Holden's Therapy Session
I was going through his journal, when I heard the knock on the door. My new patient, Holden Caulfield, was sent to New York Psychiatric Hospital to receive his treatment for his psychological disorder. As it turns out, some other doctor had diagnosed him with Asperger's syndrome, and I was about to become his therapist to start his recovery. He wrote his journal of the past few days to help us understand the level of his illness.
"Come in," I said, excited to meet him again, now in person. A tall skinny boy walked in.
"Hi." He took off his hat, which I assume is his hunting hat, and paused. I stood up to introduce myself. "Hi Holden, I'm Dr. Grey and I will be helping you through your recovery. It is a pleasure to meet you."
"Me too," he said.
"Take a seat, Holden," I said. It was rather odd to meet him after reading his journal which felt like a journey through his mind. He sat down and looked ready to start the session.
"Tell me about your mother," I asked, knowing how much he would hate that question.
"My mom," he responded. He was properly thinking that is the phoniest thing a therapist could say. "She's kind and all. She's real nice, especially since I'm the only goddamn moron in the whole family. She gets me real nice presents. Like those ice-skating skates she gave me." I took some notes down. He looked like he felt this guilt of being the most worthless person in his family. From his journal, I know having siblings who were very bright in one area, such as academics, had made him believe that he was an idiot. Although, his opinion of his family showed, he did not blame anyone for his current state of being, but himself. This was the first step to recovery: increase his self-confidence, which will make him look beyond his comparison to the rest of his siblings.
"She's nice, like Phoebe," Holden said comparing his mother to his sister. Since he brought Phoebe up, I asked him to talk more about her.
"Old Phoebe kills me," Holden said with a sudden excitement in his voice. "She kills everyone. Anyone who has some sense anyway. You would like her. She's real smart. She's got straight A's and everything." I wrote down more notes. Phoebe, besides contributing to his insecurity issues, since she is good in school, is the most pure thing in Holden's life. I immediately thought about one paragraph in his journal: catching the kids from falling off the cliff. I had this idea that the cliff represents adulthood in Holden's mind and by catching the kids from falling, he is catching them from becoming adults, and losing their innocence. Holden saw it as his duty to save Phoebe and children like her from becoming, as Holden refers to them, "phony." Although D.B., has not been mentioned too often in Holden's journal, I believe he played a major part in his life. Holden witnessed a transformation from an innocent child to an adult such as D.B. who has changed from being a talented writer, to prostituting his writing talents in Hollywood to make movies. D.B. is the reason why Holden wants to become the Catcher in the Rye.
"She's smart like Allie," Holden said. I asked him to talk more about Allie.
"Allie was real smart. He was really nice too. That's why I always think about the day when he wanted to come with us, and tell him to get his bike and just come with us. I sometimes talk to him too. I mean I'm not crazy or anything. I know he's dead and all… but I just like to talk to him." Clearly Holden is still living the memory of his dead brother more than he should. More importantly, he talked to Allie when he was lonely and he was truly himself, in need of support. Allie was one of the reasons the other therapist diagnosed him with Asperger's syndrome. Allie brought up the true Holden in his journal. Underneath all the complains and cynical comments that most people see, Holden had a big problem that was more than just a teenage phase. He had been through a lot, and the death of his brother was simply too much for him to bare.
"Putting your family members aside, tell me about your friends," I asked. "How about Jane?"
"Old Jane." He said with a smile as if he was remembering a pleasant dream. "She's a really interesting girl. What she would do is, she would keep all her kings in the back row, for no reason, just kept them all in the back row." It interested me how he paid attention to the smallest details.
"But then she went out with that goddamn Stradlater," he said in an angry tone. "That's what gets me real mad. I mean you take a guy like Stradlater who thinks he's a goddamn Prince or something, and that everyone wants to serve him; but he doesn't even care if Jane keeps her kings in the back row or not. He probably doesn't even know if its Jane or Jean for God's sake!" As Holden was talking, I was remembering a few passages from his journal about Jane. She was much more than a friend to him. In some ways, she was a kid who hasn't fallen off the cliff yet. She and Holden were together on that cliff. Jane was the perfect example of what the Holden wanted kids to become. She was one of the only ones in his life who had not fallen off that cliff, and was possibly caught by Holden.
Another step in Holden's therapy, should be expressing his feelings to girls. I knew that he had a couple of relationships before, and he fooled around, but that was all fooling around. Holden did not truly love any of those girls, except for Jane. It was another case of Holden's true self, behind all those scenes of fooling around, trying to fit in. By fooling around with these girls, Holden tried to be like the other boys around him, but he could not find himself in these moments. A perfect example from Holden's Journal is Sunny. Most boys in Holden's age would have done what Sunny came for, however, Holden did not feel an emotional connection to her. He should have said something indicating that he did not feel anything for her, but he did not.
"That's what gets me real mad," he continued. "That's why I hate movies too. You take a guy like Stradlater who only cares about what time Jane signed out for, and you take a girl like Jane who's just so nice and mature, like when she touches back of your neck and all, and you put them together in a picture. Boy do I hate those sons of bitches who just give all those money for a goddamn picture that's not even good." Holden's love for books and his loath for movies fascinated me. For some reason he liked reading things and visualizing them himself, but he did not like someone else putting the scenes together for him. I thought a book could be just as phony as a movie, if that was his problem, but Holden sometimes used that as an excuse. I sometimes thought if it was because books are for children as well, but movies, especially not cartoons, are for adults. Maybe he was trying to save himself from falling, by just holding to one childish habit. In some ways he did act like a child, for instance how he is stubborn and believed that all movies were bad. This behavior reminded me of something.
"What happened to those ducks?" I asked curiously. "The ones who lived in the lagoon in Central Park, before it freezes up?"
"The ducks..." Holden remembered. "I asked a few cab drivers about them; none of them seemed to know. They all looked as if I was crazy or something. I mean how would you feel if you found out your home had just turned to a goddamn ice rink?! Everyone passes through that park, but no one seems to even care about the ducks. Not even those who used to come and feed them. They never wonder what happens to those old ducks in winter."
I took some more notes. I was astonished by his thoughts. In spite of the fact that he came from a wealthy family, and his age, he seemed to be curious about smallest things. It was another sign of him holding on to a childish act. It reminded me of my friend's seven year old son, who questions everything, regardless of their size or significance in our eyes. It makes me sad to see people like Holden, who become outsiders and lonely, while they have such wonderful thoughts, and big hearts.
I wrote the summary in his chart. Holden Caulfield was a lost teenager, when he walked out of Pencey Prep. His past, such as losing his brother or feeling guilty for not being as intelligent as his other family members, were too much for him and thus caused him his health. Furthermore, he was only a sixteen year old, going through the horrible years of puberty and teenage years. Underneath those childish actions, and judgmental thoughts, he was a truly kind-hearted young man, who had a hard time fitting in society. He was trying so hard to distinguish himself from other adults such as his peers, and stay as a tall six year old forever because he was afraid to conform to society. He was afraid that in conforming to society's expectations, he would lose who he is as an individual.
It was time to end the session. "I'll see you tomorrow Holden" I said. "By the way, they migrate south with the rest of the birds."