She stepped in the park gingerly. It was a new neighbourhood her family had relocated few weeks back. She had eyed the empty benches in the park from her bedroom window, and often wondered how it would be like to sit on one of them and think over nothing. She could do that very well within the confines of the 4 walls of her bedroom, as often she did, but somehow the thought of doing the same in the open, surrounded by greenery and clean air appealed to her more.
The park was spread over a huge area, and very popular with the people in the neighbourhood. But a small patch of green grass, somewhat hidden by the dense foliage of green bushes and tall trees, was seldom frequented by the regular park-goers. It was close to one of the back-gates, which led to her new home. And that was how she spotted it and felt the pull to explore.
It was early in the evening, and the sky was still bright enough. She stood in front of the two benches and observed them for a while. Then deciding on one of them she took her seat and mentally congratulated herself.
Finally, you made it!
She had a book with her; just in case someone else arrived, she would have the alibi to pretend that she was doing something, at least, and was not just being there for nothing. She opened the book and noticed the bookmark that she must have placed the last time she tried reading.
What was it about? Was it a thriller or a romantic drama? Is it even worth trying to start reading from the beginning again?
"Ga Eul?"
She was startled by the familiar voice and looked up.
"Ji Hoo Sunbae?"
She wondered when was the last time she saw this man, standing in front of her now.
A year? Two years perhaps?
He was still the same, only his golden hair seemed to be dyed to dark brown. His visage still had the same calmness, as he looked at her slight quizzical expression.
"It's been long since I last saw you. How have you been?" asked Ji Hoo.
"Fine," replied Ga Eul with a slight smile and looked down at the book on her lap.
Ji Hoo acknowledged her reply with a slight nod of his own and looked at the other empty bench.
Ga Eul looked up again to see him glancing at the other bench, and realization hit her at once. It was no news to her that for Ji Hoo, nothing was more precious than his own space. She immediately pictured herself as an intruder in what seemed to be one of Ji Hoo's secret hideouts from the world.
"I…I think I should head back now. Have a nice evening here at the park, Sunbae," spoke Ga Eul as she stood up and bowed to take her leave.
Ji Hoo was a bit taken aback by her sudden move to leave. When he had first spotted her sitting on the bench, it did seem that she was quite at peace there.
"You don't have to leave for me. There is enough space here for us both to dwell in our own worlds," he said calmly.
There was a certain vibe in his tone, that Ga Eul could not discern. But somehow, she understood that there was a mutual respect between them, for each other's need for space and solitude. And although sharing the same space for the moment, they would not step into each other's thoughts.
She stepped back to the bench and claimed back her seat. From the corner of her eyes she saw Ji Hoo sitting the other bench, and like her, opening a book on his lap. She smiled inwardly.
Is he wondering as well, what the book was about?
She did not realize when her thoughts had moved from nothingness to a particular person sitting close by. All the time she had spent in the proximity of the F4, Ji Hoo was perhaps the person with whom she had exchanged the fewest of words. But she was kept abreast about him, by Jan Di of course, as he was her 'soulmate'. And being a keen observer of human behaviour, Ga Eul had often found herself looking right through his veil of nonchalance that he adopted in the presence of his friends. It was no surprise for her when her friend had told her about his proposal, which had to be refused, because of Jan Di's undying love for Jun Pyo. Ga Eul often brooded over her friend's predicament in choosing between the two best friends; however dissimilar in their nature and approach, but both were equally prepared to sacrifice everything in the name of their love for Jan Di. Then, about 3 years back, Jun Pyo left for the US, after promising Jan Di that he would come back for her. And he did keep his promise, by coming to Jan Di more than a year back and proposing to her, thereby strengthening the bond that had gone through numerous upheavals over the past years. Ga Eul was ecstatic to know about her best friend's 'happily ever after' story at last. But she would not deny the fact that, even if for a very brief moment, she did think about Ji Hoo and how he would accept this news. She could not verify her speculation, as she had already distanced herself from the F4 by that time.
And with that, her thoughts were back to the nothingness again.
