Summer. Senior Year. He had his own car. He had his own room in the basement of his house. He had an awesome Rottweiler named Julius. He was the star quarterback. His team was predicted to win the state championship. He was headed to the University of Missouri on a football scholarship. He was almost a straight-A student. He was strong, athletic, smart, and good looking. He had a promising future. And, most importantly, he had an incredible, beautiful boyfriend.
But he was also in the closet. He was haunted with fear, anxiety, confusion, and sexual desires. He had other carefully guarded secrets. He had a bad relationship with his father, the head football coach. His mother was long gone. He longed to be open about who he was, but couldn't…yet. He so wanted to be loved by his father. He wanted to hold hands and kiss his boyfriend in the halls of McKinley High School. And, he wanted to be loved by all.
Yes, David Karofsky was quite the conundrum. He had been dating his boyfriend, Matt Saranity, for just over three months. Matt was quite a guy in Dave's opinion. He was 5'9" tall and about 170 pounds. He was supportive, patient, talented, and handsome. Lean build with sandy blonde hair and smooth, toned legs that made Dave drool. Yes, Dave was very much in love with Matt. And Matt, well, he was so caught off guard by Dave's feelings for him that he couldn't help but fall in love too.
The pair were in Dave's basement bedroom in early August. Dave had just got home from football practice. Dave's Dad, Paul, was still at McKinley High School, finishing up his coaching duties. So, the boys were alone. They preferred that. What teenage couple doesn't? Paul tolerated Matt, but would view him suspiciously sometimes, and not say anything about his reservations. It made Dave uncomfortable and angry. But all Matt had to do was kiss and hold Dave for a little while and Dave was good.
Matt was lounging on Dave's bed, propped up on his right elbow, looking at his Facebook page on Dave's computer. Dave, who had just got back from McKinley, was finishing up unpacking his football gear bag, putting smelly, dirty clothes in the washer and tidying up his room.
When Dave finished, he eyed Matt and strolled towards his boyfriend, but stopped at the foot of the bed. Matt didn't take his eyes off the screen.
Suddenly, Matt felt something moist near his ankle. Dave had bent down, and was tonguing his way from Matt's ankle, up along his shin, and towards his knee. Matt couldn't help a quick shiver and a little giggle.
"David Karofsky," Matt began, eyes still on the screen, "you should stop that."
"Why?" Dave slyly responded, tongue now just beyond the knee and pressing harder on Matt's firm, slim thigh. Matt shivered again.
"Because…"
Dave evilly chuckled and smiled as his tongue made contact with Matt's khaki shorts.
"Hmmmmm?" Dave purred, tongue now biting and pulling on Matt's belt. Dave knew that they weren't ready for sex, but he loved making Matt quiver. Who doesn't love that response out of a lover?
"David!" Matt protested.
"What? I'm not doing anything…." Dave responded, his teeth now tugging and pulling on Matt's shirt, near his belly button.
Matt giggled, as Dave got a mouthful of Matt's shirt, twisting and turning.
Suddenly, Matt was furious.
"What the hell?!" Matt screamed. Dave was instantly alarmed and sat up. Dave's enormous Rottweiler, Julius, sat up a little straighter, while still positioned on his dog bed in the corner.
"What's wrong?" Dave asked, concerned.
Matt sat up, swinging his legs to the floor. Dave repositioned himself and sat beside him.
"Those fucking bastards!" Matt screamed.
"What?! What's wrong, Matt?" Dave asked, now really afraid.
"Look at my Facebook page, under the comments!"
Dave turned the monitor and read. He felt instantly sickened. Several classmates had decided to be cruel. Dave scanned through at least seven comments from two hateful students. If he refreshed the screen, Dave was sure there'd be more. The comments called Matt a "faggot" and a "pillow biter" and other hateful names.
Matt wasn't out at school, but had a slightly feminine way about him. He loved art, music, and glee club. Matt wanted to be an artist and didn't hide it. He was shaking with anger.
"How can people be this fucking cruel?!" Matt screamed. Dave took the laptop from him as Matt got up. As Dave continued to read, Matt started pacing, a huge anger fit about to explode.
"What the hell? I didn't do a goddamn thing! Oh my God! What if my parents read this?! They can't read this?! They can't know anything about this yet!"
Dave had to try to calm him down.
"Matt, stop." Dave said quietly.
But Matt couldn't.
"Why are people so cruel? I wanna get my hands on them and strangle them, while calling them a 'faggot'! How can they be so fucking hurtful!? And you know them, Dave! They're on that precious football team of yours! They're just a bunch of homophobic assholes who wouldn't know how to be nice to their own goddamn grandparents!"
Dave was now standing and losing the battle to keep Matt calm. Julius watched the boys from his guard-like position.
"Matt, stop!" Dave cried.
"I wanna go over to their fucking house with a sledgehammer and fuck them up! I wanna bash their skulls until I scream the word 'faggot' in their faces!" Matt screeched. Matt was clearly losing control.
"Matt, please stop!" Dave pleaded loudly.
"I WANNA RIP THEIR GODDAMN HEADS OFF AND SKULL-"
Suddenly, Dave rushed Matt, tackled him, and toppled on top of Matt on the bed, holding him down. Matt, crushed under Dave's massive 6'5", 245 pound body, struggled vainly to get away. But Matt couldn't go anywhere. Dave was easily holding him down.
"Get off me, you…grizzly bear!" Matt screamed.
