Originally posted on AO3, here is yet another Thommy fic.
Their friendship is surprisingly easy considering all that has happened between them, and three months after they began their tentative friendship, Jimmy can almost pretend that those unsavoury events never transpired at all. Mr Barrow – Thomas – is a good man, for the most part, and Jimmy doesn't wish to hurt his feelings. He's trying, and Thomas is too, because as awkward as it might have been at first, their friendship is good for the both of them. And if Thomas is a little over-protective sometimes, or pulls favours for Jimmy, well Jimmy isn't going to complain. It pays off to have friends in good positions.
The subject of Thomas's preferences doesn't arise again for another few weeks, until Mr Nugent sadly passes away and Alfred rushes home to be with his family. Jimmy detests the new footman from the moment he lays eyes on him. His name is Daniel; he's tall and dark and all too aware of his own good looks, with a smarmy smile that never seems to fade. He's instantly taken with Thomas, who of course takes the new arrival under his wing like the dedicated worker he likes to pretend he is, and Jimmy tells himself that he doesn't care – he doesn't! – but he can't deny the gnawing feeling in his stomach whenever he sees them together. He tells himself that it's disgust, but deep down he knows that it isn't.
Thomas spends less time with him now, and a few months ago Jimmy would have been grateful for that, but now he just feels lonely. He has Alfred for company, of course, but Alfred is still distrusting of Jimmy's new friendship with Thomas, and now of Thomas's friendship with Daniel, and keeps a wary eye on them. Ivy and Daisy are alright to be around, but they're just girls, and they're far too giggly for his tastes. He feels quite alone when he's not working, and hides himself away in his room where he doesn't have to see Daniel's lingering glances or Thomas's pleased grin.
A few uneventful weeks go by and Jimmy finds himself alone with Thomas for the first time since Daniel arrived. The others have all gone out to the pictures, even – by some miracle – Carson and Mrs Hughes, leaving Thomas in charge of the house. Jimmy had been tempted to go too – it's been a long week – but he can relax just as well in the downstairs dining room as he can at the theatre, and, okay, he'll admit that he has missed Thomas these past few weeks.
Except now they're alone, Thomas reading a book, Jimmy lounging with his feet on the table (Carson would have a fit), the silence bordering on uncomfortable, and Jimmy can't think of a single thing to say. He watches Thomas, watches the way his eyes flick across the pages, the way his fingers twitch on the spine of the book, the way his lips move almost imperceptibly as he mouths each word, and he's content. He smiles fondly for a moment, before catching himself and schooling his features back into their previous indifferent expression. Thomas's lip twitches and Jimmy knows he's been caught, but the silence stretches on.
He's dozing off when Thomas finally closes his book and throws it carelessly onto the table at Jimmy's feet. He waits for the scraping of Thomas's chair as he rises but it doesn't come, and he opens one sleepy eye to find Thomas staring intently at him.
"You've been avoiding me."
Jimmy frowns, his tired brain struggling to keep up, "I'm sorry, what?"
"You've been avoiding me." Thomas repeats, "For weeks. And you haven't spoken to me all night. I thought we were at least attempting to maintain a friendship here." He doesn't sound accusing, doesn't even sound hurt, but Jimmy's defences rise anyway.
"I haven't been avoiding you!" He snaps, "You've been busy with Daniel!" It comes out sounding bitter, almost jealous – certainly not the way he'd intended it – and Thomas's expression is caught halfway between amusement and confusion.
"Carson asked me to help him; he's young, it's his first job in a big house."
"He likes you." Jimmy blurts out thoughtlessly, immediately regretting it when a scowl crosses Thomas's face.
"Is that what this is about?" Thomas hisses, though they're perfectly alone. Even upstairs has been silent all night. "I had hoped we'd gotten past all that. I can't change, Jimmy – I'm not sure I would even if I could. I like men-"
Jimmy flushes and quickly interrupts before he makes a fool of himself and loses Thomas completely. He doesn't know why he cares so much – except suddenly he thinks he does. "That's not what I meant. I don't care about that!" Thomas raises a disbelieving eyebrow and Jimmy grimaces, "I just – You've been spending an awful lot of time with him, and if I have been avoiding you it's only because I thought that you and Daniel... It's only because I thought that you wanted me to." He looks away, his cheeks still aflame with embarrassment.
Thomas is silent for a long while, though Jimmy can feel his gaze on him, and then he lets out a laugh. Jimmy flinches, but Thomas's laughter is more surprised than mocking. "I don't care about Daniel." He says eventually, his laughter faded but amusement still audible in his voice, "It was nice to be noticed that way again – it's been a long while – but it certainly wasn't reciprocated." He nudges Jimmy lightly in the ribs, "You won't be rid of me that easily, Jimmy, don't worry."
He rises from his seat at last, making for the back door, "I'm going out for a smoke before Ivy comes back and starts complaining about the smell. Coming?"
Jimmy follows him out into the yard, that uncomfortable feeling in his stomach still refusing to let up. It's cold, a frost in the air, and he settles close to Thomas against the wall, their elbows brushing. He would try to convince himself that he's just gravitating towards the heat of Thomas's body, but he's given up all pretence now. He's just gravitating towards Thomas.
"I was jealous." He says suddenly, breaking the silence.
Thomas smiles around his cigarette, "I'm not going to start spending more time with Daniel, if that's what you're worried about. Believe me, I much prefer you over him; he's a smarmy little thing."
Jimmy's heart warms at the compliment but he soldiers on, determined to get this off of his chest, "No. I mean - When I thought you and him were … together," He can't help but grimace at how petty it all sounds, "I was jealous."
The cigarette falls from Thomas's lips and lands silently at his feet. He pays it no mind. "I'm sorry?"
There's a flush to Jimmy's cheeks again, but he plays it off as the cold getting to him. He raises his chin and clenches his jaw, determined to get through this conversation no matter how humiliating it may be, "I like you, Thomas. More than I should. More than I thought that I did. I was jealous." He says again.
He thinks Thomas must be in shock, because he carries on staring at Jimmy for so long that Jimmy starts to fidget nervously, beginning to wonder if he's gotten this all wrong, and when he finally does speak it's to say little more than, "When you say you 'like' me…?"
Jimmy groans out a "For heaven's sake!" and surges forward, grabbing Thomas by the shoulders and planting a firm kiss on his lips. He's fairly certain it's the least romantic kiss he's ever experienced but it gets his point across, and when he releases him Thomas is grinning widely.
"Oh."
"Oh." Jimmy agrees.