It would be a blatant lie if anyone said that Ji Hoo was not at all perturbed by the presence of someone else at his favourite corner of the park. He cherished this small patch of green grass that had become like his second home. Although it was not difficult for him to embrace seclusion, either in his home or among the throng of people at the hospital, his workplace. Yet, he came back often to this seemingly unknown spot in the big city of Seoul, and for those few moments he would give free rein to his thoughts, wandering through various scenarios of what ifs. This did help him immensely in schooling his expressions while dealing with his grandfather at home, or Jan Di at his workplace. Because all he wanted was to make everyone believe that he was fine.
Thus, spotting someone else today did baffle him a little initially, but not for long. Because for the first time, seeing Ga Eul in this place, made him think of things other than his life. It was true that he never cared to know this girl closer, other than acknowledging her as Jan Di's close friend. Despite being engrossed in his own adoration for Jan Di, and fighting fires in her not-so-comfortable life, he did manage to notice the development of a bond between this girl and his friend Yi Jung. Although none of them spoke openly about it, he could see it in her eyes whenever they were all together. It became more apparent when Yi Jung went to Sweden for honing his skills in pottery and establishing himself among the global contemporary artists. It was around the same time Jun Pyo had left for the US. Apparently, Yi Jung had expressed his wish to see Ga Eul as the first person when he would return from Sweden after 4 years. Although not very precise, the girl seemed to have taken those words as a promise for her future with him. Seemingly, Yi Jung had tried keeping in touch initially, but with time, his interest ebbed away. Ji Hoo understood this more when Ga Eul, who had hardly spoken to him in the past, started asking him more than few times, whether he or Woo Bin had heard from their friend in Sweden. It was not usual for Yi Jung to call Ji Hoo frequently, but he knew that Woo Bin did hear from him quite often. Once, when Ji Hoo was having his weekly 'meet and drink' evening with Woo Bin, he brought up the question Ga Eul had been asking him lately. For once Woo Bin was silent, a very unusual response from a man who was always exuberant. Then he spoke about Yi Jung's latest interest in a Swedish girl, whom he had met at an artists' workshop. It should not have come as a surprise to Ji Hoo, as his friend was not acclaimed as the Casanova of F4 for no reason. Yet, he could not justify his friend's treatment towards the girl, who was innocent enough to trust him. Surprisingly, the only couple of instances he met Ga Eul after that, she seemed very withdrawn, and not enquiring about his friend anymore. Taking that as a clue, he understood that Ga Eul must have learnt the truth. Being a person of few words, and even fewer for people other than Jan Di, he did not try to learn more on this. Moreover, soon his life itself came to a standstill when Jun Pyo came back to propose Jan Di, and the latter accepted his proposal and love for the rest of her life.
And with that, his mind came back to the numerous questions, starting with what if.
Ga Eul's eyes were still stuck on the same page, flitting through the same lines for the past hour. Yet there was something different. She looked up at the dusking sky.
Oh yes, it is getting dark. I can no longer force myself to stare at the book.
She looked to her side and saw Ji Hoo sitting with his eyes closed and his head slightly bent forward. She stood up cautiously, without making any noise, so as not to disturb his nap. Then she turned to take the path out of the park.
"Take care Ga Eul," murmured Ji Hoo.
She froze in her step, and turned back to see Ji Hoo looking at her through half closed lids.
"You too, Sunbae. Have a good evening," said Ga Eul and bowed before walking away.
…...
It had been almost a month since the chance meeting. Ga Eul was working as a part-time teacher at a primary school for gaining experience while working on her dissertation, and most of the days she would come to the park after her school. Although not as often as her, Ji Hoo would visit the park too, after the exhausting hours of his duty at the hospital. It was like a routine now; they would smile and greet as soon as they saw each other. Then, they would sit on their separate benches, and spend the next hour or so in silence. Once Ga Eul left, Ji Hoo would head to his grandfather's clinic and get immersed in his medical practice.
…...
Ga Eul entered the park with two cups of coffee. She had called Jan Di at the lunch time, to ask how she was doing. Jan Di sounded exhausted. She said due to the recent viral outbreak, there were multiple numbers of patients arriving than normal, and the stuff at the hospital were overworked to their limits. She told how Ji Hoo Sunbae had been staying at the hospital, without sleeping for almost 3 consecutive nights. Finally, it seemed things were getting in control and hopefully, that day he would be going back home.
So far, Ga Eul had not mentioned to Jan Di that she had met Ji Hoo at the park. She did not think that she had the right to divulge his secret to anyone yet.
I am an intruder myself!
