Sirius Black stared at the shadowy figure of Remus Lupin, who was sitting a
few feet away from him. He was looking out of the window into the night
sky, and, when he turned to look at Sirius, his face was full of woe.
'What is it, Moony?' Sirius asked. Then he paused as he understood. 'Oh.'
'Yeah. Only two more days,' Remus replied. Then he turned back and resumed his intent gaze at the white gibbous moon that hung in the black sky. Sirius resumed his gaze at his friend's untidy head, only the back of which could be seen. Then he made a decision.
He walked slowly, hesitantly, up to his unhappy friend. Winding his long legs up beneath him, he joined him, sitting there on the window-seat.
'It's not so bad is it. now?' he asked quietly. 'I mean, with Prongs and Wormtail and me. We do make it better, don't we?'
The pleading note was clear in his voice to Remus, although someone else may not have noticed it. To Hogwarts in general, Sirius Black was either a handsome, self-confident flirt, a self-obsessed, stuck-up tease or a vicious tormenter. No one apart from the three Marauders had heard Sirius being less than completely confident. And no one apart from Remus had ever heard Sirius, insecure, pleading for reassurance.
Remus nodded. How could he do otherwise? And it was the truth; having his friends with him throughout his transformation made a huge difference. He actually enjoyed the nights they spent roaming the Hogwarts grounds. But still, nobody seemed to quite understand what it meant to be a full-blown monster once a month. His three friends, despite being Animagi, were still themselves when they transformed. They couldn't possibly comprehend what it would be like to just lose control, to have a night you had no memory of, to be capable of anything. of murder. He shuddered involuntarily. Sirius was sitting so close to him that he felt the tremor rather than saw it.
'Moony. Remus. if you want to. to talk, about anything I mean. you know I'll always be here to listen. I know I can't understand what it's like, you must feel alone, but you're not, you're not. I'll always be here for you.' Sirius felt like he'd lost control of his tongue, that he was being indiscreet, but he couldn't stop himself.
'Re, you're a good person. a great person, and the wolf doesn't change that. It's something beyond your control; it's not your fault. You're just the same as anyone else,' he babbled, while his mind screamed, "no he's not! You're lying! How can he be the same? You know how much better he is than everyone else!"
Remus smiled sadly. 'Thank you Sirius. It's nice to know someone feels like that about, well, an evil dark creature.'
'Re! You're not! So don't say you are!'
'Well what am I then?' Remus said dully.
Sirius took a deep breath. "Come on lad, stay in control," he thought. 'Well, you're Moony, one of the four Marauders who make the best mischief this school's ever seen, and you're Remus, who's kind and thoughtful and honest and responsible and clever. and a prefect,' he added with his teasing little sideways grin that melted the hearts of all the girls in the school though he never noticed. Remus returned the grin shyly, and Sirius carried on. 'You're brave, you deal with... things... really well; you're not resentful or angry. You've got a wicked sense of humour, you're dependable, you always have good ideas. If I had a problem, a serious one, I'd come to you first because I know you'd make the effort to understand,' Sirius was flushed now with the sincerity of his outburst, and also with embarrassment, and decided to try a bit of levity. 'Oh, and you always have Chocolate Frogs when anyone needs one!'
He smiled, but wouldn't meet Remus' eyes. How could he? He knew that that would tip him over the edge; he'd say things that would embarrass Remus, make him uncomfortable, maybe even drive him away. The thought of never being with Remus again like this terrified him. But why? He thought he knew, or at least he would know if Remus had been a girl. But he was his friend, one of his best friends. No, he didn't really understand, and he wouldn't have been able to explain to anyone. His blush deepened. Because his eyes were downcast, he didn't notice Remus regarding him curiously but affectionately.
'Hey Padfoot,' Remus said quietly. 'What're you looking at?'
Sirius' head jerked up and he became, if possible, even redder. It was a most unusual sight, Sirius being disconcerted, and Remus didn't really have a clue what was wrong with his friend.
'Uh, I er.' he stammered. Remus laughed, but kindly.
'What's wrong with you Padfoot? You come over all sentimental on me, telling me how great I am, which, by the way, I appreciate more than you'll ever know, and then you go a violent shade of pink.' His tone suddenly changed. 'Are. are you sick, d'you think? How do you feel?' The concern in his voice was evident. 'Do you want to go and see Madam Pomfrey?'
'No, I'm okay Re. Just, er, suddenly felt a bit hot. But I'm fine now.'
Remus just nodded, his eyes unreadable. "Damn you Moony! How can you be so mysterious all the time?" Sirius thought. He had no way of knowing, but Remus was thinking exactly the same thing about him at that moment. "What's wrong with you Sirius? I know you're not ill. So what exactly is going on?"
There was an awkward silence. Neither boy understood what was going on, but both felt uncomfortable as they stared into each other's eyes.
Sirius cracked first. He looked down again, trying to make sense of things and failing miserably. He suddenly felt he had to get away from Remus, from those golden eyes that made him feel exposed, as though he were a book that Remus had read a thousand times before and knew intimately, whereas to him Remus was still an enigma.
He hastily tried to get down from the seat, but his legs got tangled in his robes and Sirius Black, that poised and graceful heart throb, found himself falling heavily to the ground with a resounding thud. He scrambled back up, still with tangled robes, and fled as though a werewolf was chasing him.
Remus watched this performance, completely mystified. Where was Sirius going? He felt no urge to laugh when he'd fallen off the seat as Sirius's panic and desperation to flee was palpable. "But why does he want to get away from me so badly?" he thought miserably. "Does he regret saying all those things to me? Was he lying? I think there must be something wrong with him at the moment. But shall I go after him? I think I'd only make it worse by being with him," he concluded unhappily. He decided to leave the warm classroom and go outside, have a walk around the grounds.
Meanwhile, Sirius was still running frantically. He didn't really know where he was going, but after a while found himself at the Fat Lady who guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor tower. He gasped the password, 'butterbeer', and raced up the stairs to the dormitories, past the open common-room door.
His best friend, James Potter, saw him run past and was intrigued. Sirius was usually very sociable. Why would he want to go up to the dorm? Perhaps he'd just gone to get something and would be back down in a few moments.
Five minutes passed, and James decided to go upstairs and see where he'd got to. Making his excuses to the crowd of girls he'd been chatting with, he grabbed his half-full bottle of butterbeer and headed off up the stairs.
