Okay, so I haven't written in a while, because no one liked my stories, well, as usual, this was not originally a fanfiction, so please inform me of any mistakes or OCness. I know that in this she has green eyes, but that's relevant to the story, I promise. This is my first fantasy story, so help me out and review please.
The Prince's Theif
Chapter One
From the branches of the tall hazel tree, fourteen year old Max overlooked her kingdom. The village was bustling in the early morning light of a new day. The girl watched over the village, a slight frown touching the corners of her lips.
Her eyes were focused on a small gathering in a side street by one of the taverns. It seemed to be several of the more rugged citizens of Baneshwar surrounding a much smaller—and much better dressed— figure. The girl's eyes flashed as she realized that the figure was a young maiden and the surrounding rugged ones were all men.
Max walked with purpose out on a branch that was much too small to hold the weight of even a small toddler, much less that of an almost grown woman. But the limb did not so much as bend, much less break in two. It was almost as if she was walking on nothing at all. If a skilled eye however, was to look closely enough, they would see that she was stepping on the air currents at the exact spot where the air became thicker to avoid the tree. If one had the gift to see the air itself, they would find that it look quite like when a leaf is going down a water current that encounters a bolder, the leaf will go around the bolder much like the air goes around the branch.
She moved at a constant pace until she reached the end of the thin limb. Her pace slowed for a split second before she closed her eyes and jumped.
Her cloak stuck to her sides by an unseen force. Her landing was seemingly light; no bystander would ever notice the slight wobble that went up her legs as she landed more heavily than intended. Once her stockinged feet hit the ground, she took off running.
Bolting past trees as she neared the edge of the village she pulled up the hood of her cloak and fastened it in place, never slowing her pace. She knew the kingdom like she knew the five easiest ways to pickpocket a nobleman. With her knowledge of politics and her general knowledge of the village and its surroundings themselves, it was often said—when she was younger—that she would have been better born as a princess with noble rank than a scullery maid's daughter. She would hate it if people bowed and she certainly wouldn't wish for the attention it would bring when she was in a hurry.
The cloak had become a necessity for her when she turned seven. She was following a thief down the village's main road, but her bright emerald green eyes had brought unwanted attention. She ended up loosing the thief and her father had scolded her. The cloak now did its job, using its dark fabric to shield her face from the citizens who were far too familiar with it.
With the cloak, no light shone on her eyes so their bright green color was almost completely masked. She had grown her hair out for this purpose as well, though presently it was a nuisance, whipping to and fro in the harsh wind, hitting her cheeks and turning them pink.
She darted across roads and walkways, ducking her head and shielding her face when she passed a group of palace guards. At the time, Max paid no mind to the fact that these palace guards were not at the palace. She continued to run until she reached her desired location. Her breath had hardly picked up and she had yet to break a sweat. Most people would have difficulty breathing—much less walking—after running half a village's distance at top speed, but that was one of the few things Max could do before she was learned in the art of Magic.
Max sauntered up lazily behind the dirty men in the alleyway. "Excuse me," she spoke with a commanding voice, "what business do you men have here?"
A few of the men jumped, while others flinched from the harshness of her voice, believing her to be a guard. The man in front of the girl pushed her aside to shield her from sight. Peering over their shoulders a few of the men began to smirk, nudging the others to take a look. "Well, w'at do we 'ave 'ere?" One of the men asked, flashing his yellow teeth at Max. "You lost, boy?" this was a common mistake, because Max wore trousers and her cloak shielded her face, she was often thought to be a man.
Max squared her shoulders, anticipating the fight ahead, "No, I haven't lost my way, but it seems you have. What business do you have here?" she asked again. Adrenaline flowed through her veins as the man frowned and adjusted his footing into a more convenient kicking position.
"Boy," the man's weight shifted and Max's eyes narrowed, "you 'ad best run along, you 'aven't any idea w'at you're stepping into." When she didn't move the man lunged, arms outstretched, pushing the whole of his weight at Max, who easily dodged the attack. The man fell full on his face, blood running down his face as he rose to attack again, anger fueling his fists as he punched Max in the stomach. Sucking in at the pain Max used the momentum of the punch to flip backwards successfully kicking the man's bloody face in the process.
By this time, a few of the other men had stepped forward to aid their leader, who welcomed the assistance with open arms, which were now heading toward Max ready to tackle her to the ground and break her open. She sidestepped the beefy men, who was too large to maneuver him as quickly as Max and relied solely on his bulk and muscle. Maneuvering around his large body, a few of his cronies had come at Max, swinging their fists wildly. Avoiding them as best she could, Max got around their arms—taking a few hits—and close enough to their bodies to locate and press the pressure points that could paralyze large men.
With the cronies out of the way, Max turned back to the man she had originally been fighting, he grinned at her a disgusting grin of yellow teeth stained with dark red blood. A large plank of wood came swinging at her head, she noticed it with barely enough time to duck, but she wasn't quite quick enough, the wood grazed the top off her head, but Max paid it little mind, focusing on the task at hand.
The man, thinking that he had disposed of his opponent once he felt the board connect with her head, had turned to his companions, raising his fist in triumph. Max, becoming bored with the brawl, kicked the man's legs out from under him and pulled the knife out of his pocket, placing the cool blade against his neck. Digging the steel into his jugular she asked him if he would surrender. The man agreed; anything to get the knife away from his neck.
Max released the man, pocketing his knife and going to the small girl who had been watching, horrorstruck, from where she had fallen when the man had released her.
Crouching down to the girl's eye level Max stretched her hand out to the child, "Are you okay?" She asked. The child stretched her arms out and tackled Max into a hug, her hood falling off to reveal a mass of golden curls. Silent tears flowed down her face as she clutched at Max's cloak. "Shh, it's okay," Max attempted to sooth the child, hesitantly wrapping her arms around the girl's small waist.
"Thank you, thank you for saving me," she sobbed into Max's soaked cloak, Max awkwardly tried to pull the girl away from her dirty clothes, but she held fast.
"See here girl," Max said in a soft but firm voice, "you can't cling to me all day; you'll soil your clothes and anger your mother." Max smiled as the girl hesitantly released her grip around Max's neck. "Come on, that wasn't hard, now hurry home before someone starts to worry." She shooed the girl off, who merrily skipped down the ally, her spirits lifted.
When she was at the end of the side-street, she turned and called out to Max, "You come too; come to dinner as repayment for saving me." Max hesitated, about to refuse the offer, but her stomach ached for food, so she nodded and caught up with the girl, who slipped her hand into Max's and strolled along in front of her, guiding her to an unknown destination.
End of chapter one! Fang will be in the next chapter, I promise! So, what did you think? Review please. To be honest, if no one likes this, I might just continue it the way I was originally writing it (as a nonfanficton) so it's up to you guys whether you want to read more.