Although there was very bleak chance of him coming to the park after his grueling stint at the hospital today, yet she found herself buying two cups of hot coffee from the store on the way to the park. As she entered the park, she saw the benches to be empty. She took her usual seat, started sipping from her cup and placed the other beside her. The autumn afternoons were getting a bit chillier, so the hot coffee felt very comforting.
After another 10 minutes, when there was no sign of Ji Hoo, Ga Eul started doubting her own thoughts.
How stupid of me to think that Sunbae would want to come to the park today!
She disposed her own cup at the nearby bin, and picked up her bag and the other cup from the bench, when a familiar figure appeared close to the gate. Ga Eul's face momentarily brightened up.
"Leaving already?" asked Ji Hoo as approached her with his easy gait.
She shook her head, and suddenly feeling the coffee cup still in her hand, she held it out to him.
"It must have turned cold by now," she murmured as he took it from her.
"It's okay, and thanks, Ga Eul. I needed this badly," smiled Ji Hoo and took a sip from the cup.
That day, for the first time, they sat on the same bench, with a conspicuous gap in between.
After another 15 minutes, Ga Eul's phone buzzed with a notification. It was her colleague from the school, who had sent a link to a Youtube video showing some hilarious clips from the school sports. Ga Eul hesitated before opening the link, then muted her phone so that Ji Hoo would not be bothered. As the video started playing, Ga Eul could not help but burst out laughing at the playfulness of the kids in her class. Ji Hoo looked at her immediately with a bemused expression.
"I am sorry, Sunbae," spoke Ga Eul, covering her mouth.
"What is it you are watching?"
"It is just a video from the school sports yesterday. The kids from my class did some funny stuff…"
"May I see it too?" he asked with a genuine eagerness.
Ga Eul stared at him motionless at first, not expecting him to be interested in something so trivial. Then she replayed the video, with volume this time, and soon both were laughing at the hilarity of the video.
As it became darker, Ga Eul looked at her watch and then picked up her bag.
"Thanks again, for the coffee and the good laugh," spoke Ji Hoo with a pleasant smile.
"No worries, Sunbae. Take care," replied Ga Eul and left for her home.
…...
Ga Eul paced in her room nervously. And subconsciously her eyes kept on turning to the window, through which she could see the park. There was no one, but may be soon someone would arrive, supposedly dejected and lost.
She was leaving her university after her morning classes, when her phone started ringing.
"Hello Jan Di? How are you?"
"Where are you Ga Eul? Can we meet? At the porridge shop?" asked Jan Di breathlessly.
"Now?"
"Right now!"
Ga Eul hurried to the porridge shop. It had been quite long since she had left her job there. But it was always nice to go back with Jan Di, from time to time, and have a good chat over a warm bowl of porridge.
As soon as she stepped in the shop, Jan Di jumped on her and hugged her tightly.
"What is it Jan Di?" asked Ga Eul, overwhelmed with her friend's act.
"I am getting married next month!" exclaimed Jan Di.
"What? Wow! I am so happy Jan Di! But so soon?" blurted out Ga Eul in excitement.
"Yes. Jun Pyo is coming back in a week, and he does not want to wait anymore for the wedding. Oh my god! It is just a month left! How will everything happen? Ommo, ommo, ottokkae!" exclaimed Jan Di as she stumbled on a nearby chair.
It took some more moments for Ga Eul and Master to digest the news, but soon they were squealing in joy and talking about wedding plans.
It was not before Ga Eul reached home, that realisation occurred to her.
What about Ji Hoo? How does he feel about this?
As her pace continued, she spotted him, entering the park. From the distance, he looked the same as the last two months. But Ga Eul knew what must be going in his mind. She did not have the courage to face him today at the park.
I will remind him of Jan Di, and then he will be more in pain. I wish I could help him at this moment, but I think it is best to give him space and time to go through this difficult day.
She sat on the base of the window pane and looked back at the park with a blank stare. She saw Ji Hoo sitting on the bench with his head held low. Then after some time he held his head and bent to the front. Ga Eul's fingers unknowingly started caressing the glass on the window, as if it would alleviate his suffering.
…...
A week passed after the day Jan Di had announced her wedding date. Ga Eul had been busy with her dissertation which was near its deadline. She did not have time to lift her head from work, finetuning her report and reviewing for any mistakes. Today she had submitted her dissertation report to the university, and finally felt a surge of relief. For the first time in her life she was confident about her effort. Indeed, her guide was satisfied with her performance and asked her to expect a good result.