He paused outside the dormitory door and was surprised and concerned to hear muffled sobs and muttering coming from inside. Was Sirius alone? He knocked hesitantly and then walked slowly in.
'Sirius?' he asked. The curtains round Sirius's bed were all closed, but that was definitely where the crying was coming from. James repeated 'Sirius?' louder, and he heard some attempts to stifle the crying.
'Yeah?' a would-be nonchalant voice replied.
'Sirius, I can hear you. Can I... d'you mind if I come in?'
There was a silence, and then a small voice said, ''kay.'
James pulled back the heavy curtain a bit and slipped inside. His friend was curled up on his side on his bed. His heavy black hair was all over his face. His shoulders were shaking with the effort of holding back sobs.
'God, Sir, what's the matter?' he said, and thought "I've never seen you cry before, Padfoot; what's going on?" He kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged on the end of the bed, looking down at his pitiable friend. "I wish Moony was here! He's much better at this than me," he thought.
'Are you sick Sir? Shall I go and get someone?'
Sirius shook his head emphatically.
'Well, what about Moony? Shall I go and get him?'
The next moment, he wondered what on earth was going on when Sirius sat up and grabbed him by the shoulders. 'Not Moony, no!'
'Hey, hey, it's okay, if you don't want him I won't get him. Is that what all this is about? Have you two had a fight or something?' James asked, slightly relieved to have something to go on, but still unsure. Remus was the most peaceable person he knew. He would only ever get involved in an argument if someone was being mistreated. Sirius was fierier but still only ever got involved in fights with Slytherins, or teachers he didn't care for.
'N-n-no,' Sirius said, his breathing ragged.
'Well, what?' James asked, his words seeming impatient but his voice kind. 'If you tell me, Padfoot, I'll try and help. Is it something at home?'
Sirius shook his head decisively. James looked at him expectantly.
'I'm sorry, Jamie, I don't think I can tell you. I think you'll hate me. Don't worry, though, it's not really important.'
'Sirius, please. You can't not tell me now. You know I won't hate you, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything, I won't judge you, I'll just listen. And how can it not be important, when you're in such a state?'
Sirius seemed to crumple mentally. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. 'Okay Prongs, you win. But please, you've got to promise not to hate me. or despise me,' he said.
'I promise Sir.'
'Okay, well. Right. Uh. you know you're in love with Lily? How did you know? You just did, right?'
James nodded, wondering what was coming.
'Well, you knew she felt the same way, didn't you?'
James nodded again.
'Imagine that you thought you were in love with someone who could never love you back, ever. And if anyone knew you loved this person, they'd be horrified and disgusted. And so you couldn't tell anyone, you just had to carry this knowledge round with you all the time, never being free of it. but the worst thing is, not being able to tell that person how you feel, in case you drive them away. You care too much to risk losing them.' Tears fell down Sirius's cheeks and his voice broke on the last word.
James's hazel eyes were soft with sympathy. 'But Sirius, why would anyone be angry that you loved them? All the girls in the school fancy you, y'know. Okay, all the others will be disappointed, but not disgusted. Whoever she is, she's a very lucky girl. And even if she doesn't love you back, I know she'll be happy that you love her. is it Lily? Don't worry, I don't mind. So who is she? Is she a Gryffindor?'
'Don't you understand James? It's not a girl. It's Remus.'
'Sirius, what on earth are you on about? What's this all got to do with Remus? Who the bloody hell is it you're in love with?' There seemed to be a slight note of desperation in James' voice. Sirius had anticipated his friend having trouble accepting his words, but he hadn't expected complete denial.
'James. I love Remus. I love him.'
'But - he's a bloke? And so are you? I mean. what's going on?' James' voice was questioning. Then his tone changed. 'Very funny Padfoot, almost had me going there. Hahaha! You in love with Moony! Hahaha!' His laughter was strained.
'James, please, this isn't a joke. Please. Keep your voice down.'
'No, you wouldn't want anyone knowing your sordid little secret, would you?' James spat. 'You want to keep it secret so you can keep watching Moony, and he - he won't ever know that you're looking at him in that way. Poor Moony. How could you do something like this to him? You know how hard things are for him. You shouldn't. this is unnatural. I'm going to tell him-'
'James, no!' Sirius said violently. 'This isn't your secret to tell. I never meant to hurt Re, I didn't, and I won't. This has to stay between the two of us, no matter how much you might despise me for it. I didn't think you'd understand. I should never have told you. I'm sorry, I didn't want any of this to happen, it just did, and I wouldn't have told you, but you kept asking. I thought it might be a relief to just let it out. Yes, I love Remus, and I don't want to hurt him, far from it. I know he won't ever feel the same way so I'm not going to tell him. I just want to look after him. Be his friend. It's not like you think; I don't. don't lust after him or anything. I think he's beautiful, but it's not just some quick fuck I'm after. I just want to be with him.' He sat defiantly on the bed, shoved his black hair out of his eyes, set his jaw.
James thought for a few moments. 'Right. I won't tell anyone. But it's not to protect you. It's for Moony. He doesn't need. something like this. But I swear to God, if I see you. forcing him. to do anything he doesn't want to. I'll kill you. I will.' He stared at his best friend, sitting there in front of him. Tears were gathering again in his black eyes and he felt his own hazel ones prickle. 'You disgust me, Black,' he snarled, before striding out of the dormitory.
Sirius sat very still at this parting shot. He should have expected it, perhaps, but the eternal optimism that was part of his nature had led him to think that maybe James would understand. But no. He thought he was some sort of deviant, that there was something wrong with him. How could love, real love, be wrong? And he loved James too, not in the way he felt about Remus, but James was his best friend. Remus was something different.
A confused and lonely boy sat there on the bed. His resolve crumbled and he began to cry again, not stormily, but quietly, hopelessly.
A boy who was just as confused, but also fairly furious, was walking swiftly down the passageway out of the Gryffindor tower. He couldn't face any of his many friends in the crowded common room. What did Sirius think he was playing at, falling in love with Moony? "Although I s'pose I never chose to fall in love with Lily," the small rational part of his brain insisted. "But that's different. She's a girl! And she's gorgeous and funny and clever and independent and." He drifted off into Lily-dreams for a few minutes before his mind jerked back to Sirius and his extraordinary confession. He tried to recapture the indignation and disgust he had felt when Sirius told him, but found that he couldn't. Even just thinking about Lily had the effect of calming him down, making him a nicer person.