Dave said nothing, holding Matt down. Matt didn't seem to get the message and was still struggling. Dave was so distressed by this that he was near tears. But, unbeknownst to him, Matt now was struggling to breathe.
"Get..off me….grizz…ly!" Matt choked out. Breathing was now becoming a serious problem, but Dave remained in position.
Finally, Matt stopped struggling.
"Dave…I …can't breathe." Matt whispered.
Dave quickly slid over to the side of the bed, his head near the pillow. Matt immediately started coughing, desperately trying to get air in his lungs amidst a cloud of tears. Matt slid to the center of the bed, pulling his legs off the floor and lying on the bed on his side, facing away from Dave.
Dave slid closer to the struggling boy, so saddened and guilt-ridden. Matt continued to cough and cry and cough and cry. Julius observed, fixated on both of them.
Matt's coughing gradually became panting as Matt was slowly coming back to his old self. He was staring at the wall on the far side of the bed, crying, still struggling for air, and working at calming down, when he saw Dave's arm come around him, resting about a foot away from Matt's body.
Still panting, Matt shakily pulled Dave's arm as close to him as possible, without disturbing his efforts for air.
Slowly, his panting began to subside. Dave watched, worried.
"I've," Matt began between breaths, "never …been so…angry….." He tried to take a full breath and failed.
"I'm…sorry Dave." Matt finally said.
"I'm sorry I tackled you," Dave said sadly, boyishly, "I just didn't know what else to do."
Finally, Matt's breathing had come under control. The boys spooned in bed for a few moments before Matt could finally speak up.
"Yeah, I don't think I've ever been that angry." Matt softly said.
"I would agree." Dave replied.
The boys said nothing for a few moments, silently reflecting on the homophobic hate. They both knew Matt would have to shut down his Facebook page. And they hated that.
Dave slightly tightened his grip on Matt. He didn't want to restrict Matt's airflow or anything, but he was genuinely concerned. Social media could be a cruel thing and he didn't want Matt to be in more pain than he already was. The boys lied like this for a few more minutes, recuperating from anger, guilt, and the need for air. Homophobia can really be damaging.
Matt decided to change the subject to something much more important.
"I'm thinking about coming out to Mom and Dad." Matt declared.
Dave propped himself on his elbow and gently pulled Matt towards him, placing Matt on his back.
"Really?" Dave asked cautiously. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm thinking about doing it tonight at dinner." Matt replied.
Dave smiled. He was proud when any gay man would declare himself when necessary. And, of course, a little jealous. But suddenly, he frowned.
"Does that mean….?" Dave started.
"Well, with your permission, yeah."
Dave's eyebrows shot up instantly.
"Don't worry, Dave. If I ask them not to tell anyone, they won't. If I tell them that we're boyfriends and ask them to keep it secret, they will. I trust them." Matt firmly stated.
Dave's eyebrows relaxed. He had come to learn to trust Matt's instincts.
"I actually don't mind. I just hope they accept…us." Dave said.
Matt knew where he was going with this.
"If we were a heterosexual couple, their concern wouldn't be any different." Matt said. Matt raised a hand, tracing along Dave's temple. Dave briefly closed his eyes at the loving touch and opened them, looking at Matt's beautiful blue eyes.
"Yeah, I know. A jock dating an artist. A popular kid dating an unpopular kid. But, we're gay, Matt. And closeted at school. It's not quite the same thing as a heterosexual couple." Dave casually said.
"Maybe," Matt replied, "but they still might see it that way, just the same. You're a jock…and I'm not."
Dave cocked his head to the left, studying Matt's very short, blonde hair. The hand he propped himself with moved over to tease and tug a strand of Matt's hair. After a few gentle, playful tugs, he gently rolled his enormous frame on top of Matt, making sure to prop himself up on his elbows a little. He didn't want to take air out of his boyfriend again.
"Well, if you're sure…." Dave whispered, as he lowered his head and kissed along Matt's collarbone. Matt's hands found their way around Dave's back, loving how muscular, beefy, and defined Dave's body really was. Dave's tongue had found its way towards Matt's throat and soon, his lips had made contact, growling slightly. But Matt was immediately alarmed.
"Dave," Matt said with a little laugh, "I don't think coming out to my parents with a hickey on my neck is the right approach, do you?"
Dave froze, and then groaned.
"Damn…" Dave whispered. "I just can't keep my mouth away from your neck."
"Well, you're gonna have to. Get off me, grizzly." Matt said with a smile.
But Dave didn't move an inch. "Grizzly?" Dave inquired.
"Well, yeah. You remind me of a grizzly bear." Matt causally replied.
Dave cocked his head to the right a little.
"Why? Because of my size?" Dave asked, feigning offense.
"Well," Matt teasingly responded, "not exactly. I mean, you are big, beefy, strong, handsome, and you can be intimidating….."
Dave smiled at the compliments, but hesitated when Matt stopped.
"And, well, you're also very protective…and…..sweet." Matt sheepishly said, especially at the end of his statement.
Dave smiled at his boyfriend, loving the term.
"Grizzly." Dave said thoughtfully. "I like it."
The boys smiled. Dave loved Matt's beautiful blue eyes. He was fixated on them. Who wouldn't be?
"Let me know how it goes tonight." Dave said. He was Matt's boyfriend after all and the number one job of a boyfriend is to be protective. That was par for the course.
Matt stroked the side of Dave's face, reaching up and lightly kissing Dave's lips. As he pulled away, he kept his lips just to the side of Dave's thin lips, his breath ghosting along Dave's cheek.
"OK grizzly."
.