I know what a lot of people say when they've read, or watched, and found out about Severus's love for Lily in Books six and seven, or movies 6, 7, and 8, that they think it's really ridiculous and stupid to have 'that sort of Fanfiction moment' in the real book. I loved it though. And I had to reread the books again to try and find pointers to see what I might have missed that could have pointed to the fact that Severus wasn't as mean and cruel as my mind made him out to be on the first read. But, to no avail. He was still mean, uncommonly mean. And I couldn't really find a reason for it apart from the fact that his love for Lily… was unhealthy. It was a scornful, proud, and selfish love. He tried to impress her by talking down to people, he talked down to her sister, he talked down about the other houses at the school, he talked down to her friends and colleagues, and when she stood up for him and to him, he talked down to her as well.
And the most tragic thing about this is the fact is that he couldn't seem to correct his arrogant attitude. It was as if it was programed into him from a very early age, as the 'How to get by in life!' And he never deviated from that, never, not even before death.
He loved her, but he wanted to bottle up her love and hide it for himself. He didn't want anyone else to have her, and he couldn't stand the fact that she might fall for someone else. Whenever he looked at Harry, he hardly saw just a boy, just a child of Lily's… he saw Lily's unfaithfulness to him, her love for James, and hated Harry for existing, a small part of him remained busy wishing Harry's last name away, 'for that name POTTER' to be gone, and for his own name to be in its place, for Harry to have been his own son instead. He hated the son of Potter, but he wanted to love the son of Evans, and so he ended up just being miserable, and treating Harry badly.
Sad life…
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Unrequited Love
Chapter 1: First Sight
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It was a warm summer's day. The sun was high in the sky, and it looked like it was the perfect time to be together as a family, to go on a picnic together, and enjoy the sights of rare hot English summer. That's what most English families would do on a good weekend wasn't it? When there was time to be had together, they could actually do things together?
A young boy then asked his father if he could go outside, and his father had nodded, looking long and hard at the work on his desk studying it hard, leaving thoughtful groves across his white, worrisome forehead.
He had thought it would be some time before his father would notice he was really gone. It was one of the rules in the house that you didn't leave it until your work was done. Severus had finished his school work,… sort of… he had done four hours of solid work, doing Calculus, Geometry, and Physics, and to everyone else. Neighbours from all around them, if they ever had the opportunity, would say how smart Mr. Snape's Boy was. They would raise their eyebrows in surprise and congratulate the family for making a child so perfect from such a limited financial background. But unfortunately for the boy, the Snapes did not talk to their neighbours. They dressed weirdly too. They were very old-fashioned in that way. They did not speak about themselves to anyone. They didn't go anywhere exciting. They certainly did not wear anything cheerful and colourful. They did not speak sappily or had much gossip to impart to one another, and so were instead the gossip of all their nearest neighbours.
The boy was expected to work alone, and to play alone. And was never allowed to bring possible friends back home, because they were obviously only going to be a distraction. And Severus was smart. It was obvious. When he grew up he would make them rich. He had no need of friends.
Severus knew the rules, and was proud to be the root of them, but that wouldn't stop him from getting some freedom where he could take it.
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'Today. He would get it. His parent's would never buy him anything anyway. So, why not? Why couldn't he just take one? The Store wouldn't miss just one. He could just drop it down a sleeve.' Fully convinced in his ability of theft although he had never really attempted anything like this, and sure that this was hardly to be considered a crime, he walked up to the door of the corner store shop.
In a bang a door was opened and the 'PULL' handle hit him smack in the face.
"Oh! No! I'm so soo sorry!..." Someone had bent over and was trying to pull him up.
"Go away!" He raised his hands to his face almost convinced that his nose had been knocked out of position.
"You crappy little…" His words died away when he looked up at his assaulter and saw a girl and her friend standing in front of him. "I… I…" Suddenly his voice had become non-existent, and his mind found it hard to put any sort of sentence together.
He allowed his black eyes to settle on the girl's face. She was very freckled over her nose, and her eyebrows were very faint, so much so that he could hardly see them, but what really caught his attention were her big glittering green eyes, that looked apologetic but also seemed to be encouraging him to laugh at himself for still sitting on the ground outside a shop.
He suddenly realized that he was actually trying to find a fault in a girl that he had only just met. And why the hell was he wasting time doing that.