"Sirius is all alone and upset, and I just made things a hundred times worse for my best friend," he thought. "I still don't understand why it's a boy - Moony! - that he reckons he's in love with, but he's still the same Sirius. I just haven't seen this side of him before. And it's not like anything will happen between them. I'm sure he'll just go back to normal soon. But," his insides gave a bit of a squirm, "I was a real bastard to him. I think I need to talk to him again."
Hoping Sirius was still in the dormitory, he raced back to the portrait of the Fat Lady, gasped the password ('Nearly-Headless Nick!') and pelted up the stairs. He burst into the dorm. Things were just as he'd left them. Everyone's curtains except Sirius's were open, and behind Sirius's closed ones he could stifled crying sounds again. He yanked them open and, stepping inside, shut them slightly more carefully.
His friend was looking up at him with eyes that looked full of pain. "And part of that is my fault," James's conscience admonished him.
'Sir, I'm sorry, I am, it's just that it was a bit of a shock - well, a lot of one and I wasn't expecting it at all, and I don't properly understand how it is you can be in love with a bloke, let alone Moony, but you're my best friend and we have to stick together, right? And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was a shit and I deserve for you to just hate me but I really really hope you don't.'
Sirius smiled through his tears. 'Thanks,' he whispered.
After a small hesitation, James walked over to him, sat on his bed, hugged him tightly. Sirius hugged back, and gave him something like his old grin.
As the two boys fought over him, apologised and forgave, Remus Lupin was wandering by the lake. The stars that burned steadily above glimmered in the dark waters of the moat. The moon, just a ball of rock that reflected light from the sun. but had such power over Remus, shone white and serene overhead and in the moat. Remus thought bitterly that one moon was bad enough, but two.
He shook his head. God knows how many hours he'd spent in his life staring at the moon, compelled yet fearful. He'd wasted so much time and energy thinking about it, hating it. And besides, he had other things on his mind at the moment.
Foremost among his thoughts was, as it so often was these days, Sirius Black. He definitely had been acting strangely recently, but running away upset for no reason was the weirdest thing he'd done to date.
'What's going on with him?' Remus wondered aloud.
A tiny but insistent voice that wouldn't be silent suggested a possible explanation - but no. Remus ignored it. Implausible. Not worth considering. But still it persisted, and try as he might, Remus couldn't get rid of it. Eventually his usually well-restrained temper flared.
'Shut up, shut up! Stop thinking that, Lupin you idiot! You'll only get let down worse.' he yelled desperately, but then grinned ruefully. Anyone who'd heard him would think he'd lost it completely, yelling at his own subconscious.
He pulled a couple of Chocolate Frogs from his pocket and devoured them with relish. Sirius was right about that at least when he was describing me he thought, amused, and then lost himself for a while in dreamy consideration of what his friend had said about him before he ran off. Then, shivering slightly, he decided he'd had enough introspection for one night, and headed back to the warmth of the castle. He was looking forward nervously to seeing Sirius. but he hoped he'd calmed down.
As the young werewolf hurried through the candle-lit passages of Hogwarts, his eyes were fixed on the floor. He was practising.
'Hey Sir, are you okay now?' caringly, then-
'Sir, you better?' slightly mockingly, then more jokingly-
'I hope you've recovered, Mr Padfoot' and finally, slightly desperately, pleadingly-
'Hey Sir, what on earth's going on with you?'
He rejected his conversation openings one by one as he all but ran along the corridors. He didn't see a dark-haired figure looming up in front of him.
'Oh!' Remus gasped as someone caught him firmly by the shoulders. Then 'Oh' again, in a tone of recognition. 'Hello Severus. How're you?'
The Slytherin fifth-year smiled genuinely.
'Fine thanks. You?'
'Yeah, 'm okay. What're you up to?'
'I was just heading up to the library for some last-minute Transfiguration revision. McGonagall's set us some horrendous test for tomorrow.'
Remus groaned sympathetically. 'That's a bit of a bugger. Guess we've got that to look forward to as well.'
Severus laughed. 'I'll let you know if it was as bad as I think it's going to be.'
Remus smiled. 'Thanks, that'd be great!'
What happened next was so fast and unexpected that for a second Remus's brain simply refused to believe it.
Remote, aloof Severus Snape caught Remus's face between his long white hands, gently but passionately. He leaned down and brushed a quick, feathery light kiss on Remus's still-smiling lips. Then he recoiled as if he'd been stung and blushed red, two spots of colour burning his pale cheeks.
'S-s-sorry,' he stammered before turning on his heel and running.
Remus stood there, too shell-shocked to do anything but dazedly touch his lips with his own fingertips as if to try to feel the kiss that had been planted there. After standing stock-still for a few moments, he started to wander slowly to the Gryffindor tower. His mind was racing.
Severus. Just. Kissed. Me. he thought, consciously trying to articulate each word firmly and separately. It didn't really help.
God, why?' What'm I going to do? What'm I going to say to him? I like him, I think he's handsome, yeah, I think he's attractive even if he is a boy. but then, I couldn't lie to him, and I can't reciprocate his. feelings. because of-
'Password, dear?' the Fat Lady said sweetly. She was fond of Remus; he was quiet, polite and considerate, unlike some of the tower's other inhabitants.
Remus mumbled the password and disappeared up the stairs.
'Well, that was most unlike him. Remus Lupin is usually a very nice boy. I think that's the only time he's never said "thank you",' the Fat Lady said irritably.
'Did you see his eyes dear? Girl trouble, I reckon,' said her visiting friend, a tiny plump woman in a black and white striped gown, circa 1700.
And with that, the two portraits began a most agreeable discussion about their youthful love affairs.
As Remus climbed the stairs to the dormitory he began to feel nervous and sick. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots, and he'd almost forgotten about Severus's kiss, surprising as that was, with the anticipation of facing Sirius.
He walked in to find his three fellow Marauders sitting on their beds. James was animatedly discussing the Gryffindor Quidditch team's chances of winning the House Cup this year with an adoring Peter and a subdued Sirius. As he entered the room they broke off their conversation. He sensed Sirius looking nervously at him, but James seemed to be watching Sirius. Remus raised his eyebrows but decided to ignore the distinctly peculiar atmosphere present.
'Hello you lot,' he grinned, his tone determinedly hearty.
