our little wonderland
-—sangkar

the game is on

screaming terror rage heartbreak fury

but who will win?

not enough time

there's a little dusty picture of you and her, together, on the mantelpiece of the old abandoned house you once shared

how did we descend to this level

you were four and eight, then

this isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening

everything that was

please

everything that could have been

oh my god, please

everything is worthless

silence is a raging monster

kronos killed your mother

memories are fading fast, but i remember the music

kronos killed your step-brother

what happened?

but your sister

i'm too young

she wasn't killed

broken

she was transformed

i climbed the ladder of those black-and-white keys, as your fingers danced upon them

she's a monster

hideous

beautiful

scarred

you played so beautifully

green eyes and green hair

what happened?

what happened?

you played with your toys and you laughed and sometimes, sometimes you cried

poison pulses through her veins, and you can almost see it - dark, dangerous, fatal, angry

you'd always get up again, in the end, and you'd play with me

what happened?

i remember the last song we made together - i was ten

"i had to do it," she whispers, and you see a flicker of doubt in her evil green eyes

alice in wonderland, you called it

"why?" you ask, and she slashes your face with her claws

it had just four notes in it

she's gone

just four notes and you made a whole new world

mad

our own little wonderland

claws, not fingers on her hand

i don't remember how it goes now

no more lovely fingers of porcelain, no more delicate notes under her command

but it was beautiful

she was lovely, just like her fingers, just like her music

wonderland

these broken ballerina fingers - claws - won't make those keys of ivory sing anymore

the march hare had its own little line

remember the last time you saw her truly alive?

as did the cheshire cat and the dormouse and my favourite, the mad hatter

a dark and stormy night, and a full moon glittering in the inky-black sky

i hate him now

"i pledge my alliance to kronos," she whispered, and your soul bled and wept until it could cry no more

he was eccentric, crazy, insane, but i loved him, because in the end he was good

you watched her slice her hand and watched her blood drip out, slowly, silently

but now the mad hatter is truly mad

and whatever remained of those ballerina fingers and your childhood became

he creeps into my dreams, sometimes, and he pours boiling tea all over it, and finally he splashes all of it on me and i think i might die

lost

but then i wake up

forgotten

they put me in a hospital, and i wore a white gown and i lived in a white room, and some people say the hospital is a prison for the mind, but i loved it

forever gone

i would have liked to die there, but then they dragged me to that camp

"i'm not sorry," she says, and trails her claws along your cheek

they taught me to fight, they taught me how to survive

"i know," you reply, and it is now that you shatter into a million pieces

but advice after injury is like medicine after death, and it is no use saving someone who wants to be dead

you let her take you, torture you, murder you

i want my wonderland back

knives pierce every inch of your body, and you scream, and you smile, and she smiles back

i want those four magic notes and my old, good, mad hatter, and i want to sing a song with you as your fingers dance along the keys, and i want to be happy

it's almost

i am fourteen years old, but i want to be a child again and go to that special place with you, my sister, and never come back

like you're having your wish come true

please

she dances a dangerous tango with you

i don't know how or where or when it all went wrong

it's almost

please

like she's singing and playing and laughing just like she used to do

i will never truly know why

and you want to stay here forever and ever and ever

it hurts

pain doesn't matter

doesn't matter

it isn't a factor

please, just let me stay with you forever

as long as you get your wonderland

wonderland

this will not be a perfect replica of the utopia you once shared with her

the music will be louder and darker and meaner

but it will do

but it will be the same four notes

and the old, good, mad hatter can come with you, too

the same porcelain fingers dancing a ballet over the sharps and naturals and flats

a tide of black, a tsunami of darkness, is looming over the horizon

i will sing with you

it is going to crash over everything that has ever mattered to you and everything that has ever been yours

i can learn the music again

like a black hole

it'll be like a black hole of happiness for us

but black holes are gateways to other universes, so they say

we'll fall in

so it will be a gateway to your wonderland

to our wonderland

and you will play

and we will play

and you will dance and sing and laugh

and we will dance and sing and laugh

and she will see the error of her ways

and you will see the error of your ways

and she'll return

and you'll return

and she will stay

and you will stay

(with me and our music and our wonderland, forever)

(so you dance that dangerous tango till dawn, until, finally the ocean takes you all)

Ω

author's notes: I decided to go lowercase the whole way through for stylistic purposes, not because I cannot English. If you're confused about anything in this story/freeverse/thing, try reading it again. Hopefully it will make more sense then. If it doesn't, drop me a review/PM and I'll do my best to explain :) Also, the line that's in the summary is from The Cat Empire's Sunny Moon.