A/N: Warning! Possible OOC! Okay, not possible, DEFINATE!! (Even I'M ooc) Oh, btw, I DON'T have a cussing problem. This is NOTHING like the real me. I'm SO much nicer than I am in here. )
Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon (or Murtagh, unfortunately)
Announcer with weird voice: And now, welcome to the 1st Annual Alagaesian Academy Awards!
(thunderous applause since all the people Alagaesia are sitting in the audience)
Announcer: And now, please welcome your hosts Tammmmmmmmy "T" and Caaaaaaaameeeeeeeliaaaaaa "Carmel"!!
(louder applause as me and my cohost enter the center stage. Theresa had a red cocktail dress on and I have a black sleeveless one that drapes past my ankles)
Me: (smiling fakely) welcome to the 1st Annual Alagaesian Awards! (turns to T but still smiling at audience) What are some of the awards this year, T?
Theresa: (smiles fakely thinking, At least we're getting paid) Why, we have many awards for all heroes-
Audience: YAY!!
T: -and baddies-
Audience: Booooo!
T: -of the Inheritance Cycle!
Audience: (claps)
T: So, do you think we should give them the first category, Carmel?
Me: Naw, let's make 'em wait!
Audience: NO!!
Me: (cackles maniacally) Okay! Our first category is:
(huge television behind me turns on to show the faces of the nominees while I call their names)
Me: MOST LIKELY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS!
T: And the nominees are:
Murtagh Morzansson for his displays of acrobatics at the Battle of the Burning Plains!
Murtagh: (strange look on his face) I did acrobatics?
Me: (continues smiling at audience) Of course you did! Stop being a dumbass!
Murtagh: …
T: LANGUAGE!!
Me: Sorry…
Audience: (fake laughs)
T: Eragon Shadeslayer for well…being Eragon.
Eragon: WOOT! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THEY AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE! (gets out of his chair and turns towards rest of audience) Everybody say HEY!
Audience: Hey!
Eragon: Hey!
Audience: Hey!
Eragon: Hey!
Audience: Hey!
Eragon: Hey!
Audience: Hey!
This continues for ten minutes until finally-
Me: SHUT THE H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS UP!!
T: LAUNGUAGE, CAMELIA!!
Me: well you know what, T? THIS BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP KID IS BUGGING THE BEEP OUTTA ME AND-
(sound of dialing in background as screen goes blank)
-Please Stand By-
Me: (smiling) Sorry! I had a little…mental breakdown…
T: (worried about Eragon's reaction at my "breakdown.") No kidding…and the last nominees are Galbatorix for belly dancing at Murtagh's twelfth birthday party,
Murtagh: (shudder) I'll…never…forget…about…that…disturbing…day…images…IMAGES!(mentally scarred)
T: And finally, Brom, for pretending to die!
Brom: What does that have to do with joining the circus?!
T: (smiling like a plastic Barbie Doll) Nothing!
Me: (pulls out envelope) And the winner is…drum roll please!
Musicians: (drum roll)
Me: Galbatorix for belly dancing!
Galbatorix: yAy!!
Galbatorix prances onto stage as I give him his spiffy trophy.
Galby: (sniffs) I wanna thank all of you who voted for me, and, I just wanna say, I LOVE YOU, ISLANZADI!! Will you marry me?
Islanzadi: (grins) Sure!! (gets out of chair) I'm wearing my wedding dress already! VEGAS HERE WE COME, BABY!! (jumps into Galbatorix's arms as they skip to Las Vegas)
Audience: ……
T: …….
Me: ……
T: ……Well……erm……yeah……
Me: ……yeah……
T: …………….
Me: Okay! Let's go to our next category!
Audience: WOOH!
Me: MOST LIKELY TO CUT THEIR WRISTS BY 1402!!
Murtagh: (smirks and already knows who the winner is)
Audience: (Thunderous applause)
Me: Murtagh Morzansson for being an emo!! Galbatorix for being mentally instable!! Arya for having for being an Eragon hata!! And lastly, Nasuada for excessive work load!!
T: (pulls our envelope) And the winner is…ARYA!!
Murtagh is absolutely outraged. He jumps out of his chair and starts shouting words at me that should be censored.