'And where have you been?' James asked jokily.
'Oh, just went for a wander round the moat, y'know,' Remus said.
'Alone?' James asked.
'Yeah. So what've you lot been doing while I've been out?'
'Not a lot. Just talking Quidditch,' James said. Remus couldn't read the look on his friend's face. It almost seemed like James was uncomfortable, or hiding something, or confused and curious at the same time. It made Remus nervous.
'Are you okay Sir?' he asked, looking properly at his silent friend for the first time. He could see tear stains on Sirius's cheeks. Sirius crying? God, what's going on?
'Yeah,' Sirius mumbled.
Remus's every fibre longed to go and sit on Sirius's bed with him, make him tell him what had happened to upset him so he, Remus, could make everything alright. But his very presence seemed to be agitating Sirius, so he reluctantly went over to the corner of the room and sat on his own bed.
'Actually, I'm glad you're all here,' he said after a moment. 'Something weird just happened. I was walking along the third floor corridor, y'know, the one near Professor Flitwick's classroom, and I bumped into Severus.' James made a derogatory noise which Remus ignored. 'Well, we were just chatting about Transfiguration and he was saying McGonagall had set a test, just normal stuff,' James rolled his eyes, 'yeah James, chatting,' Remus said, his voice indulgent, 'and you don't want to do that, the wind might change.' Sirius laughed quietly and Remus felt a glow like warm honey spreading through him. Suddenly he felt intensely curious about his friends' reactions to the news he was about to break.
'So, we were talking, and he said he'd warn me about what was on the test, and then - he kissed me.'
Remus sat back and watched his friends in their disbelief. He could all too clearly read the scorn and revulsion on Peter's face, the amusement and then concern on James's and - what on Sirius's? Pure hatred? Remus suddenly felt afraid. The look on Sirius's face was frightening in its intensity.
'Er, Remus, he didn't force you or anything? I mean, you're okay, aren't you? if that bastard hurt you.' James threatened vaguely.
'No, it was fine. I mean, unexpected, but not unpleasant,' Remus said dryly. 'Severus wouldn't hurt me anyway.'
James looked sceptical but said nothing.
'But - but he's. that's disgusting! I mean, a bloke kissing another bloke!' Peter said shrilly. James shot the quickest of glances at Sirius and saw the pain on his face, though neither of the others did. Peter continued, 'And Remus, why aren't you angry at him? It's unnatural!' he concluded loudly.
The other three all appeared disconcerted by this outburst. For Peter to speak spontaneously was rare enough, let alone for him to voice his own opinion, and not one that James had already spoken about.
'Well,' Remus said hesitantly, 'it might not be normal, but I certainly don't think it's disgusting. I know you all hate Severus, but I don't. I just,' a pink flush started to spread over his face, 'don't quite know how to deal with it. I mean, I don't. I can't. he's a really good friends but no. no more. I s'pose I have to talk to him.'
His face looked so horrified that James would have laughed if he hadn't know that now was definitely not the time for levity.
'Just tell him that,' Sirius said quietly. 'If he really - likes - you, then he'll accept that. He won't want to make you do anything you don't want. And I think you've got good judgement about people. If you trust him. then I think he deserves it.'
Remus went even pinker. He wanted to scream. He opened his mouth to say something, he didn't know what, but Peter jumped in first.
'Remus, you should go to Professor Dumbledore,' he said earnestly. 'This sort of thing is too weird - wrong - and Snape needs help or something.' He ignored the scoffs of James and carried on, 'I don't understand how you all can take this so calmly - as if it was normal - as if Snape was a girl! He's not! He must be perverted!'
'Peter. you don't understand. how could you? when you love someone. it's not what they are, it's who they are that matters. Love is love, whatever' Sirius said. His voice was trembling with some intense emotion. He stood up and walked in a dignified way out of the dormitory, but the three left inside could hear him break into a run as soon as he'd shut the door.
Remus cast a questioning look at James, who didn't look particularly puzzled by this outburst, just concerned. However, he decided to say nothing in front of Peter, and was racking his brains for an excuse to get James on his own as Peter spoke.
'I've got to go, told Joanne I'd meet up with her,' he said smugly. Remus felt an urge to kiss Joanne, a short, fat, fourth-year Hufflepuff, for getting Peter out of the way.
'Okay Pete. See you later,' James said casually.
'Yeah, bye,' Remus added.
They watched Peter leave the room and heard his footsteps echo down the stairs in silence. Then they turned and looked at each other.
'James,' Remus said finally, 'you don't agree with Peter do you? I mean, about going to Dumbledore. and about. y'know. me and Severus both being. male. and. well. it being sick? Do you?'
James sat and looked steadily at Remus.
'No, I don't think you should go to Dumbledore. And for what it's worth, much as I hate Snape, I don't think it's wrong that he, well, fancies you. At least the boy has taste!' he said wryly.
Remus smiled shakily.
'I'm worried about Sirius, though,' he said. 'What he was saying. is he in love, d'you think?' His heart was in his mouth.
'I think. yeah. I do,' James said.
'In love with someone. unlikely?' Remus asked.
'Er - I can't talk to you about this, Moony,' James said finally. 'I promised I wouldn't. But maybe you should talk to him - I mean, you're good at talking to people and stuff. I think he's unhappy and confused.'
'But why hasn't he talked to me?' Remus all but wailed.
'I don't know, Moon,' James lied uncomfortably. Remus could sense the lie but decided not to press things further.
'Well, I've got work to do, I'm going to the library,' Remus said. He wanted to be alone.
'Yeah, I'm going to the common room to see if Lily's there,' James said. Remus laughed, a sudden change of mood.
'She'll crack one day, mate! You're a fine catch!' He winked exaggeratedly, grabbed some books and went out of the dormitory, leaving James absent-mindedly trying to flatten his hair whilst mending his always- broken glasses with Spellotape.
He groaned. 'What is going on with everyone at the moment?' he asked dramatically of the empty room.
'Young sir, I fear that your young counterparts, and you yourself, are experiencing the pangs of love and the eternal and constant confusions of adolescent youths the world over,' replied the old-fashioned looking witch on the front of a book on Healing on Remus's bedside table.
James yelled in frustration. 'It was a rhetorical question!' he shouted before abandoning his preparations and storming out of the room.
'I think you should have kept quiet, Alata,' commented the wizard standing next to her on the front cover. They exchanged knowing looks before resuming an argument on the properties of belladonna that had been going on for centuries.