She was happy, relieved, and restless. She could not wait to be a part of the 'pandemonium' aka Jan Di and Jun Pyo's wedding preparation. For the past week, she had not been able to keep track of what was happening. Lost in her thoughts, she entered the park and took her seat. She just needed to take few long breaths and some moments of peace, before jumping into the whirlwind of fun with her friend.
She did not notice when a pair of boots came closer, crushing the bright red fallen leaves on the grass.
"Where were you last week?"
Ga Eul was startled out of her thoughts by Ji Hoo's voice. She looked at his face, which had an expression of discontent. His eyes seemed to pierce through her.
"Sunbae, I was…"
"I do not need your pity, if that is what you feel for me," he spoke in anger.
Ga Eul stared at him dumbfounded.
"I thought you needed to be alone, so…"
"Then you should not have been here at all from the very beginning. I would rather stay alone than being pitied by you," blurted Ji Hoo before storming out of the park.
The moment he left, Ga Eul felt warm tears rolling down her face. She did not pity him, it was her genuine concern for a friend, if she could call him that. His accusatory words upset her so much, that it brought back myriads of the painful memories of her past, and she broke into inconsolable sobs. It made no sense, there was no connection with him and her past. It was just a trigger that opened the gate to all ache that she had been hiding for so long.
…...
It was just a week left before Jan Di's wedding. Upon Madam Kang's insistence, she was supposed to go for her wedding dress trial at the most celebrated boutique of Seoul, where her dress had been flown from a top-notch designer in France. Ga Eul had agreed to accompany her, and try her bride's maid dress as well. After the long and tiring trial session, they were getting ready to leave when the trial room was barged in by Woo Bin, followed by Ji Hoo and Yi Jung.
"Hola, our beautiful bride-to-be! Aren't you supposed to get the groom's men approval for your dress as well?" exclaimed Woo Bin jovially.
Ga Eul was stunned to see Yi Jung, standing at the back and laughing at Woo Bin's antics.
He was not supposed to be back so soon.
It is Jun Pyo and Jan Di's wedding. Of course, he would come!
Her face turning red, she tried to hide behind Jan Di and make herself as inconspicuous as possible.
"Yi Jung Sunbae! When did you arrive?" asked Jan Di happily.
"Just now, coming straight from the airport. Congratulations on your wedding, our Wondergirl!" replied Yi Jung and gave her a gentle hug.
A tall, blonde girl peeked in the room from outside, and Yi Jung pulled her in.
"Jan Di, meet my friend Klara from Sweden. Klara, this is Jan Di," introduced Yi Jung.
"Friend or girlfriend?" asked Woo Bin with a smirk, gaining an immediate nudge from Yi Jung.
Klara smiled and congratulated Jan Di for her wedding.
All this while, Ga Eul had managed to stay away from their attention by practically pushing herself into the rack of clothes. The only time she lifted her head, she felt Ji Hoo's gaze on her. Immediately, she looked away and waited for a chance to leave without anyone noticing.
"Hey Ga Eul, what are you doing hiding there?" asked Woo Bin as he stepped towards her.
Her face was flushed in embarrassment. She slowly stepped out and stood in front of everyone.
"Hi Yi Jung Sunbae," murmured Ga Eul.
He stared at her with mild surprise.
"Hey Ga Eul. How have you been? Haven't heard from you for a long time," replied Yi Jung with slight unease.
She could not believe him, and stood there with a blank face for few moments.
"I was busy," murmured Ga Eul.
She could still feel the piercing gaze on her back, as they left together for lunch.
…...
The wedding was in a small island in Fiji. Although it was the most talked about wedding of the year, Jun Pyo managed to convince his mother for a very private celebration, with only closest family and friends. Even the venue was chosen to be on the beach, instead of a big convention hall or a grand church. His friends offered to help with all the arrangements ahead of the wedding, and accordingly F3, Jae Kyung, Klara and Ga Eul flew to the island two days before.
On reaching the island, everyone set out on doing his or her job. It was crazy, but good fun for all of them. The first day passed by even before anyone realised.
"Oh god! There is still so much to do!" exclaimed Woo Bin as they all gathered for the dinner.