Murtagh: WE'RE THROUGH, CAMELIA!! I WANT MY CAPE BACK!! AND MY COLOGNE!!
Me: Awwww, but it smells so good!
BEEEEEEEEP
-Please Stand By-
Murtagh: (walks on stage and puts his arm around my shoulder)
Me: (smiles to audience in a very plastic way)
Murtagh: It's okay, everyone. I do understand I have issues, and I am going to attend one of Dr. Phil's Anger Management Sessions along with my beautiful ex-girlfriend over here.
Me: (mentally roles eyes) Awwww, Murtie, your making me blush!!
I lean over to hug him, but smack him as he tries to steal from my wallet.
Me: Murtagh!! Why, I oughta-
BEEEEP
-Please Stand By-
T: ……Wow…….
Me: (head pounds) I think I'm gonna lie down.
T: Stay away from Murtagh.
Me: (fumes) MURTAGH!!
(dialing noise)
-Please Stand By-
T: Okay, Carmel is taking a…nap…at the…mental…institution…so, I'm gonna continue the awards! yAy!! (Barbie smile) Now, Arya, will you take your award?
Arya: (gets up and excepts the award) You know, I've never been prouder to be a hata!
All the men in the audience: WOOT!! Yeah Arya!!
Arya: Awe, thanks, boys! (Smiles and flaunts it until she walks off stage)
Men: WOOOOOOOOH!!
T: (disturbed) Saphira! Silence the men!
Saphira: Will do!
All of a sudden, flames shoot out of the ceiling as all the men cower in fear.
T: Thanks, Saphira!
Saphira: Don't mention it!
T: Okay! Now, for the third category we have…MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A PIMP! Our nominees are…
Murtagh Morzansson for being a playa!
Murtagh: (back in his seat smiling innocently) I could never be a pimp!
T: (sarcastically) Yes, because you are so kind to people.
Murtagh: (smiles devilishly)
T: ERAGON SHADESLAYER!!
Eragon: YEAH!! LET ME HEAR YOU SAY HEY!
Audience: HEY!
Eragon He-
T: Yeah, let's not start that again, shall we?
Eragon: (Buries head in shame and begins sobbing) I-I-I-m s-s-s-so s-s-sorry!! WAAAAAH!!
Everyone scoots away from him.
Eragon: (starts singing) Nobody likes me, everybody hates me-
Audience: (joins in singing the song) I think I'll eat some worms!
Eragon: Long, thin, slimy ones-
Audience: Short, fat, juicy ones!
T: STOP SINGING!! THAT SONG IS TOO EMO FOR ME!! (covers ears)
Murtagh: What's wrong with being emo?
T: (blushes) Oh…nothing! Nothing at all! Hehe…Erm…Lets continue the awards, shall we?
Audience: yAy!!
T: RORAN STRONGHAMMER because we wanted to nominate him for something!!
Katrina: (glares at fiancee) YOUR A PIMP?! AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!
Roran: Wait! Katrina! I'm sorry!
Katrina: IF YOU WIN, WE'RE THROUGH!
T: (pulls out envelope) And the winner is…RORAN STONGHAMMER!!
Katrina: WHY, I OUGHTA-
(dialing tone)
-Please Stand By-
T: ...Well, there was so much violence in this that we couldn't finish the awards! While you were standing by, Katrina pulled out a pie and smashed in Roran's face. She then went and sat on Murtagh's lap, thus causing Roran to become so angry he had a heart attack. He was brought to the hospital and anarchy broke loose. My theater is broke, and I need 100 Grand to rebuild it. (smiles like a Barbie Doll) Oh well! I'm off to go visit Camelia in the mental institution!
Murtagh: Bye!! (waves and smile angelically that cases all the women in the audience to faint)
BEEEP
-Please Stand By-
Murtagh walks on center stage in a tux that hugs him nicely. He smiles and shows off his huge, sexy teeth.
Murtagh: Hi, I'm Murtagh Morzansson, and this program is brought to you by Dr. Phil's Anger Management Sessions. If you have emotional issues, or if you just cut your wrists, go to D-PAMS today! (winks) I'll see you there!
A/N: Hope you liked it! R&R, please! And, no, I don't act like that in real life. And my name isn't Camelia either. And you'll never find out what it is. :P