'What is it, Moony?' Sirius asked. Then he paused as he understood. 'Oh.'
'Yeah. Only two more days,' Remus replied. Then he turned back and resumed his intent gaze at the white gibbous moon that hung in the black sky. Sirius resumed his gaze at his friend's untidy head, only the back of which could be seen. Then he made a decision.
He walked slowly, hesitantly, up to his unhappy friend. Winding his long legs up beneath him, he joined him, sitting there on the window-seat.
'It's not so bad is it. now?' he asked quietly. 'I mean, with Prongs and Wormtail and me. We do make it better, don't we?'
The pleading note was clear in his voice to Remus, although someone else may not have noticed it. To Hogwarts in general, Sirius Black was either a handsome, self-confident flirt, a self-obsessed, stuck-up tease or a vicious tormenter. No one apart from the three Marauders had heard Sirius being less than completely confident. And no one apart from Remus had ever heard Sirius, insecure, pleading for reassurance.
Remus nodded. How could he do otherwise? And it was the truth; having his friends with him throughout his transformation made a huge difference. He actually enjoyed the nights they spent roaming the Hogwarts grounds. But still, nobody seemed to quite understand what it meant to be a full-blown monster once a month. His three friends, despite being Animagi, were still themselves when they transformed. They couldn't possibly comprehend what it would be like to just lose control, to have a night you had no memory of, to be capable of anything. of murder. He shuddered involuntarily. Sirius was sitting so close to him that he felt the tremor rather than saw it.
'Moony. Remus. if you want to. to talk, about anything I mean. you know I'll always be here to listen. I know I can't understand what it's like, you must feel alone, but you're not, you're not. I'll always be here for you.' Sirius felt like he'd lost control of his tongue, that he was being indiscreet, but he couldn't stop himself.
'Re, you're a good person. a great person, and the wolf doesn't change that. It's something beyond your control; it's not your fault. You're just the same as anyone else,' he babbled, while his mind screamed, "no he's not! You're lying! How can he be the same? You know how much better he is than everyone else!"
Remus smiled sadly. 'Thank you Sirius. It's nice to know someone feels like that about, well, an evil dark creature.'
'Re! You're not! So don't say you are!'
'Well what am I then?' Remus said dully.
Sirius took a deep breath. "Come on lad, stay in control," he thought. 'Well, you're Moony, one of the four Marauders who make the best mischief this school's ever seen, and you're Remus, who's kind and thoughtful and honest and responsible and clever. and a prefect,' he added with his teasing little sideways grin that melted the hearts of all the girls in the school though he never noticed. Remus returned the grin shyly, and Sirius carried on. 'You're brave, you deal with... things... really well; you're not resentful or angry. You've got a wicked sense of humour, you're dependable, you always have good ideas. If I had a problem, a serious one, I'd come to you first because I know you'd make the effort to understand,' Sirius was flushed now with the sincerity of his outburst, and also with embarrassment, and decided to try a bit of levity. 'Oh, and you always have Chocolate Frogs when anyone needs one!'
He smiled, but wouldn't meet Remus' eyes. How could he? He knew that that would tip him over the edge; he'd say things that would embarrass Remus, make him uncomfortable, maybe even drive him away. The thought of never being with Remus again like this terrified him. But why? He thought he knew, or at least he would know if Remus had been a girl. But he was his friend, one of his best friends. No, he didn't really understand, and he wouldn't have been able to explain to anyone. His blush deepened. Because his eyes were downcast, he didn't notice Remus regarding him curiously but affectionately.
'Hey Padfoot,' Remus said quietly. 'What're you looking at?'
Sirius' head jerked up and he became, if possible, even redder. It was a most unusual sight, Sirius being disconcerted, and Remus didn't really have a clue what was wrong with his friend.
'Uh, I er.' he stammered. Remus laughed, but kindly.
'What's wrong with you Padfoot? You come over all sentimental on me, telling me how great I am, which, by the way, I appreciate more than you'll ever know, and then you go a violent shade of pink.' His tone suddenly changed. 'Are. are you sick, d'you think? How do you feel?' The concern in his voice was evident. 'Do you want to go and see Madam Pomfrey?'
'No, I'm okay Re. Just, er, suddenly felt a bit hot. But I'm fine now.'
Remus just nodded, his eyes unreadable. "Damn you Moony! How can you be so mysterious all the time?" Sirius thought. He had no way of knowing, but Remus was thinking exactly the same thing about him at that moment. "What's wrong with you Sirius? I know you're not ill. So what exactly is going on?"
There was an awkward silence. Neither boy understood what was going on, but both felt uncomfortable as they stared into each other's eyes.
Sirius cracked first. He looked down again, trying to make sense of things and failing miserably. He suddenly felt he had to get away from Remus, from those golden eyes that made him feel exposed, as though he were a book that Remus had read a thousand times before and knew intimately, whereas to him Remus was still an enigma.
He hastily tried to get down from the seat, but his legs got tangled in his robes and Sirius Black, that poised and graceful heart throb, found himself falling heavily to the ground with a resounding thud. He scrambled back up, still with tangled robes, and fled as though a werewolf was chasing him.
Remus watched this performance, completely mystified. Where was Sirius going? He felt no urge to laugh when he'd fallen off the seat as Sirius's panic and desperation to flee was palpable. "But why does he want to get away from me so badly?" he thought miserably. "Does he regret saying all those things to me? Was he lying? I think there must be something wrong with him at the moment. But shall I go after him? I think I'd only make it worse by being with him," he concluded unhappily. He decided to leave the warm classroom and go outside, have a walk around the grounds.
Meanwhile, Sirius was still running frantically. He didn't really know where he was going, but after a while found himself at the Fat Lady who guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor tower. He gasped the password, 'butterbeer', and raced up the stairs to the dormitories, past the open common-room door.
His best friend, James Potter, saw him run past and was intrigued. Sirius was usually very sociable. Why would he want to go up to the dorm? Perhaps he'd just gone to get something and would be back down in a few moments.
Five minutes passed, and James decided to go upstairs and see where he'd got to. Making his excuses to the crowd of girls he'd been chatting with, he grabbed his half-full bottle of butterbeer and headed off up the stairs.
He paused outside the dormitory door and was surprised and concerned to hear muffled sobs and muttering coming from inside. Was Sirius alone? He knocked hesitantly and then walked slowly in.
