They meet for the first time early one morning, in an arithmetic class at a Wizarding University in London. He doesn't remember seeing her for the first time, though she says that she remembers him sitting down.
He was cold.
He was callous.
She was fire.
She was laughter.
He has no home.
She loves hers.
He had spent his whole life running away.
She was a caged bird, freed for the first time.
They talk at a party, she is annoyed that he cannot remember her. The girl he sat next to. He laughs, and says that he never remembers a face. A lie. He always remembers, that's why he will never forget. They spend all evening talking, laughing and drinking.
He is from a town in Gloucestershire, always leaving home to go somewhere new, never happy with his surroundings or the people in it. He had been to Hogwarts, a Gryffindor, though he never quite felt at place there. Or anywhere.
She is from Norfolk, and University is the first time that she has left home by herself. Her parents had taught her magic themselves, she is not used to the formality of a University.
They find out they have a connection, not surprising really, all Wizarding families seem to know each other somehow these days. His father new hers, though they were more acquaintances than anything else. They exchange stories of their childhoods, of his large, crazy family, and of her small sensible one. Opposites, through and through, right down to the colour of their hair. His, as black as the darkest night. Her, a radiant blonde, so blonde it's almost white.
They learn they both sing, and that they both play sport. He is at home in the sky, where there is nothing to hold him back, he is most comfortable when diving for the snitch. She plays on the ground, surrounded by a cage, she keeps the ball out from the back of the net.
A promise is made that night, that they will be friends until the end. He laughs when she suggests it, normally he is slow to trust. But for her. He has known her for only hours, and he knows that if they are lucky, forever will not be a dream.
But deep down, he knows he doesn't believe in forever. He has been promised forever before, and he has only ever ended up broken. He is always running away from something, but he really believes that he will never have to run away from her.
She lives in the moment, the idea of forever is an alien concept to her. Like love, or heroism. She is a cynic in a world of magic and impossible possibilities. But when she is with him, the greys of her thoughts begin to have some colour to them. She begins to see the larger world, and is always enthralled by his stories of travels. The idea of being free is something that she desperately wants to see in herself.
In this new world, a world of learning and opportunities, they find each other's presence comforting. A familiar straw to clutch at in the ever changing world.
An unforgiving world.
He does not want to be broken again.
She does not understand what that means.
They meet most mornings for coffee, to discuss the previous night's escapades.
Which meaningless face they took home with them the previous night.
Which question in a paper they are struggling with.
Which spells they are finding hard to learn.
How their families are doing at home.
What their futures hold.
It is the only consistent in either of their lives.
She is surrounded by friends.
He is surrounded by memories.
This morning is different. It had been a normal night, heavy drinking and loud music. A party at her house, and she wanted him (her best friend, though she would never say that out loud. Too clichéd) to be there. She drinks too much, and so does her. They don't remember what was said, but when they wake up in her bed, they are both naked and they both know what has happened. He leaves early, he does not know what to say. This is a situation that they can normally laugh about, but in the moment laughter seems cruel.
He waits at the café for her to arrive, part of him knowing that she never will. He lights a cigarette and breathes smoke out into the crisp winter air. He wonders if this is what he wants from his life, her;
The enigma
The friend
And now what?
He sees her arrive from across the courtyard, he can tell from his seat that she is nervous, with her shoulders hunched and her arms wrapped around her body. But she is looking right at him, and so he looks back. Her gaze brings fear into him, and he does not understand why. She smiles and sits down beside him, orders a coffee. Neither of them knows what to say, so they keep on looking at each other, and the silence begins to stifle them.
They both begin to talk at the same time, both apologising, but neither of them say that they regret it. Neither of them does. But neither of them knows if this is what they want. He knows deep down that star crossed lovers are sometimes not meant to be, and that sometimes they only way to find out is through experience. But pushing these thoughts to that dark place in his mind, he asks her out for lunch. He knows he'd rather give this, whatever it is, a try than wonder what could have been for the rest of his life.
She think about his request, knowing that this could be the end of the special something that they have, and not knowing if it means the start of something new. But she smiles, never breaking eye contact and says yes. She leans over and kisses him once, and how his lips are oh so cold, and stands up. She has a class to attend, and he has Quidditch practice. She turns and leaves, and tries not to run away from him forever.
But nothing is like the fairy tales that she loved so much when she was a child, and their relationship can never work, no matter how much they want it to. Opposites, no matter how much the attraction, always remain opposites. And they find that they are being pushed apart, as much as they are being pulled together. They sit in her room, talking about a lecture on the Goblin Wars, but something is missing. Their spark has gone, and he feels the dark thoughts beginning to come back again.
They both know what is coming.
That their experiment in love has failed.
And at the end of the day, he leaves alone.
They were together for only a month, but it felt like years.
And for the first time in a long time he knows that he will be okay without anyone.
Days turned to months, and their relationship has deteriorated to the point in which they can barely be in the same room as each other. He does not like her friends, and she finds it harder and harder to understand the man who she once considered her best friend. They lose themselves in their passions, she sings away her sorrows in the evenings. And he flies harder and further away from his life in London.
By the time it's Christmas, they don't even say goodbye when they return home.
At home he talks to his father about his life, his father is his hero, and he desperately does not want to disappoint him. They talk about Quidditch, and when they do, the boundaries between father and son break down, they are just two friends, discussing the latest results in the league, and the latest brooms that they both want to buy.
