out I was pregnant. I think Jack loved me a some point but that soon disappeared and now my husband spends more time in New York for work than he does with us. I am 99% sure he has a girlfriend but I am not even remotely annoyed or jealous. I don't love Jack, I never have and never will but he gave me this life and saved me from a life I was't ready to live.

"Daddy has to work really hard baby, I know I makes you sad sometimes but you have me and Auntie Kyla.

"I love Auntie Kyla" He tells me and I smile, thank god for my sister. That's something I never thought I would say even in my inner musings.

"She loves you too bud. Do you want waffles or pancakes?"

"Just fruit please" He replies quietly.

"Holden we aren't leaving before 9am so you might as well eat a proper breakfast" I know his game, he wants a quick breakfast so he can get to the beach sooner.

"Ugh fine I'll have waffles"He sighs and I smile as I wonder when the full Davie's attitude will kick in.

I hear the side door open and I already know who it is, again I smile to myself. I grab two coffee mugs and start pouring.

"Little dude have you grown over night?" My sister asks as she picks up Holden and gives him a kiss. He squirms away with a red face and gives me a look as if say I need to do something to stop the Kyla from kissing him.

"Auntie Kyla are you coming to the beach?" He asks as Kyla walks towards me looking sweaty from her run.

"I have work this morning dude but I will pop by later" She promises as she gratefully takes the mug of coffee from me. How she goes for a run and the drinks hot coffee is beyond me. I can't help but be a bit jealous that she can go running in the morning, I have to wait until the evening when Kyla comes over. That is my only rest bite between 5-7 and as much as I love my son I still like some time to myself. Kyla used to babysit so Jack and I could have date nights but they fizzled out by the time Holden was about 18 months. Even when we did have them it was strained and time seemed to stand still.

"Penny for them?" Kyla asks pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Just having one of those days when I think too much" I reply with a sigh as I head to the decking in the back yard. I start laying out the breakfast goods, deciding it is far too beautiful to be hiding inside.

"Ash talk to me" We have this conversation often, in fact it is getting more often.

"Jack is back to tonight" I reply changing the subject making Kyla roll her eyes.

"Ash you need to put a stop to this. You are miserable and Holden is so smart that he will start noticing soon if you are not careful" she tells me like I'm not already fully aware of my current situation.

"'It's not that bad and Holden has a great life here. He adores Jack, he loves school, he loves this house….I can't take that away from him Kyla. I made a commitment Kyla and I need to stick to it" I explain for what felt like the 100th time this month alone. I know that my sister has my best interests at heart but she doesn't full understand everything.

"Ashley that boy worships the ground you walk on and he would be happy anywhere on this planet as long as you were there. I hate seeing you like this, I hate that I can't make it better and I hate it even more that you are not telling me the whole truth"

"You shouldn't say hate Auntie Kyla, it's not nice" Holden mumbled as he joined us on the decking already bored of drawing. I raised my eyebrows at Kyla to warn her to drop the subject now.

"You're right dude, I am very sorry. Right I need to scoot as I have to be at work. Holden I will see you at the beach. Ash we will talk later" Kyla said as she headed onto the beach. Holden offered a waved as Kyla headed off while I flipped her the bird (Holden wasn't looking).

"Can't wait!" I sigh as I take a seat next to my son so we can enjoy breakfast just to the two of us. Agin the world is peaceful, calm and I am genuinely happy.