'Sirius?' he asked. The curtains round Sirius's bed were all closed, but that was definitely where the crying was coming from. James repeated 'Sirius?' louder, and he heard some attempts to stifle the crying.
'Yeah?' a would-be nonchalant voice replied.
'Sirius, I can hear you. Can I... d'you mind if I come in?'
There was a silence, and then a small voice said, ''kay.'
James pulled back the heavy curtain a bit and slipped inside. His friend was curled up on his side on his bed. His heavy black hair was all over his face. His shoulders were shaking with the effort of holding back sobs.
'God, Sir, what's the matter?' he said, and thought "I've never seen you cry before, Padfoot; what's going on?" He kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged on the end of the bed, looking down at his pitiable friend. "I wish Moony was here! He's much better at this than me," he thought.
'Are you sick Sir? Shall I go and get someone?'
Sirius shook his head emphatically.
'Well, what about Moony? Shall I go and get him?'
The next moment, he wondered what on earth was going on when Sirius sat up and grabbed him by the shoulders. 'Not Moony, no!'
'Hey, hey, it's okay, if you don't want him I won't get him. Is that what all this is about? Have you two had a fight or something?' James asked, slightly relieved to have something to go on, but still unsure. Remus was the most peaceable person he knew. He would only ever get involved in an argument if someone was being mistreated. Sirius was fierier but still only ever got involved in fights with Slytherins, or teachers he didn't care for.
'N-n-no,' Sirius said, his breathing ragged.
'Well, what?' James asked, his words seeming impatient but his voice kind. 'If you tell me, Padfoot, I'll try and help. Is it something at home?'
Sirius shook his head decisively. James looked at him expectantly.
'I'm sorry, Jamie, I don't think I can tell you. I think you'll hate me. Don't worry, though, it's not really important.'
'Sirius, please. You can't not tell me now. You know I won't hate you, you're my best friend. You can tell me anything, I won't judge you, I'll just listen. And how can it not be important, when you're in such a state?'
Sirius seemed to crumple mentally. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. 'Okay Prongs, you win. But please, you've got to promise not to hate me. or despise me,' he said.
'I promise Sir.'
'Okay, well. Right. Uh. you know you're in love with Lily? How did you know? You just did, right?'
James nodded, wondering what was coming.
'Well, you knew she felt the same way, didn't you?'
James nodded again.
'Imagine that you thought you were in love with someone who could never love you back, ever. And if anyone knew you loved this person, they'd be horrified and disgusted. And so you couldn't tell anyone, you just had to carry this knowledge round with you all the time, never being free of it. but the worst thing is, not being able to tell that person how you feel, in case you drive them away. You care too much to risk losing them.' Tears fell down Sirius's cheeks and his voice broke on the last word.
James's hazel eyes were soft with sympathy. 'But Sirius, why would anyone be angry that you loved them? All the girls in the school fancy you, y'know. Okay, all the others will be disappointed, but not disgusted. Whoever she is, she's a very lucky girl. And even if she doesn't love you back, I know she'll be happy that you love her. is it Lily? Don't worry, I don't mind. So who is she? Is she a Gryffindor?'
'Don't you understand James? It's not a girl. It's Remus.'
'Sirius, what on earth are you on about? What's this all got to do with Remus? Who the bloody hell is it you're in love with?' There seemed to be a slight note of desperation in James' voice. Sirius had anticipated his friend having trouble accepting his words, but he hadn't expected complete denial.
'James. I love Remus. I love him.'
'But - he's a bloke? And so are you? I mean. what's going on?' James' voice was questioning. Then his tone changed. 'Very funny Padfoot, almost had me going there. Hahaha! You in love with Moony! Hahaha!' His laughter was strained.
'James, please, this isn't a joke. Please. Keep your voice down.'
'No, you wouldn't want anyone knowing your sordid little secret, would you?' James spat. 'You want to keep it secret so you can keep watching Moony, and he - he won't ever know that you're looking at him in that way. Poor Moony. How could you do something like this to him? You know how hard things are for him. You shouldn't. this is unnatural. I'm going to tell him-'
'James, no!' Sirius said violently. 'This isn't your secret to tell. I never meant to hurt Re, I didn't, and I won't. This has to stay between the two of us, no matter how much you might despise me for it. I didn't think you'd understand. I should never have told you. I'm sorry, I didn't want any of this to happen, it just did, and I wouldn't have told you, but you kept asking. I thought it might be a relief to just let it out. Yes, I love Remus, and I don't want to hurt him, far from it. I know he won't ever feel the same way so I'm not going to tell him. I just want to look after him. Be his friend. It's not like you think; I don't. don't lust after him or anything. I think he's beautiful, but it's not just some quick fuck I'm after. I just want to be with him.' He sat defiantly on the bed, shoved his black hair out of his eyes, set his jaw.
James thought for a few moments. 'Right. I won't tell anyone. But it's not to protect you. It's for Moony. He doesn't need. something like this. But I swear to God, if I see you. forcing him. to do anything he doesn't want to. I'll kill you. I will.' He stared at his best friend, sitting there in front of him. Tears were gathering again in his black eyes and he felt his own hazel ones prickle. 'You disgust me, Black,' he snarled, before striding out of the dormitory.
Sirius sat very still at this parting shot. He should have expected it, perhaps, but the eternal optimism that was part of his nature had led him to think that maybe James would understand. But no. He thought he was some sort of deviant, that there was something wrong with him. How could love, real love, be wrong? And he loved James too, not in the way he felt about Remus, but James was his best friend. Remus was something different.
A confused and lonely boy sat there on the bed. His resolve crumbled and he began to cry again, not stormily, but quietly, hopelessly.
A boy who was just as confused, but also fairly furious, was walking swiftly down the passageway out of the Gryffindor tower. He couldn't face any of his many friends in the crowded common room. What did Sirius think he was playing at, falling in love with Moony? "Although I s'pose I never chose to fall in love with Lily," the small rational part of his brain insisted. "But that's different. She's a girl! And she's gorgeous and funny and clever and independent and." He drifted off into Lily-dreams for a few minutes before his mind jerked back to Sirius and his extraordinary confession. He tried to recapture the indignation and disgust he had felt when Sirius told him, but found that he couldn't. Even just thinking about Lily had the effect of calming him down, making him a nicer person.