"You've got to watch where you are standing you weird boy!" The other girl spoke to him.
"You shouldn't barge out of doors." He glared back at her finally finding his voice again.
She looked over him, her eyes taking in the sight of him. "Why are you talking to us? You could just say, goodbye and sorry." With the way she was looking him up and down as if she had caught hold of a scent that was poisonous that he couldn't detect made him suddenly aware of how different they were. These girls were from that part of town, the middle class neat-neighbourhood, going into upper-class. He felt ashamed of his crude clothing his mother made for him, and unfit to stand in front of both girls. They must have thought he looked awful,…
'I hate Muggles. They're all selfish…they're only see what is on the outside… and they….'
"Petunia, stop being mean. He's the one with the bleeding nose." The girl he had been staring at was now frowning at the other. As she turned he noticed she had the most beautiful deep red hair he had ever seen. It was all braided up and tied in a plait down her back. She reached into her small handbag and pulled out a purse and a packet. "Do you want a ice cream or sweets as a … sorry?"
He shook his head, utterly embarrassed. "No. No. I don't." He got back up off the ground, and tried to look proud and in control and in any direction that wasn't towards her.
"Oh."
"I don't accept charity."
"Okay then." She said and the girl she had called Petunia scowled at him, hooked her arm into the redhead's and walked away with her in tow.
He just stood and watched down the road after them, seeing them go with their freshly bought ice creams in their hands. He took a brief glance at the store and then decided that stealing wasn't going to be that much fun after all. But instead, being stealthy and spying on his enemy the 'Door Slammers' was in fact a great idea.
The seven-year-old followed after both girls. Keeping them just within sight but far enough away that they wouldn't hear him or notice him with the every-other passer-byer that strolled around town. They slowly inched, walked, or skipped their way to a park and walked in.
He deliberated what he would do. If he followed them into the park they would be able to see him, but if he stayed where he was he would lose sight of them… 'That tree should do it.' Enjoying the act of spying on the snobby girls he climbed the tree and pretended to take notes about their evil plans they were hatching in the park.
'How they hated the large willow by the river and were intending on setting it alight. And pointing towards the flowers and ducks, how the must be saying to one another how funny it would be to throw soil and stones at the poor defenceless birds.'
The more he stared though the more he noticed that 'she' looked radiant. Her plaited hair seemed to be like a roll of rope, alight with Molten red, like Dragon's breath. She had a nice smile too.
He shook his head, not really sure what he was feeling. He crouched down in the tree and observed his enemy with a keen eye. 'What was the little Muggle's weakness?... Maybe I could make a tree branch fall on her or her … friend? Or was thing, that girl her sister?'
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A little while later they both left and Severus found he wished he had asked for her name when he had the chance. Who knew when he might see her again? He didn't have any friends. It might be nice to have someone to talk with. With a stroke of brilliance he suddenly thought he could follow them back home if he wanted and write to her and then he wouldn't have to see her sister.
He started climbing back down, but his foot got caught in between two lichen covered branches and he fell from the tree and slit his knee open on a pointy-up piece of stick that seemed to have been left upright in the ground for the very purpose of hopefully hurting someone who was foolish enough to fall from a tree.
He gasped and held onto his knee, blood was slowly blubbing up out of the stab wound like tears from eyes, and it was somehow coming through his clothes and between his fingers. He needed to go back home. His mother would know what to say what spell to use to heal this up.
He came back the way he had gone and through his secret exit out and into the back garden 'The Weed-fest fence' as his father used to call it as it had all sorts of things growing out of it.
He entered the dirty house and made his way to the kitchen. "Mum? Mother, I'm sorry, but I…" His mother looked up hair coming out of her tight hair bun and eyes slightly red, she might have been drinking, or crying you couldn't tell. But to her credit looked very upset about his injury.
"Severus? What have you done? Where have you been?"
"I just fell."
"Where?"
He sounded bored and disinterested as he looked at his life-blood ebbing away. "I was just climbing. Can you fix it?" He lifted his hand, and the blood again poured from the deep cut, down his leg and sunk into his grey socks, making them look almost black.
"I'll get my wand." She stood up. "But don't walk around and don't leave the kitchen, your father won't like it if you leave a damn bloody mess."