His father sees through the façade though, he knows that there is something deep inside his son that he does not want to talk about. And being a father, he asks but he does not get the response that he was expecting. He does not expect is son to know about love, this is after all a man who has never had a steady relationship, or ever looked like he was going to. What his son tells him, about the daughter of a man he once knew, brings a tear to his eye. He tells his son to go and see her, or at least to contact her. He tells his son that he must never give up on his dreams. A virtue that he has instilled on all of his family for many years now.
His father leaves the room, and he is back alone with is thoughts. He takes a quill and pens a letter to his enigma:
Hi,
It's me.
I'm sorry.
I miss you.
He sends it, with sweaty palms and a beating heart, he awaits a response.
One that never comes.
She has moved on.
She no longer cares.
But he will not let his heart break again.
Not this time.
His father takes him back to University, they floo to the Ministry where his father works, and walk the short distance to where he lives. He sees her across the pavement, and she sees him. They look at each other, and neither of them smiles. His gaze drops to the floor, he cannot bear to look into her eyes. Into the empty place where her soul should be. He will not be scared, he will not become his fears.
He shakes his father's hand, and walks away from him. Back into the monotony, that he is beginning to hate.
Throughout the rest of the year, they exchange barely a word. He finds friendship among his other course mates, the sort of friendship that he had felt with her. Something that he never realised he had been missing. She fades from his heart over the coming months, until she becomes little more than a memory.
Their encounters are brief, they see each other when they are in class, and when they sing. But whatever they once meant to each other had been lost, blamed on the frenzy of emotions they both felt when they joined this new world.
But he is changing, this place is not enough for him. He decides that he will leave London, and study abroad in Italy, he craves the feeling of a new place. One more year in London, then away, forever.
Again.
Starting over again, never staying in one place for too long. He does not want there to be any attachments in London to keep him here. His friends mean a lot to him, and he tells them to come and visit him. But he knows that he can live without them. They have not changed his life.
But she did.
For better or for worse.
At the end of his first year, he travels some more. To places where no one knows his name, to places where he can be free.
He hears that she travelled too, to go singing in Italy of all places. He does not know if she realises that he will be leaving for Italy. In their brief, awkward encounters, he has not seen it as relevant to tell her.
His second year passes by in a blur, his friends who he thought to be temporary implant themselves deep in his life. Part of him now wants to stay with them, they are safe.
But he does not want safety. The safety created by his father.
He wants to be challenged.
So he goes.
Just as he always knew he would.
He throws a party with his friends to celebrate him leaving. He invites her out of courtesy more than anything else, he does not expect her to come.
Why would she?
They are not friends.
He is sad to be surrounded all of these people who he might never see again. But he is happy to spend one more night with the people he has come to love.
And then, she arrives. She is not alone, she is with some of his coursemates, and he assumes that is why she is here. She would not have any reason to be here otherwise. He keeps telling himself that she is not important.
She smiles at him when she sees him, tells him that she would like to say goodbye to him later. He does not take the words in. There are other people, his friends, that he would rather be spending his last night with.
As the party begins to die down, he has to start saying goodbye, but he now knows it will not be forever. These people are too important to leave behind completely, he has matured in some ways over the past years. She is still here, and he does not know why.
She is nervous, they have not been this close in over a year.
He walks over, a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She is sitting down, both hands clasping a bottle of cheap beer. He sits down beside her.
They are oh so close.
He looks around the room, and sees it is just the two of them left. One more goodbye, and he will leave.
They exchange pleasantries, and for the first time in forever they have a conversation. They talk about the months that have gone by, and the months that are coming up. The minutes turn into hours, and the words keep flowing. Eventually she says the words that he never expected to here in his life,
'It was always you'
And he does not know what to do. She starts to cry, and he tries to comfort her, but he is not good with feelings, and neither is she.
And so it ends how it began, one night together.
Only this time in the morning when he wakes, she is not there. All that is left is a letter. And he knows that he will never see her again, but he knows that he will never be able to forget her.
He opens her letter, and begins to read;
Dear James,
By the time that you read this I will be gone, I am leaving for Australia in the morning. I have been offered a chance to sing out here, and I do not want to lose such an amazing opportunity.
I want to thank you for everything that we went through together. I know that it was not the best relationship ever, but you changed me in more ways than I think I will ever realise. In the month we were together you showed more a new side to the world, and you gave me a passion for existence that I never realised I had. I want to follow in your wake and travel, I do not want to be caged anymore.
I also want to tell you three little words, words that I was never brave enough to say to your face. I love you. I don't know what you ever saw in a girl like me, maybe it was nothing at all, but you made me feel alive.
I'm sorry I never replied to your owl all those months ago, I was so scared that I couldn't bring myself to say anything. And now I know it's too late.
So I wish you all the best with Italy, I hope you have the most amazing time, and I hope that you can find whatever it is that you're looking for.
I will never forget you James Potter,
Katie
Xxx
He closes the letter, and folds it away. In the coming months and years, he will keep it on him all the time. He likes to read it, to remember the girl he once knew.
He hears from a friend that she has settled in Australia, and that she is not coming back. He never knows if he wants to see her again.
He ends up playing Quidditch professionally in Italy, though he visits home more than he expected. He is happy, and he knows that he will always be happy now.
They never did see each other again, and neither did they forget each other.
In the end, their friendship did not prove strong enough, and neither did their relationship.
She never forgot the man whom she once loved.
And he never forgot the woman who almost broke his heart.
They were strangers with memories.