"Sirius is all alone and upset, and I just made things a hundred times worse for my best friend," he thought. "I still don't understand why it's a boy - Moony! - that he reckons he's in love with, but he's still the same Sirius. I just haven't seen this side of him before. And it's not like anything will happen between them. I'm sure he'll just go back to normal soon. But," his insides gave a bit of a squirm, "I was a real bastard to him. I think I need to talk to him again."
Hoping Sirius was still in the dormitory, he raced back to the portrait of the Fat Lady, gasped the password ('Nearly-Headless Nick!') and pelted up the stairs. He burst into the dorm. Things were just as he'd left them. Everyone's curtains except Sirius's were open, and behind Sirius's closed ones he could stifled crying sounds again. He yanked them open and, stepping inside, shut them slightly more carefully.
His friend was looking up at him with eyes that looked full of pain. "And part of that is my fault," James's conscience admonished him.
'Sir, I'm sorry, I am, it's just that it was a bit of a shock - well, a lot of one and I wasn't expecting it at all, and I don't properly understand how it is you can be in love with a bloke, let alone Moony, but you're my best friend and we have to stick together, right? And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was a shit and I deserve for you to just hate me but I really really hope you don't.'
Sirius smiled through his tears. 'Thanks,' he whispered.
After a small hesitation, James walked over to him, sat on his bed, hugged him tightly. Sirius hugged back, and gave him something like his old grin.
As the two boys fought over him, apologised and forgave, Remus Lupin was wandering by the lake. The stars that burned steadily above glimmered in the dark waters of the moat. The moon, just a ball of rock that reflected light from the sun. but had such power over Remus, shone white and serene overhead and in the moat. Remus thought bitterly that one moon was bad enough, but two.
He shook his head. God knows how many hours he'd spent in his life staring at the moon, compelled yet fearful. He'd wasted so much time and energy thinking about it, hating it. And besides, he had other things on his mind at the moment.
Foremost among his thoughts was, as it so often was these days, Sirius Black. He definitely had been acting strangely recently, but running away upset for no reason was the weirdest thing he'd done to date.
'What's going on with him?' Remus wondered aloud.
A tiny but insistent voice that wouldn't be silent suggested a possible explanation - but no. Remus ignored it. Implausible. Not worth considering. But still it persisted, and try as he might, Remus couldn't get rid of it. Eventually his usually well-restrained temper flared.
'Shut up, shut up! Stop thinking that, Lupin you idiot! You'll only get let down worse.' he yelled desperately, but then grinned ruefully. Anyone who'd heard him would think he'd lost it completely, yelling at his own subconscious.
He pulled a couple of Chocolate Frogs from his pocket and devoured them with relish. Sirius was right about that at least when he was describing me he thought, amused, and then lost himself for a while in dreamy consideration of what his friend had said about him before he ran off. Then, shivering slightly, he decided he'd had enough introspection for one night, and headed back to the warmth of the castle. He was looking forward nervously to seeing Sirius. but he hoped he'd calmed down.
As the young werewolf hurried through the candle-lit passages of Hogwarts, his eyes were fixed on the floor. He was practising.
'Hey Sir, are you okay now?' caringly, then-
'Sir, you better?' slightly mockingly, then more jokingly-
'I hope you've recovered, Mr Padfoot' and finally, slightly desperately, pleadingly-
'Hey Sir, what on earth's going on with you?'
He rejected his conversation openings one by one as he all but ran along the corridors. He didn't see a dark-haired figure looming up in front of him.
'Oh!' Remus gasped as someone caught him firmly by the shoulders. Then 'Oh' again, in a tone of recognition. 'Hello Severus. How're you?'
The Slytherin fifth-year smiled genuinely.
'Fine thanks. You?'
'Yeah, 'm okay. What're you up to?'
'I was just heading up to the library for some last-minute Transfiguration revision. McGonagall's set us some horrendous test for tomorrow.'
Remus groaned sympathetically. 'That's a bit of a bugger. Guess we've got that to look forward to as well.'
Severus laughed. 'I'll let you know if it was as bad as I think it's going to be.'
Remus smiled. 'Thanks, that'd be great!'
What happened next was so fast and unexpected that for a second Remus's brain simply refused to believe it.
Remote, aloof Severus Snape caught Remus's face between his long white hands, gently but passionately. He leaned down and brushed a quick, feathery light kiss on Remus's still-smiling lips. Then he recoiled as if he'd been stung and blushed red, two spots of colour burning his pale cheeks.
'S-s-sorry,' he stammered before turning on his heel and running.
Remus stood there, too shell-shocked to do anything but dazedly touch his lips with his own fingertips as if to try to feel the kiss that had been planted there. After standing stock-still for a few moments, he started to wander slowly to the Gryffindor tower. His mind was racing.
Severus. Just. Kissed. Me. he thought, consciously trying to articulate each word firmly and separately. It didn't really help.
God, why?' What'm I going to do? What'm I going to say to him? I like him, I think he's handsome, yeah, I think he's attractive even if he is a boy. but then, I couldn't lie to him, and I can't reciprocate his. feelings. because of-
'Password, dear?' the Fat Lady said sweetly. She was fond of Remus; he was quiet, polite and considerate, unlike some of the tower's other inhabitants.
Remus mumbled the password and disappeared up the stairs.
'Well, that was most unlike him. Remus Lupin is usually a very nice boy. I think that's the only time he's never said "thank you",' the Fat Lady said irritably.
'Did you see his eyes dear? Girl trouble, I reckon,' said her visiting friend, a tiny plump woman in a black and white striped gown, circa 1700.
And with that, the two portraits began a most agreeable discussion about their youthful love affairs.
As Remus climbed the stairs to the dormitory he began to feel nervous and sick. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots, and he'd almost forgotten about Severus's kiss, surprising as that was, with the anticipation of facing Sirius.
He walked in to find his three fellow Marauders sitting on their beds. James was animatedly discussing the Gryffindor Quidditch team's chances of winning the House Cup this year with an adoring Peter and a subdued Sirius. As he entered the room they broke off their conversation. He sensed Sirius looking nervously at him, but James seemed to be watching Sirius. Remus raised his eyebrows but decided to ignore the distinctly peculiar atmosphere present.
'Hello you lot,' he grinned, his tone determinedly hearty.
'And where have you been?' James asked jokily.
'Oh, just went for a wander round the moat, y'know,' Remus said.