It was a deep cut. Severus could tell. The hole in his knee when you wiped away the blood was a purple/black colour not at all very good, and the skin around the wound had gone slightly yellow. 'Oh dear. I hope I don't loose my leg. That would be a very stupid reason to become a cripple.'
His mother rushed back into the room. "Now. Explain to me, why did you leave the house and where did you cut yourself?"
"I was only climbing trees in the park over the Thames. I didn't think it was a big problem."
She pulled her sleeves up and pointed her wand at his knee. She started singing… or humming a melody as she pointed her wand at Severus's knee. He always like watching this bit and he bent down closer to his knee to get a better look at what his mother was doing. It was as if he were watching time reverse his wounds. They started closing up, vanishing from sight. His leg was sucking it's blood back into itself, and he started to feel a lot better.
"What have I told you about using that in the open!"
'Good feeling gone.'
His mother stood up suddenly. "Oh, well, Severus had a hurt knee, and you know I don't like it when my boys are hurt."
"You bloody stupid woman." He slammed the door into the kitchen. "Haven't I told you not to use your damn magic for everything! You're training him to become reliant on magic all the time! A small cut here and there is good for a boy his age. He should have been fine with just washing it." He reached forward and grabbed Severus's hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. "Just get dinner ready! Try using your dainty hands for a change! Instead of sticks and words."
He pulled his son into his office and slammed the door. Severus sat down preparing for the onslaught of questions coming for him. "What were you doing out of the house? I thought I told you that you weren't supposed to leave without one of us. You're a child! You are not allowed to go out by yourself!"
Severus thought it was probably wise not to tell his father that he had in fact asked for permission and he had been so distracted that he had said yes. "I just wanted to go outside father."
"And what if someone saw you using your talents in public?" He spoke in a deep, loud, and harsh voice his 't' s coming out in his words like spit.
"I… I don't use magic outside. I told you."… But before he could say anymore his father struck him around the face. He cheek was burning and his legs started shaking in his chair.
"Now. Listen son." His father's mood was somehow more reasonable now, and he appeared more relaxed than he had a moment ago, as if the slap had instantly calmed his racing nerves down. "I didn't want to do that, and I know you want to use your talents, but there's a time and a place for that. But. You are not to go outside the house without one of your parents."
Severus nodded looking down at his shoes.
"You have been blessed with talents that some people can only dream of, and I want you to be able to live in both the 'wizarding world' and the real one and do brilliantly in both. But you won't be able to do that if you continue to leave at odd times and wonder about town. What if some stranger saw you performing some magic and told other people. You know what would happen?!"
Severus shook his head because he knew that was what his father wanted him to do. He loved explaining things that he had no clue about or facts that weren't proven.
"They would take you! They could do experiments on you. I would have no way to track you. I would never get you back again, and your mother would probably try cutting an arm or hand or something of a kind off in order to get some sort of location out of thin air." This was where Severus knew his father loved to over-exaggerate mum's abilities. "She would track you down, but die in the attempt. I would be blamed for murder and end up in prison and it would be all your fault!"
Severus swallowed. He didn't want to believe it, but a small part of him thought it was likely. He looked up at his father again, 'yes it was possible that someone would want to put him in prison.'
"I'm sorry father." He hung his head.
Severus felt his chin being pulled up and he saw his father's sharp grey eyes piecing his own black ones. "No, your not." His father stuck him hard across the face again and he was knocked to the floor. And for a brief second Severus's vision blurred. But before he could recover his father pulled him up off the floor. "This is not a game Severus." He sounded remorseful again. "This is your life. I am working hard at getting a better job, at making our lives better. So you and your mother can live in comfort. All I want from you is just a little bit of cooperation. All you need to do is study hard and learn everything you can. This time of your life is precious. You mustn't waste it. You will be able to decide what you want to do. Take your pick from anything. A brilliant mind is of far more use than friends, or games in parks. You can do that at any time in the future."
He grabbed both of his son's hands and held them in his own. "Now, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry. I'll work harder, I promise."
"Darling?" Severus's mother knocked on the door and she came in. "The postman's just come, it's the … bill."
He snatched it out of her hands and glared at it. She rubbed her hands anxiously. "This is atrocious! The prices couldn't have gone up that high!"
She nodded. "I think it's ridiculous too."