"You have been a lazy bum all day! We could have finished lot more if you had not fooled around all the time!" complained Jae Kyung.
"Hey you monkey! I have not been fooling around," exclaimed Woo Bin.
Their banter continued through the dinner, entertaining the rest at the table. Ga Eul was having her food quietly when she heard Yi Jung chuckling at something whispered in his ears by Klara. She stared at their happy faces. And for a moment she tried imagining herself in her place.
Once the dinner was over, everyone decided to retire to respective room, as there was still lot of unfinished job for the next day. Yi Jung was about to leave with Klara, when he heard his name being called.
"Sunbae, do you have a minute?" asked Ga Eul nervously.
Yi Jung hesitated a little.
"Yes, why not. Klara, go to the room. I will be there in a minute."
Ga Eul and Yi Jung walked to the poolside, which was entirely desolate at that hour.
"Yes, Ga Eul, what is it?"
"I had something in my mind, which I wanted to ask you," replied Ga Eul apprehensively.
"Shoot."
"Do you remember the last time we met before you left for Sweden?"
Yi Jung nodded his head, waiting for her to continue.
"You said that…that you would want to see me as the first person when you return. So, what happened?"
Ga Eul could feel her heart thumping in nervousness. But she was equally amazed at herself for being able to speak out her heart, without running away in the middle.
Yi Jung's scrutinizing gaze on her face stayed for few more silent moments.
"Time happened, Ga Eul. And I had hoped you would move on as well. In fact, I was half expecting to see you married off by the time I came back. But I see that for you time is still stalled at that day, 3 years back. Did you really expect me to wait as a celibate all these years for you?" questioned Yi Jung.
Ga Eul's lips started trembling, as she struggled to form a reply.
"I had never promised to be your 'soulmate', and thought you were smart enough to realise that yourself. Anyway, I would not want to hurt you any more, if I have already hurt you. Move on with your life and be happy," said Yi Jung before leaving her alone, and miserable, by the poolside.
As he took a turn to go towards his room, he almost bumped into Ji Hoo.
"Oh, sorry Ji Hoo. I was going back to my room. Klara is waiting for me. Goodnight. See you tomorrow," spoke Yi Jung and left even before his friend responded.
Ji Hoo looked at his retreating form, and then turned to see which direction he was coming from. Then sensing something wrong, he hurried towards the pool.
Ga Eul was still standing at the same spot where Yi Jung had left her. Her mind was too muddled to think anything rational.
Time happened. Move on.
In the last two years that was exactly what she had been trying to explain herself, but in vain. She knew Yi Jung had moved on.
Then why did I want to hear it again from him? And add on more humiliation for myself in my own eyes?
She closed her eyes, and tried to reset her mind. But her mind had a mind of its own. Suddenly her whole body started shivering, and her legs seemed to have lost the strength to hold her up. As she tried to grab something for support, two strong hands grasped her arms and steadied her.
"Ga Eul? Are you ok?" asked Ji Hoo anxiously.
"Yi Jung Sunbae was right, he was always right. Time happened, but I stayed stuck," mumbled Ga Eul, as Ji Hoo helped her to sit on a pool chair.
Ji Hoo gritted his teeth as he realised what must have caused this to Ga Eul.
"Why do you let him hurt you every time?" seethed Ji Hoo in anger.
"No one hurt me. I hurt myself by believing in fantasies and fairytales," she replied as streams of tears flowed down her cheeks.
Ji Hoo pulled her in a hug and tucked her head in the crook of his neck. Ga Eul did not protest, as she was too weak to react. She formed a tight fist, crumpling his shirt in the process, to hold on to something tightly, as she felt her life falling apart.
A/N: You all must be thinking me as a crazy person, doing all sorts of permutation and combination of Ji Hoo's pairing with any available female character. First Ha Jin (OC), then Jan Di and now Ga Eul. But that is all because I am quite obsessed with the character of Ji Hoo. It was so mysterious, and so many things were left unanswered. Thus I love to imagine him in various situations with various characters. My apologies to all Ji Hoo-Jan Di and Soeul fans. No harm was intended, it was just an attempt to see things with a different view. I hope you enjoy it. I intend to make this a short 2 part story. So hopefully in the next chapter the story will be concluded. Please let me know how you find the story to be. :)