'Alone?' James asked.
'Yeah. So what've you lot been doing while I've been out?'
'Not a lot. Just talking Quidditch,' James said. Remus couldn't read the look on his friend's face. It almost seemed like James was uncomfortable, or hiding something, or confused and curious at the same time. It made Remus nervous.
'Are you okay Sir?' he asked, looking properly at his silent friend for the first time. He could see tear stains on Sirius's cheeks. Sirius crying? God, what's going on?
'Yeah,' Sirius mumbled.
Remus's every fibre longed to go and sit on Sirius's bed with him, make him tell him what had happened to upset him so he, Remus, could make everything alright. But his very presence seemed to be agitating Sirius, so he reluctantly went over to the corner of the room and sat on his own bed.
'Actually, I'm glad you're all here,' he said after a moment. 'Something weird just happened. I was walking along the third floor corridor, y'know, the one near Professor Flitwick's classroom, and I bumped into Severus.' James made a derogatory noise which Remus ignored. 'Well, we were just chatting about Transfiguration and he was saying McGonagall had set a test, just normal stuff,' James rolled his eyes, 'yeah James, chatting,' Remus said, his voice indulgent, 'and you don't want to do that, the wind might change.' Sirius laughed quietly and Remus felt a glow like warm honey spreading through him. Suddenly he felt intensely curious about his friends' reactions to the news he was about to break.
'So, we were talking, and he said he'd warn me about what was on the test, and then - he kissed me.'
Remus sat back and watched his friends in their disbelief. He could all too clearly read the scorn and revulsion on Peter's face, the amusement and then concern on James's and - what on Sirius's? Pure hatred? Remus suddenly felt afraid. The look on Sirius's face was frightening in its intensity.
'Er, Remus, he didn't force you or anything? I mean, you're okay, aren't you? if that bastard hurt you.' James threatened vaguely.
'No, it was fine. I mean, unexpected, but not unpleasant,' Remus said dryly. 'Severus wouldn't hurt me anyway.'
James looked sceptical but said nothing.
'But - but he's. that's disgusting! I mean, a bloke kissing another bloke!' Peter said shrilly. James shot the quickest of glances at Sirius and saw the pain on his face, though neither of the others did. Peter continued, 'And Remus, why aren't you angry at him? It's unnatural!' he concluded loudly.
The other three all appeared disconcerted by this outburst. For Peter to speak spontaneously was rare enough, let alone for him to voice his own opinion, and not one that James had already spoken about.
'Well,' Remus said hesitantly, 'it might not be normal, but I certainly don't think it's disgusting. I know you all hate Severus, but I don't. I just,' a pink flush started to spread over his face, 'don't quite know how to deal with it. I mean, I don't. I can't. he's a really good friends but no. no more. I s'pose I have to talk to him.'
His face looked so horrified that James would have laughed if he hadn't know that now was definitely not the time for levity.
'Just tell him that,' Sirius said quietly. 'If he really - likes - you, then he'll accept that. He won't want to make you do anything you don't want. And I think you've got good judgement about people. If you trust him. then I think he deserves it.'
Remus went even pinker. He wanted to scream. He opened his mouth to say something, he didn't know what, but Peter jumped in first.
'Remus, you should go to Professor Dumbledore,' he said earnestly. 'This sort of thing is too weird - wrong - and Snape needs help or something.' He ignored the scoffs of James and carried on, 'I don't understand how you all can take this so calmly - as if it was normal - as if Snape was a girl! He's not! He must be perverted!'
'Peter. you don't understand. how could you? when you love someone. it's not what they are, it's who they are that matters. Love is love, whatever' Sirius said. His voice was trembling with some intense emotion. He stood up and walked in a dignified way out of the dormitory, but the three left inside could hear him break into a run as soon as he'd shut the door.
Remus cast a questioning look at James, who didn't look particularly puzzled by this outburst, just concerned. However, he decided to say nothing in front of Peter, and was racking his brains for an excuse to get James on his own as Peter spoke.
'I've got to go, told Joanne I'd meet up with her,' he said smugly. Remus felt an urge to kiss Joanne, a short, fat, fourth-year Hufflepuff, for getting Peter out of the way.
'Okay Pete. See you later,' James said casually.
'Yeah, bye,' Remus added.
They watched Peter leave the room and heard his footsteps echo down the stairs in silence. Then they turned and looked at each other.
'James,' Remus said finally, 'you don't agree with Peter do you? I mean, about going to Dumbledore. and about. y'know. me and Severus both being. male. and. well. it being sick? Do you?'
James sat and looked steadily at Remus.
'No, I don't think you should go to Dumbledore. And for what it's worth, much as I hate Snape, I don't think it's wrong that he, well, fancies you. At least the boy has taste!' he said wryly.
Remus smiled shakily.
'I'm worried about Sirius, though,' he said. 'What he was saying. is he in love, d'you think?' His heart was in his mouth.
'I think. yeah. I do,' James said.
'In love with someone. unlikely?' Remus asked.
'Er - I can't talk to you about this, Moony,' James said finally. 'I promised I wouldn't. But maybe you should talk to him - I mean, you're good at talking to people and stuff. I think he's unhappy and confused.'
'But why hasn't he talked to me?' Remus all but wailed.
'I don't know, Moon,' James lied uncomfortably. Remus could sense the lie but decided not to press things further.
'Well, I've got work to do, I'm going to the library,' Remus said. He wanted to be alone.
'Yeah, I'm going to the common room to see if Lily's there,' James said. Remus laughed, a sudden change of mood.
'She'll crack one day, mate! You're a fine catch!' He winked exaggeratedly, grabbed some books and went out of the dormitory, leaving James absent-mindedly trying to flatten his hair whilst mending his always- broken glasses with Spellotape.
He groaned. 'What is going on with everyone at the moment?' he asked dramatically of the empty room.
'Young sir, I fear that your young counterparts, and you yourself, are experiencing the pangs of love and the eternal and constant confusions of adolescent youths the world over,' replied the old-fashioned looking witch on the front of a book on Healing on Remus's bedside table.
James yelled in frustration. 'It was a rhetorical question!' he shouted before abandoning his preparations and storming out of the room.
'I think you should have kept quiet, Alata,' commented the wizard standing next to her on the front cover. They exchanged knowing looks before resuming an argument on the properties of belladonna that had been going on for centuries.