Ryan sat at his desk in his apartment, the official headquarters of his new internet business "Incrediblebore.com".
Right now, he was processing a request from a teenage cheerleader who wanted her first time to be with a studly older man.
*Hmm, I think I'll handle that one myself, heh heh,* thought Ryan.Just then, his thought was interrupted by the "You've got mail" guy.
"You've got mail," the guy said.
*Hmmm, must be another request for Incrediblydumb.com. I better check it out.*
He clicked his new message. The topic line read, "Make $5,000,000 in five minutes. Click to find out how!"
"Wow! I could use $5,000,000 to get my internet business, Incrediblecrap.com, off the ground."
He clicked on the message. It read,
"I know what you did at that Valley Inn last summer."
"What? He knows about Greenlee. Oh wait, he said, *what* I did!"
He strokes his chin (Gillian always told him it made him look smarter) and thought hard, *What did I do? My laundry? My nails? My taxes? Hmmm....Oh, I got it!*
He glanced at the return addy and finally noticed who'd sent the message: ThePineValleyKiller@hatchetmurder.com.
"Well, Mr. Thepinevalleykiller, I got you know. I remember exactly what I was doing at the Valley Inn last summer. I was having lunch. A club sandwhich to be exact. What do you think of that?"
Suddenly remembering that emailers can't hear you talking, he decided to type his response in the email message and send it. Within minutes he got a reply.
From: ThePineValleyKiller@hatchetmurder.com
To: RLavery@Incredibledork.com"
Oh...well...if you're so smart, why don't you tell me what I'm going to do next.
PVK
Ryan thought hard. *Pine Valley Killer...hmmm...stuck his tongue out at me...I know!"
He sent off his reply,
*Kill me? :)
Ryan*
Suddenly, the closet door spring open and the killer, dressed in a hood, flowing back robes, and a Charlie Brown plastic Halloween mask, jumped out holding a very long and sharp knife. His Palm Pilot fell to the ground.
"You're batting a thousand, dimwitt. Now, prepare to die!"
Ryan screamed like a woman and ran for the door. The Pine Valley Killer was right on his trail. Ryan grabbed the front doorknob, but before he could turn it, the killer sliced his hand off. Blood spurted everywhere, staining his skin tight shirt and even skin tightier jeans.
"Ha ha, I've got another one," he cried as he grabbed the doorknob with his left hand. The killer sliced that hand off at the wrist.
Ryan, determined to get away from this mad killer, lifted his leg and tried to turn the knob wiht his bare foot. Off went that unfortunate appendage.
"Just a flesh wound," he said, apparently having had watched "Monthy Python and the Holy Grail" recently. He then proceeded to stand on his head so that his other foot could reach the doorknob. Bye bye corns and ingrown toenails.
Ryan flopped over onto his back and tried to crawl away. The Pine Valley Killer, giggling madly, stood over him and (cised, mised, ah forget it) chopped off his head. Ryan's perfectly chiseled features registered dumb surprise. Emphasis on the dumb.
That was fun," The Pine Valley Killer giggled, "Now who's next!"
Right now, he was processing a request from a teenage cheerleader who wanted her first time to be with a studly older man.
*Hmm, I think I'll handle that one myself, heh heh,* thought Ryan.Just then, his thought was interrupted by the "You've got mail" guy.
"You've got mail," the guy said.
*Hmmm, must be another request for Incrediblydumb.com. I better check it out.*
He clicked his new message. The topic line read, "Make $5,000,000 in five minutes. Click to find out how!"
"Wow! I could use $5,000,000 to get my internet business, Incrediblecrap.com, off the ground."
He clicked on the message. It read,
"I know what you did at that Valley Inn last summer."
"What? He knows about Greenlee. Oh wait, he said, *what* I did!"
He strokes his chin (Gillian always told him it made him look smarter) and thought hard, *What did I do? My laundry? My nails? My taxes? Hmmm....Oh, I got it!*
He glanced at the return addy and finally noticed who'd sent the message: ThePineValleyKiller@hatchetmurder.com.
"Well, Mr. Thepinevalleykiller, I got you know. I remember exactly what I was doing at the Valley Inn last summer. I was having lunch. A club sandwhich to be exact. What do you think of that?"
Suddenly remembering that emailers can't hear you talking, he decided to type his response in the email message and send it. Within minutes he got a reply.
From: ThePineValleyKiller@hatchetmurder.com
To: RLavery@Incredibledork.com"
Oh...well...if you're so smart, why don't you tell me what I'm going to do next.
PVK
Ryan thought hard. *Pine Valley Killer...hmmm...stuck his tongue out at me...I know!"
He sent off his reply,
*Kill me? :)
Ryan*
Suddenly, the closet door spring open and the killer, dressed in a hood, flowing back robes, and a Charlie Brown plastic Halloween mask, jumped out holding a very long and sharp knife. His Palm Pilot fell to the ground.
"You're batting a thousand, dimwitt. Now, prepare to die!"
Ryan screamed like a woman and ran for the door. The Pine Valley Killer was right on his trail. Ryan grabbed the front doorknob, but before he could turn it, the killer sliced his hand off. Blood spurted everywhere, staining his skin tight shirt and even skin tightier jeans.
"Ha ha, I've got another one," he cried as he grabbed the doorknob with his left hand. The killer sliced that hand off at the wrist.
Ryan, determined to get away from this mad killer, lifted his leg and tried to turn the knob wiht his bare foot. Off went that unfortunate appendage.
"Just a flesh wound," he said, apparently having had watched "Monthy Python and the Holy Grail" recently. He then proceeded to stand on his head so that his other foot could reach the doorknob. Bye bye corns and ingrown toenails.
Ryan flopped over onto his back and tried to crawl away. The Pine Valley Killer, giggling madly, stood over him and (cised, mised, ah forget it) chopped off his head. Ryan's perfectly chiseled features registered dumb surprise. Emphasis on the dumb.
That was fun," The Pine Valley Killer giggled, "Now who's next!"