"Eileen," He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. "I think… it might be a good idea to use your … what's it again… ah yeah that cauldron of yours… Couldn't you well whip up some of that mind boggling potion that you gave me that one time? Make him swoon at the sight of you and forget this disgraceful bill."
Severus saw an uncommon smile on his mother's face, her black eyes sparkling with mischief. She leaned into his arms more enjoying this rare moment of flirtation.
"The ministry of magic can often trace spells like that." She looked up as if captivated by his ingenious and daring idea. "You wouldn't want me to get in trouble with the ministry would you?"
"Never. But… why couldn't you just magic him to give us more money?"
She leaned away from him then. "I could never do something so dishonest."
Severus rubbed his cheeks and slowly got up off his chair hoping to get out of the room before his parents started acting weird.
"Dishonest. My woman!?" His father embraced her around the waist. "Now, why would I think that?"
"Do you really want me too?"
"Well, we bloody need it don't we?"
Severus was out of the room and upstairs before his parents had noticed that he had gone, but thankfully, his room had defences. He had put up a lock on the inside the other week and his father had yet been unable to break through. He jumped up onto his bed not really feeling all that hungry, or happy, or angry, or tired. He was just existing.
He let out a bored sigh and picked up a book his mother had lent him concerning Herbs and roots, where to find them and what they could be used for. It was one of the many books that littered his bed. In fact there was hardly any space for a real person to slip beneath the covers and fall to sleep there was so much stuff on the bed.
At half past ten that evening, once Severus thought it safe enough to go downstairs for bread and butter he did so, but once he got back up again, he was struck by how cluttered his room really was.
He shook his head. 'This just isn't right.' He pulled up his sleeves. He had to do something. He rummaged through some very old boxes that his mother had instructed him never to tell his father about, because it would not be good to aggravate him as he was so stressed at work already… And low and behold… his grandfather's wand. The last Mr. Prince of a long line of pure-blooded wizards. Severus touched it reverently. It didn't seem to matter how many times he touched it, when his mother had told him that every member of her family had disowned her for falling in love with a muggle Severus had always felt slightly dirty. Slightly wrong. As if he had never meant to have existed at all, as if he was not yet worthy to touch something so precious, not with his father's blood in him. And there was always that worry that one day… all his magic would just vanish out of him, and he would just be a muggle like his father.
He cleared his throat, and swallowed back his nervousness all at once. He had been learning Latin, and his mother had spoken quite a few spells clear enough to understand them "Ēlevātus Quod Remissas" Many of the books lifted, but a lot of them just crumpled to the floor immediately.
He dropped his arm and the books dropped immediately. He pointed at the books and then tapped the bookcase. "Hic! Quod! Remissas!" He said the words 'Here, object, come' very clearly hoping that being clearer and louder would make his words mean more. The floor appeared to be alive for a moment as many of the objects in Severus's room inched forward a little.
"Hiclibellus." He said mixing the two latin words 'here' and 'small book' together. And instantly five small books came flying towards him from the floor. He managed to get a large majority off his bed, but gave himself a black eye and many bruises as the books all came flying towards him at once.
'Maybe father was right about some things. I should have just put them away by hand.'
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Severus dreamed of bloody waters spreading and spilling from his knees and ruining all the books and magazines his father liked to read. He dreamed that he was running with wings on his shoes flapping up and down and making him go faster than his father ever could. He was leaving him behind. Yes!
He then dreamt that he was climbing a long tower and was trying to use the ivy, that was sapping the mort out from between the stones, as handles to pull himself up when a chain of red knots came down, it was only until a couple of long dream moments of using it, when the dreaming Severus realized that it was hair.
'But Repunzel never had red hair in all those picture books at school…?' His dream self puzzled, quite baffled by the strangeness.
A crooked knife suddenly appeared infront of him and a brain wave struck him. 'Of course! He needed to keep this as proof. It must be magical hair! I've got to keep it.' He cut it easily and swiftly and before he could blink three times gravity suddenly started to happen and he was falling backwards. Forever and ever backwards Backwards Backwards. Off the tallest tower and crashing down into darkness… into a bed of snakes….
"Ahhhh!" Severus yelled as he sat up panting. The dream came back to him in clouds of murky pictures. He shook his head and turned over.
'There was no point in worrying about some dream. It didn't mean anything.'
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End of chapter 1.
:D
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